The Season I Loved You Without You - Chapter 23

CHAPTER 23

They spent the dawn together again, and it became Monday morning. Weekdays don’t mean much to Go-yeo, who doesn’t regularly go to work, but wouldn’t it be different for Yoon Ga-eul? Blinking lazily from drowsiness, she turned her head and saw Ga-eul looking at her.

“Is it Monday? Is it okay not to go home?”

“It’s okay.”

Go-yeo smiled faintly, like a deflating balloon.

“You’re okay with everything.”

Her eyelids drooped slowly. Ga-eul, smiling with dimples showing, came into view. He gently pulled up the blanket and kissed her forehead. She fell asleep, thinking if it was okay to be this natural.

As the soft and regular breathing became audible, Ga-eul murmured.

“Of course. Everything Go-yeo does is okay.”

So, it’s okay to use him too.

Ga-eul showed a faint, wistful smile, then closed his eyes. He knew well enough that the longing gaze she occasionally cast wasn’t directed towards Ga-eul himself. But it was okay. He wouldn’t dare ask for everything to change. It didn’t matter even if there weren’t any cracks. At least, on lonely and longing nights, she would remember him. Maybe that’s why.

* * *

Go-yeo heard news that the first snow fell in Gangwon Province in mid-November. Soon it would snow in Seoul too. It didn’t suit her, but she liked snowy days. Just seeing them, of course. The white and quiet city covered in snow and the cozy feeling.

When she was in New York, she strangely enjoyed watching the traffic jams proportional to the falling snow from her apartment. It felt oddly good like the world had stopped. Her mother, Eun Ji-ho, always longed for silence because the world she lived in couldn’t provide it. Unlike her mother’s hopes, a life of quiet wasn’t really quiet, but from time to time, Go-yeo would wonder what her mother would say to her now. But she doesn’t know. It’s been too long ago, and the memory of her mother is only warm.

Go-yeo visited her hometown after a long time. Her relationship with Ga-eul wasn’t much different from before they went to the sea. An employer with little to do and a diligent employee. It wasn’t something they had agreed upon, but Ga-eul returned to his original self. It was almost amusing to worry if he would show a different reaction. They were too casual about delving into each other’s depths.

While waiting for her mother to come out of the house, Go-yeo glanced at Ga-eul. Ga-eul, who was already looking at her, met her gaze. Go-yeo herself was shameless, but Ga-eul seemed to be trying not to be shameless at all.

A vibrating sound was heard in the quiet car. Ga-eul took out his phone from his jacket pocket, checked the caller, and put it back.

“Answer it.”

Was it a pointless talk because he was confident?

“It’s not a very important call.”

But as the vibration sounded again, showing hesitation, she turned her head out of the window as a sign to answer comfortably. She thought her mother was running late.

“Hello?”

Unable to ignore the call that came again, Ga-eul answered the phone. Sensing the other person’s voice in the car, Ga-eul glanced at Go-yeo.

– Ga-eul, it’s been a while. Why haven’t you been in touch?

Oh, it’s a girl.

“Because I’ve been busy. Why, sis? What’s up?”

That’s also reminiscent.

– Then I’ll talk quickly. Sister Agnes asked if it would be okay for Madam to receive a visit.

“Well, Eun-jae would know better about Mom’s condition.”

-…I just thought since you’re her guardian, there might be special procedures in the cancer ward. You need to be more careful.

“There aren’t any specific procedures, just visiting hours. If Sister Agnes comes, Mom would appreciate it. Thank you.”

-Okay. Got it. Oh! Are you returning to school next semester?

“Yeah. I am.”

-See you later. I’ll contact you again.

She had a cheerful voice. Go-yeo thought she was like a peer of Ga-eul’s. Just then, her mother came out the front door. Go-yeo opened the car door and got out.

“Mother.”

Yeong-ran smiled at Go-yeo. Go-yeo also smiled slightly and opened the back door. Sitting next to Yeong-ran in the back seat, Go-yeo indicated the destination to Ga-eul. As always, Yeong-ran arranged a meeting with Go-yeo first. It would soon be Sang-moon’s birthday, so she wanted to pick a present and maybe have a spa together before that.

Go-yeo rarely refused because she knew Yeong-ran was uncomfortable. She could feel how difficult it was to deal with her grown-up daughter. Yeong-ran took the initiative to speak up again.

“Come home more often. Your father misses you a lot.”

“I’ll visit more often from now on.”

It might sound like a formal answer as always, but she intended to visit more often, especially for Yeong-ran. Yeong-ran was genuinely pleased with Go-yeo’s response, and after scrutinizing her, she raised her eyebrows.

