I May Be A Villainess, But I Won't Live My Life That Way - Chapter 90

Chapter 90

“Would you like to dance?”

I was mulling over whether Paolo had been mentioned in the book when Ricardo suddenly asked me to dance.

“Why?”

When I only stared at his outstretched hand, Ricardo asked in a slightly flustered voice.

“I thought you didn’t really like dancing?”

“I don’t.”

“There don’t seem to be many people asking me to dance today.”

I remembered the times Ricardo had asked me to dance in the past, and I added, “You don’t have to push yourself.”

Thinking that he might be trying to accommodate me, I spoke considerately.

“But if it’s with you, I’d like it.”

Pushing his already outstretched hand further toward me, Ricardo said,

“I don’t like dancing, but I like dancing with you, Bianca.”

With a look of utmost sincerity, as if he were asking a young lady to dance for the first time, worried about being rejected, Ricardo spoke.

“So, would you dance with me?”

“All right.”

As if mesmerized by his earnest demeanor, I placed my hand on Ricardo’s.

Only then did I see the tension melt away from Ricardo’s face.

We glided toward the center of the hall, soon blending into the music. The tune was one of my favorite pieces.

In this moment, dancing with someone I liked to music I enjoyed, excitement filled my heart, replacing any anxieties or worries about the future.

“This song”

When I looked up at the sound of Ricardo’s voice, I saw him frowning slightly, as if trying to recall something.

“I think I’ve heard you play it before.”

His words made my eyes widen slightly.

Ricardo was right. It was a song I liked and often played on the violin.

But I didn’t think I had ever played it in front of him.

“When?”

“I can’t remember exactly when, but I think it was when I visited Croft Mansion.”

“Really? Maybe I was playing before the tea party.”

“Maybe that was it.”

We were piecing together a past that neither of us could remember clearly. It wasn’t difficult.

Although we were supposed to have been close for a long time, our relationship had not been very intimate.

The times and places we met, and the purposes of our meetings, were all so limited that it was easy to guess when it might have happened.

“I thought it was a beautiful performance.”

“Thank you.”

“And to be honest, I was surprised to find out it was you who played it.”

“Why?”

Seeing Ricardo hesitate to answer my question, it wasn’t hard to guess that the reason wasn’t a good one.

“It’s all right. Go ahead and say it.”

I showed Ricardo a smile that suggested I was magnanimous and could embrace anything, coaxing him to speak despite his hesitation.

“…The sound of the violin was too warm for me to imagine it was you playing.”

“….”

For a moment, my step faltered, but it seemed Ricardo didn’t notice.

“It was like a piece that soothed someone’s heart, very warm and wonderful. So I never imagined that you were the one playing it.”

It was as if Ricardo was saying that he thought I could never play a piece that was warm and comforting.

Actually, it wasn’t “as if”; that was exactly what he was saying.

“….”

Eventually, my foot froze again, and this time Ricardo must have noticed that I had stiffened, because I was supposed to turn gently.

“Oh, I mean! What I’m trying to say is!”

I resumed the steps, leaving Ricardo scrambling to follow.

“I’m talking about back then. Not now, but back then. In the past. It’s something from a long time ago. From when I didn’t know you well. You know, that time when, as you said, I was the idiot who didn’t recognize a gem!”

Ricardo hurriedly added, desperate to explain.

“I understand.”

Gently pulling on Ricardo’s hand, I lightly replied, leading him as he still fumbled.

I understood, but I hadn’t forgiven.

“Thank you.”

However, it seemed Ricardo didn’t grasp the hidden meaning behind my words. He took my statement as understanding not just the words, but also his situation, and gave a sheepish smile.

That shy smile, like that of a rookie knight, was quite convincing, and for a moment, I nearly forgave him—but I didn’t.

I just turned my head slightly, pretending not to have seen his smile. 

“Bianca?”

Even Ricardo, who could be quite dense, seemed to realize my mood when I visibly turned my head away.

“I’ll say it again, it was in the past.”

“I know.”

“I don’t think that way now.”

“I know.”

My short responses made his expression even more troubled.

