In Order to Meet You, Beloved - Chapter 15

EPISODE 15

‘Behave properly. You should know your place.’

‘I know it better than anyone. I don’t understand why you’re interfering in something my father gave up on.’

‘How old are you, still fooling around with romance?’

‘If we’re talking about experience, you’re not able to give me advice.’

She sarcastically referenced his past as a notorious playboy in the kingdom before marriage. Feeling she had delivered a solid blow, she was soon met with a counterattack from his ever-sly personality.

‘But I’m married now, and you’re not.’

He had entered into a political marriage arranged by the Duke at the age of twenty-one. Using that as a pretext, he demanded her cooperation, to which Cordelia responded calmly.

‘I’ll do it eventually. The timing is up to me.’

‘When exactly is that going to be? Didn’t I tell you to stop being childish? At your age, well past the prime, how long do you think you’ll stay beautiful?’

At that moment, the lid precariously perched on Cordelia’s head flew off. The servants, who saw her bright smile, were each filled with dread. She had smiled the same way when she cut her hair with scissors at the age of ten.

‘Oh, really?’

Cordelia replied lightly and then went inside to retrieve a large bag made of silk. Seeing her sweep up everything from the drawer, Frederick, sensing foreboding, spoke up.

‘What are you doing?’

‘Getting ready to leave this miserable place as per your wish. Goodbye.’

Leaving only those words, Cordelia left the Duke’s residence without any regrets. She felt sorry for the servants desperately trying to hold her back, but there was nothing she could do. To avoid revealing her destination, she went outside and caught a carriage.

“Well, I’m glad I found an excuse to leave. It’s absurd when I think about it again. Just because he got married, does that mean I have to get married too? Isn’t he just trying to inherit the title!”

Frederick didn’t even pretend to hold her back. He probably expected her to show up at her sister’s birthday party in a week. It was even more annoying because he was right. Intelligent people like him were so bothersome!

Well, except for her sisters.

“That’s right. Cordelia’s will is the most important.”

Noah’s calm and measured response, even while openly criticizing, was quite fascinating. When she first heard this story, Noah had said something similar to this instead of suggesting that they should reconcile.

‘It’s better than cutting ties completely.’

Cordelia was momentarily doubtful of her ears at this blunt remark. Considering that Noah seemed to have a good relationship with her mother, she had expected a more gentle approach.

It was increasingly difficult to like Noah. Couldn’t things just work out? Cordelia sighed.

“I don’t want to avoid marriage either.”

Fearing she might come off as too casual, she quickly added, and Noah tilted his head.

“Is that so?”

“Yeah. I want to marry someone I love. We’ll be living together for life, so it’s not something to take lightly.”

To be more explicit, she wasn’t confident she wouldn’t get bored. Despite having many relationships, she had never seen one through to the end. If it came to a political marriage, she had no choice, but she still had a say in the matter. It was only natural for her to be cautious.

Cordelia sat with her knees up, mumbling while counting on her fingers.

“I want to both date and marry. But I don’t want just anyone. I want someone who feels special. Is that so wrong? When I say this, everyone tells me I’m being childish. How can I be satisfied with everything?”

Listening to Cordelia’s lament, Noah picked a flower nearby.

“I think I’m full of desire, but my emotions don’t seem to keep up. It doesn’t work out. I’ve tried to adjust to make things work, but in the end, it always ends. I can’t accept what doesn’t feel right.”

Even if she wanted things to last and go well, being close naturally revealed the other’s flaws. After countless failed attempts to compromise through conversation, even the most optimistic person couldn’t help but resign themselves to reality.

Despite genuinely liking each partner, it always ended the same way. She sighed deeply, recalling her last breakup with Edward.

“Lady Cordelia.”

“Hmm?”

“Could you give me your hand?”

Why does he need her hand? Even as she wondered, she offered it. Noah removed the glove from her right hand and gently handled it. A moment later, Cordelia’s eyes widened when she saw the white flower ring on her ring finger.

“This is…”

“It’s pretty. Just because.”

Without needing further explanation, Cordelia understood Noah was offering comfort. As she stared at him blankly, Noah quietly added.

“Don’t worry too much. I’m sure someone like you will find that special person.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“You’re making an effort.”

His serious voice, lacking in humor, settled in her ears. Though he wasn’t good with words, he had a way of making people listen closely.

“It’s only natural that those who actively seek opportunities will find more than those who wait for fate to come to them. That’s what I believe.”

Why does he always say just what she wants to hear? Though her throat felt tight, Cordelia patted Noah’s shoulder lightly, pretending to be unaffected.

“It’s been a while since someone said that effort is important.”

“If it’s been a while…”

“Usually, people just criticize when you’re not proper.”

