I Don't Want To Work! - Chapter 23

CHAPTER 23

 

The reason I gave the emperor a chance was simple.

‘…Have I ever received an apology?’

To those who wielded their children under the name of parents, have I ever received an apology?

I walked through the long corridors of the palace, blinking my eyes.

‘Careless parents aren’t uncommon.’

Parents who abuse their children aren’t uncommon either.

There were even parents who tried to change their relationship with their children, not uncommonly.

But, it was rare for someone to respect and apologize to a child like me.

‘It was all one-sided apologies.’

Have I been indifferent all this time? I’ll do better in the future. So, be a good and cute daughter, and son, and treat me well.

That was usually the case.

Even when they thought the relationship between parents and children had changed.

When they thought they couldn’t wield their children anymore.

When their children started taking responsibility for themselves.

At those times, they made such one-sided apologies.

‘There were even those who didn’t apologize until the end.’

The man who blamed me until his dying moment was my biological father.

I silently tightened the noose around my neck.

It’s been over a thousand years, yet why does my neck still ache?

“……”

The steps that were walking stopped. My mind lost in thought, felt heavy.

Even though I’ve lived hundreds of lives.

It was something I’d never experienced before.

“Phew.”

I lifted my heavy head and took a short breath.

As I turned my head to look out the window, the sunlight was beautifully pouring down on the white buildings.

But, I feel like I’ve seen this scene before.

“Ah!”

I opened my eyes wide.

Right! Lady Saila!!

“Ahh.”

I should have subtly laid the groundwork by speaking to the emperor.

I forgot to speak because of the unexpected apology popping up.

“Hmm.”

I rested my chin on the window sill and looked down at the garden. At the end stretched the main gate of the palace.

And there was Lady Saila, walking towards the main gate.

‘It looks like she waited until the end to meet the chamberlain.’

Since the chamberlain taught her directly, it seemed like she asked him for work as a last resort.

It seems like she was rejected though.

“Hmm.”

I narrowed my eyes.

But why is she seeking work here?

Unless she’s returning as a maid.

The tasks available in the palace are usually things that servants can do.

‘Why work at the palace instead of seeking a governess position?’

Governess or lady’s maid positions are something nobles and ladies can do.

It would be much easier to find a governess position outside the palace.

‘Because being a lady’s maid is prestigious.’

If she needed money urgently, being a governess would be better, so why?

‘Whatever the reason.’

It doesn’t change the fact that she’s what I need.

And that I need to get her.

‘I prepared for this.’

I confidently pulled out the mandragora roots I had stored in my pocket and chewed them meticulously.

Alright, with this, I can walk for 15 minutes!

Let’s go!

 

* * *

 

“S-Saila, Lady……”

I walked fast, but due to my stamina rapidly decreasing, I ended up taking out two more mandragora roots.

“Just a moment, uh, wait… huff…”

I managed to grab onto the hem of the lady’s garment.

I got a hold of her, but couldn’t even lift my head to speak.

I couldn’t catch my breath.

Darn it, cursed stamina.

When will the starlight flowers bloom?

When will I return to having the stamina of an ordinary person?

Damn it, you cursed one. Receive another curse.

As I quickly muttered the curse I learned when I reincarnated as an orc.

A gentle voice descended upon my head.

“Are you alright, Princess?”

As I lifted my head, Lady Saila took out a handkerchief from her pocket and gently wiped the sweat from my forehead.

Her touch felt familiar.

Huh?

“Do you know me?”

“Yes, of course. Aren’t you Your Highness Princess Lottie Pandelion, served by Betty?”

Lady Saila, wiping away the sweat on my forehead, smiled.

In her own way, she was trying to brighten her face for me after all these years.

Her dark face did not brighten at all.

“I often brought you food, don’t you remember?”

“Ah……”

I blinked and lowered my head.

“That could be. You were so young, Princess.”

Well, I was only five, so it’s understandable to forget.

‘Let’s just gloss over this and reintroduce myself.’

There was something I got caught on earlier.

Should I confirm it?

“No, that’s not it. Actually, I’ve lost my memory.”

“What?”

“I got sick-.”

“Goodness!”

Lady Saila was startled and looked all around me.

“Is there anywhere that hurts, Your Highness? Come to think of it, you haven’t been well.”

The hesitant tone, the familiar gesture of wiping sweat, the sensitive reaction to my mention of pain.

I’ve seen this a lot.

Even the subtle scent emanating from Lady Saila’s body.

‘Confirmation complete.’

