I May Be A Villainess, But I Won't Live My Life That Way - Chapter 30

Chapter 30

The familiar melody resonated in my ears. And before my eyes, an unfamiliar landscape unfolded.

Ricardo was dancing with someone else.

It was only natural. Today was Maria’s debutante ball, and Ricardo was her partner. Dancing the first dance with her was only natural.

Even if for the past 10 years, it had been natural for me to be his partner, and naturally, I had been his first dance partner.

I realized my fingertips were slightly trembling as I brought the champagne to my lips.

Nonchalantly, I tightened my grip on the glass and took a sip.

The sweet and crisp liquid refreshed my mouth, but it didn’t refresh my mood.

“Bianca, are you okay?”

“What do you mean?”

Turning my head, I looked at Asel, pretending nothing was wrong.

He seemed like he wanted to say something, but seeing my expression, he just stayed silent.

“Well, it’s about time we dance too.”

As if it was nothing, Asel shrugged his shoulders.

“Sure. I’ll present my first dance to the prince tonight.”

When the words of approval came out of my mouth, Asel grinned.

“But.”

And when one more word came out of my mouth, his smile froze.

“I need to fix my makeup and come back.”

“You’re already incredibly beautiful.”

Asel quickly replied as if he couldn’t let me slip away.

“I know. But it doesn’t hurt to be perfect.”

I smiled as casually as possible, a smile that seemed to say it was okay to make a man wait.

But in reality, that smile was nothing but a facade.

After watching Ricardo and Maria dance, I was wavering. Tremendously.

If I were to dance with Asel now, I would undoubtedly step on his feet.

I couldn’t afford to make such a mistake in front of everyone.

“Go ahead and let’s dance after you freshen up.”

Right now, I needed a little time.

The face reflected in the mirror was still beautiful. Slightly pale and filled with worry, but still beautiful.

“It’s okay.”

I reassured the beautiful woman in the mirror.

“It will be fine.”

Whether my words were comforting or not, she smiled faintly.

It was a weak smile, but it was much better than the pale and troubled face.

I thought of going back to Asel after applying lipstick.

Knock.

The door opened without a knock.

“Ricardo?”

I was a little surprised to see the face in the doorway.

Shouldn’t he still be dancing with Maria? Had the music already ended?

“I need to talk to you.”

Just like there was no knock, there was no permission granted to enter the room either.

“What is it?”

“Why did you say that?”

“What are you talking about?”

“The words you said before leaving the room.”

Ricardo interrogated me with a stern gaze.

Yes, this was an interrogation. As if I had done something wrong, Ricardo was grilling me.

“It was just a meaningless remark.”

“Meaningless?”

“Yes.”

“You mean there was no meaning behind saying that Maria and I make a good pair?”

“I just said it because it seemed like you two looked good together. I overheard others in the hall saying the same thing.”

“Bianca!”

“Go ahead.”

Even if he was questioning me, I had done nothing wrong, so I stood confidently.

No, everything I did was to avoid being killed for no reason, so I was even more confident.

Even if it hurt Ricardo’s feelings a little.

“So, were you with Asel?”

“I was with the Crown Prince, but I don’t understand why you’re adding ‘so’ to that.”

“While saying that I match well with Maria, are you saying that you were with Asel? Why? Do you think you match better with Asel?”

Matching with that pink-haired Asel. Right now, it was clear that Ricardo was cursing in a very sophisticated way.

“What are you talking about now?”

“I really don’t understand what you’re saying and what you’re doing. Do you even know yourself?”

“What do you mean?”

“Sending your fiancé to another woman and being with another man. What kind of behavior is that?”

“Are you speaking as if I’ve committed some immoral act?”

“Are you offended?”

“Yes!”

“I’m very offended too.”

Frowning, I questioned Ricardo, and he too was frowning as he questioned me.

This was definitely a first for me.

In the past, if something offended me, I always pushed through it.

I couldn’t even recall a time when something I did outright bothered him. I wasn’t sure if he was genuinely looking at me properly.

This direct clash of emotions, scrutinizing each other, was a first. And seeing the angry expression on Ricardo’s face was also a first for me.

