Duke, Please Fail! - Side Story 2 (Part 9)

Side Story 2: Part 9

The feeling of alcohol subsided a bit, and the mind that had been locked under sleep slowly surfaced. 

With closed eyes, I groped the bedside out of habit. 

Realizing no one was there, I gradually rose, familiarizing my eyes accustomed to the darkness of the room. I looked again at the side; it remained empty. Ominousness tugged at my clothes, urging me to find you.

Without even thinking about turning on the light, I opened the door. 

While walking briskly, my mind envisioned places you might have gone. There were only two places: the house of a woman named Lizzy and the farmland where Faust worked. 

However, since it was still dark outside, you wouldn’t have visited either place yet.

Suddenly, one place flashed in my mind. 

‘The study.’ 

I couldn’t enter the inner chamber without the key, which only you and Roger had. Although the possibility of you being somewhere else was higher, my steps were already heading towards the study.

Without even considering taking out the key, I grabbed the doorknob and turned it. The door opened without any resistance. And beyond it, you stood in the place where the book was, holding a candlestick.

Whether it was anger or anxiety or perhaps both, it felt like my heart was trampled upon the ground. 

Were you trying to leave me while I slept? 

Is that why you reconciled me with Adelhardt? Restored Faust to sanity? As a parting gift?

Your face showed a mix of surprise when you noticed me. 

“Leonel.” 

Your voice, calling me, was still sweet and gentle despite your attempt to leave.

“What are you doing here?” 

I asked, trying to sound calm.

You seemed flustered, rolling your eyes as you placed the candlestick on the table. 

“Nelly.”

The distance between us narrowed in an instant. 

As I reached out, your soft cheek brushed against my fingertips. At first, this alone could satisfy me. However, the thirst grew. Like standing in the desert and staring at the sea. Like watching an unreachable waveform and crash.

Approaching, I embraced you. 

“I just came to check if the book was here… I’m sorry for entering without permission.”

It didn’t matter if you entered the study. I could give you anything you wanted. As long as you didn’t leave my side.

“Are you going to abandon me?” 

“No! I just have to go back when the time comes, so I was preparing slowly… Leonel?”

I wouldn’t let you go. No matter what happens. I wouldn’t return to a life where I felt nothing without you…

“I don’t understand, Leonel. Breathe. Leonel!”

A small friction sound was heard. Both cheeks stung ever so slightly—not painful, but enough to snap me back to reality. It felt like being suddenly pulled up from the depths of a deep sea. You had somehow sunk and were now sitting, kneeling in front of me.

My breaths were catching. Like a shore unable to withstand a tidal wave due to a tsunami, the excessively surging breath couldn’t fill the lungs, only swirling around the throat before escaping. Gasping, my breath was stifled.

Trying to twist my neck, you held my head tightly.

“It’s okay, Leonel. It’s okay, just breathe slowly and deeply.”

You hugged me, burying your face in my chest as if to straighten my waist. As I tried to breathe along with the strokes of your hands sweeping down my back, the gasping subsided slightly. But the chest felt tight, and the voice didn’t come out properly.

“Nelly, don’t go. Please, stay by my side.”

My voice cracked and split, sounded gruesome even to me. It seemed like this voice couldn’t turn your heart.

But I couldn’t stop pleading. 

“Please don’t leave.”

I lifted my head, but I couldn’t see your face properly. Were you crying with me, sighing, or both? I couldn’t tell whose or what kind of uncontrollable trembling it was. I only felt the soothing touch on my back.

Even after my breathing stabilized, I couldn’t let you go. But you, by force, pushed me away and stepped back.

“I have to go.”

“….”

“Still, until the full moon rises, I’ll be here! Slowly preparing to say goodbye.”

“No.”

I approached as much as you retreated. With one arm, I wrapped around your waist and pulled you closer.

With our bodies close, you looked into my eyes, containing only me. Among the clear green, tainted with resentment or something I could never see forever, which was harder to endure?

After thinking dozens of times in a short period, I made up my mind.

“You can’t go back, Nelly.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I burned that book.”

“… What?”

I felt you trying to step back, so I tightened my grip on your arm. Trying to smile while looking into your moist eyes, I spoke.

“If you were thinking of leaving, you shouldn’t have been so affectionate.”

“Is that a lie?”

“I burned the book that could take you back. Did you think I would just leave it there?”

