Not Sober - Chapter 1. Part 2

Chapter 1. Part 2

“No, why?”

“It’s a secret of science.”

Jenna refrained from interrupting their conversations. She was inexperienced, like a nun who had never seen a man’s d*ck, never had s*x.

After silently listening to their conversation, Jenna hesitantly spoke up.

“Um, guys… I was just thinking… doesn’t that hurt?” she asked, her voice tentative.

“Huh? What do you mean?” they responded, curious about her sudden question.

“You know, that… thing you guys were talking about,” Jenna clarified, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment.

And so it began.  Jenna cautiously brought up a topic that had long intrigued her, fueled by the effects of alcohol.

Everyone understood that s*x wasn’t solely for procreation but also for pleasure.

However, as an inexperienced girl, she felt a sense of apprehension, wondering if it would be painful to have something inserted into a part of her body she was unfamiliar with.

Jenna, being inexperienced, felt a mixture of excitement and fear about her first sexual experience. She had read online reviews mentioning bleeding, stiffness, and pain, which added to her apprehension.

“That thing you’re talking about… I mean s*x?” Jenna asked nervously.

“Yeah, that’s it. Have you ever tried it?” one of her classmates replied, somewhat surprised.

“You know she has strict rules at home.” Another person added, “Do you think Jenna had the chance?”

“Well, she could give it a shot during the day,” someone suggested casually.

Her classmates exchanged glances. Their tone was not meant to offend Jenna. She felt relieved that their comments were not malicious or mocking.

“That must have been tough for you,” one classmate sympathized.

“Yeah, I would have lost it and left,” another added.

Jenna found comfort in her classmates’ understanding reactions. This made her feel less guilty about disobeying her parents’ strict rules.

“You know, I haven’t even been in a relationship yet. I’m a virgin,” Jenna confessed, gathering her courage.

Her classmates were genuinely surprised by this revelation.

“What? Seriously?” one exclaimed.

“No way! You’ve never dated anyone?” another questioned.

“Nope, never. My parents are pretty strict,” Jenna explained with a sheepish smile.

After a moment of silence, her classmates shared their thoughts.

“Well, at least you haven’t had to deal with jerks,” one remarked.

“Yeah, I’m so over that guy with a small d*ck, the same size as the lipstick,” another person agreed.

One of Jenna’s classmates insisted, “If you’ve never had s*x, your first time should be with someone handsome.”

“Someone handsome?” Jenna questioned, puzzled by their assertion.

“Yes, absolutely,” they all agreed in unison.

“Why?” Jenna asked, shaking her head in confusion.

“I want you to have your first sexual experience with someone who is not deeply in love with you, someone who does not truly care about you, but who is handsome,” explained one of her classmates.

The rest of her classmates joined in as if they had been waiting for her to ask.

I had s*x with an ex-boyfriend who had excess belly fat. No, he cared about me a lot. So, I thought, “I’ll just take him.

“Yeah, and?”

“Did the s*x feel like anything to you? Was he only being nice to you for s*x and then turning around afterward?”

“Oh, yeah. A lot of guys are like that.”

The other person next to her nodded in agreement. Jenna looked surprised and asked, “Really?” after reading something on an internet message board.

“Love changes anyway. At our age, it’s unlikely we’ll find someone to marry, so the nature of love doesn’t matter. Just make sure your first time is with a handsome guy,” advised one of her classmates.

“I agree. Let’s make it memorable with a good-looking guy. I don’t remember how much he loved me or what he did. We’ll just end up feeling bad,” another chimed in, sharing their own experiences of disappointing first s*xual encounters.

As Jenna’s classmates offered their heartfelt advice and recounted their own less-than-ideal experiences, she couldn’t help but feel disconnected. The idea of having s*x seemed like something from another world to her. Although she had experimented with breaking curfew and drinking alcohol, she hadn’t even dared to venture into the realm of s*x.

Jenna suddenly remembered her mother’s words: she was always taught that a woman should remain a virgin until marriage. Startled by the memory, Jenna downed her glass of soju in one gulp, hoping to clear her thoughts.

Jenna’s classmate asked, “What’s on your mind?” They were concerned about her sudden change in mood.

Jenna realized that her parents had instilled the concept of premarital virginity in her, rather than a belief of her own.

“Yes, being in a relationship allows me to have s*x naturally. If given the opportunity, I can have s*x with a handsome man!”

Jenna cautiously brought up the topic of premarital virginity. She was determined to discuss it.

“Hey, guys, have you ever heard of…” she began, but her classmates interrupted her with incredulous reactions.

“Premarital virginity? Are you serious?” exclaimed one person.

Another person expressed surprise, saying, “Jenna, that’s surprising.”.

Jenna nodded. She was surprised by their responses. It was eye-opening to realize that many of the beliefs her parents had instilled in her were considered unusual by others her age.

Jenna observed their reactions. She felt liberated as their surprised expressions began to lessen her guilt.

Jenna gradually became more convinced that her parents’ unconventional teachings might be valid.

*Photo: Jenna

Jenna’s mother’s voice sliced through the silence, startling her as she entered the front door. Her father was still awake, adding to Jenna’s apprehension.

“What time is it? Where have you been?” her mother demanded, her tone sharp with anger.

Jenna’s mother must have awakened from the smell of alcohol on her breath. Instantly, Jenna felt a wave of cold wash over her.

“Were you with a man? Do you have a boyfriend?” her mother interrogated, hurling shoes from the rack at Jenna.

“Tell me, did you have a boyfriend? You didn’t come here just to be promiscuous, did you? I’ve told you, a girl should cherish her body. Your purity is important for your future marriage,” her mother’s tirade continued.

Jenna anticipated her mother’s disappointment. Her mother’s intense words sent a shiver down Jenna’s spine.

“Is that all you have to say?” Jenna finally managed to interject.

“What else am I supposed to say?” her mother asked. “My daughter comes home after midnight with a man, and I don’t even know what they were doing!”

“Mom, I’m 23 years old,” Jenna reminded her, hoping to put her mother’s reaction into perspective.

“So what if you’re over 20? Don’t think you’re an adult just because of that. You’re still a child until you get married, and if you engage in such immoral behavior, you’re nothing more than a prostitute!” Jenna’s mother lashed out, assuming promiscuous behavior due to Jenna’s whereabouts.

Jenna’s late arrival home fueled her mother’s fury. Her mother imagined Jenna in compromising situations, such as being at a motel with a man or attending an erotic party.

Jenna’s well-being was not a concern during her mother’s outburst. The only concern was her mother’s perception of Jenna’s loss of virginity.

Jenna always wanted a later curfew to spend more time with her friends. She imagined that if she ever got it, her mother would be angry, and she would feel guilty and overwhelmed.

However, when the moment arrived, it was not what Jenna had expected. She did not cry or feel guilty. Her heart raced, but her body and mind remained calm.

“What did you think when I told you I was going out for drinks with my friends?” Jenna said. “The police would be looking for me, they’d find me, and I’d be in serious trouble.”

“Are you going out at this hour with those guys? Do you think I’m doing a good job as a parent? Staying out late drinking with those delinquents won’t do you any good. I am working so hard to keep you away from them!” Her frustration was evident in her voice.

Jenna’s father approached with a golf bat in hand, watching from a distance, and added, “Jenna, you’re acting like a whore!”