The Breakup Between You and Me - Episode 1

Episode 1

“I embraced Se-hyuk, my hands trembling, and nuzzled my face against the nape of his neck, my eyes tightly shut, and sensing the perspiration on his skin.”

 ‘Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I pressed my lips together, feeling a blush of embarrassment, and Se-hyuk, who loomed over me, softly grazed my lips with his own.

“Ah… That’s uncomfortable!”

The sensation came to a sudden halt in response to the pain I expressed. When I mustered the courage to open my eyes, I found his deep black pupils fixed on me, leaving no doubt that he had no intention of stopping. 

I couldn’t help but think that he should have given me a heads-up before we embarked on our intimate encounter. His generous hand gently grazed my forehead, and I swallowed nervously.

With an expression on his face that hinted at a fervent, almost maddening love, his deep, obsidian eyes remained fixed on me as though he didn’t want to miss a single moment. 

I quivered as I observed his pupils traveling down, exploring his forehead, eyes, nose, and mouth.

“I haven’t started moving yet, so please relax,” he reassured me.

He says through clenched teeth as if his p*nis is about to break. Se-hyuk’s jaw clenched in pain.  This is my first time, so I don’t know what to do.

I regret not being more prepared; perhaps then I wouldn’t have to subject him to this level of discomfort. I could sense his pain more acutely than my own.

And I had no doubt that he could feel my discomfort too. The warmth on his face appeared genuine, for it was the first time he had laid eyes on me.

Upon closer inspection, I noticed that he was trembling, and his face appeared even more anxious. I held onto his neck more tightly, my gaze exploring his flushed countenance.

His breath was uneven against the nape of my neck. It hurt, as if my body were on the verge of breaking, yet it carried an oddly pleasurable sensation. The part of me connected to him twinged at the prospect of merging fully with him.

“I’m not finished yet,” he declared.

Surprise widened my eyes, causing my face to flush with a vivid shade of crimson, and my eyelids to flutter. Summoning my courage, I gazed downward.

I was amazed, realizing that Se-hyuk had been correct. When I laid eyes on his substantial size p*nis, fear welled up within me. The thought of that intimidating presence entering me was enough to make me recoil, and I released my hold on his neck, retreating.    

“What’s the matter, does it hurt?” he asked.

“If you put all of that in, I’ll feel like I’m going to die,” I confessed.

He chuckled, and his p*nis shifted slightly, bringing tears to my eyes.

“Don’t worry, you won’t die,” he reassured me.

‘………….’

I wept, using my slender fingers to brush away the tears.

“I won’t insert all of it for you,” he promised.

Se-hyuk had mentioned before that his p*nis size was slightly larger than average, and I had assumed it was a jest. Now, I realized he had been telling the truth.

I couldn’t fathom why the discomfort persisted even though he remained still. I kept trying to ease myself onto him, feeling a tingling sensation in my lower abdomen.

My thoughts were scattered as my senses were overwhelmed by the intensity of the moment. I came to realize that s*x was a far more sensual and exposed experience than I had ever imagined.

“I’ll start moving,” he informed me.

“Ouch! No! Mmph!” I gasped, drawing in a breath but struggling to release it. My entire body tensed, and the world around me seemed to fade into silence.

“Phew!” he exhaled.

Upon awakening, I inhaled deeply.

Inhaling deeply, I ran my fingers through my hair, aching throughout my entire body from the dream.

My mental anguish surpasses the physical. In the dream, I find myself at the age of 22, shivering. Is this longing for that time the cause?

This recurring dream persists, and strangely, I welcome it. I’m trapped in the day when he loved me. While I could grow accustomed to it, my body invariably aches afterward.

Did he ever think of me? A bitter laugh escaped my lips. I would sever ties with someone with my own hands if he missed me. It’s almost unbelievable.

The intrusion of a musty odor jolted me back to the present, prompting me to cast a hurried glance at my phone.

“Drat, I’m running behind schedule!”

I sprang out of bed and hastily bundled up my comforter before shoving it into the corner. I didn’t even own a dresser since I only used my home for sleeping. 

