The Season I Loved You Without You - Chapter 61

CHAPTER 61

Technically, it wasn’t that she couldn’t do it, but rather that she chose not to do it, skillfully disguising her intention with ‘won’t be able.’ This statement carried multiple layers of meaning.

Don’t expect any more contact from her, don’t send messages, and don’t expect any progress in their relationship.

Now, whether he understood or not, all she could hear was his uneasy, unstable breathing.

– Uh… Why are you like this? Just a moment, please.

There was no reason to grant even his small request. She needed to be even more detached.

‘Either that guy dies or I die.’

Those words from Moon Ji-hyuk kept echoing in Go-yeo’s ears. But fundamentally, it was because of the sight of herself, crying so bitterly over that ring Yoon Ga-eul had given her. She was afraid of getting too deeply involved because she loved those clear eyes of him. It started as a reckless fling, so it had to end just as lightly.

So, she was fortunate not to love Yoon Ga-eul. Truly.

“I think you’ve understood, so I’ll end it here.”

Even as he tried to hold on, Go-yeo pressed the end call button. She sighed. His plaintive call kept haunting her, making her feel like tears were about to fall, so she bit her lip hard.

As she descended to the first floor, Eun-jae came out of the bathroom. Fortunately, she seemed in better condition than before. Some color had returned to her pale face.

“The bath salts smelled good.”

“That’s good. Do you want anything to eat? Maybe your appetite’s back?”

Eun-jae glanced around quietly before casually stating what she wanted to eat. It was her first time ordering delivery. Getting food delivered to the villa was complicated, but they managed to receive it somehow. Eun-jae’s eyes sparkled brightly in front of the spicy tteokbokki.

“Boss, have you tried the tteokbokki from this place? It’s delicious.”

“Take your time eating.”

“Yes! I’ll enjoy it!”

Go-yeo poured wine into glasses. As she swirled the base gently, the rich aroma wafted to her nose. It was just wine she usually drank, but this fragrance evoked the emotions and memories of that day.

With a slight sigh, she swallowed the wine. The only answer that came to mind to the question of whether not seeing him was for his own good was a resounding ‘yes.’

‘This is for each other.’

If there was one thing she learned from her relationship with Ji-hyuk, it was that blindly following the heart’s desires led to disastrous outcomes. Despite parting ways with him multiple times, problems continued to arise, but she simply liked the results of being with him without addressing the underlying issues. If either of them had been more mature, they wouldn’t have made their partner suffer from unreasonable obsession and stubbornness.

Even if she were to express interest and affection for Yoon Ga-eul right now, their lives, values, backgrounds, and paths would be vastly different. She could make his breathing easier, but would that truly be what Yoon Ga-eul wants?

She was well aware of the emotions mixed in with his pure heart. It felt like chipping away at his hard-earned self-esteem and encountering an impenetrable glass wall.

Even if the outcomes were different, she, too, had experienced the erosion of her self-esteem through Yun Seung-ok and the frustration of communication barriers with Moon Ji-hyuk, so she knew how exhausting it could be.

If only Yoon Ga-eul could remain as he was. With his eyes still bright and his heart intact.

Go-yeo quietly watched Eun-jae devouring the tteokbokki late into the evening. Though worried about choking, she was eating well enough to dispel any unnecessary concerns.

When offered to eat together, she picked up a piece of tteokbokki, but it was a cruel taste. Spicy, salty, sweet, and stimulating. However, it was a taste that would linger in memory, much like her relationship with Yoon Ga-eul. Seemingly different from what it appeared, it was memorable due to its stimulating nature. It might be delicious now, but it could cause indigestion later. She emptied the glass, reflecting on the appropriate analogy.

* * *

The preparation for H. Collection’s new line progressed smoothly. They decided on a boutique location near the university and discussed pricing. Ji-yeon suggested collaborating on online sales, producing in bulk while slightly lowering the quality to adjust the price.

Go-yeo agreed to the suggestion. Since Ji-yeon was planning to become the owner of this boutique, she would invest and delegate everything. However, at Ji-yeon’s insistence, she selected designers as a designer herself.

“Is there a waiting call?”

Go-yeo shook her head at Ji-yeon’s question. There was no contact from Ga-eul. It was intentional, yet she kept finding herself glancing at her phone.

‘Pitiful.’

