I May Be A Villainess, But I Won't Live My Life That Way - Chapter 19

Chapter 19

“Oh! That’s not what I meant!”

As if realizing that what she said sounded strange to herself, Maria hastily added.

“I mean, it means that you are the person I want to resemble and become like.”

Maria’s hand, which had been fluttering aimlessly in the air, finally settled neatly on the table.

Actually, that was also quite dreadful.

I wanted to take her hand off the table and gently place it on her lap, where it belonged according to proper table manners.

“It’s an exaggeration.”

Instead, I chose to ignore the hand on the table and smile gracefully.

“Miss Bianca, as heard, you are indeed beautiful and elegant. Even your heart.”

Blushing slightly, Maria spoke.

Her hand fidgeted on the table as if it didn’t know what to do.

Like Lara, who doesn’t know what to do in front of candy.

Is it genuine?

“I heard that you are involved in many charitable activities.”

“I just have a personal interest in it.”

Actually, I couldn’t say that I do it because of you.

“In fact, at first, I was a bit scared—meeting a noble lady like you.”

“Oh, Maria, now you are a fine noble lady yourself.”

“No, I know. I know that I’m lacking. Even though I’m dressed up like this, if you take off the dress, I’m just a country commoner girl.”

Maria seemed to know herself better than I expected.

“I heard you know about my story.”

“I don’t know the details; I’ve only heard bits and pieces.”

“I was told a while ago that I’m the illegitimate daughter of a great family, and I didn’t believe it at first.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. If someone came to me out of the blue and said, ‘You’re actually the daughter of a marquis, let’s go to the capital,’ who would believe it?”

“I suppose that’s possible.”

“In fact, I didn’t want to come to the capital.”

Unexpected words came out of Maria’s mouth, and I paused for a moment.

But Maria, who was bowing her head, didn’t see that I reacted that way.

“The sudden change in my life was frightening. Although my circumstances weren’t that great, I was content with my life in Ancini.”

“Then why did you come to the capital? Why did you decide to live as a Wensbury lady?”

“Because my mother isn’t in good health. Given my circumstances, it was difficult to cure my mother’s illness.”

Maria’s expression, smiling faintly, seemed sad and poignant.

With that smile just now, I felt like I understood how much she loved her mother.

Although many things were lacking, Maria gave up the life she had been satisfied with to cure her mother’s illness.

A sudden change in the environment, especially being thrown into a completely unknown world, would be frightening for anyone.

Moreover, she wasn’t a young girl.

If adopted into a noble family at a very young age, it might be a stroke of luck. But being adopted like Maria, after growing up, would undoubtedly be challenging.

Not only would she be subject to gossip, but she would also have to work day and night to quickly learn things she hadn’t learned in her youth. Even if she learned, becoming like other noble young ladies was impossible.

Society wasn’t as easygoing as it seemed.

Perhaps Maria didn’t know that she might end up being a drop of oil floating on the water until her death.

Of course, to avoid that fate, Wensbury sent Maria to me, probably asking for a little effort.

After all, I am Bianca Croft, known as the flower of the Sprendo Empire’s social scene.

“To cure my mother’s illness, I decided to be adopted into the Wensbury family, but it was still frightening. In truth, I still don’t know what to eat with this spoon.”

Maria held up a soup spoon for me as she spoke.

“To be honest, I don’t really understand why there are so many spoons when eating rice. It would be much easier to wash dishes if there was only one.”

Perhaps jokingly, Maria laughed a little.

While I didn’t quite understand her point of view—believing that you can’t use the same spoon for soup and pudding—I just smiled slightly.

“So, it was scary, but coming to the capital and hearing stories about Lady Bianca helped me gather some courage.”

“My story?”

“Yes. I thought that if there was someone as beautiful inside and out as Lady Bianca in noble society, it wouldn’t be so frightening.”

Maria looked at me and blushed again.

“Really, Lady Bianca, you’re like a dream to me.”

“Lady Bianca, this is really delicious!”

“Oh, use this fork for the salad. Oh my! Lady Bianca, you eat salad so gracefully. What’s your secret?”

“By the way, can I ask you about things like this? How do you get your hair to sparkle like that?”

“I also want to do charity work like Lady Bianca in the future. Right now, it’s more urgent to figure out when to use a fork or a spoon, though.”

