The Season I Loved You Without You - Chapter 83

CHAPTER 83

“Just a moment.”

Hee-sook thought Go-yeo’s expression was excessively cold, indicating anger over a comment that crossed the line. She was suddenly afraid that Go-yeo might harm Ga-eul, so she acted hastily and knelt. Unable to hold her back, she clasped her hands together as if begging.

Go-yeo was startled to see Hee-sook suddenly kneel and approached her, grabbing her arm. Somehow, although it was Ga-eul’s mother who was kneeling, Go-yeo felt even more miserable.

“Please stop and get up.”

“It’s my fault for being ignorant and lacking. I’m sorry. Please don’t do anything to Ga-eul. I’m sorry.”

She barely managed to lift Hee-sook, who kept apologizing and had her sit on the sofa. She needed to think, but nothing came to mind.

It seemed meaningless now to say that she was seeing him not for pleasure or money, but because she genuinely liked him, just like anyone else. Like Ga-eul’s mother, others also pointed fingers, saying that the relationship between Yoon Ga-eul and Han Go-yeo could not be anything other than a sponsorship.

A heavy sigh escaped her chest, but she couldn’t confront the person opposite her openly, unsure of what else might happen. She spoke to Hee-sook as calmly as possible, delivering only the facts.

“I understand what you’re saying, but I’ve already spent that money, so I won’t take it back. As you know, that amount of money means nothing to me. So don’t worry and take it. Such an amount won’t hold Ga-eul back. If you want, I can call a lawyer for you. So please, take the money.”

Go-yeo pushed the envelope on the table back towards Hee-sook, who was unable to do anything.

“No, but still, this is…”

Go-yeo cut off Hee-sook’s continued words.

“You’ve gone through a lot of trouble to come all this way despite not being well. Even if you feel uncomfortable, please take the car back. That will ease my mind.”

Hee-sook, after multiple refusals, finally nodded with difficulty, realizing that even resisting was hard. She firmly reiterated to Go-yeo.

“I hope Ga-eul becomes an ordinary teacher and meets someone similar and ordinary to marry and live happily. Not someone extraordinary like you. So please, let Ga-eul go. Even if Ga-eul, being so affectionate, doesn’t easily back down, I ask you, as the older person, to do so. I’m asking you like this.”

She struggled to keep her voice from trembling.

“…As I said before, I understand.”

Go-yeo summoned Jin-young and instructed her on where to take Hee-sook.

“Take her safely.”

Hee-sook hesitated before leaving, and then Go-yeo sat on the sofa. Reflecting on her life, she found herself slightly amused by the situation. She thought to herself that it seemed like no mother would be thrilled to have someone like Han Go-yeo as their son’s woman, even though Ga-eul’s mother wasn’t like Yun Seung-ok.

What Go-yeo regretted now was neglecting her reputation. Would it have been better if she had actively clarified the meaningless scandals as they arose? Even so, it seemed that to Ga-eul’s mother, Han Go-yeo was someone who should not be around Yoon Ga-eul. Go-yeo did not fit into the category of a simple and ordinary person, like Yoon Ga-eul.

As she sat there blankly, a soft knock was followed by Ji-yeon entering the room. Seeing Go-yeo’s expression, Ji-yeon immediately asked.

“What’s wrong? Has Moon Ji-hyuk’s condition worsened?”

Ji-yeon knew Go-yeo visited Ji-hyuk at the hospital daily. Initially, she had strongly opposed it, but eventually gave in to Go-yeo’s persuasion, understanding that she wouldn’t feel comfortable either if the roles were reversed.

Go-yeo shook her head weakly with a smile.

“No. Didn’t I tell you? He’s been moved from the ICU to a VIP room.”

“That’s a relief. Imagine if things had gone worse. It would have been a lifelong burden. Not that it’s something to say to someone in the hospital, but he’s so selfish until the end, isn’t he?”

Go-yeo nodded lightly. She and Ji-yeon had no disagreements on that matter.

