Chapter 15

Yunseul’s face sank as she opened her eyes. The bright white ceiling bothered her. There was also a weird odor. It seemed both strange and strangely familiar.  

Yunseul looked through her memories, seeking to recall the smell.

Hospital.

Yunseul’s eyes fluttered open when she realized it was the same smell she’d noticed in her mother’s hospital room.    

“…Are you awake?” a quiet voice said.

Yunseul shifted his head gently toward the source of the voice. What was it? His expression was sad.

“Why…. do you look at me like that?”

Why are you staring at me as if you’ve never seen me before? What’s the strange expression in your eyes? Yunseul sat up in bed, sucking in a breath.    

“Oh…….”

He has to have known she was pregnant. That explains why he’s staring at her. He wasn’t sad; he was angry and disturbed, and he had to be mistaken.    

Yunseul encircled her midriff with her arms. Then she gave him an icy stare.    

“I can’t help being angry.”  

“…….”

“No matter what you say, I’m going to have this child.”    

This was his child, the one he had said he hated. She expected him to go on a rampage and shout at her to get rid of it.

But he only stared at her, saying nothing.    

“Why? Is it because I’m going to have a baby? I know you don’t like children. I’m going to raise it by myself. It won’t be your child, but rather mine, and I’ll live quietly and not be seen by you, so….”

“…Yunseul.”

Yunseul eventually stopped talking when she noticed his jaw trembling. His teeth must be trembling. Yes, it is possible.

He doesn’t understand why he’s doing this after telling her numerous times that he doesn’t want a child and that if she does, she wants to get rid of it.    

She recalled him talking to his mother. He promised to take her to the hospital and remove the baby if she ever became pregnant. Her heart was pierced by his voice.    

“I’m not getting rid of it, I’m not getting rid of it!”

“…I fell down the stairs.” 

“I know.” 

What do you mean? Her back hurts a little, but that’s it. Everything else was in order.

“……I’m ready to leave, I just need you to pretend he doesn’t know…….”

She was willing to leave as long as he pretended not to see.  Yunseul’s eyes widened as she adjusted her unkempt hair.    

“…What is this?”

Her fingertips were covered in blood. Yunseul smeared it on her clothes after wiping her fingertips off like she was plucking off an insect.    

Maybe she should wash it away with water. The smell of blood struck her like a ton of bricks. She felt uneasy since it was so graphic.

She clenched her teeth, unable to calm her growling stomach. He came running from a few feet distant.    

“……What about the child?”

“…….”

He says nothing, and she feels a surge of nervousness rushing throughout her body. She has no idea why he behaves this way.

If he hates her so much, he should just do as she is told and not show it with his entire body. Yunseul looked up at him, her forehead wrinkled.    

“………….”

It was strange. She thought she made a mistake, but she wasn’t.    

“What about my baby? Is he okay?”

Yunseul, who seldom raised a voice, asked. The arm that was wrapped over her belly trembled.    

“Ai is…….” He stared at her, unable to say anything.    

“Why won’t you tell me? My baby is? what did you do?”

He was the type of man who could do anything. Why didn’t he just yell at me for keeping her pregnancy a secret, and she wouldn’t have been so worried?    

“By the time you got to the hospital, it was already… It’s too late.”    

Yunseul’s tears had dried up in the corners of her eyes. She carefully closed and opened her eyes, trying not to cry. Her bloodied hand was clasped.

Her nails dug into her palms as she squeezed. But she doesn’t seem to be in pain. She thinks she has lost her ability to feel pain.    

To keep herself from crying, she tightened her teeth, but tears threatened to flow over, so she bit the tip of her tongue. She bit down harder as it tasted like blood.    

For the first time in a long while, she spat out the words, 

“don’t lie to me.”    

“The baby is still here… I can feel… I can feel it…….” 

She rubbed her smooth tummy gently.    

“…It’s just that my stomach isn’t coming out. The doctor said it could be….”

Of course, it may be, but why?    

“Why are you lying to me? Do you hate her that much?”

She can’t believe he’d lie to her like that just to get rid of her baby. A cruel and cold person. She now has goosebumps.

Yunseul stroked her slender face with her palm.    

“Why…. Why didn’t you tell me?”

He looked at her blankly, as if he was wondering why she hadn’t informed him that she was pregnant.    

“Why? What if I had?” she clenched her teeth, holding back tears.    

“So I could take me to the hospital?”

“…….”

“You were the one who told me to go to the hospital when I had a baby.”

And now I’m supposed to inform him that I’m pregnant? He didn’t come across as resentful. Instead, it was serene. There was a brief silence.    

