In Order to Meet You, Beloved - Chapter 41

EPISODE 41

Cordelia was known for her monstrous tolerance for alcohol, so much so that she was often called a “bottomless pit,” but that didn’t mean she didn’t have any drunken habits. Though she only acted a bit more lightly and impulsively than usual, it was still noticeable.

When you’re around someone who eats or drinks a lot, it tends to make you consume more as well. So, when she relaxed and drank freely with her father, who had a similar tolerance, she ended up drinking far more than usual.

By the time they wrapped up their late-night drinking session, Cordelia was in a rather cheerful mood. She was even giggling while trying to wake up Noah, who had slumped over the table, unable to hold out any longer.

Noah was so sleepy and unsteady on his feet that she had to call in two servants to help him to his room. Cordelia planned to simply lay Noah down in his bed and admire his sleeping face for a while. As usual, the alcohol in her system overpowered her rationality.

She placed the lamp on the table, allowing the soft, reddish light to cast a gentle glow over his face.

Noah slept just like he lived—soundly. His sleeping face resembled that of a prince from a fairytale. Sometimes, Cordelia would place her finger under his nose just to make sure he was still breathing, only relaxing when she confirmed that he was.

She had the urge to smooth out the occasional frown on his face, perhaps due to a bad dream, but she settled for playing with the strands of his jet-black hair scattered across the bed.

Even with his face slackened in sleep, he was incredibly handsome! If she had a pen, she would have certainly written down the emotions she was feeling at that moment. And then she would have kicked the blankets off in embarrassment once she woke up.

When she slowly opened her sleepy eyes, she saw white and brown colors spinning around in front of her. As she looked up a bit more, she saw someone looking down at her. Cordelia mumbled without thinking.

“He’s handsome…”

“Um, Lady Cordelia…?”

What’s this? A handsome man is calling her name. Is this a dream?

“Hah!”

Cordelia’s eyes snapped open, and she sprang upright. Noah, whose hair was disheveled from where it had been pressed down, blinked in surprise at her sudden movement. He awkwardly asked.

“Are you feeling better now?”

Cordelia’s mind, still foggy with a slight hangover, started racing. It was morning, and her thoughts were a bit sluggish, but maybe the handsome face beside her had oiled the gears, as the words came out smoothly.

“Uh, sorry. Did I do something to you?”

“No!”

Noah hurriedly denied it and then added, seeing Cordelia staring at him blankly.

“This is my room, you know. If you don’t leave soon, it could become a problem…”

Only then did Cordelia get up from the bed and look into the mirror in the room.

“Ah!”

She was still in the dress she had worn the day before, her hair was a ridiculous mess, smooth on one side and tangled on the other. Her face was slightly puffy, possibly from the drinking, and the lingering effects of last night were subtly rising to her head.

Of course, there was something more urgent than a headache.

“A comb, a comb.”

Fortunately, there was one in the drawer. Noah watched with curiosity as Cordelia quickly combed her hair and straightened her appearance. When she noticed his reflection in the mirror, Cordelia awkwardly stopped and turned around.

“What… what are you looking at?”

“Well, it’s just… you look like a cat.”

“A cat?”

The way she was swiftly brushing her hair reminded Noah of a cat grooming itself with its tongue. He didn’t elaborate, thinking Cordelia might get upset if he did. Cordelia tilted her head curiously but then waved the comb she was holding.

“Want me to brush your hair too?”

“No, I think it would be better if you quickly… return to your room.”

Noah was about to say more when he heard a sound outside the door and immediately closed his mouth. A chill ran down his spine.

“Hide, quickly.”

Cordelia glanced around, but there was nowhere to hide in the simple room. The room had nothing but a bed, a chair, a table, a mirror, and a clock on the wall.

What should she do?

“Are you in there?”

The voice calling for Noah was followed by a knock on the door. After a brief moment, the door opened.

“Good morning, Your Excellency. I apologize for the delay; I was getting ready.”

As the door opened, the two servants standing on either side of Isaac flinched slightly at the sight of the large man. Despite his grim appearance, the man’s voice was polite and gentle, though it didn’t have much effect.

“Good morning. You’re already up, quite the early riser.”

Despite the compliment, Noah only smiled quietly. For a craftsman, mornings started much earlier than this, but it wasn’t something a lifelong nobleman could easily understand.

“Anyway, have you seen Cordelia? The maid checked her room this morning, but she was nowhere to be found.”

Isaac’s eyes swept through the room sharply as he smiled amicably, prompting Noah to shift slightly to the side.

There was nothing in the room. The lack of furniture was so stark that it almost embarrassed Isaac. Though he had been asked to prepare a clean, sunny room without too much luxury, this seemed a bit extreme.

Isaac cleared his throat to hide his discomfort.

“So, is everything alright? No complaints?”

“Yes, I’m doing well enough.”

“But it’s a problem… If even you don’t know where she is, where could she have gone?”

“Perhaps she went for a walk?”

“A walk…?”

She’s not the type to wake up this early, though. Isaac mumbled to himself as he turned to leave. As the door closed and the footsteps grew distant, a small voice whispered in Noah’s ear.

“Is he gone?”

“Yes…”

Noah trailed off as he turned toward the bed. Finally, the sheets that had been hanging down from the bed to the floor moved, and Cordelia popped her head out.

