The Season I Loved You Without You - Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

“But it was okay because of your father. It wasn’t even funny. There was not a lot of affection, but every time, I tried hard to salvage the situation. As you know, I saw him on the verge of death after not seeing him for several years.”

The calmly delivered story didn’t help much. It just made her feel worse. Would it have been better if she hadn’t seen him? She doesn’t know.

Unwarranted contempt without any special reason drove people mad. It seemed as if they were determined to destroy existence itself. They knew exactly how to make someone suffer and killed people with their words.

No matter how hard she tried, no matter what she did, she was the one who made it impossible for her and Moon Ji-hyuk to be together.

The steadfast abyss often swallowed her. She could simply live as the Princess of Wushin, as before, but Go-yeo couldn’t understand why she had to feel this chaotic mess.

* * *

Go-yeo left the main house and headed to the club. It was the birthday of one of the guys she was hanging out with. It was called a birthday party, but it was just a gathering to drink and chat. However, it was worth attending. The meaning lay not in what was gained, but simply in the time spent.

Loud, lively music, laughter over trivial conversations, sharing drinks, and meaningless chatter. That was enough.

The room was surrounded by leather sofas and had a panoramic glass window overlooking the first-floor stage. It was busier than usual for a Friday evening. There were about ten people in the VVIP room today, some of whom were unfamiliar faces. Among them were quite a few famous actresses, making the protagonist’s wide and narrow social circle intriguing.

Fast-paced music filled the air. Go-yeo sank into the sofa, burying herself, her head leaning back. It was the first time she heard the music, but she tapped her foot and lifted her glass. The birthday girl ordered expensive drinks.

She’s going to be rich, she chuckled involuntarily.

The birthday girl was already a bit drunk. She spilled half of the million-won bottle of alcohol to the people next to her. Choi Hye-jung was the daughter of the director of the Sae Won Academy Foundation and her grandfather was the Minister of Culture. The pride of being from a family of educators and the effective connections of a high-ranking government official were quite useful.

She sipped on a glass of champagne with a subtle apricot scent and looked up for a moment, meeting her eyes.

Choi Hye-jung approached with a wide smile. Quietly squinted her eyes, trying to read her intentions.

Choi Hye-jung sat next to her with her skirt fluttering up to her thighs. Oblivious, she hooked her arm with Go-yeo and shouted.

“Go-yeo! I’m so honored that you came to wish me a happy 32nd birthday.”

She wondered what else she was going to say.

“Our Go-yeo has had two scandals just this year, right? I envy you so much.”

Ah, this. Instead of champagne, she picked up a margarita with a greenish hue among the cocktails lined up on the table. Salt was hardened white on the wide rim of the glass.

The lime-scented tequila hit with a strong kick, mixed with salt. It was sharp and fragrant, swirling in the mouth.

“How can one be so beautiful and have such a great figure? Every man in the world would love you.”

She chuckled to herself, giggling happily. It seemed like the education system in Korea had no future.

“Oh! Even if every man wants you, there’s only one person you won’t get.”

All eyes turned towards her, and she stood up suddenly, feeling proud.

“It’s Moon Ji-hyuk!”

Ah, she nodded. People around her murmured uncomfortably. The actress nearby, who was attending such an event for the first time, looked visibly embarrassed.

‘Life is just like that. Sometimes reality surpasses movies.’

Go-yeo smiled and listened quietly.

“Because! Moon Ji-hyuk is going to marry Jo Yoon-young soon!”

Jo Yoon-young. Ah, Jo Yoon-young. She knew. She had already guessed. If Moon Ji-hyuk were to remarry, it would probably be Jo Yoon-young. The girl next to her, or Yun Seung-ok, was all too obvious. Go-yeo shook her head and smiled.

And then she noticed the lights on the ceiling.

‘I thought it was a good choice, but now it looks cheap. I should change the interior. And do some water quality management.’

Even if Choi Hye-jung didn’t feel any good emotions toward herself, there was no reason for her to feel bad.

But what was bothering her?

“Oh my. He’s marrying Jo Yoon-young? That’s great.”

Go-yeo fluttered her long eyelashes, pretending to be surprised.

“Now we should each go our own way.”

Then she smiled lightly, with a hint of laughter. Hye-jung, looking surprised, glanced at Go-yeo. In the moment when what she heard and the truth seemed different, Go-yeo’s expression suddenly changed. Placing her cocktail glass gently on the table, Go-yeo asked.

“Hye-jung, aren’t you supposed to get married soon too? Have you met anyone?”

At the sharp question, Hye-jung lifted her head slightly and calmly replied.

“I’m not thinking about marriage yet.”

“Oh, I see. But Jo Yoon-young is getting married soon, so you should start thinking about it. But to compete with MMK, you should be at least one of the Song family members in the future, right? I know Jin-yu from the Future Hotel. Are you interested? Her twin brother is still unmarried.”

Go-yeo chuckled as she poured vintage champagne into Hye-jung’s empty glass. Watching the bubbles rise in the poured glass, she asked seriously.

