Living with an Ex-Husband - Chapter 60: That Is My Happiness

Chapter 60: That Is My Happiness

It was only after hearing Lee Joon’s words that Eunchae finally understood everything.

“After I was confirmed as his son, Michael told me the truth. He said he wasn’t going to live much longer. That’s why he came to see me. That was when I found out about the hereditary disease in his family.

“Is that why you had a vasectomy?”

“Yes. I didn’t want to pass that cursed disease on to my children.”

“The other reason was… guilt. I couldn’t let someone else’s bloodline inherit the Geumyoung legacy. That’s why I could never fully open up to my father or my grandfather. It wasn’t just because of my personality.”

“But Lee Joon… you always wanted to inherit the company. You always told me to persevere.”

“It was because my cousins were so incompetent. If they took over the company, they’d run it into the ground.”

As he explained his reasoning, his brows furrowed in frustration.

“If they lacked the ability, they could at least have some business ethics. But their behavior was so outrageous that I felt I had to take over and run things properly. Once things were stable, I planned to pass the company on to someone competent within the extended family. If nothing else, I thought I could pass it on to Jin-seong if he grew up well.

“I see.”

Eunchae finally understood the situation. She agreed when it came to his extended family. If they took over, the company’s reputation would crumble in no time.

“During our marriage, every day was a struggle for me. I kept telling myself I’d get through it. I told myself I’d outlive Michael, who had already lived longer than I expected. So I held on to you and kept you by my side.”

Lee Joon’s eyes reddened as he spoke. He slowly wiped his face with his hand, revealing the grim reality of their marriage – something Eunchae had never even imagined.

“Then, one by one, the relatives I knew began to die. The man I thought was my uncle, my aunt, even my cousins.”

Lee Joon paused for a moment, his emotions swelling and making it difficult for him to continue.

“When that happened, my whole outlook changed. What started as denial, as a way of convincing myself that I was different, turned into a terrible waiting game – wondering when my turn would come”.

Eunchae watched him swallow a heavy, shaky sigh, her lips trembling as she tried to hold back her tears. Her eyes glistened, reflecting his grief.

“Not long after my uncle died, his son Jae-han fell ill. He and I were very close, so he leaned on me a lot. He told me he wanted to die near me, so despite his failing health, he came to Korea… with his fiancée, Alice.”

“Alice? The Alice I know?”

“Yes, that Alice.”

“Hah…!”

Eunchae was speechless, overwhelmed by the revelation. Alice hadn’t been the woman involved in his affair. The truth she was slowly uncovering left her mind in chaos, making her dizzy with confusion.

Seeing Eunchae’s shocked expression, Lee Joon spoke of the most heartbreaking moment of his life.

“When Jae-han died… I was scared. But it wasn’t death itself that scared me. What scared me more than never seeing you again was the thought of how you would live on after I was gone. That’s what scared me the most.”

Lee Joon took Eunchae’s hand again. His eyes were filled with tears. Although she flinched and tried to pull away, he held on tightly and refused to let go.

“The day you told me you loved me… I was awake. I heard everything. I had drunk myself into a stupor after losing Jae-han, but I wasn’t completely unconscious.”

Remembering that vivid moment, Lee Joon smiled a faint, bitter smile. The first time Eunchae had confessed her love to him had been a deeply complicated moment. His heart had fluttered with excitement, but at the same time, it had broken with sorrow.

“If only you had hated me.If only you hadn’t loved someone like me—if you had just blamed me and resented me. If that had been the case… I would have held on to you tighter. I would have kept you by my side, even forcing you to watch as I wasted away, binding you to me until the end.”

“If that had been the case… I would have died peacefully, watching you celebrate the fact that Tae Lee Joon was finally gone, ready for a fresh start. I would have let go of all lingering attachments and closed my eyes for good.”

“But you weren’t like that. And yet, you said you loved me. A man like me.”

“You said I was like air to you… that you couldn’t live without me. How could I let you see me wasting away like that? That’s why I decided I had to let you go.”

Tae Lee Joon crying – something she had never imagined. It was both disturbing and heartbreaking to see him like this. His desperate plea to simply be allowed to stay by her side was painfully clear, his raw vulnerability laid bare before her. 

“In the midst of all that, my mother orchestrated things so that you would misunderstand my relationship with Alice.”

As Lee Joon recalled the painful memory, he looked into Eunchae’s eyes. Seeing her crying, looking so heartbreakingly vulnerable, he gently wiped the tears from the corners of her eyes with his thumb. When she didn’t resist, a small smile appeared on his lips.

“I was hurt and disappointed that you suspected me of having an affair, but at the same time, I thought it might be for the best. Of all the possible reasons for you to leave, an affair seemed the most… definitive.”

“So that’s why… you didn’t deny it. Even though you knew your mother had orchestrated it for me to misunderstand, you just let it happen?”

When Eunchae thought about the situation and asked her question, Lee Joon answered in a calm, matter-of-fact tone, confirming her thoughts.

“Yes. That’s the kind of man I am… a coward. I knew I had to let you go, but I didn’t know how. I kept hesitating, stalling. I couldn’t even face you, so I used work as an excuse and hid in a hotel”.

