Once Love Begins - Chapter 17. Part 1

Chapter 17. Part 1

Once I was outside, I could finally breathe again. I found myself holding the back of my neck, choking back my gasps as the people around me began to stare. The biting cold wind brought me back to reality and I quickly lowered my hands, putting them in my pockets as if to hide them. Despite the icy weather that made my jaw quiver, my back was drenched in sweat.

I cautiously pulled out my right hand and looked at it. Nothing. Just a moment ago, in front of the hospital room, my palm had been covered in vivid red blood. The lingering, cold sensation of it made me shudder, so I roughly wiped my damp palm on my coat, rubbing until my skin felt raw. I kept scrubbing, not caring if it hurt.

I looked up at the hospital building and felt as if Hee-Young would rush out at any moment to kill me. The pressure of that thought was too much, so I quickly got into a taxi parked outside.

“Hannam-dong, please.”

I rolled down the window, hoping the fresh air would alleviate the suffocating feeling inside me.

“You must not feel the cold,” the driver asked, but his voice barely registered. Even if I heard him, I didn’t have the energy to respond. The wind whipped against my face, stinging as the taxi sped along.

When I didn’t reply, the driver cleared his throat awkwardly.

“Miss? Miss, we’ve arrived.”

“Oh, right.”

Even after the taxi stopped, I just sat there, motionless. The driver looked at me, squinting as if trying to figure out if I was drunk. I finally paid the fare and got out of the car.

“…”

I stood in front of the house for a long time, wondering why I had come here. I had made it to my in-laws’ house, but I couldn’t muster the courage to go inside. I thought about turning back, but then I remembered why I had come.

Steeling myself, I pressed the doorbell without any more hesitation.

I heard my mother-in-law’s surprised voice through the intercom.

“Oh, Yeonwoo, did you forget something?”

“…No,” I replied softly.

I couldn’t bring myself to meet her eyes as she came out to greet me, barefoot, all the way to the garden.

“Your hands are freezing. Is something wrong?” she asked, holding my hands tightly, worried about how cold they were. She told me to come in, but I pulled my hand away.

“Mother…”

“Yes? What is it?”

Her eyes sparkled with innocence, completely unaware of the turmoil inside me. In the night, she was like a bright, shining star—someone who had always been that to me. The thought of hurting her, of putting a scar on her heart, made my chest ache as if it were being torn apart.

“…I’m sorry…”

“What? I can’t hear you well. Let’s go inside; you’ll catch a cold.”

I shook my head frantically, tears welling up in my eyes until my mother-in-law’s face became blurry.

“I’m so sorry. Truly, I’m sorry…”

I hadn’t meant to cry, but the thought of hurting the one person who had always believed in me, who had always been a source of strength, made the tears flow uncontrollably.

“Yeonwoo, what’s wrong, dear?” she asked, her voice filled with concern as she pulled me into a comforting embrace, gently patting my back.

Sometimes, her embrace felt like a real mother’s—though I couldn’t remember my own mother’s touch, I often thought that if she were alive, she’d hold me just like this.

“Is this because of Kangjae?”

I neither confirmed nor denied it, instead, I took a step back. As I wiped my tears with the back of my hand, I could see the worry etched on her face, her hands wringing with anxiety.

“I came here to say I’m sorry.”

“…Yeonwoo.”

“I’m sorry,” I repeated, bowing my head, feeling the weight of those words pressing down on me.

I bent at the waist, bowing my head as low as possible.

Because of you, Mother, there were moments when my marriage was bearable, even enjoyable. I reached out and hugged her tightly.

“Please stay healthy.”

“Yeonwoo! Hey! Yeonwoo!”

My mother-in-law chased after me, calling out, trying to hold me back as I walked to the gate. I turned and gave her one last, full-hearted smile, hoping she would be happy. I wished for her happiness with all my might.

A little while later, I found myself at my grandfather’s house. Even as I looked at the garden I loved so much, I felt nothing. I just wanted to rest—I was so, so tired.

“Coming here at this hour without saying anything first, what’s going on?”

The familiar voice of my grandfather broke the silence as he approached, his tone tinged with concern.

As I grabbed the doorknob, it felt as if the edge had cut into my fingers, making me hesitate. But I couldn’t hesitate any longer.

When I opened the door, I saw my grandfather sitting at his Go board, deep in thought. He hadn’t expected my visit, and his eyes widened in surprise as he looked up.

“Grandfather…”

I hadn’t even said much, yet my jaw began to tremble uncontrollably. The sorrow that had been welling up inside me surged to my throat, threatening to spill over.