I burst into laughter, relieved.

“I meant I was sick.”

“Oh.”

Lady Saila sighed in relief as if she was relieved.

“It was just a minor accident. You don’t need to worry too much, Lady.”

“If you’ve lost your memory, it seems like it would have been a big accident, but you should be careful.”

With that, Lady Saila straightened herself up from the bow she made for me.

She seemed concerned about me, but her face showed exhaustion.

I stared at her face intently.

The tiredness under her eyes from lack of proper sleep.

The cracked and bleeding lips.

The roughened skin and cracked hands from frequent contact with water.

The weariness and conflict, and…

“Ah, I feel like I spoke too lightly. I wasn’t like this… I’m sorry, Your Highness. Please take care of yourself.”

Even her eyes, which had lost their light, became murky with self-loathing.

“I’ll take my leave now. My child is waiting for me. If I have the chance, I’ll greet you first next time, Your Highness.”

Even though I had lost my memory.

Even to the extent of being so relaxed that there wasn’t even a hint of doubt about knowing her name.

‘I should have recognized her right away.’

I turned around and firmly grabbed the hand of the lady who was about to leave.

And I asked.

“Lady, how sick is the child?”

Others might have thought differently.

But the reason I thought the child was sick was simple.

Didn’t the chamberlain say earlier?

“There was no adult to take care of the household.”

So, the only person close enough for the lady to take care of the child personally must be her.

“How, how could that be.”

Lady Saila swallowed a short breath. Her pupils were shaking finely.

“How could Your Highness know that? Oh, could it be what the chamberlain mentioned?”

That could be one thing.

“I can tell by looking at Lady Saila.”

“Me?”

“Yeah.”

First, the delicate touch of wiping sweat felt familiar.

‘This is what people who take care of patients lying down do.’

Because you have to meticulously wipe the body every day to prevent bedsores.

But this was only a slight possibility.

So, when I let slip about the pain.

‘She reacted immediately.’

Even though she didn’t react strongly to the mention of memory loss, she reacted even more strongly to the mention of pain.

If she were an ordinary person, she would have reacted more strongly to the mention of memory loss.

Lady Saila is sensitive to the word ‘pain’.

‘Lady Saila’s appearance is that of someone who has been a nurse for a long time.’

Cracked hands from touching a wet towel every day.

Dark circles under the eyes from staying up all night nursing.

Even the herbal scent lingered on her body from touching it for so long.

Everything was the appearance of someone who had been a nurse for a long time.

But what gave me even more confidence was.

The eyes that showed self-loathing.

“Everyone gets tired from long caregiving.”

They said there were no filial daughters or sons for long illnesses.

Taking care of one person completely was not an easy task.

And it had to continue endlessly, not knowing when it would end.

And if there was a lack of stamina, that was fortunate.

In such cases, most people not only lacked stamina but also felt economic pressure.

‘I’ve seen a lot.’

Those who were initially spirited quickly lost their energy.

Those who were bright lost their laughter.

Positive people were filled with negative thoughts.

Under pressure, struggling, being pushed further and further into a corner until finally.

The blade was pointed towards the patient.

If you weren’t there.

I wouldn’t have struggled this much.

I could have lived more leisurely!

…!!

And then comes the heavy burden of guilt that follows.

How well my family treated me, how beloved my child is. I have to endure it, I have to succeed.

Why, why am I like this?

How did it come to this?

“……”

I’ve seen several people who were soaked in self-loathing fall before the patients.

“Lady Saila.”

I quietly took the lady’s hand.

And gently comforted her.

“You’ve done well, Lady. You’ve done well. Just for enduring this far, you deserve praise.”

“…!”

Tears filled the lady’s eyes.

“You’ve tried your best, Lady, but you’re tired.”

Those with a strong sense of responsibility like Lady Saila often fall into this swamp.

“Me.”

The hand covering her mouth was trembling.

“…Wouldn’t they think I’m a bad mother?”

Tears fell from her eyes.

“Wouldn’t they think I’m a bad person? How could I, how could I think like that as a mother?”

No matter how hard it was, how could she?

How could she scold a sick child?

Lady Saila’s body gradually crumbled under the weight of intense guilt.

“They wouldn’t.”

I swept her back with my hand.

“Whatever thoughts or words you had towards the child, they weren’t your true feelings.”

They were just sharp fragments that couldn’t be swallowed because they were too painful.

They weren’t the true feelings of the lady or those people.

“…!”

The lady nodded while crying.

And I continued to hold her hand until she stopped crying.