“Are you sure……….. it’s your fault, okay?” she asked, looking at his face for assurance.    

“Really?” he asked, pursed lips and nodding.

Yunseul closed her eyes and then opened them again.    

“…I’d like to be alone, so please leave,” she said quietly.    

“…I’d rather cry.” I’d rather cry.”

 “Instead of crying out. Don’t hold it in……. Get angry…….”    

“I’m not going to cry,” she says.

“Why would I cry if I didn’t have to? When I felt sick to my stomach, I should have gone to the hospital.”

“It was all my fault. If I had gone to the hospital while I was shivering and sinking…… If I went to the hospital…… ‘I was a complete idiot.”

She felt bad for her baby, whose tummy didn’t even come out since she was too busy watching…… She feels bad for her baby, who wasn’t given a single blessing……    

For a baby who was never loved by her parents… She is filled with sorrow.  

Yunseul didn’t shed a single tear. 

* * *

She has no idea how many days have passed. She slept and slept and slept more and more. She slept and slept, except for going to the bathroom, like a person who wishes to forget reality, and she lost track of time.

She couldn’t bear the thought of reaching for her phone when all she needed to do was check her watch, so she curled up in a ball and didn’t move an inch.    

“…….”

If she hadn’t climbed the stairs that day, it might be the problem, her eyes open. If she hadn’t gone to accept the apology of Seo Jun-hyuk.

No, she shouldn’t have gone to her in-laws in the first place for her father-in-law’s birthday. She grieves, and she regrets it.

She’s caught in her regrets, and darkness has taken hold of her. The image of Seo Jun-hyuk pushing her shoulder comes to her clearly as time passes.

She also recalls her blood, which she did not recall at first. Yunseul rose, shaking her head to clear her mind.

She sat with her back to the door, staring out the dimly illuminated window. It had stopped raining for days, and the moon was bigger and brighter than it had ever been.

And it felt like she could reach out and touch it.

Yunsel took a step onto the floor. She felt dizzy, but not dizzy enough to be unable to walk. She walked to the window, and she smiled at the moon.    

“……I should have called you a star, not a lonely moon.”

The star has friends, but seeing the moon so lonely made her heart feel like it was ready to break.

Even though she banged her hand on her chest because she couldn’t breathe, her chest felt heavy.    

She smiled as she remembered how she used to be courteous to Seo Jun-hyuk. He had to be envious of the baby in her womb.

Unfortunately, she wasn’t able to cry. She feels depressed and unwell, feeling like she is going to die, but no tears fall from her eyes.    

Yunseul walked over to the refrigerator. Her legs gave out, and she came to a halt numerous times before standing in front of the refrigerator.    

“…I’m hungry.”

She opens the refrigerator and finds it stocked with food bought by someone else. Yunseul takes all of the food from the refrigerator.

There was a table nearby, but she sat on the floor and began shoving food into her mouth.

She didn’t get to eat as much as she could have wanted. She was sorry and sorry for only eating ice cream……    

She couldn’t think of anything that made her happy……    

She ate and ate and ate some more. She was never satisfied, no matter how much she ate. As a result, she forced more food into her mouth, chewed, and swallowed.    

“Stop eating.”

She hadn’t even noticed him until she went to put the food back in her mouth, and he stopped her hand from reaching for it.    

Her empty eyes met his gaze.

“…I’m hungry.”  She eats, but she isn’t satisfied.

“Let me eat…… woof!”

She became nauseated all of a sudden. Yunseul rushed to the bathroom, grabbed the toilet seat, and vomited everything she’d just eaten.    

“Ha…a…. Ha…a…. ….”    

‘I apologize.  I’m sorry I didn’t feed you everything you desired, I’m sorry I didn’t sing you a single lullaby, I’m sorry I didn’t protect you…… ‘   

‘I’m sorry, baby.’

Yunseul cleaned the bathroom floor with her hand.  She desperately wants to cry, but no tears come. Instead, she used her nails to scratch the floor.

It didn’t matter if her nail had broken and bleed.  Maybe if she hurt herself, she’d feel less pain in her heart. Yunseul’s breathing became harder and harder.    

She thinks it is still in her stomach… She is aware of it… She believes she feels it…

Yunseul grasped for her stomach as she lifted her hand from scratching the floor.

The world has fallen apart. She closed her eyes, refusing to look at the colorless world.    

“…Are you okay?”

Okay? She couldn’t come up with an answer to his question. She wasn’t sure if he was asking her if she was okay with the cleanup, the bleeding nails, or the loss of her baby moon.

She was simply angry. Why is he asking if she’s all right? What kind of response is he looking for? Her chest was constricted.