Pressing her throbbing head, Go-yeo glanced at Ji-yeon. Ji-yeon started to chew her food and occasionally made dry heaves. She said she reacted to a certain smell and even just the thought made her stomach churn. Reduced caffeine intake from switching to coffee transfusions also made her more sensitive.

“It’s tough.”

“Yeah. Ah, it’s really hard. But the new boutique will be ready without any problems, so don’t worry, okay?”

Seeing Ji-yeon’s fiery determination, Go-yeo’s suggestion to take it easy struck a chord.

“What’s up with you? Is it because of Moon Ji-hyuk? I heard he got divorced.”

“No way.”

Ji-yeon squinted at Go-yeo as if gauging her. Amidst her usual indifferent expression and listless gaze, there was a peculiarly sunk feeling.

“You’ve been meeting Ga-eul lately?”

Go-yeo suddenly frowned as if questioning what Ji-yeon was saying.

“Don’t try to deceive me. I’m sure of it. You have feelings for Yoon Ga-eul.”

It felt like she had kicked herself in the gut. She was startled as if someone had poured scalding hot tea into her chest.

‘Did I spill my emotions so freely? And did I have such overflowing feelings for Yoon Ga-eul? Me?’

While Go-yeo’s expression remained unchanged, Ji-yeon understood. Despite trying to act nonchalant, Ji-yeon noticed the subtle tremble in her eyes.

“What’s wrong with a little age and family difference? It’s good to meet someone. Nowadays, the age difference isn’t a big deal. Even if one is much older, they can still marry and live well. Of course, overcoming family differences is a bit of a challenge. But what if there’s Cinderella in the backyard? Isn’t it the same?”

A bitter laugh escaped her lips. Go-yeo knew Ji-yeon was generally more mature than her, but sometimes she thought she acted recklessly without a plan.

“I like Ga-eul. He’s really nice.”

Better than Moon Ji-hyuk, for sure. That cozy piece of trash. But Ji-yeon swallowed the next words.

Go-yeo didn’t respond to Ji-yeon’s rambling. She didn’t want to continue the conversation about how fortunate she was not to love Yoon Ga-eul. It was better to stop at this point since Ga-eul seemed to be doing reasonably well without her.

* * *

Ga-eul felt like he was drowning as Go-yeo calmly conveyed her words. He gasped for air, feeling like he had forgotten how to breathe, choked up and stifled. He had always anticipated such moments.

“Oh.”

It was a little late to realize that the wetness on his cheeks was tears. He shouldn’t act like a child. Trying to cling on now would only be a tantrum. But Ga-eul felt lost about what to do next.

Was there anything Ga-eul could do for Go-yeo? No matter how much he thought, he couldn’t come up with anything. He had nothing he wanted from Go-yeo. Since he didn’t want anything, he couldn’t think of anything he could give.

If he could show this feeling he had, would Go-yeo look at it?

Ga-eul lay down on the bed where Go-yeo’s scent still lingered. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Her creamy, smooth skin, her smile as gentle as wildflowers.

Is this how she lived?

Ga-eul thought about the time when Go-yeo was saying goodbye. Did she also struggle like this? Oh, it hasn’t been long since he spent time with her. How much did Go-yeo suffer back then?

Despite feeling so pitiful, he still missed her. The longing was even more painful than death itself. It felt like it would continue to torment him until his invisible heart was completely exhausted. And he was so curious. Did she ever, even occasionally, think about him? Did Yoon Ga-eul leave anything behind for her? It was pathetic, but he comforted himself that she would occasionally think about it when she had free time.

Ga-eul went to school like a hamster on a wheel, studying for assignments and exams, and started tutoring. So, there was no way for anyone to know about him through his own words.

“Hey, a friend from the Physical Education Department said Yoon Ga-eul has an older girlfriend and she’s super pretty.”

“Really? I heard that too. Some guy saw Yoon Ga-eul having dinner with a girl. He said he was cutting pork cutlet for her and honey was dripping from his eyes. And they talked a lot.”

“Him? Wasn’t he kinda reserved and cold?”

“Maybe not with his girlfriend.”

“And that girl seems super-rich. She drives a Bentley.”

“Oh, is that why? Yoon Ga-eul wears all luxury items these days.”

“Wow. I didn’t know.”

“If only he didn’t wear sneakers, he would cost over a hundred grand.”

