In Order to Meet You, Beloved - Chapter 50

EPISODE 50

Noah hesitated slightly before answering.

“Yes.”

“Did you want to be an artist rather than a king?”

“……I suppose so.”

Noah’s lips pressed tightly together as he spoke with difficulty. Perhaps it was because he had dreamed of such things today, but that one question struck heavily on his heart.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but to me, you seem to be trying to avoid trouble while being content with your current situation.”

The discomfort she felt when she saw Noah with Tyrain was still present. Tyrain, though appearing calm, was very conscious of Noah and maintained his manners. In contrast, Noah seemed to have no particular feelings toward him. This disconnection was even more pronounced in how Noah interacted with the king.

How could that be? Could it be possible to hold no resentment after having everything taken away overnight? Was he hiding his true feelings or something like that?

“Ah, let’s keep this between us. I swear I won’t tell my sister. Since she’s the queen, she might hear about it somehow.”

She added quickly, thinking that it might reach the king’s ears through her sister.

“I just don’t understand it, no matter how much I think about it. Oh, if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine.”

Noah’s expression seemed to darken more and more. He looked at Cordelia, who was speaking incoherently to comfort him, and then answered.

“I can’t say that I’m satisfied.”

Noah was astonished by how smoothly his voice flowed, which was more than he expected. Maybe he had wanted to confide in someone at least once. It was just that there was no one around who he felt he could share with.

“Back then, I never once thought I would live a life like this.”

He had only considered it a form of escape. Though Cordelia told him to live as he wished, he felt it was impossible.

“Why not? Even as royalty, you could still paint.”

Noah’s brow furrowed in frustration.

“How can you say that?”

His tone was laden with long-standing regret. Stunned by this new emotion, Cordelia found herself speechless as Noah continued to speak passionately.

“Everyone expects loyalty and hope from me, even my life. How could I ignore that desperation? And my mother’s lifelong dedication, hoping for me to wear the crown?”

Noah laughed lightly, but his deep-seated anguish mixed with his laughter. The current situation was so unbearable that the veins in his tightly clenched fists were prominent.

“Cordelia, you might think it’s foolish, but I couldn’t ignore those expectations. If I hadn’t forced myself to hold onto Ian Linaen, I wouldn’t be living like this now.”

In truth, if asked whether he felt relieved inside when things turned out this way, he couldn’t deny that he hadn’t. The throne had never meant anything more to him than a burden he had to bear.

Just knowing this filled Noah with a deep sense of self-reproach.

“So, I don’t understand why my uncle still feels guilty toward me.”

In the end, wasn’t it just that he had shifted the blame to others and fled to the path he found most comfortable?

“That’s my burden. It’s my fault for ultimately disappointing my mother.”

Did he end up in this situation because he didn’t desire such a life? That question still lingered, a residual thought in his mind.

So when he reunited with Cordelia, he honestly wondered if he was being punished. A punishment for feeling content with his current life without any remorse.

The pain of having to turn away from someone as kind and loving as her was something he still felt deeply.

Cordelia’s eyes narrowed as she looked at Noah’s self-reproach. Unlike Noah, who was utterly serious, Cordelia spoke with a refreshingly light tone.

“Why is it your fault? I don’t think anyone would think that.”

“You can deceive others, but you can’t deceive yourself.”

Noah shook his head, recalling the things he had seen when he was first confined to the estate. When he saw the room filled with tools, paints, and canvases, he thought:

Even if he has to be watched for his entire life, he hopes this dream doesn’t wake up now.

“You didn’t directly plot a rebellion, did you? So even if we have a relationship, there might still be a way out.”

“Well, that might be true. But it will probably require a great deal of unilateral sacrifice from you, Cordelia.”

“Ugh.”

Noah was more perceptive than Cordelia had expected. But then again, as royalty and a strong heir candidate, he must have had the necessary education.

“Lady Cordelia, a man who is only good-looking is not worth engaging with.”

“But you have a good personality too.”

“Others are excessively rude.”

“That’s true.”

“I don’t have anything to offer you, Cordelia.”

“I’ve already got everything, so it’s fine. Just bring yourself.”

Cordelia’s bold words brought a faint smile to Noah’s lips. Though it faded quickly, it was enough that she could make him smile, even if just a little.

It’s better to smile than to cry. While a melancholic expression was also touching, seeing a happy face was the best.

“Then I’ll find a way. A good solution for both of us!”

Cordelia patted her chest with her palm, making a promise.

“That’s it, right? No complaints?”

“That kind of method…”

“Whether it exists or not is up to me. How can you know without trying?”

Noah, who had been flickering his lips, swallowed many emotions with the tip of his tongue.

“Why?”

Why, when she could be with anyone she wanted, being so lenient with him?

“I’m greedy and want to have it all. So don’t worry. I’ll make it work somehow!”

