The Season I Loved You Without You - Chapter 27

CHAPTER 27

In the study, Sang-moon, who was reading a book, raised his head at the sound of a knock. Yeong-ran hesitated before entering the study.

“May I have a word?” 

Sang-moon silently placed the book on the desk, gesturing for her to speak, and quietly observed Yeong-ran. Though his expression seemed somewhat cool and indifferent, Yeong-ran was not uncomfortable, knowing that was his usual demeanor. She was merely cautious about broaching a topic he might be sensitive about. Sitting across from him at the desk, Yeong-ran spoke.

“It’s about Go-yeo. Rumors keep circulating. Should we just ignore them?”

Without much surprise, Sang-moon furrowed his brow. Nevertheless, she proceeded to say what needed to be said.

“While Go-yeo and I were at the department store, we met Director Moon. He was with Jo Yoon-young, the daughter of Jo Hee-chang. It seems they’re about to get married. Director Moon mentioned they came to buy a gift for Chairman Moon Joo-pyeong.”

Despite the darkness of the rumors, Yeong-ran knew about Jo Yoon-young’s background and Yun Seung-ok’s affection for her even before Go-yeo’s marriage. 

“Even if malicious rumors about Go-yeo fade with time, what about her reputation? Even if Go-yeo chooses to turn a blind eye, we can’t just let it go. Do you know how much people talk when we go out? Just because you stay silent doesn’t mean I can. “

Sang-moon tilted his head defiantly as if he wouldn’t bend from his original intention.

“But we don’t need to act according to their wishes. Don’t you know that I believe in what I want to believe, regardless of what is true?”

“I know. I understand. But even though I know that, please don’t treat me like those people. If it’s Go-yeo’s biological mother, would you have stayed silent like this? You wouldn’t have. I know you still haven’t forgotten Go-yeo’s mom. I understand that. But Go-yeo’s situation is different. I may not be her mother, but I care about her a lot. So please let me do something!”

Yeong-ran, who was usually not easily excited, became a little agitated as she spoke. Then, looking at Sang-moon with determination, she continued.

“I really hope Go-yeo meets someone good and be happy.”

Sang-moon was surprised by this side of Yeong-ran he hadn’t seen before. He had always thought of her as gentle and fragile. A person to be thankful for and sorry for. A woman who chose to block her parents’ incessant pressure to remarry. To fill the position of a wife for Wushin. So he hadn’t thought she would wish for Go-yeo’s happiness so fervently. Now he wondered if he had trimmed and molded Yeong-ran to fit into his own image.

He knew that the relationship between Go-yeo and Yeong-ran was awkward, but he considered it unavoidable. Forcing them would have been torture for both Go-yeo and Yeong-ran. But not ignoring them altogether. They could have played a bridging role and become closer. But what was the use now?

“If Go-yeo wants to meet someone new, I’ll let her, but she’s not an ordinary person either. It won’t be easy.”

“Go-yeo can be happy on her own, but I think now is the time she needs someone new by her side.”

Yeong-ran couldn’t bring herself to tell Sang-moon everything, but in her eyes, the look that Moon Ji-hyuk directed at Go-yeo seemed dangerous and unsettling. No matter how much she thought about it, those calls and messages must have been from Director Moon. She didn’t want Go-yeo to be hurt again.

‘I know Grandma treated you quite harshly, but how did you feel? How did it make you feel?’

Go-yeo’s question, asked out of the blue, lingered in her mind. Could it be the reason she seemed so exhausted after the divorce? Sang-moon seemed to know to some extent, even though she hadn’t told him. What use is it to feel disappointed now? She realized that she had thought so herself.

Since that day, Yeong-ran actively sought to get to know people behind the scenes. Mr. Wushin’s mother suddenly became more active to the extent that it seemed strange to those around her. There were no conditions. Just someone who grew up in a stable and happy household, who knew how to give and receive love. 

Someone who could love Go-yeo wholeheartedly.

* * *

After hearing Go-yeo say he didn’t need to work on weekends, Ga-eul visited the hospital for the first time in a long while. Hee-sook still smiled brightly, but she seemed visibly tired from her illness.

“Why did you come? You must be busy…”

Hee-sook smiled broadly at Ga-eul. Ga-eul, too, showed a bright smile toward Hee-sook.

Ga-eul didn’t particularly like the phrase ‘if only,’ but lately, he found himself thinking about it often. If only he weren’t an ordinary person, if only he were as great as Hee-sook, if only he were that person… He entertained impossible scenarios. Afterward, a deeper sense of emptiness would wash over him, but he couldn’t help it.

It felt like he had some kind of misconception when he entered her very personal space, her bedroom. They lay on the bed, facing each other without speaking. Just looking at each other, taking in every detail. Even that made his chest ache. He smiled softly, and Go-yeo smiled back. He embraced Go-yeo naturally, and Go-yeo welcomed his warmth willingly. They moved slowly in the embrace of each other’s arms. Their eyes met, and their bodies gently collided, quietly warming up.