His forehead was heavily wrinkled, and anger flickered in his black pupils.

As raw emotions bubbled to the surface, my own emotions were escalating rapidly.

“Bianca.”

When my name came out of Ricardo’s mouth, there was a slight relief in the emotion that had surged up to my throat.

Yes, I was Bianca.

I wasn’t the kind of woman who let emotions dictate her actions or words just because she felt like it.

“Say it.”

Even though the emotions were barely controlled somewhere within my chest, my voice was much calmer than before.

“Why are you acting like this?”

“What do you mean?”

“I clearly conveyed my intentions, didn’t I?”

“What intentions?”

“Don’t pretend like you don’t understand. You’re not a clueless woman.”

“….”

“I clearly said I liked you.”

Ricardo looked into my eyes, like he was declaring war. There was no wavering in his eyes, no hint of retreat.

“I’ve made it clear that I’m interested in you and that I’m going to marry you.”

“But there’s still something you haven’t clearly stated.”

I stared into his black eyes filled with intense heat.

Was the boiling emotion anger, or was it something else?

“When you say you like me, does that mean you love me?”

If he said yes, I would believe him.

“If you marry me, does that mean you’ll love me for the rest of your life?”

If Ricardo said that he loved me right now, I wanted to believe his words.

Not the words written by a piece of paper, but the words spoken by a living, breathing person.

No, I wanted to believe the words spoken by Ricardo Winkaiser himself.

If he said he loved me, I would willingly ignore any books. If he pledged that his love wouldn’t change, I could even discuss finding a way to be together for the rest of our lives right now.

“Can you kneel before me right now, swear to love me forever?”

I desperately wanted him to say that.

“Maybe.”

But he didn’t.

He spoke as if he wasn’t sure about his own words. Words without conviction couldn’t convince anyone, not even himself.

I tried desperately to make him understand, but I couldn’t.

“What do you mean by ‘maybe’?”

Despite my efforts to sound composed, disappointment and a touch of mockery slipped into my tone.

“What is love, Bianca?”

“What are you saying?”

“If you explain what it is, I’ll see if what I feel for you is indeed love.”

He was serious. This swordsman, who had spent his entire life looking at swords, didn’t really seem to know what love was.

“I feel fond of you. I think you’re special. Is this love?”

Ricardo pleaded with his eyes. He seemed confused, struggling to understand his own emotions.

“I want to touch you. I want to kiss you. Is this also because I love you?”

Taking another step, he approached me.

Very close, he stood.

His leg slipped inside the folds of my skirt, and our chests were so close that even a thin piece of paper wouldn’t fit between them.

He looked down at me, and I looked up at him.

“Tell me, Bianca. Is what I’m feeling love?”

A breath escaped his lips as he asked, gently brushing my forehead, and his hand came to support my waist.

“Bianca.”

His voice was thirsty, desperate, longing.

He sought an answer.

“Ricardo.”

In response to my call, he gently tilted his head, looking down at me obliquely.

Our lips seemed about to touch.

“Would you die for me?”

I asked just before our lips could meet.

But they didn’t. They remained frozen, as if they had stopped in place.

“Would you sacrifice your life for me?”

Slowly, our lips were moving away again.

I wasn’t disappointed. I wasn’t regretful.

I simply accepted this fact calmly, as if it were natural.

“Do I have to sacrifice my life for it to be love?”

There was still confusion in his black eyes.

It was like the gaze of a child who couldn’t accept the fact that the answer he thought was right was wrong.

Or perhaps, the gaze of a discarded dog, endlessly licking the wounds inflicted by the master he followed.

Endlessly pitiful and endlessly tender, like a wounded dog abandoned by its owner.

“I think so too.”

I, too, choose my own life over Ricardo’s.

I didn’t want to be by his side at the cost of my life. My life was more precious to me than love with Ricardo.

I wanted to live. That’s why I decided to leave him.

Having made that choice, there was no reason for him to be disappointed that he couldn’t sacrifice his life for me.

“We don’t love each other.”

That was my conclusion.

Bianca didn’t love Ricardo.

Ricardo didn’t love Bianca.

“Smile Love”