Noah’s eyes lit up with a smile, his left lip tugging slightly. Without breaking eye contact, he replied.

“Well, you see, just as paint colors are all different, everyone has their own circumstances. How can one judge another’s life recklessly?”

There was a shadow around the eyes of the man muttering absently. His face, filled with melancholy, carried a burden of unprocessed anguish.

“And maybe, I’m more severe than Cordelia.”

“Hmm?”

“I’m someone who never compromises on the beauty I pursue.”

The answer, delivered with a certain firmness, was somewhat surprising. As Cordelia looked at him with a puzzled expression, Noah gazed ahead. The expansive scenery was reflected in his blue eyes.

“I believe that beauty ultimately brings joy and comfort to a person’s heart. Capturing a moment is a wonderful thing, isn’t it? But since beauty and ugliness are different for each person, it’s always a concern. How can I make it more beautiful for more people? Or is it enough if it’s only beautiful to my eyes?”

He seemed to want to say that because she was more extreme, it was fine for him. Suddenly, Cordelia thought of an odd question.

“By the way, how do I look to you?”

Noah slowly turned his head to face Cordelia. Meeting her expectant gaze, he whispered to himself.

Eternal.

He didn’t convey his true feelings but instead skillfully expressed his praise.

“Cordelia, you’re so beautiful that there’s no need to say more.”

She has already changed so much that he can’t say anything to her. The time that has passed has been considerable. He’s no longer a child, and he can’t live only as he pleases forever.

He doesn’t want to reveal it forever. So he had to maintain this distance.

He knew it was more than he deserved. Though he thought it was ugly to secretly rejoice in something that seemed like a bolt from the blue to the other person, Noah gently lifted the corners of his eyes. He was accustomed to ignoring his throbbing heart.

“…Really? Well, I am beautiful, aren’t I!”

Despite feeling a bit disappointed by Noah’s answer, Cordelia played along. Of course, she did not refuse the compliment, and with a flushed face, she smiled and filled her eyes with Noah’s image. 

Though aesthetically beautiful faces are one thing, Noah liked the color of Cordelia’s eyes. Her royal blue eyes resembled the blue of the sky above her head.

The way her eyes’ color changed with fluctuating emotions was particularly mesmerizing. It proved that life is a constantly evolving process.

The calm that came with the sound of the wind, the faint bitter scent brushing against the tip of her nose, the blend of the green forest and blue sky, and this person who occupied the center of it all.

A vivid premonition struck Noah’s mind. He knew he would never forget the scene of this moment.

He wanted to preserve this moment. With an almost overwhelming intensity.

***

On a night, the lanterns hanging in the air emitted a soft glow. With the faint lights scattered here and there as his companions, the man was grappling with a large canvas. He struggled to capture the fleeting images that scattered in his mind and fix their shapes onto the blank canvas.

His hands worked busily to outline the overall framework and fill in the details. With a sense of urgency, almost as if chased by time, his blue eyes flashed with an emotion akin to madness.

Only when dawn approached did the brush, which had completed the eyes in blue paint, fall weakly to the floor. The sunlight, pushing away the blue dawn, poured into the room from the window, illuminating the painting.

He slumped into a chair and stared blankly at the finished painting. Leaving behind a painting that now only needed to dry, he quietly washed his face.

Then he impulsively picked up a brush with black paint that had been thrown on the floor. He drew on the painting with it.

The brush swung roughly and stopped with only a finger’s width away from the painting. Though it could ruin the perfection with just a slight move, he eventually sighed.

“Let’s stop.”

The dry, raspy voice broke the silence of the early morning. As he looked at the face of the woman, smiling brightly in the painting that filled the canvas, Noah unconsciously thought.

Ah, he misses her.

Then Noah smiled faintly. It hadn’t even been a full day since they parted, and he was already so tortured by his own feelings. Perhaps he couldn’t even manage his own heart properly.

Maybe because of the relaxation, exhaustion quickly overwhelmed him. With the sound of the brush falling to the floor, he closed his eyes to take a moment’s rest.

Bright sunlight poured onto his eyelids.

“Ugh…”

He didn’t want to get up, but the sunlight’s insistence was strong. Slowly opening his eyes, the blurred objects regained their original shapes.

He blinked his hazy eyes. The disordered room, the sunlight pouring in from the opposite side, and above all, the large canvas filling his vision.

Calming his trembling body, he looked down at his hands. The firm hands of a man covered in paint. His hair hung down like curtains. Everything was too vivid to deny reality.

“Ahhh!”

With a scream, Cordelia grabbed her face—or rather, Noah’s face. What is this?

“Again, our bodies have swapped!”

There was only one day left until the banquet.