I May Be A Villainess, But I Won't Live My Life That Way - Chapter 82

Chapter 82

“Lady Bianca, if our conversation topic has made you uncomfortable, I apologize.  However, you must admit that your words were rather harsh as well.”

The Countess of Middleton, her hands trembling, spoke, clearly angered by being treated like a fool.

“Oh dear, were my words too harsh?”

Feigning ignorance, I asked her with an innocent expression. Of course, I didn’t actually think my words were harsh, and I was fully aware that they might hurt their feelings.

In fact, I had said them with the intent of hurting them.

“While it’s true that we were talking about you, Lady Bianca, it wasn’t the kind of mindless gossip you seem to think it was, was it?”

Despite having been caught gossiping about me just moments before, and having turned pale with fear, she now had the audacity to question me.

“We merely spoke the truth. Isn’t it a fact that you’ve become infertile, Lady Bianca?”

Ah, yes. The Countess of Middleton was close to the Viscount of Wensbury. I had heard they might collaborate on a mining project outside the capital.

So this is her way of saying that she has a powerful husband to back her up? 

“Yes, that is true.”

At my acknowledgment, a faint smile tugged at the corners of the Countess of Middleton’s lips.

“But just because I’ve become infertile, that doesn’t change who I am.”

What good is the power behind you, or behind that power?

“I am still Bianca Croft, and I am not someone who has to tolerate my name being dragged through the filth of others’ mouths.”

I slowly wiped the smile from my face and stared coldly at the Countess of Middleton.

“How truly pitiable you all are.”

I turned my head and looked each of the other three women in the eye. Some grew tense under my gaze, while others couldn’t even meet my eyes.

“To think that a woman’s worth is solely in bearing children”

Yes, there was a time when I used to think that way too.

I believed that marrying Ricardo, becoming a duchess, and supporting him was the life of a distinguished lady. That now, because I couldn’t bear children, it was all over. That because I couldn’t produce an heir, I had to willingly give up the man I loved.

“What do you mean ‘nothing more’? Bearing children is a sacred duty. And producing an heir for the family is the most important responsibility.”

The Countess of Middleton snapped back, clearly offended. It seemed she had already secured an heir for the Middleton family, or perhaps that was her greatest ambition.

“Of course, it is a sacred duty, and it is indeed important.”

I readily agreed with her. What she said was true after all.

Conceiving a life is a holy act, and continuing the family lineage is a vital responsibility.

“But that is not the only measure of a woman’s worth.”

“Oh really? Then what do you believe defines a woman’s worth, Lady Bianca?”

The Countess of Middleton challenged me, as if daring me to answer.

My response was already clear.

“My worth is simply being Bianca Croft.”

It might have sounded arrogant, but it was the truth.

“Not as the woman who bore the heir of a certain family, but as the person that Bianca Croft was remembered to be—that is my worth. My thoughts, my actions, my life—everything about me is my value.”

***

Today’s outfit was perfect. In fact, it was always perfect, but today even more so.

After all, I was meeting someone very important.

“Bianca of the Croft Marquessate greets His Imperial Highness, Crown Prince Aselbrant Cardigento.”

As soon as Asel appeared in the Croft family’s drawing room, I stood up and greeted him with proper etiquette.

“……”

By now, he should have said something like, “Why are you being so formal with me?” or “I told you to call me Asel,” but Asel remained silent.

“Raise your head.”

Instead, his voice carried the dignity of a true crown prince.

“Yes, Your Highness.”

I lifted my head as he instructed and looked directly at Asel.

There he was, with his familiar pink hair and pale face, standing before me. But the bluish-purple eyes that met mine had changed slightly.

They weren’t the mischievous, playful eyes I was used to. The calm and composed gaze I saw was not the Asel I knew, but the Crown Prince Aselbrant.

“I’ve come to check on you, but seeing you like this makes me wonder if I’ve made an unnecessary trip. I hope I’m not troubling you while you’re still recovering.”

“I am honored, Your Highness. I’m already much better, so please don’t worry about me.”

“Already much better, you say…”

Asel stood quietly, mulling over my words. His calm eyes seemed to waver slightly.

“It seems I’m late once again.”