He caressed Go-yeo’s flushed face as if it were precious. Go-yeo’s hand intertwined with his. After the quiet lovemaking, Go-yeo fell asleep in his arms. He fell asleep slowly, intoxicated by the warmth. Then, in the early dawn, he heard a soft sigh from Go-yeo’s lips.

‘Ji-hyuk…’

Desolation. A feeling of falling endlessly into the abyss. It felt like that for a moment. But he had approached her with a trite phrase like ‘Use me’ first, so indulging in such thoughts was a luxury.

“Brother!”

A lively voice dispelled the heavy atmosphere around the two. Eun-jae approached Ga-eul and Hee-sook cheerfully.

“Oh, Anna’s here too.”

Eun-jae was walking arm in arm with her favorite older sister, Anna. Anna was as fresh and lively as an unopened bud in early spring. Her pastel colors matched her innocence and neat appearance, making her captivating. Her crescent-shaped smile was impressive.

“Hello. So Ga-eul’s here too.” 

Anna’s bright and cheerful voice echoed in the hospital room, lifting the spirits of everyone, including other patients in the same room.

Ga-eul smiled faintly and rose from his chair. 

“I was going to come with Sister Agnes, but I had work that day. Today, after going to church with Eun-jae, she said she was going to the hospital, so I came along.”

Anna smiled and handed a fruit basket to Hee-sook. 

“Oh, why did you buy something like this? You didn’t have to.”

“I hope you get well soon. That’s why we’re all going to the church together.”

Hee-sook sincerely rejoiced and laughed with vitality. 

“Okay, I will. Thank you so much. Please, sit down for now.”

Eun-jae placed the basket on the windowsill and fetched drinks from the cabinet, handing one to Anna. Anna accepted the drink and observed Ga-eul conversing with Hee-sook.

It was Anna’s first time seeing Ga-eul in a long time since she ran into him while passing by in the neighborhood during his vacation before he was discharged from the military. Although Anna often contacted him, they hadn’t had a long conversation. Therefore, initiating contact at first felt awkward. Still, she decided to let go of her disappointment for today.

“You bought such pretty fruit, just like Anna.”

When Hee-sook asked Eun-jae to wash strawberries, Ga-eul volunteered to do it. Anna also volunteered to help wash them.

Arriving at the makeshift kitchen in the hospital corridor, Ga-eul began washing strawberries in the bowl Hee-sook prepared. 

“Here, let me do it. You have to wash the stem part of the strawberry like this.”

Quietly watching from the side, Anna spoke freshly as she transferred them to a larger bowl. She gently washed the strawberries so they wouldn’t bruise.

“Busy with work these days?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you rest on weekends?”

“It varies.”

Anna already knew that his personality wasn’t particularly warm towards others, but she couldn’t help feeling a little hurt by Ga-eul’s very dry tone. She wished he would respond a bit more kindly.

“I see.”

Anna extended the end of her sentence as she transferred the washed strawberries into a bowl and shook off the excess water. Ga-eul, who had been silently watching it, hurriedly took out his phone at the vibration sound. He frowned at the spam call. There were no missed calls or messages.

“Are you waiting for a call?”

Anna glanced at Ga-eul’s condition and cautiously asked.

“No.”

Since Go-yeo had told him to rest today, it was natural not to receive any calls. She usually kept her word once she said something. But just in case.

Anna looked anxiously at Ga-eul, who still couldn’t take his eyes off his phone.

“Do you keep in touch with your classmates? Since you’ll be returning to school soon, wouldn’t it be less awkward to contact them in advance?”

Anna blurted out the words, feeling a strange unease.

“Classmates? No.”

Ga-eul replied as if wondering what nonsense was being spoken.

“Oh. Don’t you have close classmates?”

Anna chuckled, relieved.

“I felt a little awkward when I returned from studying abroad.”

“I see.”

Ga-eul nodded formally in response. He thought it wouldn’t be difficult for Anna to adapt, as he always saw Anna surrounded by people whenever he saw her at school.

“With the change in grades and classes, I’m worried I won’t be able to see the friends I used to hang out with often.”

Ga-eul didn’t have anyone he exchanged contacts with unless they were classmates who contacted him out of necessity. So, there was no one with whom he could use the expression “hang out.” He had occasionally contacted high school friends and met them in the neighborhood, but even that felt like a waste of time and money, so it didn’t last long.

Perhaps that’s why he was influenced by the tranquility emanating from Go-yeo. Abundance that even affected the people around her. So, when he was with her, he found himself focusing more on his emotions, freeing himself from the things he suppressed. However, that didn’t always turn out to be a good thing.

He had always lived diligently and conscientiously, but in front of her, he felt diminished by that fact. It wasn’t just his physical exhaustion. The feeling of insignificance he felt when he only received things from her was subtly revealed, and he noticed it and blocked it early on.

That didn’t mean his feelings had changed. He hoped to become a close presence to her, even while facing his diminishing self so plainly. Pathetically so.

He continued to exert himself diligently in everything, and that momentum also made his heart sincere toward her. Sadly, the ending was already predetermined, but he couldn’t help it.