“You seem to have lost more weight. Are you eating well?”

Their eyes met in the mirror.

“Yes, I am.”

She lied so smoothly, as usual.

“Okay. Take care of yourself, even if it’s little by little, for your health.”

Go-yeo nodded with a slight smile. Yeong-ran seemed reluctant to delve into deeper conversations with others around.

Although Go-yeo wished she could communicate better, she couldn’t. While she was adept at welcoming customers at the boutique, it was still a soulless, formal conversation, and she couldn’t do the same with Yeong-ran.

Before getting off at the hotel lobby entrance on the first floor, Go-yeo informed Ga-eul.

“It might take a while.”

“Got it.”

Ga-eul glanced briefly at Go-yeo and replied. Go-yeo got off first, and Yeong-ran looked at Ga-eul once before getting off.

She had frequented spas before, but it was her first time with Yeong-ran. Changing clothes in the dressing room, she suddenly felt embarrassed. She had forgotten that there were still remnants of bruising on her body. Although they had faded significantly, they were still noticeable. Even though it didn’t matter much to someone who didn’t care about her, her mother might notice, and just the thought made her dizzy. Checking again in front of the mirror, it was impossible not to notice. No matter how shameless she considered herself, this appearance was something else.

Yeong-ran probably wouldn’t directly mention it, but she might assume there was a man in her life. Taking a deep breath while putting on the robe, Go-yeo sighed quietly. When they entered the management office, Yeong-ran’s expression showed noticeable confusion at first. Soon enough, she returned to her usual expression, but the innocent new mother must have been very surprised. When she lay down face down on the massage table, Go-yeo felt the therapist startle, but she found this preferable to the alternative.

Would she mention it to her Dad? That there might be a man Go-yeo was meeting. Even if she did, the subsequent process would be exhausting.

During a brief break, they were served tea. Sitting across from each other at a small table, they drank barley tea. Fortunately or unfortunately, Yeong-ran didn’t say anything specific. Go-yeo got up for a moment to use the restroom.

While Yeong-ran was sipping her tea, she noticed Go-yeo’s phone vibrating on the table. Naturally, her eyes went to it, and it was a call from an unsaved number. After hanging up and ringing twice more, a message came in.

[ Go-yeo, please answer the phone. ]

[ Are you still mad? ]

[ Since I won’t come looking for you, contact me. I miss you. ]

[ We’ll be okay, right? ]

The consecutive messages seemed like something she shouldn’t be seeing. Feeling thirsty even after finishing her tea, Yeong-ran poured more from the teapot.

Go-yeo was undoubtedly an adult, and she had no intention of prying into her grown daughter’s private life. So she scolded herself for feeling uneasy about the faint marks on her daughter’s body, even though young people nowadays could easily have such marks.

But the call was from an unsaved number and the messages were different. Was it Director Moon Ji-hyuk? She wasn’t sure, but the doubt crept in. She hadn’t saved Moon Ji-hyuk’s number from the beginning, so she wasn’t sure, but it felt that way.

Sang-moon had said that Go-yeo was still having a hard time because of Moon Ji-hyuk. Was she going to meet him again? She couldn’t judge hastily, but she felt relieved for some reason. When Go-yeo returned, she had to make an effort to maintain a nonchalant expression.

” Go-yeo, you had several missed calls when you went to the restroom.”

” Oh, really? “

Go-yeo checked the missed calls and messages on her phone. Yeong-ran scrutinized Go-yeo’s expression, but there was no noticeable change.

Is it just a groundless suspicion? It could be someone new she’s meeting. But isn’t it strange not to save the number of someone new?

Go-yeo smirked as she looked at Moon Ji-hyuk’s messages. Disgusting. She couldn’t believe he had uttered such words. She knew she and Sangmoon were birds of a feather who didn’t understand shame well, but saying it would be fine.

Both of them had complicated thoughts swirling in their heads.

“……”

Ga-eul observed the mother-daughter relationship, which seemed even more silent than before. Ga-eul thought of Eun-jae and Hee-sook. Eun-jae would grumble about trivial things, and Hee-sook would laugh and respond. Not all mother-daughter relationships could be like that. What worried him was Go-yeo’s expression. The expression as she stared out the window made his heart flutter for no reason. She seemed lost in thought.

Was she regretting what happened between them? Was she refraining from speaking first to avoid hearing apologies or admitting it was a mistake? He decided to think of what happened that day as something that wouldn’t happen again, something like a fantasy he indulged in.

He must have thought lightly of it, but he couldn’t show how heavy and shameful he felt inside. That’s why he was even more cautious in front of her. Afraid that even a corner of his unspoken feelings might show.