The Season I Loved You Without You - Chapter 84

CHAPTER 84

Yesterday, after drinking so much alcohol, Han Go-yeo eventually passed out, lying motionless on the bed. Despite working hard lately, it felt like she had achieved very little and returned to her original state. Even though she wanted to heed Ji-yeon’s advice to work when troubled, her body wouldn’t comply.

Clutching her heavy head, she resolved not to drink again, but she knew how feeble that determination was. Brushing through her tousled hair, she reluctantly got up and drew the curtains. Sitting by the window, she furrowed her brow at the bright sunlight.

She couldn’t decide whether to blame herself for her light-heartedness or to blame the reckless deer that blindly charged towards its goal.

“Just over a deer. It wasn’t worth going to such lengths for… “

Even if she threw a petty tantrum, there was no one to receive it. Always drawing lines, pretending to dislike anything too fervent, yet as the end approached, fragments of memory pricked at her heart.

‘It’s not a sacrifice. I’m fine with it. Can’t you let me do what I want?’

Despite understanding his earnest heart, she alternated between drawing lines to protect him and offering warmth when comfort was needed, only to push him away when it became too much. Knowing he would come back again, Han Go-yeo’s fragmented heart felt like bait, manipulated above her head.

In the end, Han Go-yeo never fully revealed her heart to Yoon Ga-eul. Expressing her feelings now would only mock him. It wasn’t about showing mercy because it was the end.

“… A pawn.”

As she realized that the cause of the absurd rumor tormenting him was her, another lump of heat choked her throat. She cooled it down by looking at the Han River with tearful eyes.

She needed to help Han Go-yeo return to her original path. Because Han Go-yeo was an adult. His sparkling eyes shouldn’t be directed towards Han Go-yeo anymore. That’s how it had to be. And she had to accept it too.

Yoon Ga-eul was no longer Han Go-yeo’s.

Although she never openly expressed possessiveness in front of him, thinking back now, she felt immature jealousy towards the girl who confidently expressed her love for Ga-eul. She thought she possessed Yoon Ga-eul perfectly, but it was Han Go-yeo who was captivated by his innocent deer.

The sudden ringing of the phone shattered Go-yeo’s contemplation.

– Is this Han Go-yeo? Ms. Han, Mr. Moon Ji-hyuk has woken up at the hospital.

Ha. Thank goodness. Han Go-yeo sighed as she held the phone. It was a relief amidst the misfortune. If even that had gone wrong, it would have been an unbearable time.

As Han Go-yeo made her way to the hospital where Ji-hyuk was, she realized that her mind was filled with nothing but Yoon Ga-eul. She tried to think of the most mature thing to say to him, but she doubted whether there was such a thing as a mature breakup in the world. 

Walking down the hospital corridor, still feeling dizzy and plagued by a headache, she tried to calm herself. The faint smell of disinfectant made her even more uncomfortable. If Ji-hyuk had returned unscathed, then perhaps she didn’t need to dwell on those words she had once uttered, wishing for his demise. Standing in front of Ji-hyuk’s room, Jin-young knocked and opened the door.

The usually quiet room seemed a bit chaotic. Medical staff were busy conversing around the bed. Go-yeo approached quietly so as not to disturb. As she got closer, she sensed something off about their demeanor. And the most unsettling thing was Ji-hyuk’s presence.

Go-yeo locked eyes with Ji-hyuk, who leaned against the bed amidst the medical staff and quickly felt uneasy at the brightest smile she would undoubtedly receive. Something was wrong.

“Go-yeo, I was worried because I couldn’t see you.”

His overly casual expression and relaxed smile made Go-yeo’s heart flutter with unease. She wanted to dismiss it as hypersensitivity, but gut feelings usually meant trouble. Trying to suppress the rising nausea, she turned to the doctor standing solemnly beside him and asked.

“What happened?”

The doctor approached Go-yeo and whispered so Ji-hyuk couldn’t hear.

“His recovery is quite good. All tests have been completed, and there are no other issues except for memory problems. There’s no bleeding in the brain. There may have been a significant shock, which could gradually return over time, or psychological factors may have affected the memory.”

Despite hearing the surprising news, Go-yeo felt like she was sinking into deep water, her ears ringing. She couldn’t muster a response. She grasped the bed guard to keep from collapsing and stared into the distance.

Ji-hyuk looked worriedly at Go-yeo as the medical staff left. Seeing his concerned gaze only made the nausea worse. Blocking her mouth, Go-yeo rushed to the bathroom. She vomited into the toilet, feeling like her head was spinning. A pale figure stared back at her from the bathroom mirror.

“I need to get a grip…”

Her thoughts were as muddled as ever, despite her words. She washed her hands with cold water and splashed her face lightly. Wiping her face with a towel, she prepared herself to face Ji-hyuk. As she stepped out, she met Ji-hyuk’s eyes.