“Wow. I’m jealous dude. Guess you have to be good-looking after all.”

Anna felt a warm sensation rising in her chest at the chatter of her juniors gathered in the outdoor courtyard of the College of Education.

‘She came to school? And they had a meal together? What kind of antics is he up to, getting involved with someone older and richer.’

With a snicker, Anna approached her juniors. Smiling brightly, she greeted them as they all stood up. Sitting nearby, she pretended not to have heard and asked.

“What’s the interesting story you’re all discussing?”

“Oh! Sister, you’re close to Ga-eul, right? Heard he got a girlfriend. Did you happen to see her?”

“Ga-eul?”

Anna widened her eyes as if she didn’t know anything.

“They’re making a fuss because he has an older, super pretty, and rich girlfriend.”

There was some laughter at the juniors’ remarks, but Anna just smiled lightly.

“Oh, I know. She’s the boss Ga-eul worked for during vacation.”

The mention of the company boss surprised everyone.

“And she’s quite older. Plus, she’s divorced, but she’s dating Ga-eul. Isn’t it unbelievable?”

Anna’s expression seemed overly innocent and devoid of ulterior motives. Anna herself didn’t have any ulterior motives. She just relayed the truth that needed to be clarified.

“And can’t he treat his boss like a friend?”

Anna’s fresh and spring-like expression won people’s favor, and naturally, she led the situation as she desired. Just then, Ga-eul was coming towards them.

Ga-eul said he had something to tell Anna. As the two left, everyone murmured.

“Hey. Then isn’t it not that person, but the two of them?”

“Right, I heard they’ve known each other for a long time.”

“Wow, I had no idea.”

A bit away from where they were before, Ga-eul asked Anna about the tutoring she mentioned last time. Of course, Anna knew that was why he called her, but she couldn’t help feeling good about it.

“Sister, about the student you mentioned last time, did you find a tutor?”

“No, not yet. Do you want to?”

“Sure. Give me the contact.”

“Then let’s go to that house together. Since I’m related to her, it seems like a proper introduction is needed.”

Ga-eul nodded plainly as if understanding.

“Ga-eul, are you feeling unwell? Your face doesn’t look good.”

“I’m fine. Let me know when the appointment is set. Thanks.”

Ga-eul only conveyed what was necessary and turned away. He focused on getting through each day however he could. Without deep thought, he diligently dealt with whatever came his way. As he spent time in a whirlwind, it was night, and he collapsed exhausted to sleep, only to wake up in the morning.

After finishing tutoring and heading back to school for exam preparation on the subway, Ga-eul habitually fiddled with his bracelet. It had become something like a talisman, confirming its presence with repeated touches.

He touched it whenever he wanted to cry as much as he missed her. So, it was said that if his hand was resting, he was always touching it.

It was while climbing the stairs after getting off the subway. Suddenly, he felt short of breath, then his legs lost strength. Leaning against the wall, he struggled to catch his breath. It was only then that Ga-eul realized his condition. He had thought his eyes were just heavy and his forehead slightly warm, but it wasn’t that—his whole body felt heavy, and he had a fever.

“…Ah, I have to prepare for the exam. What should I do?”

His voice was dry and hoarse. Having managed to tutor alone, he felt somewhat proud of himself. He smiled to himself. Panting heavily, he climbed the stairs. His vision was blurry, and his legs felt heavy. Cold sweat trickled down his spine, but he kept moving. Suddenly, he leaned against the wall, feeling a surge of nausea.

The sky was tinged with the dusky blue of early evening. Ga-eul leaned his body against the cold metal railing and looked down the street sluggishly. Cars emitted light as they passed by vigorously. Blinded by the headlights, he closed his eyes tightly, then opened them again.

All he wanted was to go home and lie down on his bed. The fact that no other thoughts came to mind was somewhat relieving. He was grateful that he could fall asleep right away again today.

“Whew….”

Exhaling hot breath, he stood in front of the pedestrian crossing. The signal changed, and people began to cross the street. Ga-eul also stepped forward. He saw some elementary school students riding scooters across the street.

It felt like every joint in his body was screaming in pain. It seemed like a precursor to the flu. His condition was deteriorating rapidly. He saw the approaching village bus as he squeezed his dry lips. The bright headlights swallowed Ga-eul as he hurried his steps to catch the bus.