The Season I Loved You Without You - Chapter 19 - Slight R19

CHAPTER 19

“Ah.”

Ji-hyuk nodded as if he didn’t know, put the card in, and then smirked before lightly tapping Ga-eul’s shoulder.

“I apologize for this. Good attitude.”

With a dignified response, he turned and sat on the couch, crossing his long legs.

Ga-eul clenched his fists. The task given to him was to wait, and Go-yeo instructed him to wait there. He had clearly expressed his refusal, so it was fine.

But seeing the man confidently occupying the space made him doubt if he should even be there. There were many reasons to be here, but he felt like he shouldn’t be here. Perhaps it was his problem of keenly realizing that the man had deemed his presence here unacceptable.

That man found him unpleasant.

Ga-eul sat back in his original seat, across from the man. And like before, he continued to work through the problem. In the narrow space, the only sound was the scratchy noise left by the passing sharp pencil marks.

He felt the gaze of the man sitting across from him. Tap. His heart skipped a beat. He couldn’t lift his head.

The reason he liked math was that problems and solutions were straightforward, and had patterns, and if the proposition was accurate, so was the conclusion. And the thrill that came from solving difficult problems. The definite sense of self-improvement.

But now, these letters and numbers being written felt more challenging than anything. Perhaps because his mind was filled with unclear things.

The desire for questions about himself that he couldn’t answer and rebellion that he had never had in his teens. But also a sense of powerlessness against himself. Even though he was looking at the clearest thing, his mind was only getting more complicated.

His hand, which used to write down equations neatly, was shaking, and the spacing between the lines was uneven. It felt strange as if the man’s gaze was piercing through him. Is that what happens when you reach that age? When he lifted his head, he met the gaze of the person who was also casually looking at him.

“Ah. It’s fascinating to see things like this.”

The not-so-surprising sigh and the lazy voice suited him well.

Ji-hyuk grinned and observed Ga-eul seriously with his arms crossed. Ga-eul thought he shouldn’t have lifted his head, but he silently endured his gaze.

If there was power in a gaze, it felt like it could pierce him to death. When he saw a similar picture of him earlier and felt miserable, there was a strange desire in his eyes that came and went. But now, his gaze seemed indifferent, as if looking at any object in space. Despite the clear disregard, he didn’t want to bend his feelings towards him.

The pencil lead broke and came out several times. By the time he couldn’t even fill half the amount that could be solved, he heard noisy sounds from the corridor. Inaudible laughter and chatter. The glass door swung open, revealing Go-yeo and Ji-yeon.

“What’s this…”

Go-yeo evaluated this strange combination quite critically.

Moon Ji-hyuk and Yoon Ga-eul. They were not people you often saw together.

“Hello, Go-yeo.”

Ji-hyuk nodded at Go-yeo, speaking slowly.

“What are you doing?”

It was an irritated voice.

“I came because I wanted to see you. And there are things to discuss.”

Go-yeo’s irritation at Ji-hyuk’s seemingly unnecessary ease compared to her own tension showed clearly on her face. It was uncomfortable for her ex-husband to invade her space so casually. It was like magic to be forced back into her usual state with just one step.

“We can talk while we’re all together. I don’t mind.”

A smug, relaxed smile. A sudden surge of anger rose in her heart at his always relaxed attitude. Her eyes heated up. Whether then or now, Moon Ji-hyuk was the only one who could make her lose her composure.

Ji-yeon, who had grasped the situation, frowned and called out to Ga-eul. Ga-eu glanced at her and quietly followed. Go-yeo couldn’t take her eyes off Ji-hyuk to see Ga-eul. She chose to breathe carefully, not to act childishly.

“…Die. Just die.”

But the words spat out without hesitation only intensified the emotions.

The horrific sense of betrayal she felt when she saw him with Jo Yoon-young at the hotel, the humiliation she felt from Yun Seung-ok, wondering if even he was ignoring her, all mingled into a thick swamp that swallowed Go-yeo.

If only he would die so she couldn’t see him anymore. If only he had left her alone. Please, just do something to him.

She poured out her inexplicable resentment towards Ji-hyuk, hitting his cheek with all her might and then punching him as if he were her enemy.

Go out and die. Don’t appear in front of her.

Ji-hyuk didn’t avoid or stop Go-yeo’s weak resistance. And when her outburst subsided a little, he carefully took both of her hands and pulled her. He laid her down on the couch, covered her underneath, and kissed her. It started cautiously, but their kisses became overwhelming and rough enough to clash their teeth against each other. Holding her hands, when Go-yeo struggled, he held her chin and made her look at him.

“Yeah. I understand. But not now.”

Tears welled up in Go-yeo’s reddened eyes. As the swollen barrier burst, tears streamed down her cheeks.

Ji-hyuk silently watched her for a moment, then kissed her eyelids and kissed her again. The kisses became more intense. The warmth felt on swollen lips was hot. It was sticky and a kiss of desire and longing for each other.