The voice that came out was Asel’s, but it wasn’t the playful, unreadable Asel I knew. Yet the melancholy tone, as if he regretted something from the past, wasn’t the voice of Crown Prince Aselbrant, but simply Asel.

In other words, it was the voice of Asel, who loved a woman, or perhaps the voice of Asel, who had lost a woman.

“I was always like this. Always a step behind.”

Asel smiled bitterly, shaking his head as if he was tired of constantly being too late.

“When I looked at you, you were always looking at Ricardo. And when I reached out my hand to you, you were already holding Ricardo’s.”

He walked past me and sank into the sofa in the drawing room. His movements were heavy, like a weary pilgrim finally reaching the end of his long journey.

“Asel…”

I sat on the sofa across from him and looked at him. Asel gazed back at me in silence.

“Did you know I used to dislike you?”

At my seemingly random comment, Asel furrowed his brow.

“With how obvious you made it, did you think I wouldn’t notice? Even a fool could have seen that you didn’t really like me.”

“So, do you know why I disliked you?”

“Because I was annoying? Because I was too smug? Because I’m not your type?”

Asel shrugged as he listed off reasons—reasons that I had outwardly shown for disliking him.

“Your type is Ricardo. And I’m the complete opposite of him. That must be why.”

But the real, deeper reason was something else.

“The reason I disliked you, Asel, is because you reminded me too much of myself.”

The deep blue of his eyes rippled like a restless sea.

“You’re prideful, hate losing more than anything, and would rather die than show weakness to others. That selfish and stubborn nature of yours is so much like mine.”

“……”

“And just like me, you carried an unwavering love in your heart since childhood. A love you couldn’t properly confess or express—a foolish clumsiness we share.”

“Yeah, now that I think about it, you might be right.”

Asel nodded easily. If I were to say that even this trait of his reminded me of myself, he would likely agree to that too.

“No, it’s not just that you might be right—you’re absolutely right, Bianca. We’re very much alike. But…”

Asel paused briefly, gazing at me quietly.

“You said you disliked me because I reminded you of yourself, but I liked you because you reminded me of myself.”

A slow smile spread across Asel’s face, a gentle smile, like one might have when thinking of someone they love.

“The way you try so hard because you hate losing, the way you pretend it all comes naturally, the way you act tough even though you’re soft inside, your cunning yet endearing demeanor—I found it all utterly lovable.”

His confession took me by surprise.

I knew Asel liked me, but I had always assumed it was because I was beautiful or accomplished—reasons most men found attractive.

But to think that Asel loved me because he saw through to my weaknesses, and found them endearing…

The reason I disliked him was the same reason he loved me.

“Why? Are you surprised?”

“Yes.”

“Are you surprised because I know you so well, or because that’s why I like you?”

“Both.”

I openly admitted my surprise to Asel. Today, I had decided to be completely honest with him about everything.

“If you know that you and I are alike, then you should also know what I’m about to say.”

“Well, let me guess? Something like, ‘Asel, you’ll find someone wonderful too. You’re more than good enough.'”

It was close. We really were alike, down to even guessing each other’s thoughts.

“And there’s one more thing.”

“What is it?”

“Asel, you have nothing to regret. There’s no need to dwell on the idea that you were too late, or that if you had confessed sooner or more honestly, I might have accepted you.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“You made the right choice. It’s only natural to fall in love with a beautiful girl like me. Especially if you met me when we were younger. When you’ve only lived for a few years and you meet someone as cute and beautiful as me, it’s only natural to develop feelings.”

I beamed and praised myself, causing Asel to look at me with a slightly baffled expression.

“You did what anyone would have done. So, there’s no need to blame or regret your past self.”

After hearing everything I had to say, Asel stared at me intently, and I responded with a graceful and confident smile.

“And I can guarantee, as someone who’s like you, that you’ll meet someone truly wonderful. Of course, finding a woman as perfect as me might be rare, and finding someone better or just as good might be tough, but you’ll still meet someone decent enough.”

Asel’s lips parted slightly, and then they began to twitch.

“Oh, Bianca!”

After calling my name, Asel suddenly burst into laughter.

It was a hearty, joyful laugh.