Aloof on the Outside - Chapter 3

Chapter 3

“What about your friends? Are they not coming along?” Xia Yu asked as he got in the car.

Zhou Ding started the engine. “They have other plans.”

“Other plans?”

“Mm-hmm. The internet cafe.”

Xia Yu hummed in response.

In his first year of university, Shen Youtang and his roommates had also frequented internet cafes. The families of all four were quite well-off, so each of their laptops were top of the line, but they still grouped up to go to the internet cafe whenever they could, saying there was “soul” there.

Xia Yu didn’t understand what they meant by soul; he didn’t install any games on his laptop and only occasionally played mobile games. He then thanked Zhou Ding, “You helped me twice earlier, thank you.”

Zhou Ding rubbed his nose, a little embarrassed to admit that it was because he had misjudged Xia Yu earlier in the day, so he simply said, “No worries.”

The car accelerated, the heat slowly filling the car. The glass window blocked the biting cold wind outside, allowing Xia Yu to relax as he leaned into the soft seat. “You’re part of the basketball club?”

Zhou Ding stopped at the red light.

He glanced at Xia Yu, noticing the latter was looking at his WeChat Moments. He hummed in acknowledgment and asked, “Shen Youtang never mentioned it to you?”

Xia Yu shook his head. “Maybe he did, but I don’t remember.”

Zhou Ding continued to ask, “You’ve never watched a basketball game of our school before?”

Didn’t you say that you like basketball?

“I’m too busy,” Xia Yu explained, his gaze fixed on his phone screen. His slender fingers gently slid across the screen, tapping lightly every now and then. “I spend all of my free time drawing, so I don’t have time for anything else.”

Zhou Ding didn’t respond, his gaze shifting between Xia Yu’s face and fingers. He felt something was off. Under normal circumstances, after adding someone they weren’t familiar with on WeChat, people wouldn’t typically scroll through the stranger’s profile in front of them, nor would they tap on the images to zoom in and observe the details.

He immediately recognized the photo Xia Yu was looking at—it was a picture the coach had taken of him, capturing the moment he dunked the ball in a game. The key point was that Xia Yu had zoomed in on his lower body.

This was too awkward, even strange.

Zhou Ding was so embarrassed, he couldn’t even ask, “Why are you staring at my lower body?” He could only keep this thought to himself, desperately recalling whether there was anything inappropriate in that photo. Basketball was a vigorous sport, and sometimes his body would react involuntarily when adrenaline surged, but… he couldn’t have gotten a boner, right?

He considered himself a focused athlete, and he had checked the photo when he uploaded it; he definitely would have noticed if he got a boner.

Could he really have missed it?

Surely he didn’t actually get a boner?

No way! 

Zhou Ding’s grip on the steering wheel tightened.

“Hey, the light’s green now.”

“Oh, right.” Zhou Ding snapped out of it and managed to drive forward before the car behind him honked in impatience.

Xia Yu gave him a strange look. “What happened to you just now?”

“Nothing, just thinking about something.” Zhou Ding cleared his throat and changed the topic. 

“By the way, there’s an internal basketball match at 2 P.M. this Sunday. You can come watch if you want.”

Xia Yu asked, “Are you participating too?”

“Of course. I’m the captain of the first team. I won’t skip the game unless there’s an emergency.”

Xia Yu nodded. “Impressive.”

Zhou Ding asked, “So, are you coming?”

“If I’m free, I’ll go.”

After Xia Yu got out of the car, Zhou Ding didn’t immediately drive away, instead taking out his phone to look at his Moments.

He found that picture, then zoomed in. After studying it briefly, he finally let out a sigh of relief.

Thank god.

No boner.

Then what exactly had Xia Yu been staring at so intently earlier?

Through the tinted window, Zhou Ding’s gaze lingered on Xia Yu’s receding figure.

With the false alarm out of the way, he quickly recalled their conversation in the car and noticed some strange discrepancies.

Apart from browsing Zhou Ding’s Moments in front of him, Xia Yu had mentioned earlier that he liked basketball.

Other than that drawing, Zhou Ding hadn’t sensed any other interest in basketball from Xia Yu. Despite being a student at Longcheng for two and a half years, he hadn’t seen Xia Yu at a single game; he didn’t even know Zhou Ding’s name, and had responded indifferently to Zhou Ding’s invitation.

Zhou Ding wasn’t a celebrity by any means, but he could confidently say that anyone who liked playing basketball at Longcheng University would know his name.

Moreover, saying “If I’m free” was essentially a polite way of saying “If there’s a chance next time,” which was essentially rejection, wasn’t it?

He just couldn’t understand what kind of liking Xia Yu had for basketball.

Back in the dorm, Xia Yu took a shower first.

He hung his coat on the balcony; the heavy smell of tobacco and alcohol on it would bother him if he kept it inside his room.

Afterward, he checked his phone while drying his hair. There were a few missed calls, all from Shen Youtang.

He opened WeChat, where Shen Youtang had also sent him messages asking if he was upset, telling him not to mind what that girl had said.

Xia Yu responded: ? I’m not upset. ?

