The Season I Loved You Without You - Chapter 41

CHAPTER 41

It feels like it hasn’t been long since the first snow fell, but winter has become familiar during that time. With the arrival of the new year, the year has changed.

If there’s anything that has changed in the relationship with Ga-eul, it’s that he has delved deeper into Go-yeo’s life, and what hasn’t changed is that the relationship still has no name. If one had to label it, it was simply that of an employer and an employee.

Go-yeo was lying in bed with Ga-eul. They were watching a movie when they must have fallen asleep at some point. One clear advantage of being with him was that it always brought sound sleep. It was the same for Ga-eul. Go-yeo turned off the already-finished movie, got up, and went to the window.

Go-yeo observed the world turned white. Just the fact that it had become quiet with the arrival of snow pleased Go-yeo’s heart. Sensing movement, Ga-eul approached and embraced Go-yeo from behind. Feeling the breath tickling her neck, Go-yeo smiled softly.

“It’s snowing a lot.”

“Yeah.”

“Should we go outside?”

“Why?”

“Because there might be a lot of traffic due to the snow.”

Is that so? Ga-eul was sensitive enough to understand Go-yeo’s concerns. How did he know that Go-yeo didn’t particularly enjoy long car rides?

Putting on a coat, Go-yeo left the bedroom and headed downstairs. Ga-eul followed and made coffee, pouring milk and placing it on the table. Ga-eul also sat opposite Go-yeo and they drank warm lattes together. Go-yeo quietly sipped the coffee and looked at Ga-eul.

“Which hospital is your mother in?”

Even with the sudden question, Ga-eul was no longer startled. Instead, he smiled comfortably and answered.

“She’s at C University Hospital.”

“Does your sister go to the hospital every day?”

He was as honest with Go-yeo as he was with himself. That’s why he didn’t make excuses about being too busy to visit often.

“Unless there’s something special, almost every day.”

Go-yeo acknowledged that she felt a similar sense of camaraderie towards Ga-eul. It began with calmly discussing personal matters.

‘You’re also living with a good stepmother. But there must be an inevitable barrier for you too.’

So she didn’t know if she was feeling more comfortable because of that. Of course, such a platonic relationship wasn’t everything. Mixing with him made the time fly by, and they felt heightened pleasure.

They crossed the line without hesitation, and now the associated emotions had vanished like magic. They were both adults and agreed on this, so legally or ethically, there was nothing wrong with it, and she decided to think of it as comfortably as possible.

The next day, they walked along Daehangno together. It was on their way back from watching a play he had booked. The acting was passable, but the plot was confusing. Ga-eul also felt that way, but Go-yeo stopped him from apologizing several times. His choice was regrettable, but it wasn’t enough to warrant an apology.

As the sun began to set, the streets of Daehangno were bustling with people. Naturally, they held hands and walked along, guided by his touch. She disliked crowded places, but being here wasn’t so bad either.

Entering a particularly congested section, the crowd grew thicker, and Ga-eul wrapped his arm around Go-yeo’s shoulders. They stepped aside to wait for people to pass. Go-yeo glanced up at Ga-eul. Red marks were visible on his neck. Despite clearly covering them with a scarf, there were still blotchy spots. They were marks left behind from a wild night of passion that couldn’t be hidden.

As shameless as she tried to be, this was a bit embarrassing. So, she casually adjusted her scarf and shrank away. He quickly reacted as if he noticed.

“Are you cold? Should we take a car now?”

Their eyes met. Go-yeo shook her head.

‘That’s not it.’

Go-yeo hesitated before meticulously covering Ga-eul’s neck. He seemed to like that and smiled cheekily, showing his dimples. Finding him genuinely amusing, she smiled back.

Ga-eul’s eyes sparkled in response and he slightly bowed, brushing his lips against her forehead. Go-yeo frowned slightly at Ga-eul. Ga-eul put his hand over his mouth in surprise.

“Oh… I didn’t mean to do that.”

It was a refreshing response. Being with him revealed new reactions she hadn’t encountered before, which kept things interesting. Suppressing a smirk, they continued walking.

Walking down such a crowded street felt like it had been ages. Moreover, although Go-yeo heard of Daehangno, this was her first time visiting. Many students around Ga-eul’s age could be seen.

Watching Ga-eul passing pedestrians, she realized he looked different than usual. Go-yeo found herself studying his face as their eyes met again.

“It’s my first time in Daehangno too. Everything feels great when I’m with you, just because.”

By now, Go-yeo couldn’t tell if this vulnerability belonged to him or her.

‘Don’t like me.’

He probably didn’t hear that. Ga-eul was excessively pure and couldn’t hide his true feelings.

He now casually expressed vulnerable emotions, and in exchange for gazing intently at that soft skin, Go-yeo thought of Yoon Ga-eul instead of Moon Ji-hyuk. She sighed quietly and chose not to respond.

