The Season I Loved You Without You - Chapter 63

CHAPTER 63

Ga-eul, after a long time, dreamed of his father. It was when he looked at a picture of his father and mother when he was young. He was too young to remember his mother, who passed away, but he knew what she looked like because he often looked at the pictures.

His father used to say that his eyes, nose, and mouth were all like his mother’s. So Ga-eul used to look at his reflection in the mirror and think of his mother. He also wondered what it would be like to be in his mother’s embrace. However, even though there were only him and his father in the world, he felt no lack.

‘Ga-eul, say hello. It’s your new stepmother and stepsister.’

However, his father didn’t seem to agree as a new family suddenly appeared. At that time, he didn’t know what emotions he was feeling, but as time passed, he realized that it was sadness.

Despite his own feelings, Ga-eul adapted to the situation. And it wasn’t bad. A good mother, and a kind sister. Thinking that they would look like a perfect family to others made him feel good. His father’s expression seemed much happier than before.

They didn’t spend much time together as a family of four before his father passed away. Now he was truly alone in the world. Until then, unconsciously, he still thought of his stepmother as a stranger.

In a fleeting moment, he even resented that if it weren’t for the two of them, his father wouldn’t have passed away. He had drawn a thorough line in his thoughts.

But contrary to his thoughts, his mother accepted him and sacrificed a lot for the newly added child. Her time, health, and money, everything.

He didn’t know with what heart she raised him, but he decided to be grateful for what he received from her for the rest of his life.

All he could do at the time was study, and it didn’t cost much money. And when he made an effort, he saw results. So he had no choice but to cling to it.

He couldn’t afford to look around and assess his situation. He was like a racehorse, looking ahead and running. As soon as his college entrance exam results were out, he started tutoring, and during the semester, he stayed up all night studying to get scholarships. He doubled and tripled up on tutoring when his peers were traveling the world during their vacations. At that time, thinking it was enviable was extravagant in itself.

He thought there were no big problems in his life right now, and naturally thought it was the right thing to do. No one told him to do so, but it just happened naturally.

But it wasn’t all right. When everyone else didn’t want to go to the military, strangely he felt relieved. Instead, he felt oddly liberated. Surprisingly, his heart felt light. Simple and regular life, and physically demanding training brought vitality. Even though he didn’t have freedom, he thought it was still his own life. Ironically, but it was true.

‘Brother, about Mom…’

The news of his mother collapsing made him feel guilty. And when he heard about the cancer, he felt a heavier sense of guilt than sadness.

If he hadn’t been there, his Mom wouldn’t have been overwhelmed.

Out of a sense of debt towards his mother and Eun-jae, Ga-eul lived a life of diligence and sincerity. Meeting Go-yeo was a variation in the life of a rolling wheel. She was someone who aroused the desire to try something new, the first impulse. It wasn’t that what he wanted was the direction of life; he didn’t think it would become an emotion of wanting someone. The emotion he first felt was so sweet, yet despairing.

The growing feelings towards her terrified him, afraid that they would accumulate and rot him completely. So he thought that if time passed like this, the entirety of Yoon Ga-eul might completely decay.

But as she showed a little response, those emotions flowed away, and larger, newer emotions grew. The desire to possess her, the desire to have her heart returned.

‘Han Go-yeo.’

Knowing that it wouldn’t work anyway, the momentum towards her didn’t stop. He put all his effort into every moment with her. It was like a habit of Yoon Ga-eul. When he set a goal, he tried everything he could do.

He wanted to pour everything into her. Even if it was just a cup of water poured into the ocean.

* * *

Ga-eul’s body ached as if he had been beaten, and his head felt heavy. Blinking his heavy eyelids, it was a strange place, but he could tell it was a hospital.

When he coughed dryly, his body flinched with pain. The overly nice hospital room was somehow familiar yet unfamiliar. And the most unrealistic thing was that under the sunny window, there was someone he couldn’t even reach in his dreams.

‘Oh, is this a dream again?’

Seeing that his body was in pain, it didn’t seem like a dream. Then why was she here?