The urgency of my morning left me no time to dwell on my dream. In my rush to prepare for work, I pressed the boiler’s hot water button. Although it was spring and I could have settled for a cold shower, I preferred to avoid the extreme chill.

After a swift shower and blow-drying my hair, I sprinted to catch the bus, boarding it with the agility of a beanstalk.

Thankfully, I sighed, and in silence, I gazed out the window as the scenery rapidly receded. The day would whiz by, and I yearned for emotional detachment.

A deep breath escaped me. Not a single tree was in sight, and a premonition hinted at a long day ahead. I just managed to make it to work.

“Good morning?” someone greeted.

“How are you today?” asked another.

I’ve been employed at an architectural firm in Gaon for a few years now, and it happens to be run by my maternal uncle, who serves as the president.

“Could you prepare some coffee for me?” requested Kim, who was approaching her 30th birthday and had pledged to get married within the next year.

“Of course, I’ll ask the manager,” I replied.

A sigh escaped me when I realized she had actually requested that I join her in the director’s office as soon as I arrived.

“Alright, I’ll brew a cup of coffee for you once I return from the director’s office.”

My footsteps felt cumbersome as I stood resolutely before the director’s office, tucking a stray strand of hair behind my ear. With a knock on the door, I heard an impatient voice summoning me inside, as if I had been lingering there.

“Late again, aren’t you?” A stern female voice immediately assailed my ears as I entered, and the door closed firmly behind me. I focused my gaze on the woman seated behind the desk.

“Why do you consistently arrive late? Do you not value your job?”

I hadn’t arrived late, but I opted to remain silent, aware that attempting to explain myself would only provoke further ire.

“My father is the boss; you seem to act as if you own this company and can do as you please,” she accused.

The woman who had been glaring at her desk, growing increasingly agitated and ready to berate me, was none other than my cousin, Oh Sooyin. She was my maternal uncle’s daughter and, remarkably, we were the same age. Sooyin held a strong aversion towards me and held me in contempt.

“Don’t assume that I’ll extend any special courtesy just because we share a family connection. I don’t take after my father. If I were to take charge here, I’d have you terminated immediately!”

Rumors had circulated throughout the architectural office that she showed up at work primarily to make my life difficult and that she seemed to relish the opportunity to pounce on me whenever she laid eyes on me.

I couldn’t fathom why she harbored such animosity towards me, as I had never wronged her. If I were to inquire, she would likely embark on a tirade about how she had bullied me.

“I apologize, ma’am.”

“Make sure you understand that!” she retorted sternly.

I chose to offer my apologies. The silver lining in this situation was that Sooyin only graced the office with her presence three or four times a month.

Sooyin, the offspring of one of Korea’s most influential CEOs, and myself, an outsider who never completed college.

It didn’t require much contemplation for me to pick my stance. People who judged me without considering my worth had no impact on me. This was who I was; unlike in the past, I refused to be crushed by a harsh and relentless existence.

Upon exiting the room, I swiftly altered my expression, lifting the corner of my mouth. I remained unaffected.

A year ago, my maternal uncle assigned Sooyin, who had been idle and without a job, a prominent role within the company and instructed her to work. My cousin, whom I only encountered a few times annually, had been using me as a stress reliever since, much like a mouse’s relentless nibbling. But I didn’t mind.

I don’t have the luxury of caring, and I understand that when you’re as indifferent as a lifeless doornail, your reactions fade away.

“Get out!”

“Yes, ma’am.”

I recalled the initial occasion when Sooyin had begun working. I had cracked an unintended joke, which resulted in a public humiliation as she slapped me, and nobody had inquired about my well-being.

The logic behind this was painfully evident.

I could have chosen to walk away from this confrontation. Instead, I proceeded to the break room to prepare a cup of coffee for Ms. Kim. I shut my eyes tightly and then reopened them, steeling myself for what lay ahead.

Exhaustion weighed heavily on me, having only slept at the break of dawn the previous night. Although the sky seemed clear at a cursory glance, my mind felt muddled. When my phone began to vibrate, I fished it out of my pocket.

My previously tranquil heart now raced with anxiety. The persistent vibrations churned my stomach, but I had to confront whatever awaited.

