To Be the Perfect Childhood Friend - Chapter 101

“Are you angry?”

His cautious tone and the way he fiddled with just the tips of my fingers, as if trying to soothe me, without even holding my hand properly, only made Anita angrier. He could be kind whenever he wanted. It was infuriating how he constantly got on her nerves, knowing full well it would upset her.

“Let go.”

“I can tell you’re mad at me. You want me to just let you go like this?”

“What does that have to do with me?”

She replied coldly, shaking off Rutger’s hand. As she walked away in anger, Anita accidentally stepped on her skirt. Feeling herself tilting sideways, she closed her eyes. Whether she fell or not, what did it matter anymore?

At least if she hit her head on the table or seriously hurt her leg from the fall, she could go back to her room. That wouldn’t be so bad. At least Rutger wouldn’t be able to hold onto her and annoy her any longer if she was hurt.

She was indulging in this rather extreme imagination when a firm hand caught her waist. She avoided the humiliating fall onto the hard floor or table, but because Rutger had pulled her so suddenly, she ended up crashing into the sofa backrest instead.

“Are you okay?”

No, she wasn’t. Her back ached from whatever was inside the backrest, and her head hurt from the impact. She was about to tell him she needed to go to her room because of the pain, but she froze. Only then did she realize she was lying on top of Rutger.

“I’m fine. Totally fine. So, I’ll just be on my way now.”

“Wait.”

He grabbed Anita’s arm.

“……”

“If you leave like this, you’ll never see me again, right? Isn’t that true?”

“…Maybe.”

She was sick of it. She wanted to put an end to this relationship once and for all.

If he wanted to cut her off, he should do it cleanly. If he wanted to push her away, he should do it decisively.

Anita felt something inside her snap. It was the sound of her patience, which had been precariously hanging on for the past eight years, finally breaking.

“I know you don’t care about me at all.”

“That’s not—”

“You just don’t want to lose me. You don’t love me enough to keep me close, but you care just enough that you don’t want me to go too far.”

When Anita reached out her hand, he let go of her arm. Rutger’s gaze remained fixed on her arm, as if checking to see whether she would run away. Slowly, her fingertips brushed against his cheek, moving gradually from his sharp eyes down to his firm jawline, as if she had forgotten what he looked like.

Her fingers that had traced his jaw now toyed with the corners of his mouth. His tightly closed lips parted slightly at her touch.

“Anita, that’s not it.”

Anita’s eyes met his directly.

The blue, ocean-like depths of her gaze were distorted with emotion.

What are you so upset about? You’re the one who acts selfishly without caring about anyone, so why are you pretending to be the victim?

“No, you’re right.”

“Anita.”

The hand that had been casually tapping the corner of his lips suddenly dropped away. Sensing that she was truly about to leave, he hurriedly straightened his upper body.

“Wait. You bumped into something earlier. I… “

Anita could easily guess what he was about to say next. He would offer to walk her home again.

“Why? Who do you think you are?”

“Well, I…”

“You’re not seriously about to call me a friend, are you?”

“……”

“Friend? Put your hand on your heart and think about it. Do you kiss your friends? A friend is someone like Finian is to you. Could you kiss Finian and still be friends?”

“…Why is Finian even being brought up?”

“Don’t dodge the point. Can you honestly say you’ve treated both of us the same?”

“……”

“Friend? No. Don’t kid yourself. The words ‘friend’ or ‘lover’ can only be used when both parties agree.”

“……”

“As long as I refuse, the only thing we can call our relationship is neighbors or complete strangers.”

Anita forced herself to speak harshly as she stood up. Just as she was about to lower her legs, Rutger pulled her back. Startled, Anita lost her balance and quickly extended her arms. As a result, she ended up supporting herself with just her arms.

“What if I don’t want either?”

“What?”

“Neither option feels right to me.”

Anita wanted to snap back, telling him to make up his own mind for once. But when she looked into his eyes, the words wouldn’t come out. His face was suddenly so close to hers. It was obvious where his downcast green eyes were focused.

She didn’t want to kiss him like this. She knew it would only lead to a few more days passing, and they’d act like nothing had happened. Being made a fool once was more than enough. She reached out to push him away.

“I love you.”

The words, whether whispered or muttered, slipped into her ear. The strength she had barely gathered drained away. As she lost her balance and staggered, he caught her.

“Wh-what did you just say…?”

“I said I love you.”

“Say it again.”

“I love you.”

Anita stared at him in a daze.

“Say it one more time with my name. You’re not confusing me with someone else, are you?”

“……”