“Oh! That’s not the point. Do you remember Joel from when we were at Parsons?”

Go-yeo nodded, saying she did. Joel was a male designer who always created unique and beautiful clothes. After graduation, he was talented enough to be recruited by the French luxury brand VER.

“I’ve been sending our boutique catalogs to our classmates every season. Joel emailed me saying this season’s clothes are fantastic, and he suggested a collaboration between our H. Collection and VER for the next season! Isn’t that amazing?”

“That’s great.”

Compared to Ji-yeon’s visible excitement, Go-yeo’s reaction was indifferent. It was undoubtedly good news, but she was not in the right state to feel it.

Ji-yeon looked at Go-yeo with concern for a moment and then, meeting her gaze, responded curtly.

“What’s with the lukewarm response? Anyway, we’re doing this, got it? You have to participate actively this time.”

Go-yeo looked at Ji-yeon before answering. Seeing the determination in her eyes, she expressed her concern just in case.

“Sister, isn’t this too much work? You’re also running the newly opened boutique. Isn’t it too much to handle? Besides, you’ll soon have to give birth.”

Ji-yeon replied as if it were obvious.

“What are you worried about? Once the baby is born, Hae-joon will take care of it. Don’t worry about me. When you’re feeling troubled, just work hard. Got it? I’ll take this as your agreement and contact Joel.”

After Ji-yeon left, Go-yeo felt a bit better. She had avoided sinking into total despair. However, she still had a lot on her mind. Understanding someone means accepting their circumstances with compassion, and understanding Ga-eul’s mother made Go-yeo feel like she was a terrible person.

“Hah…”

She let out a long sigh and left the boutique, heading to a nearby convenience store. She grabbed a bunch of random items, stuffing them into a bag. With a new beer in hand and a cigarette she didn’t recognize in the other, she looked out the window. When she opened it slightly, a blast of hot air rushed in. The summer heat, usually intolerable for her, seemed somewhat bearable now as it helped distract her from her thoughts.

“……”

The trees in the alley, basking in the summer sun, had lush, vibrant leaves. Their resilience provided a sense of comfort, a reminder of life’s persistent endurance.

‘No, ma’am. Regardless of the truth, to the world, it’s different. Why should Ga-eul endure being called having a sponsor?’

As the hot, humid air continued to fill the room, Go-yeo kept smoking. She felt isolated once more. She hadn’t told Ji-yeon about the day’s events because she knew Ji-yeon adored Ga-eul. If Ji-yeon knew, she would blame herself for encouraging Go-yeo to meet Ga-eul and would undoubtedly take Go-yeo’s side. Despite her turmoil, Go-yeo didn’t want to criticize Ga-eul and his mother together.

Go-yeo contacted Jin-yu and headed to a club. Without saying much, they drank together. Jin-yu, knowing Go-yeo well, waited patiently without asking questions. Jin-yu was also in a long-distance relationship, unsatisfied and stressed, so they drank heavily together.

“Am I a bit of a jerk?”

Jin-yu, slightly drunk, looked at Go-yeo, who was leaning back on the sofa, staring at the ceiling.

“You’re a bit annoying.”

Go-yeo chuckled at Jin-yu’s playful response and muttered.

“Yeah, I guess I am a bit annoying, huh?”

She closed her eyes, then opened them slightly, repeatedly, sipping her whiskey straight.

“Have you ever sponsored anyone?”

Jin-yu, understanding Go-yeo’s muttering perfectly, frowned and shook her head.

“Not me, but Hye-ra did see some actor guy for a while.”

“…If they were just dating, why would that be sponsorship?”

“Hye-ra was quite sincere about it, but that guy was a complete scumbag. He was seeing someone else behind her back and used Hye-ra as his sugar mama. After that, she swore off dating celebrities.”

Although it wasn’t a similar situation, Go-yeo could guess how Hye-ra must have felt.

“As you know, it’s best to date someone similar. It would have been ideal for me too, but you can’t control your heart.”

