The Season I Loved You Without You - Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

 

On the bridge crossing the Han River towards Hannam-dong, the turbid river flowed below. Leaning against the window frame, Go-yeo pressed her throbbing head firmly.

 

As the car turned into an alley, the speed noticeably slowed, and silence awakened. Looking around, she noticed her villa a little further ahead.

 

“Please park here.”

 

Although there was parking at the villa, she pointed to a spot on the street. The man glanced briefly and nodded.

 

Following the man who got out first, she stepped onto the asphalt. Then she approached the driver’s seat where the man was. Her shadow overlapped with his under the yellow streetlight.

 

“Could you do me a favor?”

 

Without considering refusal, she took out a card from her wallet. The man seemed slightly surprised but nodded slightly in response.

 

“Yes.”

 

“If you go down a bit from here and turn right, you’ll find a convenience store.”

 

The man nodded as if understanding her words.

 

“It’s a slim, elongated cigarette with a blue band at the end of the filter… I don’t remember the name. Anyway, please get that for me. Also, some hangover relief and whatever you’d like to eat from there.”

 

She handed him the card.

 

“I’ll be in the park over there.”

 

Go-yeo said, looking up at the man. The man obediently took the card. She passed the man and headed towards the park. From behind, she heard the sound of the man’s running footsteps. Glancing back, she saw that the man had already descended below.

 

Although Go-yeo occasionally saw the park on the way home, this was her first time stopping by. The small children’s park had two swings, a square gazebo, benches surrounded by shrubs, and a few exercise machines. As she sat on a bench, she could see the Han River, the shimmering Dongho Bridge above it, and the night view of Gangnam on the opposite side quite well.

 

As the chilly wind blew, she buttoned up her coat. Before Go-yeo could fully appreciate the Han River, she heard the footsteps of a man running. She wondered why he was running, but the man came straight to her.

 

The man standing nearby was slightly out of breath. She looked at the man and then reached out her hand. The man looked at her palm, then cautiously extended what he was holding. Their fingers briefly touched before parting.

 

Go-yeo looked at what was on her palm and furrowed her brows, opening her eyes wide in disbelief. Ridiculously, there was a flat box of lemon candies.

 

“Well… The staff didn’t know about the cigarettes you mentioned, so I couldn’t buy them. So, I thought maybe candies would be okay instead of cigarettes.”

 

‘Oh… Alright then.’

 

Rather than forcing an unnecessary excuse, she nodded her head. She wasn’t even a regular smoker. She just wanted to try it once, remembering how good it was when she smoked her uncle’s cigarette last time.

 

The man extended the card and the hangover relief pills. His hand brushed hers, cold, but there was a slight warmth retained by the hangover relief pill he held tightly.

 

“Thank you.” 

 

The man smiled broadly, a dimple showing on one cheek. As she was about to leave, she hesitated upon seeing him still standing there. Ah, a tip?

 

Without much hesitation, she took out a few banknotes and handed them to the man.

 

“You’ve worked hard today. You can go now.”

 

The man was surprised and waved his hand. She chuckled.

 

“No, it’s okay. I know I’ll be charged separately for the ride.”

 

Usually, wouldn’t they just take the tip naturally? The man hesitated, then took out a canned coffee from his pocket.

 

“Instead, I’ll enjoy this with gratitude.”

 

‘Just that for gratitude.’

 

Chuckling, Go-yeo drank the hangover relief. She shouldn’t have mixed drinks; it felt like her head was splitting. She had intended to smoke a cigarette while sobering up outside, but even that plan had gone awry. But the man standing beside her hadn’t left yet.

 

She looked at him as if to ask why he wasn’t leaving. Understanding her gaze, the man explained without making excuses.

 

“It’s quite late now, so I thought I’d just see you safely inside and then head back.”

 

Go-yeo couldn’t help but laugh at that. Was this consideration for someone he’d just met?

