Duke, Please Fail! - Side Story 2 (Part 2)

Side Story 2: Part 2

When I opened my eyes, I found myself lying on the bed in the ancestral estate, not your room. I sat up and looked around for you.

You weren’t there.

Revenge wasn’t over, so you shouldn’t have left my side. But your voice and form were nowhere to be seen. It felt like losing you all over again.

“Nelly!”

I stood on shaky legs. Intense dizziness and a pounding headache overwhelmed me. My vision blurred. My stomach churned, and nausea hit.

Yet, I couldn’t stop walking.

“Your Grace.”

I passed by Roger and headed towards the door. If I went to the western tower, you would be there.

‘Or perhaps in the grave.’

The thought halted my steps abruptly. The word ‘grave’ resurfaced in my mind. Why did I try to find you? How did I think I could find you?

You had died a long time ago.

Then, what did your voice lingering by my side mean? What about your apparition? Whose will was it that sought to end revenge?

It was confusing. I couldn’t distinguish between reality and illusion.

Was it real when I executed the sinners and returned to the estate, entering your room? Or was it when I entered the dining hall?

What if it was when I handed you the salad?

I raised my hand and swept it across my chin. Since returning to the estate, I hadn’t done anything for a few days. If your death was real, I should have had a beard. However, my chin was smooth, as if just shaved.

‘Is this all a dream?’

The thought excited my chest. Yes. Maybe…

Maybe all of this was a long, agonizing, and terrible nightmare.

Yes. That’s it. It’s a dream. It’s been too much. Dreaming of you dying.

I took a deep breath and turned to Roger.

“Is Nelly in her room?”

“…Your Grace.”

He sighed as he called out to me and handed me a handkerchief.

“Nelly Pepper has passed away.”

A round stain appeared on the handkerchief I unknowingly accepted. My eyes felt hot as if the pupils were burning. I stared at the spreading dark spots and, after a moment of blankly gazing, affirmed.

“Yeah. That’s right. …That’s how it was.”

The person moved as if lost in an unfamiliar place. I couldn’t move on my own until Roger pulled me and sat me back on the bed.

“Your Grace, you need to pull yourself together and take care of yourself.” 

His words weren’t a suggestion.

I was pulled back into reality. Arette and Levance, along with Roger, stayed by my side, forcing my life back to how it was before losing you.

I started dealing with the neglected tasks. The sudden expansion of the estate kept me busy without a moment to gather my thoughts. However, the loss didn’t disappear. 

Loss stood in a distant place, watching me during the daylight hours and approaching with the speed of darkness.

As if waiting for me to be alone every night, I walked slowly around the bed. If I could see your figure again, and hear your voice, I might have endured this pain lightly as before. Unfortunately, you never revealed yourself to me again.

I missed you. Your last moments kept replaying like a malfunctioning gear in the same spot. I imagined and reimagined how painful it must have been for you. Every night, I struggled with nightmares with my eyes wide open.

I couldn’t stop thinking. It felt unbearable without something to depend on. 

In the day, I clung to work, and as the sun set, I clung to alcohol. Time painfully continued, and the day I lost you approached.

I impulsively bought a dagger. I didn’t intend to kill anyone, including myself. I just occasionally took it out to remind myself of the pain you must have endured. I had to remember what I did to you, feel it, to make this life feel meaningful, to survive.

After that, I could spend nights without alcohol. When darkness came, I closed my eyes with your death and woke up to a normal day when morning arrived. In the eyes of others, it seemed perfectly fine. 

Roger couldn’t hide his relief, giving me a subtle smile.

“Your Grace, you hardly drink these days.”

“Yes, fortunately.”

Levance nodded as well. Their gaze was noticeable, but they remained silent, picking up their pens.

The study became quiet suddenly. Soon, a knock was heard. Roger nodded at my gesture and opened the door. Arette walked in.

“Your Excellency, Faust got into a fight while gambling and is currently detained for assault.”

I put down the documents I held and sighed deeply.

“Where’s Faust?”

“He’s being held by the guards.”

I forced myself to stand and rose to my feet. 

I heard Arette’s footsteps behind me. As we entered the guard building, knights and soldiers bowed their heads. I gestured for Arette to guide us through, and he opened the door to a room inside the corridor.

“If you wait, I will bring him.” 

I nodded, then leaned back in the chair, rubbing my eyes. 

After a while, there was another knock on the door. Arette opened it, and the pungent smell of alcohol entered the room before anyone did. Without words, it was clear who had arrived.

Arette soon brought a staggering Faust in front of me. 