“If you’re going to be Jo Yoon-young’s bridesmaid, would the future be a bit… burdensome?”

She glanced at her with a curious expression. Hye-jung’s face turned red rapidly. Go-yeo chuckled and got up from her seat. Then she leaned over and whispered in Hye-jung’s ear.

“Let’s not act like childish adults. Got it?”

And like an ordinary close friend, she affectionately hugged her shoulders.

“Today, I’ll treat you all as my birthday gift. Enjoy and drink to your heart’s content.”

As she left the VVIP room, the warmth that had been radiating from Go-yeo’s face disappeared, replaced by a chilling demeanor. Irritation creased her forehead.

She headed towards the back where the VVIP corridor was located, not the main entrance. Go-yeo’s manager followed closely behind. Instructions were relayed via radio to have the car ready. As they reached the parking lot, a white Bentley smoothly stopped in front of Go-yeo. The manager silently waited until Go-yeo got into the backseat before joining her. Go-yeo crossed her arms and leaned her head against the headrest.

It was nearing midnight, and Dosan Boulevard was quiet. Go-yeo briefly closed her eyes and massaged her temples. When she opened them again, the car had stopped at a signal. She realized that the cold would soon intensify, as indicated by the barren branches remaining on the trees. She gazed at the trembling branches.

‘Because! Moon Ji-hyuk is going to marry Jo Yoon-young soon!’

Yun Seung-ok had grabbed onto Jo Yoon-young. Go-yeo was well aware of it too. It had been like that before they got married, and it remained the same afterward. It wasn’t something she had paid much attention to before marriage, but afterward, the fact brought a sense of humiliation. Yun Seung-ok proudly paraded Jo Yoon-young around, treating Go-yeo as an outsider. She gracefully and elegantly introduced people, exerting her influence.

Under the pretext of being acquaintances, Yun Seung-ok often formally invited Jo Yoon-young to events. At first, Go-yeo thought Jo Yoon-young lacked depth and pride, but when she realized the desire in her eyes as they met Moon Ji-hyuk’s gaze, she understood that she desired Moon Ji-hyuk enough to endure secondary matters. So, she realized that Yun Seung-ok had a grip on Jo Yoon-young.

Whenever she met Jo Yoon-young’s gentle and innocent gaze, she felt strangely uncomfortable, as if she were the one committing a transgression. Yun Seung-ok seemed to notice and skillfully scratched at her. Jo Yoon-young came from a prestigious family with a long lineage in law and politics, and Yun Seung-ok used that as a pretext. She never directly called Go-yeo a nouveau riche, but treated her as such. Moreover, she constantly compared her to Jo Yoon-young, citing her upbringing.

The memories spread out like ink spilled in water, making her uncomfortable.

“Ah, annoying.”

The words slipped out like a sigh, startling the driver. Go-yeo glanced at the man through the rearview mirror. He was looking straight ahead. Their eyes met, and the hand on the steering wheel twitched in surprise.

Go-yeo narrowed her eyes and looked at the man. She furrowed her brow momentarily, trying to recall. Even without seeing his whole face, she could tell.

‘Um… excuse me, but this is a non-smoking area.’

He was the young man with unusually gentle eyes. Up close, he seemed like a fluffy young deer just starting to grow horns. So, she blurted out.

“How old are you?”

“Huh? Oh, I’m twenty-two.”

“Are you a college student?”

“Yes. I recently finished my military service and am currently on leave from school.”

Ah. She let out a small sigh and nodded. She thought the man might be working as a part-time chauffeur. Someone diligent like him probably studied well too. He might attend a pretty good school in Seoul. Go-yeo briefly entertained thoughts like, “If he needs money, wouldn’t it be better to model than to be a chauffeur?” but left it at that. It seemed inappropriate to delve into further conversation.

As if the dam she had forcibly built around her drunkenness burst, the intoxication rushed in. Even in her rising breath, she could smell the alcohol. When she lowered the window to let in some air, the cold winter scent lingered at the tip of her nose.

“Could you turn on some music, please?”

The familiar melody of Debussy’s Clair de Lune softly filled the car. The lyrical piano melody gently caressed her ears. The moonlight, subtly and purely illuminating the dark world, felt ethereal.

Amidst the rising warm breaths, she exhaled the remnants of the abyss. She had spent too long with Moon Ji-hyuk. They had attended a prestigious boarding school together in the United States, and everything had started on the night of their graduation party, accompanied by Debussy’s Clair de Lune.

Moon Ji-hyuk had been her only friend, lover, and spouse.

Small things were intricately connected in the corners of her mind. Looking back, she realized she had never properly parted ways with Moon Ji-hyuk. Farewells were usually just new beginnings, and divorces were considered stepping stones for reconnection. Even though she knew it couldn’t work out.

Go-yeo wasn’t the melodramatic heroine who parted ways lamenting fate. Yet, her eyes inexplicably grew warm. Shouldn’t she be tired of this by now?