“People were saying all sorts of nonsense, so I just looked for you. And here you are.”

“….How much do you remember?”

“You were shaving me in the New York apartment.”

Ji-hyuk watched Go-yeo’s reaction. Then, he seemed a bit unfamiliar, furrowing his brow.

“…Han Go-yeo didn’t feel like this.”

Feeling embarrassed as she watched Ji-hyuk’s confusion, Go-yeo swallowed hard.

“But you’re still beautiful. My Go-yeo is like a ripe fruit.”

“Don’t say unnecessary things and listen to me carefully. What you remember and the current situation may be very different. The reason I’m here is not because of what you think.”

Go-yeo calmly recounted the events. How they came to Korea, got married, divorced, and how Ji-hyuk also had someone he intended to remarry, but they broke up. Go-yeo emphasized that she came here not because she still had feelings for Ji-hyuk, but because she felt sorry for him during their difficult breakup process.

Ji-hyuk looked at Go-yeo as if it were someone else’s story, and it seemed trivial to him.

“…You’re seeing someone else? Another man?”

Of course, Go-yeo didn’t plan to go into detail. She simply nodded.

“So, did you sleep with someone else? How could you?”

Feeling deeply betrayed, Ji-hyuk asked, but Go-yeo simply repeated the words she had said before, indifferent.

“Our love has ended. My feelings have changed.”

Confused, Ji-hyuk ran his hand through his hair.

“…So, because we broke up and I was struggling, I crashed my car into a cliff?”

Go-yeo didn’t respond to his blunt statement. Ji-hyuk laughed helplessly, then chuckled as if finding it amusing.

“I only remember being in New York. It’s been years since then, and you’re with someone else. Can I believe that?”

“It’s hard to believe, but it’s true.”

“…Then I might as well die again.”

“Are you joking right now?”

Go-yeo glared at Ji-hyuk sharply.

“To me, there’s no point in living if it’s not with you. What am I supposed to do without you?”

Seeing Ji-hyuk speak so shamelessly with an unchanged expression, Go-yeo felt like her head was about to explode like a balloon being squeezed. Forgetting that this was a hospital and that Ji-hyuk was still a patient, she screamed as if having a seizure.

“You crazy bastard! You, piece of sh*t! Do you have any idea what you did to me? You’re a real son of a bitch! My life is miserable with you!”

Suddenly seeing Go-yeo burst into tears, Ji-hyuk was taken aback, but he couldn’t do anything but watch quietly from the bed.

For Go-yeo, crying so decisively in front of Ji-hyuk wasn’t because of his irresponsible remarks, but because she once again realized that her relationship with Yoon Ga-eul was coming to an end.

Han Go-yeo found herself crying over another man instead of the one across her. She didn’t even realize exactly what she was crying about when she was the one who had thrown herself into the gutter so that she could not give Yoon Ga-eul wings.

“Go-yeo, it’s upsetting to hear you cry. Please stop crying… Come to me with the heart of saving a life. I’d rather see you unhappy by my side than happy with someone else.”

Such a selfish and arrogant person, not even one word of concern.

Go-yeo wiped away her falling tears.

“Don’t you care about my feelings?”

There was a hint of disappointment in her voice.

She remembered how she always accommodated Ji-hyuk. It was only possible because she loved him so much. Ji-hyuk remained as self-centered as ever, but Go-yeo no longer loved him.

They had envisioned a future together, but that future was now gone. Apart from grand plans, when they looked closely at their relationship, they were a couple who couldn’t even share the fact that they lost a child.

“My heart already belongs to you. What should I do? You should take responsibility.”

Even though his memory was flawed, his shameless personality remained. His uniquely lazy expression left Go-yeo speechless.

“…Being with you feels like talking to a wall.”

Ji-hyuk, understanding Go-yeo’s teary and mumbled words, twitched his eyebrows slightly. Go-yeo, no longer wanting to stay here, stood up with her bag.

“I’ll check on your situation through your secretary.”

As Go-yeo turned away, Ji-hyuk hesitantly asked.

“…Do you like that guy enough to abandon me?”

Go-yeo tightened her grip on the bag she was holding. Even faced with his direct question piercing her heart, she didn’t look back. Because it was someone other than Yoon Ga-eul, she could say it so confidently. And this was something Yoon Ga-eul would never hear.

She had to clear her throat several times to keep her voice from trembling. Biting her lower lip hard as her eyes grew warmer, she finally let out words she would never tell anyone else.

“…Yes. He’s very different from you. I like him enough to be able to end the long time we spent together. And as much as that… I want him. Is that answer enough?”

With steady steps, Go-yeo left the hospital room. Ji-hyuk stared at the spot where she disappeared until she was gone, then chuckled emptily and licked his lips, staring at the ceiling.

“…She likes that guy.”

Ji-hyuk wanted to believe that this was still an ongoing dream.