Faust seemed so intoxicated that, once Arette let go, he swayed for a long moment. His eyes, bloodshot and unfocused, lacked any clear direction.

It was evident he was not in a state for a conversation. As we moved to the sofa, Arette tried to make Faust kneel on the floor, but I gestured to stop him.

“Put him on the sofa and leave.”

As soon as Faust sat on the sofa, he slumped to the side. He remained motionless, as if dead.

My emotions were complex. Whenever I looked at Faust, I felt a sense of guilt. 

At the same time, it frustrated me why he chose to live like this when he could live properly if he set his mind to it. Despite losing much more, I managed to survive somehow. I had even entertained arrogant thoughts.

However, after losing you, I understood how Faust was enduring. Just imagining the despair he must have felt made me feel physically weighed down.

He let out an uncomfortable sound as he rubbed his head and sat up. Faust, who had been crouching for a while, lifted his head. For a moment, he seemed to freeze upon spotting me, then quickly looked around.

I waited for him to assess the situation before opening my mouth.

“Explain what happened.”

“I happened to pass by the gambling den, and some guy, for no reason, started swinging fists, claiming he lost money. I just dodged, but he stumbled and got hurt by himself.” 

Faust replied with a cracked voice. However, I couldn’t believe his words. I had picked up the sword, vowing never to wield it again after losing you, and yet, I ended up shedding blood.

The anger born from grief was violently uncontrollable. So, rather than his excuse, it seemed more credible that he had hit someone for no apparent reason.

As I stared at him, Faust clenched his jaw. Perhaps the alcohol had worn off a bit; his hazy eyes became somewhat clearer.

“Why bother asking if you won’t believe?” 

His words were accurate. Moreover, even if he had truly committed violence, I couldn’t punish him. When you were alive, I had tried to maintain a strict separation between duty and personal feelings.

However, right after you died, I was swayed by raw emotions and killed Devondus without gathering evidence. Did I have the right to punish Faust?

The answer was undoubtedly negative.

“Arette.”

“Yes, Your Grace.”

“Release Faust.”

“…Understood.”

I turned away, walking towards the door, and heard a click behind me, accompanied by a muttered curse.

“Damn it.”

It was Faust’s voice. Before I could grip the door handle, he spoke again.

“Look here, Commander. No, Your Grace.”

I paused. Though I didn’t turn around, he sensed my willingness to listen.

“I don’t know what relationship you had with the manager, but you’ll regret living like this.”

What could I regret? Was there anything more regrettable than living without you?

The heavy footsteps approached closer. Faust passed by me, opened the door, and left without even looking back.

“As an experienced one.” 

He added with a sarcastic tone.

With a sullen face, sharp eyes, and a body that had lost much of its muscles over the years, Faust warned me without a formal farewell. And without waiting for any response, he left the room.

Arette, who used to bicker with him in the past, lowered his voice.

“Shall I bring him back?”

“Leave it.”

“Then I’ll arrange for him to be confined to the prison.”

Sending a glance to Arette, I walked out through the door that Faust had left open. Perhaps it was due to being in the dark for a while, but the weather seemed unusually nice.

Under the bright sunlight stretched the paths you must have walked countless times. I paused for a moment, then instructed someone to fetch a hood.

After pulling the hood low over my head, Arette asked.

“Is there somewhere specific you’d like to go?” 

I shook my head and walked toward the castle. Arette also put on a hood and followed behind.

The busy and vibrant square felt strangely surreal. 

Instead, a woman selling flowers in front of a dark alley caught my eye. Unlike the sunny day, her face carried a deep sadness. Her body appeared sturdy, yet lean, and her hair, lighter than yours, lacked the same luster.

Even the flowers she was selling seemed less vibrant. Despite not resembling you in any way, strangely, I was reminded of you. I stood still, silently observing the woman.

Thinking that I showed interest in the woman, Arette whispered.

“Her name is Lizzy. She returned to the estate not long ago.”

The woman seemed to be around the same age as when you came to manage the estate. 

“What does it mean that she returned to the estate?”

“She married forcibly to repay debts, and after her elderly husband died, she was driven out with nothing. There were indications of abuse during that time.”

I already knew that something similar almost happened to you. However, I had only heard it from Arette and read it on paper, never directly from you. The fact gnawed at me internally.

Lizzy, still sitting with wilted flowers, looked unenthusiastic. 

I handed a gold coin to Arette.

“Buy all the flowers each time you come across her.”

Arette nodded briefly and approached the woman. Without waiting for him, I headed straight back to the castle.

Even after finishing my tasks, sleep eluded me.