I May Be A Villainess, But I Won't Live My Life That Way - Chapter 49
Chapter 49
The cool night air felt refreshing. Although I was led outside by Ricardo, it turned out to be a good decision to step out.
Usually, wine was consumed lightly during dinner, but tonight, due to accommodating Raintar, the wine was a bit excessive, making the atmosphere even more pleasant.
The cool air touching my cheeks, after the warmth of the banquet hall, felt delightful. The stars in the night sky sparkle beautifully, and the sweet fragrance of the garden flowers mingled in the air. The enchanting sound of fireflies played like music.
Ricardo’s hand, with a warm touch, held mine, enhancing my good mood. Thoughts of Maria’s situation, Megi’s death, or future misfortunes were absent from my mind. I focused only on the current atmosphere and the person next to me—Ricardo.
It was a delightful feeling, akin to standing on a soft cloud. A smile effortlessly appeared on my face, and I might have been slightly intoxicated.
“Ricardo…”
As I turned my head, intending to convey this pleasant mood to him, I noticed a completely different expression on Ricardo’s face. Unlike me, who was ready to smile, he was staring into the distance with a hardened expression.
Was something wrong?
When he suggested going out for some fresh air, I thought it was just to avoid hearing the nonsensical talk of the two men who knew nothing about swords—a way to liven up the conversation. However, observing Ricardo now made me think otherwise.
Perhaps he had something to say to me. And from his stern expression, it didn’t seem like it would be good news.
As I was about to speak, hesitatingly forming his name on my lips, I found myself silenced. Ricardo swiftly tightened his grip on my hand again, as if reaching for a bird attempting to escape its cage.
“Ricard…”
I tried to pull my hand away, or rather, I intended to.
“Bianca.”
As if his decision was finally made, Ricardo called my name.
“I’m not sure if I have the right to say this. And I’m not sure if what I’m about to say is correct.”
Despite his resolute gaze, Ricardo’s lips hesitated.
“What I’m about to say is not something good.”
Contrary to the determined look in his eyes, Ricardo’s lips seemed uncertain.
“Ricardo.”
Finally making up his mind, he began, still gazing into the dark void.
“I don’t like it when you talk to other men.”
“…What?”
The story that finally emerged from Ricardo’s lips was so bewildering that I ended up asking that question unintentionally.
“And I don’t know if I have the right to say this. But Raintar likes you. So, maybe it’s better if we switch places.”
“What are you talking about?”
Normally, the host would decide where the guests would sit in these situations. Today was no different—either Viscount Wensbury or Raintar had designated our seats.
But switching places? That was impolite.
“No. You may not know. But, in my opinion as a man, Raintar is definitely interested in you. You can tell from his gaze and his way of speaking.”
Ricardo stated this very decisively, as if he possessed some extraordinary ability to perceive things.
“I know that too.”
“What?”
“I know that Raintar Wensbury likes me. I’m aware of it.”
“You knew?”
“Indeed.”
“Since when?”
“Well, I don’t know. But certainly not today, at least.”
“Not today?”
Appearing astonished, Ricardo seemed to have just realized this fact today.
A dull person. Apart from his knowledge about swords, a dull person in everything.
It seemed as if I already knew that, but it was inevitable.
“As you said, it’s easy to notice from Raintar Wensbury’s tone and gaze, so I’m aware of it too.”
Though Ricardo spoke as if he had known for a while, in reality, I had only recently become aware of this fact. With Maria entering the picture, my interactions with Raintar naturally increased, and that’s when I noticed.
His interest in me, clearly visible from his gaze and mannerisms.
“You knew? Then why haven’t you taken any action?”
“What action?”
“Rejecting his feelings or keeping some distance.”
“He hasn’t confessed to me yet, so should I reject him in advance?”
“Putting some distance between you.”
“While we may not be close, it’s difficult to maintain much distance in gatherings between noble families, isn’t it? It would be even more unusual.”