Cordelia sprang up from her seat, speaking cheerfully, and a bright smile spread across her face. It was as bright as the sun, and Noah couldn’t take his eyes off her, gazing at her like a flower endlessly in love with the sun.

Despite that, Noah still couldn’t come up with a response.

***

In the darkness of the night, the sound of something being scraped was faintly heard.

Relying on the light of the lamp on the table, Noah gently carved the piece of wood he was holding, lost in thought. His hands moved deftly and accurately with the blade.

Lately, his emotions had been running high. Even though he knew the cause, Noah continued to immerse himself in his work.

‘Then I’ll find a way. A good solution for both of us!’

Thinking of Cordelia’s words, he found himself helplessly smiling, even though he knew this wasn’t the time for it. Nothing had truly changed.

It was the same back then.

He quietly reflected on his past life. It was when he was fifteen.

Even though his older brother was already appointed as the crown prince, those around him were still unaware of the futility. He felt cowardly and pathetic for not being able to say it outright.

He had tried to bring it up at least once. But when he saw his mother’s sorrowful expression, he couldn’t bring himself to speak of it again. He knew very well that his mother’s only reason for enduring in the bleak palace was him.

Because he had to stay in the palace for his safety, he seldom interacted with peers or anyone unrelated to his family. Looking back, he realized he had merely been a coward swept along by circumstances.

However, his older brother was different. Even after their mother, the former queen, died and he was left alone without allies, he carved out his own path.

Seeing him being recognized by everyone, Noah came to a painful realization. This is what it means to stand above everyone.

In comparison to his brother, he felt utterly insignificant. Though he had the protection of everyone, he hadn’t obtained anything by his own effort.

Even thinking he could do well was considered a lowly profession. If he were to say he wanted to hold a brush as royalty, his mother would likely grab him by the nape and make him fall.

As he faced the overwhelming reality, his worries increased. Then he met Cordelia. Her lively and straightforward personality was something he had never encountered before.

‘I’m going to live the way I want. No matter what anyone says!’

That heavy yet innocent determination was extremely endearing. It almost felt like Cordelia’s surroundings brightened for a moment.

Someone who walked a completely different path from him. Perhaps that’s why he was drawn to her. He had always lived as Ian Linaen, with others naturally expecting that. He had lived to meet others’ desires rather than his own.

Thus, her bright eyes, determined to live her own life, appeared irresistibly attractive. Almost to the point of feeling like the faint emotion of a first love.

Even though he hadn’t thought of meeting her again after being confined, he still remembered her bright smile whenever he faced difficulties. When he felt guilty and distressed about enjoying this life, he would recall her words and somehow get through it.

Over the past eight years, he found immense comfort in her words. Every time he heard news about her, it was reassuring to know that she remained the same as ever.

It was the same when they met again. He was genuinely grateful and happy that she hadn’t changed since those times.

So, he shouldn’t be causing any more trouble. To organize his emotions, he needed to resolve this situation as soon as possible.

Noah glanced at a letter lying next to the lamp. His mentor was a renowned craftsman and influential figure within the <Hollemia> guild. Despite his seemingly lighthearted demeanor, he was very reserved with his words. Today, he had received a response acknowledging the description of the old woman’s appearance.

Once the night was over, he would return to the capital. Since the portrait was completed, he wouldn’t see Cordelia’s face every day as he did now.

He felt a mix of relief and melancholy. One shouldn’t become too accustomed to the presence of others. When the moment of parting arrived, he wasn’t sure he could endure the sense of loss.

“It’s done.”

Noah placed a piece of wood, slightly larger than his palm and displaying a pristine white grain, on the table. After squeezing paint onto the palette, he dipped his brush in. The man’s gaze was serious as he began to apply the color.

As time passed, dawn broke, and morning arrived.

When the carriage to the capital was about to depart, the finely crafted wolf sculpture sat by the window of Isaac’s study, bidding farewell to them.

***

“So, how is it going?”

Upon the calm question, the man swallowed once before answering.

“A ship will be arriving soon. We’ll need to avoid some inspections, but we should be able to get it out somehow.”

“I see… indeed.”

The person who responded in a disinterested manner slowly wandered around the living room. Despite his worn cloak and unshaved appearance, the man knew well how fearsome this individual was.

Even while faithfully performing his duties as an agent, he always felt tense when directly facing his master. Especially when he saw the large scar on his right cheek, it was impossible not to flinch.

His brown eyes, examining the ornaments, landed on a particular item. He reached out and picked up a bear-shaped carving.

“This carving is unique.”

“Oh, yes. I bought it at the market held in Devron this time.”

“For something bought in a marketplace, the craftsmanship is quite delicate… Hmm?”

The man noticed the initials delicately engraved in a corner of the carving. Seeing the sudden silence, he couldn’t help but smile faintly, while the nervous man behind him fidgeted.