“Hello?”

“It’s me, the caregiver,” came the voice on the other end.

“Yeah, how are you? Is there any issue?”

I clenched my phone tighter as she remained silent.

“Is something amiss?”

“I’m finding it increasingly challenging to care for your father. I’ve been unable to eat on time, and it’s been two months since you last paid me. It’s high time for the next payment.”

The caregiver has been looking after my dad for nearly three years, with the anniversary of her service approaching next month.

Last year, she had mentioned a need for extra money due to her family’s financial difficulties. When I didn’t respond, she threatened to quit, leaving me with no alternative but to provide the funds, as I relied on her assistance for my father.

Since then, she has repeated this request every two or three months, leaving me with no recourse but to comply. I can’t voice my grievances to the hospital, as my father, who has limited mobility, feels uncomfortable with new caregivers.

“I apologize; I should have been more attentive.”

Regrettably, I had no surplus funds. Every month, I had to allocate most of my money to cover my father’s hospital bills and outstanding debts, leaving me with very little to spare for transportation and food expenses.

I knew I should have given her at least 200,000 won. How would I manage to acquire the money at this point? I shook my head as I recollected my uncle, who had been the only one in the family to manage money wisely.

Apart from my father, I had never recklessly spent money. I realized that I needed to secure a part-time job soon. After assuring the caregiver that I would see her over the weekend, I ended the call.

I gazed at the wisps of steam curling up from the freshly brewed coffee and then proceeded to open the door to the restroom. As I approached Ms. Kim, I lifted the corner of my mouth.

“Ms. Kim, here’s your coffee.”

“Thank you.”

Ms. Kim had been exhibiting a relatively cheerful demeanor lately, and as a habitual gesture, she tidied the papers on her desk. Her mind was preoccupied with thoughts of what kind of part-time job could bring in a decent income.

“There’s a rumor going around that you’re seeking a part-time job?”

“A part-time job?”

“Yes. It’s true, I haven’t denied it; I’m in dire need of earning some extra money.”

“I’ll assist you in finding one.”

“What kind of part-time job is it, and what’s the pay?”

“I half-expected you’d ask if you could do it.”

Ms. Kim couldn’t help but wonder what this was all about.

“I’ve recently struck a good deal with a lawyer. We were supposed to meet tomorrow, but it just crossed my mind that we have dinner plans tonight. It’s at the restaurant in the Grand Hotel.”

“Am I permitted to leave?” I inquired, attempting to sound cheerful by raising my voice. My hair had turned gray and hadn’t been dyed in quite some time, revealing black roots with a brown hue underneath.

“Well, since you’re attending the event anyway, feel free to go. I’ll give you 200,000 won.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

I couldn’t help but smirk at the agent as he withdrew four 50,000 won bills from his wallet. Six years ago, money hadn’t held much significance for me, but now it had become the top priority.

** * * * * * * **

The journey from work to the Grand Hotel proved to be quite demanding. After switching between subways and buses, I finally reached my destination and gazed at the Grand Hotel situated by the river.

In the past, before my life took a downturn, I had attended a few parties at this very hotel. Now, I walked through the hotel lobby, my disheveled hair pulled back into a tight ponytail.

“Excuse me,” a man hurried up behind me, colliding with my shoulder forcefully as he had failed to watch where he was going. My old, battered bag tumbled to the ground.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” I replied, brushing off the accident.

As I retrieved my bag from the floor, I found myself rooted to the spot, unable to take a step, my gaze fixed on the man’s back.

Or more precisely, it was focused on the delicate pink rose he held in his hand. As I observed the man hurrying away with that flower, a wistful smile crossed my face.

The sight of a man who appeared to be happily in love, just like the symbolism of a rose, welled up tears in my eyes.

A woman cherished by a man who briskly walks, fearing she might have to wait, must be exceptionally content.

Would I be happier now if I hadn’t broken away from him?

I wish I hadn’t become so fixated on money that I had to take someone else’s place. I wish I hadn’t found myself in such a daze at a luxurious five-star hotel.

In reality, I didn’t need any of that. What I truly longed for was the way he used to love me unconditionally.