“Knowing, you burned it? Knowing that I wanted to go back?”

Your small hand pushed forcefully against my chest. With clear resistance, my strength waned. As my arm relaxed, you managed to slip through and distance yourself.

I expected you to raise your voice in anger.

Like the day you died. You were supposed to leave me behind, but you were still standing in front of me. Tears welled up in your eyes and the fiery anger that flickered like flames subsided. 

Maybe now, could your heart change? A glimmer of hope appeared faintly.

“I’m Leonel. You call me that too. So why are you trying to leave me?”

I wanted to reach out and wipe away your tears, but you turned your head away before my hand could touch you.

“Please, look at me, Nelly.”

Your tear-stained face turned towards me, full of bitter compassion. But your lips ultimately denied me.

“I don’t want to.”

You extended the arm you had awkwardly raised. Your voice, mixed with sobs, scratched at my guilt.

“Do you know how I feel right now? Disappointed, betrayed, wondering how you could do this to me…”

“I felt like I had to hold onto you, even if it meant doing this because it seemed like I could only live if you were there.”

“I know!”

You covered your face and turned away. Your small shoulders trembled, and a faint voice emerged.

“That’s why it annoys me. I understand, even though I don’t want to understand, the desperation Leonel must have felt, and it’s so irritating!”

You finally burst into tears. After hesitating for a while, I placed my hand on your shoulder.

You turned your body and embraced my waist.

“I wish two people could be the same person, or at least, I could think of the two people as the same.”

I heard the sound of you catching your breath. Your voice continued thin and fragile.

“But everything is different. The surroundings, the people, even the way I’m called feels unfamiliar.”

“I’ll be the person you want. The Leonel you desire…”

“No.”

You shook your head firmly, looking up at me with a moist face.

“I remember the day we rode the carriage together to the capital. Do you remember?”

“…”

“Do you remember the day we danced at the ball? The day you confessed to me? The day I came back?”

I was absent from the things flowing out of your mouth, even though they were undoubtedly experiences we shared.

“No, it’s not like that. That’s why I’m so confused and scared right now.”

It was only then that I realized, even if fundamentally the same, that I could never be the person you wanted. There was no reason for you to love me, no way for me to fill the deep gap of missing memories.

I crouched down and embraced you. The thin and soft strands of hair brushing against my face felt like razor blades, almost piercing my skin.

Once again, my greed and selfishness were ruining you. I had prayed every day and night to hear your voice just once, but when I finally had it in my hands, I wanted to keep it in my arms.

It wasn’t impossible, but if I did that, you would probably continue crying as you are now. If the price for you staying by my side was your contempt and hatred, I would willingly accept it. But if that price was your sadness and agony, could I just watch it happen?

“Nelly.”

Instead of an answer, a sobbing sound was heard. Even though my heart felt torn apart, your tearful face made me smile affectionately.

You pushed me away again. With your head bowed low, you roughly wiped your face. Then your expression returned to its usual clarity.

“Still, when the full moon rises, I’ll leave as planned. Even without the book, there must be a way. I will find that way and leave.”

Your eyes, moist with tears, sparkled. I reached out and gently touched the corner of your eyes.

How could this be happening? I know what kind of person I am to you. I understand the affection reflected in your eyes.

Yet, I betrayed you. How can you not hate me? How can you be so radiant and beautiful?

Suddenly, I realized how deep my love was. Because of that, I couldn’t hold onto you any longer.

My hand slipped. My gaze fell to your chest, and there, on the handle, was the familiar imprint of a key.

“Huh!”

As I raised the key, you startled and hastily clenched the key, retreating while hiding it.

“Did you use this to enter the study?”

“No, this is not allowed. I can’t give it to you.”

Tears welled up on your white cheeks again. Though it felt like my heart was being stabbed, I didn’t hesitate to reach out.

After carefully wiping away your tears, I took your hand and lowered it. The key revealed itself completely.

“It should work for the safe too.”

You avoided my gaze without saying a word.

“I kept the book you were looking for in the safe.”

“What?”

“I thought you might cry if I burned it. Odd, isn’t it? If only that wasn’t there, I could have somehow kept you by my side.”

“Leonel…”

You reluctantly burst into tears again.

Holding you, everything about you brushing against me didn’t hurt as much as before. However, I sensed that I might regret this decision for a long time.

That was my intuition.