Go-yeo let out a deflated laugh.

“Even if you’re similar, it doesn’t always work out. Look at me. I dated someone similar, got married, and then divorced.”

Jin-yu, also drunk, laughed along with Go-yeo’s self-deprecation.

“Maybe I’m destined to live my life with light relationships.”

Jin-yu nodded, saying that wasn’t a bad thing.

Meeting with Jin-yu was an attempt to relieve her frustration, but it didn’t fully resolve her feelings.

As Go-yeo rode in the car driven by Jin-young, she opened the window. She could feel the air of the approaching monsoon season, heavy with humidity and heat. Ignoring the messages from Ga-eul for a while, she finally composed herself and called him back.

– Hello? Go-yeo, I was worried because I couldn’t reach you.

His voice, still pleasant to hear, made Go-yeo respond with a humming, sing-song tone.

“Hmm, I was drinking with a friend at a club.”

– Did something good happen? You sound happy.

Ga-eul’s small laugh echoed, making her imagine his bright smile and the small mole on his eyebrow. She mumbled softly.

“…Yes. …I’m happy.”

– Are you saying you’re in a good mood?

‘No, actually, I think I like you more than I thought, Yoon Ga-eul.’

“…Yes. I’m just in a good mood.”

She answered him, pretending not to notice his attempt to confirm it again.

– I wanted to see you today, but it’s too late, isn’t it?

“Yes, it’s late.”

She avoided saying that she wanted to see him too, repeating in her mind what his mother had said earlier.

‘So please, let Ga-eul go. Even if Ga-eul, being so affectionate, doesn’t easily back down, I ask you, as the older person, to do so. I’m asking you like this.’

Han Go-yeo, who had never been the adult in front of Yoon Ga-eul, realized it was time to truly be the adult. She cut the call short, using fatigue as an excuse, despite Ga-eul’s desire to talk more.

After delivering snacks to the hard-working medical staff through Jin-young, she entered Ji-hyuk’s hospital room. Apologizing to the caregiver who was about to prepare for the night, she sank into a chair beside the bed. Feeling suffocated and unable to go home, this was the only place she could think of. She pulled out a can of beer from the bag she had brought.

“Can I drink alcohol in a hospital? I guess it’s okay as long as the patient isn’t drinking.”

The only person who heard her muttering was the sleeping Moon Ji-hyuk.

“I should have gotten into a religion earlier. Jesus or Buddha would always listen to me, wouldn’t they? You know, part of the reason I don’t have friends is because of you. If I have nowhere else to go, I end up coming here. So, just listen quietly.”

The dimly lit room and the gentle moonlight streaming in from outside illuminated Ji-hyuk’s face.

“…Today, I heard something so absurd that I couldn’t even argue back. …They think I might be the type to buy someone with money. Objectively speaking, it seems like that. I have money, but I’m ten years older than him, divorced, and my reputation isn’t great. Things I didn’t care much about before suddenly made me feel incredibly miserable. Today, that was hard to handle. But do you know what’s even more miserable?”

Go-yeo took another sip of her drink and wiped away the tears streaming down her cheeks.

“…What should I do? I think I like him more than I thought.”

She covered her mouth, trying to stifle her sobs. Despite her silent crying, tears fell steadily down her cheeks. She finally realized just how much warmth and emotion she had hidden away. Every moment felt like a regret. The thought that she could never express these feelings to anyone weighed heavily on her, like a stone pressing down on her chest. Her frail shoulders shook for a long time.

As she wiped her cheeks with a handkerchief and regained her composure, she felt ridiculous for having come here and said all this. She let out a sigh, looking at Ji-hyuk, who remained lying still.

“Don’t you think I’m funny too? These situations are so annoying. So, you wake up soon and stop making people feel even more unsettled.”

Before leaving, she returned to her composed, perfect self. Although she didn’t see it, Ji-hyuk’s fingertips moved slightly, a small but significant sign.