I May Be A Villainess, But I Won't Live My Life That Way - Chapter 7

Chapter 7

“So, it seems I wasn’t followed.”

The director’s generosity allowed Ricardo and I to talk alone in the director’s office.

Instead, I had to endure another serving of that bitter-tasting tea, but it didn’t matter since I didn’t have to drink it.

“Of course.”

He seemed to think that I had investigated him.

He mentioned the dog incident last time and thought I had come because I knew he attended this orphanage.

Since I had investigated Ricardo’s lover, not Ricardo himself, I could confidently deny it.

“I’m sorry.”

His apology was sincere, almost surprisingly so. It was puzzling how an apology could come so easily.

He was the future Duke’s heir, a person of higher status than me.

“I misunderstood you.”

“It’s okay.”

Even though I received an apology, somehow, it didn’t feel refreshing.

“But I’m surprised you suddenly thought of sponsoring an orphanage. I thought the Croft weren’t interested in philanthropy?”

“It’s a personal interest of mine.”

“Yours?”

Ricardo looked at me as if genuinely surprised.

“…I see.”

There were many question marks in his gaze, but he didn’t ask me any questions.

He just waited, as if letting the question marks erode into his black pupils.

“Is this orphanage sponsored by the Dukes of Winkaiser?”

I asked, recalling the three opportunities the director mentioned in her life.

If it was sponsored by Wernsbury, it would indeed be a life opportunity.

“No. I, too, personally sponsor this place.”

“From the way Lara calls you brother, I’m guessing you come here quite often?”

“Yeah. Except for the director, the kids don’t know that I’m a noble or the heir of a duke. Though the older ones probably have a vague idea.”

Only then did I realize why Ricardo’s attire today was slightly more casual than usual. Just a white shirt and pants.

Of course, upon closer inspection, it was probably a well-finished and specially tailored item made of high-quality materials. However, at a glance, it could seem modest.

“They must think I’m just a knight who can handle a sword, because I’m here teaching the boys swordsmanship.”

“Swordsmanship?”

“Yes. There are quite a few commoners in the order, so you’re not going to get a high rank, but if you’re a knight, you’ll be paid by the state and have a stable life.”

So, he was teaching them a way to earn money rather than just giving them money. It was indeed more forward-looking help than temporary charity.

Learning from Ricardo, a renowned swordsman in the empire, would undoubtedly improve the children’s skills.

Moreover, with a recommendation letter from him, entering the knight order he just mentioned wouldn’t be too difficult.

Who would refuse entry when there was a recommendation letter from the leader of the knights?

“That’s a good idea.”

I nodded in agreement.

“What about the girls? Do they learn swordsmanship too?”

“I teach it to those who want to learn, but honestly, it’s difficult for girls to become knights. The children aren’t particularly interested in that either.”

“What about the future paths for the girls?”

I said, thinking of Lara from earlier, and the girl named Sister who had given her the eggs.

“I’m a bit ignorant about that… According to the director, usually, when they reach a certain age, they either get married or go to the city to work. Since they don’t have any specific skills, they might end up doing odd jobs.”

“I see.”

As the image of little Lara struggling with odd jobs, washing clothes in cold water with red hands on a cold winter day, popped into my head, my chest suddenly ached.

Why does my heart hurt for a girl I just met today, who is not even someone I know?

“It seems unfair somehow. Boys have the opportunity to become knights, while girls are stuck with odd jobs.”

“Do you think so?”

“Was I wrong in saying that?”

“Becoming a knight, handling a sword, is more challenging than you think. I believe it would be tough for girls to handle it.”

“Are girls weak?”

“No. Girls have better empathy. War is a terrible thing. There’s bloodshed, people die, the place turns into ruins, and the survivors wail. It’s tough for someone with strong empathy to endure.”

Ricardo turned his gaze out the window. He had the same posture I often saw, and his eyes, dry as if they were frequently observing, were fixed on something.

“The tragedy still haunts me. Sometimes it even appears in my dreams.”

I didn’t know.

Ricardo, who seemed strong on the outside, was still tormented by those memories.

“It’s most terrible to think that the person I killed might have been someone’s lover or someone’s father. Imagining that their remaining loved ones would search for them, shedding tears, makes it even more dreadful.”