But I recognized that it was too late, so I kept my words locked inside. I knew I would never see him again. He had made it clear that he was done with Korea and had no intentions of returning.

I didn’t even harbor the hope that he would come searching for me in Korea. It was then that I suddenly remembered the money I had stashed in the deepest drawer of my desk.

Over time, without indulging in coffee, I had been saving a few thousand won each month, and occasionally even tens of thousands. My goal was to amass enough over a decade to travel to America.

I longed to catch even a glimpse of him, just from a distance, in the hopes of finally shedding this relentless regret. I shook my head in an attempt to clear my thoughts.

Perhaps it was the dream that had stirred memories of him today. As I strolled into the lobby, I glanced at my phone to check the time.

“!”

Suddenly, my head shot up as I was returning my phone to my bag, and my eyes widened. I stood there in shock, momentarily breathless. My mouth fell open in astonishment, as if a massive weight had landed on my head, and my eyes darted wildly around.

My vision blurred, and my legs turned weak.

“Are you okay?” A concerned hotel employee, who had witnessed my distress, inquired as I trembled.

“I’m fine.”

Once I regained my composure and glanced around, the man who bore a striking resemblance to him had vanished. I had no idea what compelled me to enter the elevator.

The vividness of my dream must have driven me to hunt for him, causing me to mistake someone else for him. Even to me, it sounded ludicrous.

“Do you have a reservation?” inquired the restaurant employee. I weakly nodded in response, although her eyes scrutinized me from head to toe, a detail I couldn’t muster the energy to care about.

“Se-yeon Kim.”

“Uh, yeah. This way, please.”

I trailed behind her through the restaurant, and in the distance, I spotted the man I had seen earlier in the lobby. He was grinning broadly at a woman who exuded the scent of flowers, his gaze fixated on her pregnant belly.

Observing the pregnant woman, I overheard her say, “I want to have more than one child; I adore children.” I couldn’t determine whether it was because those words triggered a memory of something he had said in the past, or if it was simply envy for the woman who was cherished so deeply.

I was jolted back to reality when a staff member opened the door. I nearly welled up with tears in front of a stranger. With a polite bow, I entered as the staff member had instructed.

Upon my arrival, I had anticipated someone waiting for me, but they hadn’t arrived yet. I glanced around the vacant room for a while before taking a seat in a chair next to the table.

I placed my bag on the chair beside me and adjusted my attire. Straightening my back, I took a seat.

I waited for the man who never arrived, the minutes passing slowly. When boredom began to creep in, I cast a glance out of the window.

I couldn’t help but be captivated by the breathtaking view of the Han River. I rose from my chair and walked over to the window.

The Han River promenade was adorned with trees, their presence offering a soothing effect. The verdant foliage appeared to teem with vitality.

I observed the dark clouds gathering outside through the window. At that moment, I heard a gentle knock on the door, and I turned around.

“Sorry, I’m late.”

“Hi…” I hesitated, not even bothering to turn around. My eyes locked onto the man, and I instinctively brought a hand to my mouth.

“!”

My gaze darted around frantically. It wasn’t a mistake; the man who bore a striking resemblance to him on the first floor was indeed him.

“Oh, Se-hyuk?”

I closed my eyes tightly, hoping it was a mere illusion, but when I opened them again, the man standing in front of me was unmistakably Han Se-hyuk, the man I had left behind six years ago.

In a gesture of composure, he said, “Please, have a seat.”

Unlike me, he didn’t appear shocked or disconcerted in the slightest. It was as if he had anticipated my arrival. I sank into the chair, looking as though I might collapse at any moment.

Seeing him like this had been entirely unexpected, and my hands trembled with emotion.

“Uh, how can…?” I wanted to say that someone who should be in the United States was inexplicably standing here, but the words got stuck in my throat.

“I’m here to see Se-yeon Kim,” he calmly explained.

I didn’t require an explanation for why he was here. His eyes remained unnervingly steady, in stark contrast to my own that fluttered with emotions. I could sense his gaze scrutinizing me, searching through my head. His once affectionate look had undergone a significant transformation over the course of six years.