Lee Joon’s voice was full of self-mockery, embarrassed by his actions. The memories he brought up made Eunchae’s chest tighten as well. Even though time had passed and misunderstandings had been cleared up, the emotional wounds from that time still hadn’t fully healed.

“How did you find out you weren’t his son?”

Pulling herself together, Eunchae asked the question that had been nagging at her. It seemed that now that the truth was out, Lee Joon had come to find her.

“A diary.”

Lee Joon explained in a voice that was more sigh than speech.

“Michael had written a detailed confession in his diary, admitting to the wrong he’d done. He didn’t dare give it to me himself, so just before he died, he asked his younger brother Kevin to give it to me as a memento. But before Kevin could do that, he too fell ill.

“And then it was forgotten?”

“Exactly. The diary was completely forgotten and eventually became part of Kevin’s belongings, hidden on a shelf in Jae-han’s study for years. At that time Jae-han wasn’t interested in the diary buried under a pile of books.

“Then how did you find it…?”

“After Jae-han died, all his possessions were inherited by his fiancée Alice. But even then, the diary remained neatly tucked away on the bookshelf.”

Lee Joon sighed. A bitter laugh escaped his lips as he licked the dryness from his mouth. As he told the story, he couldn’t help but feel how unlucky his life had been. Time and time again, the timing had never worked in his favor.

“One day in New York, while I was taking care of Alice, just waiting for the day I’d die, she found the diary while organizing things for a house renovation. She brought it to me. No one can understand what I felt at that moment. I don’t even know how to explain it to myself, so how could anyone else?”

His eyes blazed with a cold, fierce intensity as he bit his lip. The burning hatred and resentment that had built up over time seemed ready to consume everything in its path.

“He turned my whole life upside down out of jealousy and revenge, and his excuse? It was the epitome of selfishness. He said that the more we met, the more he felt I was his real son, and he couldn’t help but want me for himself.”

A cold, mocking smile twisted Lee Joon’s lips as he spoke.

“It’s no different than stabbing someone and then apologizing and saying it wasn’t on purpose.”

As Lee Joon grew more agitated, his expression hardened into an icy mask. The intensity of his anger was overwhelming, so much so that Eunchae held her breath and listened in silence, unable to break the chilling atmosphere.

“By a stroke of luck, I finally learned the truth. If not, I’d still be wasting away, waiting to die, thinking of you every day.”

“So after discovering everything through the diary, you came back to Korea?”

“Yes. I wanted to apologize and start again with you. But I couldn’t… When you said that death wasn’t a free pass for forgiveness, it hit me hard. I realized that even if I told you the truth, you wouldn’t accept it.

“You’re right. I wouldn’t have.”

Lee Joon’s eyebrow twitched at her firm reply. The intensity in Eunchae’s eyes made him tense. Sensing the unease in the air, he instinctively began to offer explanations, desperate for her forgiveness.

“It may sound like an excuse, but the reason I brought up the divorce was real. It was because you loved me – not because of an affair.”

“…”

“Please forgive me, Eunchae. I loved you so much. I only wanted you to have a happy life. That’s why…”

“Why do you think you have the right to decide my happiness?”

Lee Joon swallowed hard at the sharp question. It felt as if someone had hit him hard on the back of the head. His eyes widened in shock, but before he could react, Eunchae locked eyes with him and delivered her cutting words.

“You broke my heart and left me with a pain I’ll never forget. And you have the nerve to speak of happiness? How is that my happiness? That was nothing but a pathetic, cowardly act to ease your guilt.”

“Eunchae, just listen to me…”

“No! You listen to me first.”

Eunchae cut him off mercilessly, pulling her hand away from his grip once more.

“If you wanted me to be happy, you should have told me everything. You should have begged me to stay by your side, begged me to never leave you, to be with you until the moment you die!”

Eunchae’s voice grew louder and faster with each word, her emotions rising. Her entire body shook and the muscles in her face twitched as if on the verge of breaking.

“You should have begged me to never forget you, to always remember you. That’s what you should have done – begged and cried for me to stay.”

“That’s why I lied. Foolishly, I was afraid that you’d spend the rest of your life mourning and longing for me”.

As he tried to explain himself, seeking understanding, a subtle curve formed on Eunchae’s lips. Her sudden calm made him swallow nervously, feeling the weight of what was to come.

Eunchae smiled, but the emotion she radiated was one of cold indifference. It was as if Tae Lee Joon was no more important to her than a stranger.

“Eunchae…”

“Tae Lee Joon.”

His desperate cry was swallowed by the calm and steady sound of her voice.

“That would have been my happiness. Because I loved you so much, to live with memories of you, to hold you in my heart – that is what I would have wanted for my happiness.”

“…”

“You ruined that happiness, Tae Lee Joon.”

Her words hit him like a final blow, draining the color from his face. He stood frozen, unable to move, his gaze fixed on Eunchae as she delivered the final blow.

“If you want me to be happy now, then let me go. I think I can finally live a truly happy life with just the baby and me.

Her words hung in the air like an unbreakable judgment, leaving Lee Joon with nothing to hold on to.