‘Well, back then, life was extremely difficult. To survive, sometimes you had no choice.’

Discovering the truth about his grandmother’s past at the arboretum had dominated her mind longer than she expected. The refreshing feeling of learning the truth turned to a sense of injustice.

She didn’t do anything wrong. Why did she endure such treatment? What does her bloodline matter? And what’s love got to do with it?

Go-yeo lost any meaningless fighting spirit regarding Yun Seung-ok and, on closer inspection, discovered a self with a worldly attitude. The desire to seek validation from Sang-moon and Tae-chun also disappeared. It was like releasing everything when suddenly confronted with unexpected thoughts.

In that state, Ga-eul approaching Go-yeo felt like crossing a crumbling fortress. He filled the empty void of time with her and replaced the loneliness with his warmth. So, Go-yeo thought it would be fine as long as Ga-eul didn’t love her.

“Take a look around.”

Walking hand in hand down the quieter street, they spotted a small stall under bright lights. Delicate accessories were displayed on black velvet fabric. The woman selling them claimed to have made them herself. There were neat thread rings in various colors.

As Go-yeo looked interested, Ga-eul also joined in browsing. Go-yeo thought maybe they were swept up by the youthful atmosphere of the place, things they wouldn’t usually pay attention to.

Go-yeo took off her leather gloves and slid a ring made of dark green yarn onto her left ring finger. Despite being handmade with thread, it was tightly woven and firm. She turned her hand around to see. It seemed to go well with casual clothing. As she reached into her handbag for her wallet, Ga-eul was quicker.

“Let me buy this for you.”

After a brief moment of hesitation, Go-yeo nodded. Seeing his desperate expression and considering it was less than ten thousand won, she decided not to read too much into it. Upon hearing Ga-eul whisper how pretty it was, Go-yeo chuckled.

Instead of going straight to the car, they stopped by a nearby café. Sitting on the second floor, looking out the window, he brought two coffees and sat opposite Go-yeo. They silently sipped their coffee for a while.

“We went to the arboretum last time.”

Ga-eul put down his coffee and looked at Go-yeo.

“My mother is there. Under the Magnolia tree.”

Ga-eul seemed a bit surprised. But after seeing the bouquet left under the tree, he nodded, thinking it was someone’s grave, and then nodded.

“Maybe that day was my mother’s intention.”

‘I want to tell you that Yun Seung-ok’s hatred had nothing to do with you.’

Go-yeo wasn’t sure what she was saying right now, but she was so frustrated she wanted to blurt out anything. Ga-eul simply believed he would listen quietly. It wasn’t something the short time they had spent together had taught him. It was just something he felt naturally when facing her.

“…It seems like your mother liked flowers.”

Instead of asking what she meant, Ga-eul changed the subject.

“She must have liked poetry and been romantic.”

Go-yeo smiled comfortably and sipped her coffee. Her mother was that kind of person. Beautiful, lovely, and loving herself like her own life. She was a different person from her grandmother. So, what kind of person her grandmother was didn’t matter. What mattered was what kind of person her mother was to her.

As they exchanged ordinary stories, Go-yeo felt a bit more at ease. Perhaps it was a skill that Yoon Ga-eul possessed. Though young, in some ways, he seemed much more mature than Go-yeo.

Looking into his eyes, filled with a calm lake, Go-yeo felt like a thunderous monkey that was rolling around as it pleased, as if saying, ‘Just be yourself.’

* * *

Ga-eul visited Hee-sook’s hospital room after a long time. Hee-sook was moved to a VIP room instead of a shared room and began receiving new medications that she had been hesitant to try because of the high cost. Everything had been arranged by Go-yeo.

Before opening the door to the room, Ga-eul remembered their last conversation.

‘Boss, you don’t have to go to such lengths for me.’

‘I’m just doing it because I want to.’

To Ga-eul, it seemed like Go-yeo felt sorry that this was all he could do. If that fact didn’t make him sad, it would be a lie, and he knew it would be shameful to expect more. Naively, right now felt just too good. He couldn’t ask for more. Though it was an unnamed relationship that couldn’t be defined, the desire for more continued to linger.

‘Don’t like me.’

Her intentions were not what they seemed, but it felt like a whisper of love as if the brain couldn’t understand the negative form. Triggered by those words, he could perfectly name what he had hidden and ignored.

‘I am in love with Han Go-yeo.’

The feeling of one’s stomach crumbling even from the smallest tears of the other person—if that’s not love, then what is?

He had occupied a small space in her heart. He instinctively realized that the boundaries had been crumbling since the day they went to the arboretum. Little by little, he grew greedy, and Go-yeo, being herself, simply smiled and accepted it. If she didn’t love him, he felt like he could allow anything.

It didn’t matter if Ga-eul found himself in need due to difficulties or simply wanted to forget that moment. After all, they could be together. It wasn’t like before when she rejected him. It would be too wonderful if his desire for her could reach her in her time of need.