Ricardo’s voice, dry as a desert, whispered in a parched manner. He seemed so fragile, as if he might wither away in the wind.

He had never shown me this side of himself before.

“So, as a form of atonement, I sponsor this place and teach the kids swordsmanship. It’s ironic to tell the children to become knights when I say war is terrible, but that’s the only skill I possess.”

With a self-deprecating smile, Ricardo spoke.

He seemed to regret teaching the children swordsmanship.

Maybe he regretted his life in general.

His appearance was so fragile that I found myself wanting to reach out and embrace his shoulders without even realizing it.

“Bianca?”

I moved instinctively. There was no other way to explain it.

I didn’t embrace his shoulders, but I reached out and held Ricardo’s hand, trying to prevent him from being swept away by the wind.

“…”

I couldn’t say anything.

I didn’t know what he was looking at.

Having not witnessed the horrors of war, I couldn’t fathom how severe and painful the sight must be.

Without knowing what it was, I couldn’t utter trivial words like “It’s okay” or “It’s not your fault.”

That would be a lie and hypocrisy.

I didn’t want to say such things to Ricardo.

“I don’t know what to say.”

I honestly confessed. However, I felt sorry.

I was sorry for not knowing what he was looking at, for not being able to empathize with him, and for not being able to say anything to him.

Have you always been like this?

While talking with people, did you always recall that horrifying scene?

Was it always visible beyond that window you used to look out of?

And is that why you always wore such an indifferent expression with dry eyes?

“Just… I… I mean…”

Despite years of etiquette training since childhood, I was stumbling over my words.

“Thank you.”

It was the first time I’d ever heard Ricardo say thank you.

I had never heard these words, despite praising him at dinner, dressing up for our events, and putting in countless efforts to become the future Duchess.

And yet, by simply holding my hand, he thanked me.

It wasn’t a grand gesture, and I felt confused about whether I even had the right to hear such words.

“Today, Bianca, I saw a new side of you.”

“Likewise, today feels like the longest conversation we’ve had.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes.”

Then, there was a slightly awkward silence—a different silence from usual.

I struggled to find words, and the awkwardness made me hesitate to say nothing at all.

My heart was tingling, and my lips felt itchy.

It felt like meeting a stranger in an unfamiliar place, yet the feeling wasn’t unpleasant. It was confusing but not discomforting.

“Wensbury wants to host a ball.”

I finally opened my mouth with a safe topic. Only then did the awkward atmosphere vanish, and the tingling sensation in my lips disappeared.

“Really?”

“They say it’s scheduled for next week, and they wanted to inform you in advance. They asked if you could come and grace the event.”

“If that’s what they say, then I should attend. When I get home, there might already be an invitation waiting.”

“That’s a possibility.”

“I’ll make sure to pick you up on time.”

“Alright.”

It was a conversation similar to our usual ones.

Talking with the familiar Ricardo made me feel oddly at ease. Yet, at the same time, I missed the sensation that had tingled my emotions just a moment ago.

Good, but not good.

Dislike, but not unpleasant.

Two conflicting emotions coexisted within me, tumbling around inside.

“Let’s get up.”

Ricardo stood up first, and I waited until he extended his hand to help me up.

His hand reached out before me, and the warmth of Ricardo’s hand, which I held for the second time today, was remarkably gentle.

As he held my hand and escorted me to the door, my heart oddly raced.

It was Ricardo’s hand that I had held countless times before, and his escort was nothing new, but something felt different now.

“Bianca?”

“…”

“Bianca?”

“Yes?”

“Your face seems a bit flushed. Are you feeling feverish?”

Ricardo’s other hand approached my cheek.

When his firm, calloused hand touched my face, a rough, scratchy sensation spread. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling.

Still, strangely, I couldn’t bring myself to tell him to remove his hand.

I simply remained still, feeling his hand linger on my cheek. I lifted my head to look at Ricardo.

His eyes were different. It wasn’t the dry gaze he used to have when we were together before. It wasn’t the gaze directed beyond the window.

He was staring straight at me.

It wasn’t a look of disinterest or looking through me. It was undeniably a direct gaze.

Suddenly, my heart began to beat rapidly.

Was this a good sign?

Or was it a bad sign?

“Smile Love”