“But…”
Unexpectedly, Ricardo’s speech became unclear, and his eyes wandered around.
Ricardo, who was usually composed, was now surprisingly flustered.
“Ricardo, I understand what you’re trying to say.”
To calm down the visibly flustered Ricardo, I spoke calmly.
“But in situations like this, there’s not much we can do on our end unless the other person takes some action. All we can do is wait.”
“Wait? For what?”
“Whether he confesses or just takes time to sort out his feelings and gives up on me.”
“If he confesses?”
“I would politely decline. I am already engaged, and you are such an excellent person that you could find someone better than me.”
“Bianca, you seem quite skilled at this.”
Ricardo, who had been quietly listening to my response, now teased me.
“But in cases like these, isn’t it customary to wait for the other person to make a move?”
“Waiting for someone to confess or sort out their feelings, then gracefully declining if they do—it’s not an uncommon scenario.”
“Gracefully declining, huh? Have you had many experiences like this?”
“Not many.”
“Not many, but there have been some, huh?”
I momentarily forgot.
This man had shown no interest in me before.
“Ricardo.”
I called his name quietly.
Like a teacher pointing out a student’s mistake.
“As I mentioned before, you treated me like a pebble in your pocket. I was originally a gem, and I’m still a gem. A very shiny one.”
After gently reminding him of my worth, Ricardo’s expression slightly wrinkled.
…Maybe it was a little brash of me to say I was a jewel.
But it was the perfect analogy.
“If one wants to possess that gem, what should they do?”
He was serious.
From the furrowed expression, the inquiring tone, and the gaze that met mine directly, Ricardo earnestly asked me.
With an attitude akin to a devoted believer asking the deity about their path, I momentarily lost words and gazed at him.
“No, actually, I already know the answer.”
Although I didn’t say anything, Ricardo, as if having received divine revelation, murmured with a bitter smile.
His gaze, which had been fixed on me, had already fallen to the ground.
It seemed as though his eyes couldn’t meet mine, like a fallen devotee who couldn’t bear to look at the deity after committing a transgression.
“I suppose one has to stake their life. The gem must have such value that it can only be allowed for the one who risks their life.”
In Ricardo’s embarrassed muttering, my hand instinctively twitched.
He still remembered.
The question I asked, whether he loved me.
The answer I gave, that love is something worth risking one’s life for.
“Why am I a coward, Bianca?”
The Sword of the Sprendo Empire.
The God of the Battlefield, protecting Sprendo.
A man with such titles referred to himself as a coward in front of me, using a small and weak voice.
“You call yourself a coward?”
I asked, finding it hard to believe, and he replied, “I fear death.”
He quietly confessed the instinct that every human possessed.
“I became a coward who fears death because I didn’t want to die, so I killed others.”
Ricardo slowly raised his head, and his eyes were the same as before.
Empty, vacant.
Eyes that saw nothing, eyes that wanted to see nothing.
Black pupils like a desolate and barren wasteland.
“If love is sacrificing one’s life for others, I guess I can never love anyone in my lifetime.”
Before, I didn’t understand Ricardo.
I didn’t want to know what he saw.
All I cared about was why he wasn’t looking at me.
And I resented him for not looking at me no matter how long I waited.
“I, too… Yes.”
But now I understand.
How frightening death is, how precious life is, and how desperate one can be to live.
So now, I also understood Ricardo’s current state of mind.
In fact, I appreciated his confession.
Ricardo didn’t lightly promise to risk his life for me like a piece of candy. That wasn’t his true feelings.
“I’m afraid of dying too. If it means living, I might be able to kill someone else instead.”
So Ricardo had the right to hear my true confession.
It was something I would never say in front of others, as it could be misinterpreted, seen as cruel, or appear selfish.
But now I told Ricardo.
“I have no choice. Because I am more precious than others.”
I trusted him.
Just as he had trusted me.
“Bianca.”
It was a call as quiet as the starlight descending from the sky.
And what followed happened very quietly.
“Smile Love”