“I know you’re a warm-hearted person.”

Ricardo’s hand, which was holding mine, gripped a little tighter, holding onto my hand.

“And I know that your heart is even more beautiful than your face.”

He drew closer to me, his body pressing against mine. Ricardo’s warmth, scent, and heart were touching my arm, my chest, my stomach, and my heart.

“Bianca.”

His tender voice softly landed on my forehead.

I knew too, that you’re actually a kind person.

I didn’t realize back then that Ricardo’s indifference was due to the scars of war, but now I understood.

I now knew that he was too busy either staring into unhealed wounds or too busy avoiding them to fully see me, even when I was right beside him.

Past Ricardo didn’t know Bianca.

Past Bianca didn’t know Ricardo.

We didn’t know each other, didn’t try to know each other, and so, we didn’t see each other.

But now…

“Ricardo.”

I looked up at him.

He gazed at me lovingly, as if he couldn’t contain how much he adored the woman in his arms, his eyes and smile full of tenderness.

Seeing him look at me, I couldn’t help but smile as well.

The past didn’t matter anymore.

“I don’t want to have any more regrets.”

Ricardo’s steps gradually slowed to a stop. Naturally, I also stopped, as we were dancing hand in hand.

Ricardo’s hand, which had been holding mine, lowered, and so did mine.

“Bianca Croft.”

As he called my name, Ricardo slowly knelt down before me.

“Oh my!”

“What’s going on?”

“It’s Lady Croft and Lord Winkaiser!”

“What’s happening?”

By now, everyone who had been dancing had stopped, and even those who had been chatting amongst themselves had all stopped what they were doing.

So now, everyone in the large hall of the Wensbury Mansion was looking at us.

“If I don’t do this now, my future self will surely regret it.”

Ricardo reached into his coat. When his hand reappeared, it was holding a small box.

“Bianca Croft.”

When Ricardo opened the small box, there was a ring inside.

More captivating than the radiant diamond was the expression on Ricardo’s face and his voice.

“Please, give me the chance to be your forever companion, to share your life with you.”

Finally, Ricardo spoke the words of the proposal, in front of everyone.

Amidst the gasps of surprise and sighs of admiration from all around, I could only look at Ricardo.

The smile on his face as he knelt down, looking up at me, was… truly, he looked so happy.

It was a smile of pure happiness, like that of a priest overjoyed to express his utmost devotion to his deity, like a seeker finally arriving at the long-awaited end of the world.

“Ricardo, I…”

But his deity couldn’t bring herself to extend her hand to him.

He thought this was the end of the world, but I couldn’t bear to tell him that there was another future beyond this.

I wanted to accept his proposal.

Though I might not be able to bear children, I wanted to marry him and live happily together. I wanted that too.

But, but…

I didn’t know if such a future was allowed for me.

I had sworn countless times that I would survive, that I wouldn’t leave you alone.

I resolved that I wouldn’t let things happen as the book intended, that I would live by my will.

But my determination had wavered so many times, and because of that, I couldn’t be certain anymore.

I wasn’t a deity but a human, so I couldn’t be sure, and being human, I couldn’t guarantee the future.

“Bianca?”

Ricardo looked up at me, sensing something was wrong as he noticed my hesitant fingers.

When our eyes met, filled with worry and affection, I felt like I was about to cry.

What if I die?

What if, after receiving your proposal, after exchanging wedding rings with you, I end up dying, Ricardo? Will you be okay?

What if you are left with a deep longing for me, living the rest of your life in loneliness with me in your heart?

“Ricardo, I…”

My heart was so heavy that I couldn’t continue speaking. I didn’t know what to do with the emotions welling up inside me, so I just bit my lip.

“Bianca.”

Ricardo slowly stood up.

His hand gently held mine, and as if to say I didn’t need to say anything, his other arm softly wrapped around me.

“I know there are still unresolved issues ahead of us.”

No, you don’t know.

“But I believe that together, we can overcome them all.”

Maybe not, Ricardo. Maybe we won’t be able to be together.

“I love you, Bianca.”

His tender voice.

His quiet whisper.

“I love only you.”