“Thank goodness. I was so nervous he might come in.”

“It’s not polite to enter someone else’s room uninvited.”

Noah knelt on one knee and extended his hand to Cordelia. She crawled out from under the bed, took his hand, and stood up. As she lightly dusted off her dress, the tiny particles of dust fluttered in the bright sunlight.

She pretended to be calm, but in reality, her face was burning. Though it was unavoidable, the situation was incredibly embarrassing. Cordelia struggled to maintain her crumbling smile.

“Thank goodness we didn’t get caught.”

“My heart nearly stopped.”

‘I don’t want you to worry about anything. I feel the same way—I don’t want you to suffer any harm, either.’

He had reassured her with those words, yet he had almost become an ungrateful scoundrel. While he claimed not to care about his reputation, he didn’t want to appear so pathetic to those who knew his past. Perhaps it was a matter of pride.

As Cordelia rinsed her mouth with water from the glass on the table, she gazed intently at Noah.

Seeing him so openly relieved gave her an odd feeling. She understood the situation, of course, but emotions don’t always cooperate.

“Noah.”

“Yes?”

“Do you really hate the idea of rumors spreading about us?”

“I’m more concerned about you, Cordelia. You have more to lose than I do.”

“That boring, textbook answer won’t do. Forget it.”

As Cordelia took a step closer, Noah instinctively took a step back. They continued this dance until Noah’s back was against the wall, and Cordelia moved in close, pressing her hands against the wall on either side of his head. Staring into her face so near, Noah froze.

“Are you saying that even with me this close, you don’t feel anything? Truly?”

Her finely sculpted features, piercing eyes, and the faint scent of alcohol mixed with her natural fragrance were intoxicating.

She truly lived up to her reputation as the kingdom’s greatest beauty. Even if she wore rags, she would still be stunning.

Noah, almost entranced, answered.

“I feel like I want to praise you.”

“What?”

“No artist could look at you without feeling their heart race, Cordelia.”

Cordelia felt a surge of frustration at Noah’s clever way of preserving his dignity while sidestepping her deeper question.

“I know. That’s why everyone desires me as if I were a statue.”

“A statue can only capture beauty in a lifeless form. No work of art can rival the beauty of life itself.”

“And yet here I am, clinging to you. But you still don’t want me?”

Like a dog tethered to a leash, Noah couldn’t move, only shaking his head with a pained expression. It felt like a noose was tightening around his neck, making it hard to breathe.

“No, I can’t.”

“Why not?”

She glared at him, demanding a proper explanation. Reluctantly, Noah opened his mouth.

“Because I’m no longer a child who knows nothing.”

Because he understood that the memories with her were beautiful precisely because they were times that could never return. The days when he could shyly offer a flower to someone he liked and express his feelings were now mere shadows of the past.

It felt suffocating as if the water had risen to his throat, but Noah forced himself to speak calmly.

“Cordelia, experiencing the moment when everyone I know suddenly turns their backs on me… is not something I’d describe as pleasant.”

He already knew too much to act purely on emotion without calculation. Though he had gained some things, what he had lost was far greater.

At the age of sixteen, he learned the meaning of distrust and contemptuous gazes. He grew accustomed to the ever-present watchful eyes that followed him wherever he went. Enduring his mother’s vacant expression had been the hardest part, but over time, he managed to cope.

For eight years, he lived like a candle flickering in the wind, never knowing what might happen next, constantly huddled in fear. Complaints, after all, were luxuries one could only afford when circumstances allowed. He understood all too well that even the freedom he currently had could slip through his fingers like sand at any moment.

“I don’t want anyone to experience such feelings because of me.”

Everything had started with a naive wish born from his ignorance. Although it wasn’t his intention to end up like this, he was at least prepared to take responsibility for the consequences.

“No matter who asks, my answer will always be the same. I have no intention of creating bonds with people in that way.”

“You don’t want to make someone unhappy?”

His body flinched at her piercing question. After a long pause, he finally replied.

“…Yes.”

Goodness, he’s so straight-laced that it’s almost painful, Cordelia thought, her brow furrowing slightly. Where had he been hiding all this time? Despite her frustration, she couldn’t help but find something endearing about his character.

“I’m glad I met you, Cordelia. Truly, I am. But that’s all it is.”

It was nothing more than a faint trace of his first love, now withered from lack of care. Noah didn’t want those feelings to revive.

He couldn’t afford for them to. Not only was it difficult to love someone as purely as he had back then, but he was also afraid that if he did, it might lead to their unhappiness.

“Well, okay.”

With those words, Cordelia’s golden hair moved slightly out of Noah’s view. She had taken two steps back, giving him some much-needed space. Finally, he felt like he could breathe again, though he couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling in his chest. He didn’t understand why he felt so unsettled after pushing her away.

As he struggled to avoid overthinking it, Cordelia spoke up, her tone light and breezy. Noah’s eyes briefly flickered to her tightly clenched hand before looking away.

“Well, I’ll head back now. You said you were going out today?”

“What? Oh, yes.”

“Will you be late?”

“I should be back by evening, but I might be a little later.”

“You’re going with your escort, right?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, be careful and take care.”

Cordelia waved lightly and turned to leave. As Noah watched the door gently close behind her, he pressed down on the ache in his chest.