When Ga-eul tried to put his foot into the slipper on the floor, Go-yeo slowly opened her eyes. Her eyes, still not fully awake, looked sleepy and blurry. Ga-eul sat up and their eyes met.

“… You’re awake. How’s your body?”

Ga-eul didn’t have time to be surprised by her casual tone. He was already sufficiently surprised that she existed.

“… I’m okay.”

When Ga-eul was about to continue speaking, there was a knock, and the doctor and nurse came in. They dressed his wounds, checked his IV, and asked if there was any discomfort. They said he needed to wear a cast on his left arm, which was injured in the accident, for a while, and then they left.

Ga-eul groped for his last memory. His head was dizzy, and he was crossing the street with a heavy body. He saw a car approaching at a fast speed before the signal changed. Without making any judgments, he pulled a kid riding a scooter quickly out of the way. After that, his memories were sporadic.

Go-yeo got up from her seat and dryly conveyed to him.

“Eun-jae will be here soon.”

“…Yes.”

“Make sure to rest enough and get discharged.”

Ga-eul wanted to say more, but his mind was too tangled to decide what to say first. He just looked at Go-yeo. There were many things he wanted to ask. Why was she here? Did she worry about him? Should she even be here? But Ga-eul couldn’t ask anything.

Even though there had been times when he crossed the line, there was always some degree of forgiveness. Now, she didn’t allow it. So Ga-eul couldn’t take a single step.

Ga-eul watched Go-yeo’s back as she was about to leave the hospital room. He felt afraid that if she left like this, he might never see her again. Not being able to see her again.

Ga-eul gently grabbed her sleeve from behind.

“…Don’t go.”

His cracked voice trembled. Despite his weak effort, Go-yeo turned her body. Ga-eul lowered his eyes and looked at her, bending down to get a good look at her face.

When Ga-eul met Go-yeo’s slightly trembling eyes, he felt like tears were about to fall. He hugged her. Go-yeo’s arms, which had been limp, wrapped around Ga-eul’s back.

“…I really missed you.”

Go-yeo’s thoughts fluctuated. She stayed by his side all night. Ga-eul called out to her one-sidedly, as if she wouldn’t respond even in his dreams. It wasn’t pitying to see him like that, it was despairing. She shouldn’t have seen him like that. Ga-eul suddenly felt scared that he had let Go-yeo in too deep.

‘Why did it have to be you?’

There were other women around. Why did he like someone like her?

Ga-eul hugged Go-yeo, who was in his arms again. And he lowered his head to meet her gaze. When Go-yeo avoided his gaze, Ga-eul cautiously wrapped her cheek and kissed her lips. It started as a light peck, but when Go-yeo allowed it, Ga-eul slowly explored her embrace.

It was as thrilling and sweet as the first time with Go-yeo. An animalistic desire to have her right here arose immediately. It was so embarrassing, but Ga-eul couldn’t help it because this part always went beyond his control. A fleeting sense of reason judged that this was an inappropriate place and pulled his lips away.

“Hmm….”

With a hand full of regret, Ga-eul tentatively traced Go-yeo’s reddened lips. She was also breathing heavily. Just as he was about to go back in for another kiss, Eun-jae suddenly appeared.

“Brother!”

Eun-jae wasn’t surprised to find both of them together, as she had received Go-yeo’s message. She simply choked up as she saw Ga-eul wearing a patient gown and with minor injuries all over. Ga-eul noticed that Eun-jae was surprised but his mind was elsewhere. His gaze followed Go-yeo, who was preparing to leave.

Eun-jae sniffled and grabbed Go-yeo’s hand. 

“Boss, are you leaving? Please stay a little longer.”

Go-yeo brushed her hair to regain composure. 

“I have things to attend to.”

“Okay.” 

Eun-jae responded glumly. Go-yeo reassured Eun-jae not to worry too much before leaving the room. Go-yeo looked at him as if asking what was wrong.

“Just nothing.”

Go-yeo chuckled lightly as if she found it bland. 

“Once I’m discharged from the hospital, I’ll go see the boss.”

Go-yeo nodded slightly. Ga-eul beamed with his cheeks showing dimples at Go-yeo’s positive response.