The Season I Loved You Without You - Chapter 20
CHAPTER 20
Ga-eul glanced briefly at Go-yeo looking out the window from the side of the car and then turned his gaze forward again. Go-yeo’s expression hardened when she saw the man. The parting was not yet over. He couldn’t even dare to judge something in an area he didn’t know. He just hoped the boss would be okay, that’s all he could think of.
The two people who were together fit together like perfect puzzle pieces, and the air surrounding them when they were together had an imposing aura that couldn’t be easily approached.
The man with the boss’ tears. He remembered her quietly crying in the car. And he remembered the picture of the two of them laughing side by side.
“Boss, I’m sorry.”
He remembered the expression of the man looking at that picture. He looked oddly excited. Did he do something wrong?
Go-yeo who had been looking out the window all along tilted slightly towards Ga-eul. As if asking what’s wrong. Ga-eul grabbed the steering wheel.
“When you left your seat earlier, I found a picture between the books. At that time, that person came and saw the picture. I touched the book for no reason…”
“…I’m sorry.”
So that’s what happened. A calm response came out, but then a small sigh followed. At that moment, that day, the picture looked too beautiful to discard. She felt too insignificant for still hesitating whether to throw away that picture back then. Now she had to let go of him, and of herself back then.
“I miss the sea. Let’s go to the sea.”
Beyond midnight, Ga-eul changed the destination. Go-yeo closed her eyes.
* * *
Ji-hyuk finished his shower and sat in front of the window wearing a robe. The garden was visible below the bedroom. He closed his eyes for a moment.
Go-yeo was talking with friends, wearing a school uniform that fit perfectly under the tree. He had heard that there were two more Koreans besides himself at the American boarding school, but he had only seen the others passing by, and Go-yeo was someone he saw for the first time. The sunlight shining through the shadows fell on her face, and her laughter sounded as soft as scales.
Unlike his abrupt adjustment to studying abroad, she seemed to get along well with her friends. Just because she was Korean, and because she seemed more mature than her peers, and because she was beautiful. So he looked for her everywhere he went. He naturally always thought of her. He exchanged greetings with her for the first time when they took the same class the next semester.
That was all it took. He realized he liked her. Under the pretext of being friends, he circled around Go-yeo, and then asked her to be his prom date, spending that night together.
Debussy’s moonlight flowed from the speakers, her long hair scattered on the sheets, the warm kiss, Go-yeo blushing, the hesitant but pulling hands, the first awkwardness. The morning greeted them as they tickled each other’s feet. He remembered the youthful and refreshing Go-yeo.
Go-yeo and he argued quite often over trivial matters. They broke up for some reason at first. But he remembered waiting under Go-yeo’s apartment in Manhattan, New York, just to meet her again. When she saw him, she ran towards him and hugged him tightly.
They talked about marriage and thought about their child. Go-yeo said, ‘Let’s raise our child in a place with a garden.’ She often laughed while talking about her childhood with her mother.
He hoped his child would smile like that when having thoughts of their mother. It could have happened soon. But there was no one in his garden now.
“.….”
He opened his eyes and read the message that had just arrived. It was from Ahn Pil-jo, Yun Seung-ok’s handyman, cleaning up after his mother’s shit. It was a report that Go-yeo had come down from the penthouse of the Hamilton Hotel with someone who looked like a model a few days ago. It was mentioned that they couldn’t take a photo inside the hotel.
Ji-hyuk smirked. Whether Ahn Pil-jo was incompetent or his mother was satisfied with such information. It was a well-known fact that Go-yeo often shopped at the penthouse of the Hamilton Hotel.
Ahn Pil-jo sold information to both his mother and himself. He was not a godly person. Of course, he was convenient to use to a certain extent.
What Yun Seung-ok ordered Ahn Pil-jo to do was to follow Go-yeo and involve someone suitable to create a scandal, and what Ji-hyuk ordered him was to give him that information first and not disclose that he would meet Go-yeo.
Since the model’s name was not known, it was ambiguous to create a scandal, and they would wait until they found a suitable target.
Ji-hyuk knew that the article written by Yun Seung-ok was for him. To tarnish her reputation so that she wouldn’t get involved with him again and to show that Go-yeo’s heart had moved on. He smirked and deleted the message.
“You have a subtly innocent side.”
That’s why he hadn’t been able to get rid of Yun Seung-ok until now. Since that lingering feeling eventually drove Go-yeo away, there was no need to hesitate anymore. The woman who held onto him and cried had now become a person wrapped up in pride and ambition.
Now the problem was Jo Yoon-young. Even if he touched her pride, she didn’t flinch. He remembered what happened a few days ago.
Ji-hyuk took Yoon-young to the hotel to show Seung-ok. It was a procedure to show that he still followed her intentions. Contrary to what Seung-ok knew, Yoon-young was not dignified and innocent. She must have deceived well, but that was fine anyway. He thought it was better to be somewhat cautious. Such a person could take care of her interests without feeling any guilt.
After entering the room, Yoon-young and Ji-hyuk had a drink each. Later, Yoon-young, who had showered, approached Ji-hyuk sitting in the chair, slowly undoing her gown and leaned down to kiss him. Yoon-young’s aggressive kiss felt awkwardly sloppy. Was it just because of that? He felt no excitement whatsoever.