Almost immediately after he sent the message, Shen Youtang called again.

When Xia Yu answered, he heard Shen Youtang asking, “Have you returned now?”

Xia Yu sat down at his desk and opened his tablet. “I’m already back at the dorm.”

“Why weren’t you answering your phone earlier?”

“I was in the shower.”

“Oh.”

After the acknowledgement, there was silence on the other end.

Xia Yu didn’t speak either, quietly browsing on his tablet. Just as he was about to hang up, Shen Youtang spoke again: “Xia Yu.”

“Hm?”

“Why aren’t you curious about your brother’s love life?”

Xia Yu blinked slowly, his fingers stilled on the tablet.

“You didn’t even ask when I started dating Ruanruan. Don’t you think my confession was a little sudden?”

The voice from the other end seemed to have opened up, mixing complaints and sighs, “Jiang Yang and the others even came to ask me about it, but not you. You didn’t ask a single question. How are you so unbothered with your own brother? I’ve been pretty good to you, right…”

After listening for a while, Xia Yu interrupted, “Have you been drinking?”

“I wasn’t planning to, but I had some after you left. I didn’t drive; I called a substitute driver.”

“Oh,” Xia Yu responded softly. “Then rest early.”

“…What do you think of Ruanruan?”

“She’s quite pretty, and she suits you well,” Xia Yu said.

“That’s good then. Ruanruan was worried you wouldn’t like her.”

“She’s your girlfriend, as long as you like her.”

The other laughed. “True. Alright, then, let’s leave it at that. As long as you’re not upset. I was afraid you would think I was keeping secrets or something, so I didn’t say anything. Anyway, if you don’t mind, then let’s leave it at that. You should get some rest too.”

“Hm, goodnight.”

After hanging up, Xia Yu let out a soft sigh.

He had noticed the unusual undertone in Shen Youtang’s voice, but Shen Youtang had a girlfriend now, so there was no point in dwelling on it.

He never wasted time on meaningless things.

Xia Yu sat by the table, his gaze calm as he looked at the tablet.

With a light swipe of his finger on the screen, he resumed his unfinished task—seeking inspiration for his next artwork.

Usually, his inspiration came from these explicit and provocative texts on the tablet, along with countless bold covers of videos and audios.

But for some reason, he hadn’t been able to find any inspiration in these things for quite a while now.

This had caused him to not update his Twitter account for almost a month. He knew without checking that his comment section must have been flooded with all sorts of messages asking for updates.

But without inspiration, he couldn’t just casually post an image to appease his followers.

After a short pause, he switched channels, navigating to a more reserved and literary section.

The content on this website leaned toward impressionism, with none of the explicitness of more hardcore material. However, these subtle hints and suggestive imagery hooked viewers’ attention, guiding their thoughts, allowing them to imagine and fill in the blanks left open by the images.

After spending a long while browsing this section, Xia Yu still couldn’t make a decision.

Finally, he closed the web browser and turned off his tablet.

Orange light shone from above, illuminating Xia Yu’s face. He lowered his gaze, the shadows of his long lashes covering his eyes.

It wasn’t enough. 

All of this was not enough.

Xia Yu could distinctly feel how his needs had once again increased. 

Simply watching or listening to these things no longer satisfied him; regardless of whether it was a video, an audio clip, or even a doujin, everything was like dry bread to him. No matter how stimulating the visuals or explosive the content, nothing could leave a ripple in his heart—instead, these superficial satisfactions only deepened his yearning and need for something more.

These things couldn’t even bring him pleasure, let alone inspire him.

He thought he needed the touch of a real body more now.

He needed real hugs, real kisses, and real fulfillment, not just forcing himself to immerse in others’ works and satisfying himself through imagination.

These were all fake.

Not only did they fail to quench his thirst, they brought about an even greater emptiness.

Now, not only was his wellspring of inspiration dry, his body and soul were equally parched.

Xia Yu let out a soft sigh, then pulled out a sketchbook and began flipping through the portraits.

This sketchbook originally had eighty pages, but now there were less than forty left, as he had torn out the rest.

Of these remaining pages, fewer than ten depicted actual portraits, some of which were duplicates. Therefore, the total number of unique subjects depicted was five.

He had to remove one more.

Because today at the bar, he saw this person secretly holding hands with another guy.

With that, only four subjects remained.

They were the basketball club’s Captain Zhou Ding, Vice Captain Lu Siwei, the volleyball club member Ji Xingliang, and a high jump athlete from the track and field team, Jiang Tiankuo.

All four individuals were above 185 cm in height, and in terms of looks and physique, they were definitely top-tier among their peers.

Furthermore…

None of them had ever been in a relationship.

Of course, it wasn’t possible for Xia Yu to know for certain whether or not they’d had relationships in the past; he could only say that, at least publicly, these individuals had no girlfriend or boyfriend. They were known to be single dogs, and this fact was important because Xia Yu didn’t mess with straight men or those in relationships.

These students hadn’t dated anyone during their first or second year, leaving Xia Yu unsure of their orientation, and thus worthy of continued observation.

As to why he had yet to make a move, it was mainly because he was unsure of their moral character.