 

“Then, instead of standing, sit for a moment.”

 

After hesitating, the man sat at the end of the bench.

 

Go-yeo looked at the shimmering lights reflected on the river from the Dongho Bridge. The waves rippled. In the silence that descended, when the wind blew, branches swayed, and the sound of rustling leaves was heard.

 

With the hangover relief consumed, she tore open the candy instead of a cigarette. She popped one into her mouth and then tore another, offering it to the man. He accepted it with a small “thank you” and put it in his mouth.

 

“What’s your name?”

 

“…Yoon Ga-eul.”

 

She quietly repeated the name. Didn’t spring suit him better than autumn? That thought crossed her mind.

 

“What’s your major?”

 

“I’m majoring in mathematics education.”

 

Oh, she let out a small sigh. Her prediction that he would study diligently and do well seemed to be right, making her feel somewhat pleased. She rested her chin on her crossed arms on her knees and observed the Ga-eul .

 

He sat up straight, gathering his hands around the can of coffee. Although there wasn’t a spotlight on his head, he seemed like a piece of art illuminated by the lights of an art museum. Despite looking young, his side profile, prominent nose, and strong Adam’s apple exuded mature masculinity.

 

“Is the job manageable? Dealing with drunk people must not be easy.”

 

Words slipped out like a murmur from the slight intoxication.

 

“So far, I haven’t had any particularly difficult tasks.”

 

“Good for you.”

 

She tapped her toe lightly. They hadn’t spoken a word to each other, yet it didn’t feel awkward. Perhaps it was just her perception. After all, isn’t awkwardness something felt between people who have some level of acquaintance? It’s not felt with completely unrelated individuals.

 

“Can you tell me something to sober me up?”

 

Go-yeo tilted her head slightly as she spoke. He took a moment to ponder before speaking up.

 

“I read in the newspaper that the brain structurally can’t understand negations. For example, if you say ‘Don’t think about cigarettes,’ the brain ends up thinking about cigarettes. So, to the brain, there’s no difference between ‘don’t think about cigarettes’ and ‘think about cigarettes.’ Instead, let’s eat lemon candy; that changes the thought. So, when you want to forget something, it’s better to just accept its existence and think of something else entirely.”

 

She nodded in agreement with his logical explanation.

 

‘Don’t imagine meeting Moon Ji-hyuk again and having a happy future,’ is already imagining meeting him. Saying ‘forget’ itself makes you think of him, so it’s better to replace it with something else, essentially, that’s what he meant. But why bring up cigarettes as an example? Did he think she was a heavy smoker? Go-yeo chuckled softly.

 

The gentle voice speaking calmly and the precise pronunciation were pleasant to hear. Perhaps he’ll become a popular and well-respected teacher. Thanks to him, maybe the math grades of those students at his school will improve. Useless thoughts had gone far enough now.

 

“Thanks to you, I’m sobering up.”

 

With that, Go-yeo stood up. Her villa was a bit further up from here. As she started walking, he followed at a distance. Headlights spread on the quiet street, and the sound of cars could be heard. Naturally, Ga-eul, who was behind, came closer to her side. When she looked at him, he hesitated before speaking.

 

“…Feels like the car is running fast.”

 

Honestly, Go-yeo couldn’t understand why Ga-eul was going to such lengths. Wouldn’t it be more realistic to have a different intention from what he appeared to have? 

 

At the entrance of the villa, there was a door made of black iron bars. A security guard was seen next to the door. Go-yeo leaned against the door and looked at Ga-eul .

 

Even in the darkness, his eyes seemed to emit a self-contained light, making her strangely uneasy.

 

“Mr. Yoon Ga-eul, thank you for today.”

 

She held out her hand to Ga-eul, pressing the check she was about to give him into his hand. His eyes widened, but he nodded and pushed the door made of iron bars.

 

Whether he was surprised or confused, or whether it was his intention or not, didn’t matter. From her perspective, there was no such thing as unexplained kindness, and anything given in return for kindness could be neatly resolved with material things.