Throughout the meal, Maria admired the dishes and asked many questions. Occasionally, she looked at me with shining eyes.

And every time, I kindly answered her questions and sent a smile her way.

At those times, Maria admired my answers, blushed shyly at my smile, and smiled back.

Would I really try to kill that innocent and kind girl later?

A question arose within me.

Would I truly attempt to poison such an innocent and kind girl? The hatred that had surged within me before meeting her had already faded away after meeting Maria.

“So now my mom is in the hospital. The doctor said it would have been better if she had come earlier, and I was really upset because I wanted to take her home as soon as possible, but we couldn’t afford it.”

Even while enjoying delicious food, Maria would quickly lose her cheerfulness whenever she thought about her mother.

“But now that she’s admitted to the hospital, I believe she’ll get better soon.”

She smiled again. The same positive and cheerful young lady I had seen in the report.

“Okay. I’ll keep you in my prayers, too.”

“Thank you so much, Ms. Bianca.”

She said this, blushing shyly once more.

Then, she picked up the glass in front of her and took a sip.

For a brief moment, I imagined putting the colorless and odorless poison I had secretly obtained from the book into Maria’s glass.

Just for a moment, I pictured her realizing that I had poisoned her drink.

Maria would wrinkle her face in pain, clutching her throat. No, would she clutch her stomach if it were poison?

That shy smile on her face would be replaced by an expression of agony, and her delicate lips would emit only pitiful groans and painful breaths.

“I’m so glad to have such a conversation with you today, Lady Bianca. As I mentioned, you were my ideal.”

Maria said this, seemingly breaking through my conscience.

“Maria, I’m not such a great person.”

Just two hours ago, I despised you.

I even seriously thought about killing you.

This foolishly innocent woman.

“Actually, charity work isn’t done from a pure heart.”

“Oh?”

“I wanted to hear that I was a good person. I wanted to hear that I was a kind woman.”

Originally, that was my intention. Making my reputation rise.

I let people know in advance that I’m not a villain.

“Isn’t that natural?”

Maria tilted her head slightly as she spoke.

“I also want to hear good things about me from others. I don’t think there’s anyone who wants to hear that they are a bad person from others.”

“For example…”

I glanced at Maria.

She seemed to be eagerly anticipating what story I was about to tell, focusing on me.

“If someone were to call me a villain?”

“A villain?”

“Yes. Someone who doesn’t hesitate to kill even a person. if they call me such a villain.”

“You, Lady Bianca?”

“Yes.”

“That would never happen!”

Maria exclaimed loudly for the first time.

It was louder than when she said the meat melted in her mouth or when a bean that she was trying to pick up with a fork bounced off and hit a distant candlestick.

“You would never be called a villain.”

Maria looked straight at me.

It was a gaze that was perfectly straight, with no wavering.

“It can never happen.”

I, too, thought the same way.

No matter what the book said, I had no intention of committing murder.

Especially not against that kind woman who was sending me boundless trust.

“Maria, I agree with you.”

Smiling warmly at her, Maria responded with a relieved smile.

I would never become a villain.

***

A refreshing dawn was breaking.

It had been a night filled with countless thoughts.

No matter how many times I thought about it, the answer was clear. I was not a villain.

No matter what that book said, I was not a villain, and I never would be.

After meeting Maria, this conviction became even stronger.

“I need to break the engagement.”

That was finally the conclusion I reached.

Becoming the wife of Duke Winkaiser had been my long-standing dream and desire.

I had never thought once that I wouldn’t become that, and I had never considered that I wouldn’t achieve that dream.

At least for me, it was my inevitable fate.

But more important than my long-standing dream was ‘me’ itself.

What mattered most to me wasn’t the dream I had harbored for so long, nor the position of the duchess, nor even a seat beside Ricardo.

‘Me’ was the most crucial thing to me.

“I am Bianca Croft.”

I lifted my chin, straightened my posture, and looked into the mirror with a determined gaze.

A beautiful and dignified woman stood there.

As I smiled at myself in the mirror, she smiled back at me.

It was a very elegant and beautiful smile.

“That’s good enough.”

It was okay not to be the Duchess.

It didn’t matter if I was a divorcee 

I was Bianca Croft.

That was enough.

“Smile Love”