He hadn’t intended to seek out Go-yeo for this. But he was angry at Go-yeo’s resistance to his touch and wanted to leave his mark on her. So that no one could surpass him.

His hand gripped Go-yeo’s chest tightly, filling it with an overly familiar sensation, perhaps even tinged with boredom. But Go-yeo knew she would soon succumb to it. It didn’t feel strange to her when Ji-hyuk’s hand, which had been wandering near her thigh, felt the hardness there.

As he pulled up the hem of her long dress, her white thigh was revealed. The hand that had been on her thigh wandered near the black lace underwear.

Ji-hyuk glanced down at Go-yeo, who was panting, and lowered his zipper. Again, mixing his tongue with Go-yeo’s, he brought out his own. He grasped his own with one hand and shook it. Ji-hyuk’s warm breath grazed Go-yeo’s chin and neck, accompanied by a low sigh. With her neck moistened, traces of his heat were scattered on Go-yeo’s white thigh.

Go-yeo felt the weight pressing down on her. With her hands now free, she covered her face and cried silently. Ji-hyuk gently lowered Go-yeo’s hands again, kissed her cheeks and neck, then got up and wiped away his traces left on her exposed thighs with a handkerchief. After wiping his hands clean, he leaned back on the sofa. His own was still standing tall. He smirked, pulled out a cigarette, and lit it.

“…Go-yeo, just wait a little. You’ll return to your place soon.”

Go-yeo cried and laughed at his words.

Stuck with Jo Yoon-young. The crazy bastard.

Moon Ji-hyuk was a lost cause beyond comparison, even with himself. What was he thinking? They’re already done, but to say she’ll return to her original place. There was no such thing in the first place.

Han Go-yeo was just Han Go-yeo. She didn’t want to live as someone’s daughter-in-law or wife. Moon Ji-hyuk was the man she liked, just a person from MMK.

Now, it wasn’t love, but just obsession. Just a desire to possess, unresolved emotions, and countless entangled feelings from mixing their bodies.

She stood up, straightened her lifted skirt, and fixed her hair. She wiped her eyes and put on her fallen-off shoes. She quietly took the cigarette Ji-hyuk was smoking and puffed on it. Then she spat out the smoke toward him.

“…Ji-hyuk, we have no future.”

Ji-hyuk took the cigarette from Go-yeo again and smoked it. He brushed his slightly disheveled hair and chuckled.

“No way. You can’t live without me.”

Go-yeo smirked, took Ji-hyuk’s cigarette, and put it on the table.

“That remains to be seen.”

If Yun Seung-ok didn’t interfere, Han Go-yeo thought she could live well with Moon Ji-hyuk. But today, she wondered if their divorce was really because of Yun Seung-ok.

Ji-hyuk affectionately brushed Go-yeo’s hair aside and took her hand that had just slapped his cheek. Then, he gently kissed her palm. Until Ji-hyuk left, Go-yeo didn’t look back.

In the dimly lit office after sunset, Go-yeo sat there motionless. Ji-yeon came in the middle and announced that everyone was leaving. After sending Ji-yeon, she was left alone, doing nothing but just sitting there.

How much time had passed? Go-yeo stood up and approached the window. When she pulled the blinds aside, she saw the sparsely populated streets of Cheongdam-dong on a Friday night. Leaning against the window frame, she looked at the silent street.

What does she want?

She felt like a ship lost in the vast ocean, drifting alone. The ship moved and swayed as the waves hit it, not knowing where it was going. It just continued. The ship whispered to the waves, begging them to stop. When the waves calmed down, the ship no longer swayed, but it missed the waves. As much as the waves hit, it thought of him.

Go-yeo took a book from the shelf. Among them, she took out a photo tucked inside and put it in her bag. When she turned her head for no reason, she saw unfamiliar books where Ga-eul had been sitting.

“Oh.”

She had completely forgotten about his presence. Was he still waiting? Today, she should just tell him to go home. Thinking that he might still be waiting made her feel uncomfortable.

The lights were still on in the conference room. Quietly opening the door and going in, she found him lying on the desk, fast asleep. It was almost midnight. Despite the heating being turned off, he was here in this chilly place until this hour.

‘You could have just left.’

Go-yeo sat next to him and looked at his sleeping face. A handsome man with a pure desire, like a boy. She looked at him wordlessly for a while. She tapped the table gently. His eyelashes fluttered slightly. His black pupils appeared and disappeared.

A lovely smile hung on his lips as if he was dreaming of something nice. She smiled gently at the unexpected beauty attack. After hesitating for a moment, she lightly held the tip of his pale, long finger and shook it.

Their drowsy eyes met, and their intertwined fingers felt a faint force. As they looked at each other, their fingers remained intertwined. He still hadn’t let go of her hand. Neither had she. She didn’t mind the warmth he gave. His appearance, still waiting there, wasn’t bad at all.

Ga-eul smiled lightly, like a puddle of water, his smile was as fresh as spring, and it seemed to embody a purity she didn’t possess.