The kind-hearted man who had always prioritized my needs had metamorphosed into something resembling a creature emerging from a thorny thicket. It was as if he had grown thorns all over his body to keep me from getting too close. I gazed at him, rendered speechless.

“Did you just leave me behind to live like this?”

“……”

The words “like this” pierced my heart. Had I known he was coming, I would have gone to great lengths to present myself in a more appealing light.

I wished I hadn’t come out looking like this, unable to even lift a finger, as if ensnared in a spider’s web.

Six years had passed since I last saw him, and he had matured into a man. No, he held his head at a slight angle, exuding the aura of a rebellious bad boy. One corner of his mouth curled lazily, and I lowered my eyes, unable to meet his gaze.

“You must have expected me to turn out so great, didn’t you?” His mocking words transformed into thorns, piercing my heart.

“I suppose I’ve been paying the price for abandoning Se-hyuk.”

Instead of responding, I intertwined my fingers in my lap.

“How did you manage to get here?”

“Did you have a hard time on your way here?”

“It’s….”

I had been eager to ask when he had arrived in Korea.

“Someone I know had an urgent appointment, so I stepped in for her,” I explained.

“I see.”

He raised an eyebrow. “And you, attending a zen retreat like that?”

I decided not to mention that I was standing in for someone else or the fact that I had come here with the intention of doing good and earning money. Strangely, I still found myself concerned about offending the agent’s feelings, but I snapped back to reality.

“I understand. You’ve always had a preference for wealthy men, haven’t you?”

“……”

“It seems that hasn’t changed.”

The boomerang of those words I had thrown at him six years ago when we were entangled in a tumultuous relationship came back to haunt me: “Your house is broke, I prefer wealthy men, and I hate you because you’re poor!” At a glance, I saw him clad in an elegant suit and a watch that cost more than a car, while I was wearing a tattered blouse, cheap pants covered in fuzz, and the cleanest but worn-out heels I could find. Even my hair, its color fading from lack of dye, served as a stark contrast. I bitterly chuckled at the stark disparity; it felt as if an insurmountable line had been drawn down the middle of the table.

“Do you want to leave?” I proposed, suggesting that we depart from this situation. If I remained here any longer, I sensed that I might burst into tears, even in the most stifling of situations. He chuckled in disbelief.

“Go and get some food.”

“……”

“I don’t mind. It’s not as though you and I are going to sit down and eat together, is it?”

The man who had once been so sweet it seemed absurd, the man who could seemingly discern thoughts without uttering a word, the man who spoke cutting remarks with casual indifference.

I gathered my strength, determined not to reveal my emotional turmoil. The man, no longer possessing the ability to read my mind, rose slowly. I met his gaze and held his eyes. 

“……Yes, goodbye.”

Behind tears, I forced a smile, though my mouth corners twitched involuntarily. I nodded, thinking that if I were in his shoes, I wouldn’t want to share a meal with me either. As he walked out, and the door closed behind him, I watched his departing figure, and the tears I had been holding back cascaded down my cheeks.

With him gone and the door shut, I muttered to myself, “Are you crazy, Cha Se-yeon? What’s wrong with you? Get a grip.”

What did I expect from the man I had abandoned? Did I hope for a warm greeting and a handshake? I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand.

A knock at the door signaled the arrival of the food. I could feel the employee’s eyes on me, but I shamelessly looked up, feigning indifference.

As soon as the employee left, and I found myself alone, I released the tension in my back, which had been holding me upright. My hands trembled as I began slicing the meat. It was hard to believe I had encountered him again.

“Se-hyuk, I was happy to see you, even though I knew we had nothing left between us,” I mumbled to myself.

Blood dripped from my hands as I carefully sliced the meat into small pieces. I speared the shredded meat with my fork and put it in my mouth.

Although the dish should have been delightful, I couldn’t discern any flavors. I glanced out of the window and noticed that it had grown dark, with the world shrouded in obscurity.

Much like my own heart, I turned to my reflection, which appeared on the brink of tears, and resumed eating like a robot.

I reminded myself to focus on the 200,000 won. Yes, let’s just concentrate on the money.

My eyes hardened into an emotionless, stony gaze.