 

As she walked towards her villa, she heard the sound of her shoes hitting the stone path laid on the grass. Even though she looked down, she felt his silent shadow stretching long behind her, but she didn’t turn around to look.

 

* * *

 

Located on Dosan Boulevard, Club Freya stood imposingly, resembling a large artwork made of glass, and Ga-eul felt dwarfed by its grandeur. Truthfully, it was his first time at a club. When he mumbled something about being a designated driver to the person standing at the entrance, they directed him to go around the building to the back.

 

Seeing the burly guard, he regretted his decision, but the significantly higher pay compared to regular chauffeuring made such feelings a luxury.

 

With his mother’s medical bills, his brother’s living expenses, and the next semester’s tuition to prepare for, he had no choice. Fortunately, the job turned out to be easier than he thought. Safely chauffeuring intoxicated guests home was the task, and it was tricky due to the high value of the vehicles, even though he had insurance.

 

“Phew…”

 

That day, he hadn’t had dinner due to his tutoring running late. Instead of buying dinner and facing the crowded lounge, he found a place to rest briefly and ended up climbing up to the top and slipping through a slightly open crevice.

 

There was one chair in front of the door, and it was shaded by artificial trees. Light streamed from a distance. Ga-eul quietly ate bread and drank milk, trying not to attract attention.

 

As he cleaned up the trash and got up, he could see the Han River and the cars on the road beyond the railing. It was his first time seeing such a night view.

 

“So there’s a place like this in Seoul.”

 

It was unfamiliar. Ga-eul’s eyes sparkled. A small sigh escaped him with a comfortable smile. It felt like being an inconsequential accessory in the world. Just go with the flow, but would things get better? Would his mother recover? Everything was uncertain. Is it okay like this?

 

He felt a presence where the light entered. He felt he should go down now and grabbed the handle. But the door didn’t open. No matter how much he pushed and pulled, it wouldn’t budge, leaving Ga-eul bewildered.

 

“Excuse me, is there a problem?”

 

A somewhat irritated voice came from where he heard it. He tried pulling the handle again, but it was no use. As he pondered what to do, he felt sweat on his palms. Eventually, she approached where the light was coming from.

 

The first thing he saw was bare white feet. He was startled and took a step back. It felt like his mouth suddenly went dry.

 

A face he had never seen before. A person from a different world.

 

The woman standing in front of the railing was clearly petite and looking down at Ga-eul, but strangely, it felt like she was looking down on him. The woman’s eyes blinked slowly. She seemed like an embodiment of elegance.

 

Though taken aback by the question of whether he was a minor, he thought that if it were this person, she could see him that way. A slight interest and boredom emanated from the woman’s gaze. Suddenly, he felt embarrassed about the trash in his hand.

 

She seemed indifferent to her presence and calmly directed Ga-eul indoors with unfeeling eyes. Perhaps unaware, he forcefully conveyed the non-smoking zone signage he had seen earlier. Ga-eul might have felt it was going off-topic, but the woman didn’t seem bothered. It was more like a ‘whatever’ kind of response. Whether it was a non-smoking area or not didn’t seem all that important. It was a matter of ‘do it if you want to.’

 

In a moment of confusion, Ga-eul found himself receiving a cigarette from the woman. The corners of the woman’s eyes folded slightly. The small dot under the corner of her left eye was striking. Ga-eul’s palms kept sweating. As he wiped his damp hands, he looked at the cigarette. It was still lit, with a red mark on the filter.

 

Before stepping outside, Ga-eul glanced back at the woman. It would be difficult to encounter such a person again in his lifetime. The woman possessed a sublime beauty.

 

As the door closed, Ga-eul felt a disconnect from the world he had just been in. He glanced back once more.

 

For that woman, it was just one of countless days, but for Ga-eul, it would be a memorable one.