“What’s wrong?”

“Grandfa… ugh… Grandfather…”

I choked out, fighting back tears that were now impossible to hold in.

I didn’t want to cry, but the moment I saw his face, I broke down.

I fell to my knees on the floor, bowing my head and crying uncontrollably. I knew his heart wasn’t strong, that it couldn’t handle such shocks, but I couldn’t stop. The flood of emotions overwhelmed me, and I cried as if all the pain I’d been holding in had finally broken free.

“I… I want to get a divorce. I’m sorry, Grandfather, I’m so sorry,”

I stammered between sobs, struggling to get the words out as I cried, stopped, and cried again.

“What nonsense are you talking about!”

His voice boomed, a mixture of anger and shock that felt like thunder crashing around me.

“What do you mean? What are you thinking of doing!”

I swallowed my sobs, forcing them back down my throat, and looked up at him through tear-filled eyes. His face had gone pale, clearly shaken by what I had said. I crawled closer on my knees, grabbing onto his arm.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I want to leave him. Please, please help me end it.”

“Why! Why do you want to leave? Tell me why!” he demanded, his voice harsh but filled with concern.

“…”

“Is it because of that woman back then?”

“No!” I quickly denied it, shaking my head.

I shook my head frantically.

No, it wasn’t just because of Heeyoung. It was my fault for being too greedy, for wanting things that could never be. I realized now that I wanted to live my life on my own, without him. I had understood far too late that staying by his side would only bring me lifelong unhappiness. But at least I realized it now before it was too late. I had to leave before I lost any more of myself.

“Please, don’t ask me anything more. Just help me,”

I begged, tears streaming down my face.

My grandfather let out a deep, weary sigh.

“…Alright.”

“Thank you. I’m sorry, Grandfather.”

I had wanted to show him that I could live a good life, but now… Was this what it felt like for your heart to be torn to shreds?

“Go upstairs and rest,” he said softly.

I stood up, unsteady on my feet, and walked toward the living room. Mrs. Kim helped me up the stairs. I knew I should go to my room, but the thought of entering the space I had shared with him was unbearable. Instead, I found myself moving toward the balcony.

The garden, usually a place of comfort and joy for me, stretched out below, but now it felt cold and lonely. The place that once brought me peace now seemed haunted by the weight of my choices.

I sat down on the chair, pulling my knees up and burying my face in them.

“Sob… hic…”

It was over now. The thread that had tied me to Cha Kangjae, the love I had carried since childhood without even realizing it had begun, was finally cut.

* * *

“Yeonwoo? Yeonwoo?”

She wasn’t at home. Where on earth could she be?

All I could hear was the automated voice telling me her phone was off. Frustrated, I threw my coat onto the sofa. My usually neat hair was now a disheveled mess. I tried calling one of Ha Yeonwoo’s friends, but they said she wasn’t with them either.

The moment my phone rang, I answered immediately.

“Hello?”

– It’s me.

It was my mother. The tension in my shoulders eased slightly.

“Mother, if it’s not urgent…”

– Yeonwoo came by.

Hearing Yeonwoo’s name from my mother made me grip the phone tighter.

“Yeonwoo was there?”

– …Has Yeonwoo left? What’s going on between you two?

She told me that Yeonwoo had cried for a long time, apologizing repeatedly before she left.

“Mother, I’ll call you back.”

I didn’t even bother grabbing my coat as I rushed outside. I got in my car and headed straight for my grandfather’s house. Surely not… My mind was plagued with anxiety the entire drive.

There was only one place Ha Yeonwoo would hide and that was there. The image of her pale, desperate face kept flashing in my mind, so I rolled down the window, hoping the fresh air would clear my mind. But the fear only grew.

What was this feeling? Why had Yeonwoo gone to my mother to apologize and then left? Why was her phone off? None of it made sense, and the uncertainty gnawed at me.

As the pieces of the puzzle began to fall into place, they led me to a conclusion I didn’t want to accept.

I barely parked the car before jumping out and running toward the house. I rang the doorbell, but everything inside was eerily quiet. My mind had been in such chaos that I hadn’t noticed my surroundings until now.

“Ha Yeonwoo! Ha Yeonwoo! Open the door!”

There were security guards stationed around the house—not just one or two, but several. It was as if they were protecting something inside. One of them approached me as I kept pressing the bell.

“Ha Yeonwoo!”

I shouted, my voice straining to reach her, even though I knew my voice could never carry over the high walls surrounding the house. Even as the guards dragged me away, I kept calling out her name, desperately hoping she could hear me.