The Season I Loved You Without You - Chapter 76

CHAPTER 76

The rumors spread like wildfire because Yoon Ga-eul’s unique appearance elicited admiration from some and jealousy from others. Although Ga-eul didn’t know many people at school, almost everyone knew of him. His untouchable image, as no one had ever crossed the line he drew, made him seem even more aloof. Thus, any minor flaw in someone who appeared so pure was quickly exaggerated by word of mouth.

“Hey, did you hear? They say Yoon Ga-eul has a sponsor.”

“No way! That’s crazy. I heard he sometimes wears all designer stuff.”

“Really? Didn’t they say he has a girlfriend?”

“They say the person known as his girlfriend is his sponsor.”

“Yeah, I heard from a friend in the education department. They don’t know much else, but she’s certainly super-rich.”

“I thought he was just a top student focused on his studies, but I guess not.”

“I didn’t even think that kind of thing happened in real life. It’s kind of disgusting.”

“Who would have guessed someone who looks so proper would be like that behind the scenes?”

Anna was aware of these rumors too, but she didn’t care much. She recalled the school festival a few days ago. She had cried from frustration and sadness, and despite her attempts to hide it, her friends and juniors noticed her tears. When a concerned classmate approached and asked what was wrong, Anna couldn’t bring herself to say that Ga-eul hadn’t accepted her long-held feelings.

‘It’s because I’m worried about Ga-eul.’

It was a genuinely heartfelt statement. Seeing the classmate’s curious eyes, Anna made a bitter expression and whispered. The unexpected words widened the classmate’s eyes in surprise.

‘I trust you, so I’ll tell you. Ga-eul’s family situation is difficult, and it seems he’s maintaining an inappropriate relationship with that woman because of it.’

She told the truth, believing the classmate, who was known to be discreet, would keep it to themselves. Of course, she expected it to turn out this way, but she didn’t mind. Because she no longer cared about Yoon Ga-eul’s reputation.

‘Let him continue that dirty relationship with the divorcee. After all, she’s nothing without her money.’

Ga-eul noticed that people were glancing at him more frequently than before. However, he had long since stopped reacting to such things. He was usually too busy and often contacted Go-yeo, leaving him little time to pay attention to his surroundings. Even his classmates, with whom he occasionally ate or attended classes, hadn’t spoken to him for a while. He assumed they had their reasons and didn’t think much of it.

Even before the class started, there was a buzz, but Ga-eul paid no attention. Just before leaving the building after the lecture, a classmate who suddenly came to mind approached him. Ga-eul noticed that the classmate, whom he hadn’t seen in a while, seemed both angry and displeased. He glanced at Ga-eul’s high-end laptop and expensive clothes and shoes, then sneered as if understanding something.

“So it’s not just a rumor, it’s true.”

Ga-eul frowned at the sudden remark.

“I didn’t expect this from you. Surprising.”

“What?”

The classmate gave Ga-eul a look of disgust before walking away.

“A sponsor, or a male prostitute…”

Ga-eul couldn’t pretend he didn’t hear those words. He understood then that the glances and whispers were about him and her. The only solace was that she didn’t have to hear such things, and her identity remained undisclosed. The unfortunate part was that her honor was tarnished because of his situation.

“……”

He knew that even if he tried to explain, people would believe what they wanted, and he didn’t want to explain her existence to strangers. So he decided to ignore it, believing that time would resolve everything.

Ga-eul often thought about this day when reflecting on what had gone wrong. If he had known things would turn out this way, he might have explained himself more actively, which was unlike him.

* * *

Ji-hyuk threw himself into work, trying to make himself as sharp as a knife. He handled tasks like a cog in a relentlessly turning machine. He let the news about Yun Seung-ok pass in one ear and out the other.

No matter how much Yun Seung-ok made her last desperate attempts, public opinion was not in her favor, and Secretary Park’s testimony, who played the whistleblower, was effective. Of course, Secretary Park did not do it out of conscience or a sense of justice. He merely followed Ji-hyuk’s pre-arranged plan. Though he would also face consequences, his family was guaranteed a comfortable life abroad.

Ji-hyuk thought of his mother, who remained stubborn to the end. He laughed bitterly. Indeed, people don’t change easily. Not unless they die and are reborn.

“No, if Yun Seung-ok were to die and be reborn, she’d probably become even worse.”

Ji-hyuk chuckled to himself. In his drunken, muddled state, he often drifted into old memories. It was something beyond his control.

‘Ugh, Mom.’

He remembered the moment Yun Seung-ok climbed on top of him and choked him. He simultaneously wished to die and feared death. While having these contradictory thoughts, he hoped someone would save him from that hell. 

Looking back now, it seemed the first time he saw Han Go-yeo on campus was at that very moment.

‘My Go-yeo. My refuge.’

His secretary tried to stop him, but it was no use. He hadn’t slept in a long time and ate just enough to stay alive, often filling his empty stomach with alcohol. Ji-hyuk, fighting off a habitual gag reflex, stood in front of the mirror and examined his reflection.

His bloodshot eyes and noticeably gaunt upper body looked grotesque even to himself. He let out a hollow laugh. Seeing the stubble around his pale jawline, he lathered up a brush. When he picked up the well-sharpened ivory-handled straight razor, its blade gleamed sharply in the light.

Tilting his head back, he laid the razor against his skin and began to shave off the stubble. Although it was a routine he performed daily, it felt oddly unfamiliar today because Han Go-yeo suddenly came to mind.

Half as a joke, she had given him a classic barber-style shave when he usually used an electric shaver. Sitting in her New York apartment bathtub with his eyes closed, he enjoyed the sound of his stubble being carefully shaved off and her faint, tense breaths.

‘Don’t laugh! If you keep moving, it’s dangerous.’

When he peeked through his eyes, he saw her furrowed brow and tightly closed lips. He quietly laughed at the sight of her peeking cleavage through the loosely draped gown and thin slip. Go-yeo yelled at him to stay still.

Despite her desire to keep shaving him, he couldn’t wait any longer. He grabbed her hand, which was holding the razor, and wiped off the lather with a towel. Then, pulling her close, he carried her to the bedroom. Go-yeo screamed during the process, but they didn’t leave the bed for a long time.

“……”

The memories of her scattered everywhere tormented Ji-hyuk. The razor clattered loudly as it fell to the floor. He found it increasingly difficult to breathe properly, a symptom he had been experiencing more often recently. Gasping for air, he barely managed to steady himself by gripping the sink.

The reflection in the mirror showed a beast with unfocused, gasping eyes. He muttered a curse under his breath, but it came out as a thin, metallic sound.

Barely dragging himself to the recliner near the bed, he habitually started drinking Scotch. Without it, the noise in his head would be unbearable. If he didn’t drink, Han Go-yeo would completely take over his mind, no longer leaving room for Moon Ji-hyuk.

Even if alcohol couldn’t drive Go-yeo out of his mind, he found escape in his dreams, where only he could possess her. The recently prescribed sleeping pills were quite effective. He swallowed the pills, waiting for drowsiness to take over. As he stretched out his body, feeling submerged in water with dulled and calm senses, he let out a lazy smile.