Ji-hyuk tried to match the rhythm of the kiss, but when there was no further response, Yoon-young removed her gown altogether. The gown fell to the floor, and the afternoon sun, which had not yet set, flooded the room completely. Despite Yoon-young’s explicit femininity, Ji-hyuk’s indifferent eyes only seemed to unsettle her more.
Boldly, Yoon-young reached for Ji-hyuk’s belt. Ji-hyuk continued to sip his drink leisurely, looking down at Yoon-young sitting below him as if encouraging her to continue. The hand that was unfastening the belt paused. Eventually, with determination to achieve her goal, the trembling hand moved to explore the area below.
“What to do. He doesn’t seem to respond.”
Ji-hyuk chuckled and gestured toward himself.
“What should you do then?”
Ji-hyuk leaned down, looking closely at Yoon-young’s flushed face.
“Why are you so obsessed, unexpectedly?”
“That’s how it is. You’ll eventually have to marry me.”
Yoon-young glared at Ji-hyuk.
“Oh, really.”
His sluggish response seemed to embarrass Yoon-young even more, so she quickly put her gown back on.
“You’ve always been destined to marry me. It was supposed to be my place if it weren’t for Han Go-yeo.”
“Is there no one else capable of holding the reins like me?”
Yoon-young chuckled and then regained her composure to speak confidently.
“Not only that. I already told you earlier, right? I like Mr. Moon Ji-hyuk.”
“What’s the big deal? If it’s sincere, it’s hardly an exhilarating confession.”
As Ji-hyuk finished reminiscing, he pondered what to do with Jo Yoon-young. This kind of response was troublesome. He didn’t care whether it was sincere or not, but if she continued to cling to him endlessly because she liked him so much, he needed to find another solution.
As far as he knew, Yoon-young had no other men around her. He didn’t know if she was extremely cautious, but he needed to find out more. Instead of the incompetent Ahn Pil-jo, he contacted his own person.
Once again, Ji-hyuk thought of Go-yeo out of habit. His Go-yeo, whom he saw after a long time, was still beautiful and dangerous.
Han Go-yeo who dominates Ji-hyuk. So damn Han Go-yeo.
He knew what had angered her. He hadn’t even loved her desperate gaze. Even in that situation, his reaction to only Han Go-yeo was not only dishonest but also insolent.
She might have seen him and Yoon-young at the hotel that day, but Han Go-yeo needed to understand why Ji-hyuk had acted that way. They are still in progress, and it’s not over, and Han Go-yeo knew that better than anyone.
So he wants her to wait a little longer. Until he takes down Yun Seung-ok and until he’s not swept away with her.
* * *
Incheon’s seaside with the red lighthouse. The pre-dawn sea breeze was cold and biting. Go-yeo adjusted her coat collar and walked towards the deck leading to the lighthouse. The waves crashed white against the shore, repeating their cycle of breaking and receding.
The idea of ‘taking it as a part of your body’ was an absurd thought. That was wrong of her Dad. Her mom’s death had filled one part of her Dad’s heart with love. But unless either he or Ji-hyuk died, it was evident that it would consume her entire being like a festering wound if left untreated.
Go-yeo remembered her racing heart as soon as she saw Ji-hyuk. Even reacting as if it were the owner of it seemed coarse, and she felt ridiculous for subconsciously leaning toward his words. To wait for the right moment and then to be with Ji-hyuk again. Was it worth going to such lengths to have Ji-hyuk, even if it meant dealing with Yun Seung-ok somehow?
It was simply a matter of finding different loves for each other. Although this premise had seemed entirely impossible, now it had to be made possible.
It was the last remaining photograph. At that time, they had smiled so happily, thinking that their doomed love would last forever. The burning photograph gradually distorted. Despite the fierce wind, she did not neglect to burn it. Its form disappeared gradually, swept away by the sea breeze. She let go of her hand.
She looked at the rippling, serene sea. The waters she had seen from the Han River must have come here. Thinking that the lingering waters of the Han River had scattered here, she felt familiar that a small part of her affectionate heart would be here.
Leaning against the wooden railing, she absentmindedly watched the yearning waves. Amidst the sounds of crashing waves, she heard a faint creaking of the deck. Turning her head, she saw Ga-eul standing there.
“You’ve been gone too long.”
Go-yeo turned her head back to the sea. Ga-eul approached her. He wrapped a scarf around her neck.
“The weather’s gotten really cold.”
“Yeah. It’s chilly.”
“…Are you having a hard time?”
Go-yeo looked up at Ga-eul with a cautious question. Strangely, seeing his face, she felt a sudden urge to cry.
“Well…”
Her voice trembled. Despite her words, beneath the dim lighting, Go-yeo’s eyes seemed to be welling up with tears. Ga-eul reached out his hand but stopped midway. He turned his back against the biting wind and shielded her. As Go-yeo’s head drooped, tears began to fall heavily to the ground.
In the end, Ga-eul couldn’t resist reaching out his hand. He gently pulled Go-yeo into his embrace. Her body in his arms felt delicate and fragile like a flower. She was carrying such heavy sorrow. Her trembling body was heartbreaking. It was a sorrow that he couldn’t comfort easily.