Another reason was that he’d previously had an ideal candidate: Shen Youtang.

Xia Yu’s excessive reservations stemmed from his reluctance to let others know he was gay.

He needed a perfect sexual partner who could satisfy his needs in bed, but also someone who would keep their lips sealed and not reveal the slightest hint of their relationship. He wanted someone who wouldn’t be too clingy, with whom he could part ways amicably should the relationship become rocky.

However, his ideal situation would be to have a partner with whom he could engage in a secret romance.

Not only could he surrender his body, but he could also share some of the repressed feelings inside him that he had no other way of expressing, someone who would keep each other’s secrets. The model would be akin to a “limited relationship,” where they wouldn’t discuss the past or future, but they would be a loving couple in the present, allowing each other to do anything a couple could, but once the time came, they would be strangers, at most friends, with no further lingering attachment.

Not just anyone could meet these requirements.

In addition, Xia Yu had very high standards for his partner’s physical appearance, which was why he’d narrowed his scope to those few individuals.

He needed physical satisfaction, but he also needed to be psychologically conquered.

Pain wasn’t a concern; the partner’s qualities had to provide enough stimulation.

Xia Yu had known Shen Youtang for two and a half years, and he could trust the man’s character. Shen Youtang was tall and handsome, and they had shared a dorm room during their first year in college. Shen Youtang was quite an open-minded person; after getting familiar with Xia Yu, he would often casually walk around the room only wearing his underwear after showering. Therefore…

Xia Yu knew that Shen Youtang met his standards.

As for the other individuals, Xia Yu wasn’t sure, and he didn’t want to resort to any sordid tactics to gather information.

But based on their heights and appearances…

None of them would likely disappoint him.

He had endured for so long to find someone who met his standards.

But at the same time, he was cautious and unwilling to take any risks.

He desired pleasure.

But he also desired safety.

Now that Shen Youtang was out of the picture, Zhou Ding naturally became his first target.

The current semester was the end of their third year, and the next year would be their last. 

By their fourth year, they would no longer have classes, and each student would choose whether to pursue a graduate degree or enter the workforce. There was no need for them to stay in school, as long as they completed their theses, which meant they would only need to return for their defense. Therefore, their fourth year could be considered a time of complete freedom.

This was also the safe zone Xia Yu had set for himself. 

In his plan, he would make his decision and attempt to secure a partner during his third year of college. 

If he managed to find someone suitable, that would be ideal. His last semester of third year and entire fourth year would belong to them, and they could enjoy this “limited time” together, potentially leading to something more long term. If things went wrong, the short duration of less than half a semester would be enough for him to stabilize the situation. By the time they reached their fourth year, he could leave decisively, and the other person wouldn’t even be able to find him.

Besides, statistically speaking, students were generally cleaner and more innocent than people in the workforce.

Xia Yu still hoped to achieve his goal within the campus.

People became significantly more complicated after entering the workforce.

Upon returning to campus, Zhou Ding didn’t go straight back to the dormitory but instead went to the court to practice. 

The squeak of his sneakers on the hardwood flooring echoed loudly. Suddenly, his steps came to an abrupt stop. At the three-point line, Zhou Ding leaped high, tossing the basketball in his hands into the air. It drew a parabola in the air before accurately falling into the hoop.

After making the shot, he pulled up his shirt collar and casually wiped his sweat-covered forehead, then picked up the basketball again and walked to the side of the court to rest.

He took a sip of water, then picked up his phone to check it, noticing a message from an unknown number.

Upon opening the app, he remembered the sender was Xia Yu.

?Limbo: [photo]?

?Limbo: Your physique is very beautiful, so I used it as a reference when I was drawing. If you find it offensive, I apologize.?

Zhou Ding opened the photo and replied, ?Was this the one you drew earlier today??

?Limbo: Yes.?

?Z: Didn’t you say you were drawing Kobe??

?Limbo: Yes. I originally planned to draw an Asian, but I like Kobe, so I used the number 24.?

?Z: I’m also number 24.?

?Limbo: I know. I saw it on your Moments.?

?Z: So, were you only looking at my photos to study my physique??

On the other side, Xia Yu’s eyes widened slightly.

He was merely trying to probe his subject as usual. He had done the same thing to others in the past, but they had all responded with something along the lines of “It’s fine.” It seemed like only Zhou Ding had understood his probing intentions.

He placed the drawing pen down, calmed himself, and responded, ? Yes. ?

Then added, ? What else did you think I was looking at? ?

This was his second probe.

The display showed that the other person was typing.

But after waiting for a while, there was no new reply. This made Xia Yu anticipate the response even more.

Two of his quality subjects had disappeared in a single day, leaving him feeling rather unlucky. Could this be the so-called “after rain comes sunshine”—that one must lose something to gain something else? Had his other subject come forth to reveal his identity?

After some time, the message finally came through.

Xia Yu immediately checked it, but in the next second, the smile on his face vanished. The response read:

? Zhou Ding: My sneakers are a limited-edition collab between Air Jordan and Louis Vuitton. ?

—

The author has something to say:

Xia Yu: Speechless in this world full of straight men. 🙂