No, she felt like she was about to burst with anger. It was burning, just like a fireball had struck her chest, and every breath she took felt like her insides were melting away.

“Are you all right?”  

 She thought she was about to burst out laughing. She wanted to ask him if that was a question, but she couldn’t look up or speak.    

Her stomach clenches. She had no idea how to survive in a broken world.

“Get up.”

The man behind him grabbed her arm and tried to help her. Yunseul slapped his hand away angrily. Her eyes looked colder than ever when she opened her eyes.    

“The needle was pulled out…….”    

When he held her wrist again, she was prepared to push him away, but she looked up when he said the needle had been pulled out.

Her arm was filled with blood. It had to be where the needle got trapped because it was bleeding when it was pulled out.    

“…….”    

Even though the blood was flowing, She felt like it was somebody else’s hand.

Yunseul’s eyes looked calm as she watched the blood drip down her arm and clamped her fingers over the spot where the needle had been inserted to stop the flow.    

While the smell of blood made her sick, she pushed his hand away and let him help her to stand up.

Her vision went black, and her body shook. He pulled me into a tight embrace at the same time.    

“Here.”

When he called for help, she was struggling to breathe in his arms. Yunseul’s lifeless eyes moved to the entrance.    

The nurse, who was standing outside the door, hurried in and swiftly put a cotton swab with alcohol to the gushing cut.

Then she started wiping the blood away.    

“…I prefer to wash it.”    

Her voice had broken into three pieces. Her throat felt tingling as if it were being ripped open, and she grimaced.    

She used a bandage to stop the flow of blood.    

“I’m going to put Ringer back.” Did she not hear herself?

“I want to wash it.”    

She looked the nurse in the eyes and said that she needed to wash her hands. However, the nurse looks at him as if she is begging for his consent.    

She had forgotten that the hospital was an affiliate of the Shijiu Group.

Yunseul grabbed his arm.    

“Let me wash up.”    

She was disgusted by the smell of blood, not just sweat. She was unhappy that she had to beg him to wash her hands, but she wanted to do it right away. She wanted to stand under the cold water.

“You can leave the ringer for later.”  

“Yeah, okay.”    

When he spoke, She didn’t even pretend to listen, but the nurse took his order and walked out the door.

Yunseul laughs at the ridiculousness of it all. It was a smile that appeared to be on the verge of breaking.    

“I’ll wash you,” he offers, and she initially thinks she misheard him.

“You got hurt washing yourself.”

“Never mind.”

“How can you supposed to take a bath when you can’t even stand on your own.”    

Yunseul bites her lower lip.

“I can wash myself.”

She moved his arm away and told him to leave, but he refused.    

“Then don’t bathe me up.”    

He makes an apology after she stops, wondering whether he’s growing upset.    

“It’s dangerous. If you fall….”

“I’ll sit on the chair.”    

There was a chair in the bathroom for her to sit on, so she thought she could wash herself there.

No, even if she didn’t, she’d sooner fall than be washed by him.    

“I’ll stand there, then. Wash.”

She was about to object when he said he’d be watching her wash from a safe distance, but it didn’t concern her either, so she just nodded.

He stepped back and placed the chair under the shower. As she unbuttoned her scrubs, her hands trembled. She wasn’t sure if she’d been stripped n*ked when she was hospitalized, but she wasn’t wearing any.

The scrubs were thrown on the ground. Yunseul, n*ked, purposefully turned on the cold water.  She felt confused when she stood under the shower and sat down in the chair.

She could feel his eyes on her back, but she was still submerged for a long time. Nobody was urging her to wash off her hands.

It was odd because he was usually impatient.  She put on the clothes that he provided her and got into bed after a leisurely wash, and he brought her a blow dryer.

“You’ve got a cold.”

A cold? She’ll get it. She is unable to comprehend why people bother with colds.    

“Dry off and lie down.”    

Yunseul gave him a blank stare. Strange. Uncomfortable. Irritated. She has no idea what he’s thinking, and that irritates her. But she didn’t want to be angry. It annoys her…… Everything was annoying.    

She eventually dried her hair, and the nurse he’d called upon gave her an injection before leaving.

She thought washing would help her feel better, but it had the opposite effect.    

Yunseul sat dazed on the bed. His eyes were fixed on her broken nail.    

“Your mother is…….”

She glanced unable to believe the strange words that came out of his mouth. Your mother-in-law? She wasn’t sure if he was referring to my stepmother or my biological mother.    

“Your real mother….”

“…….”    

He shifted the topic like he was sensing her mind.    

“She’s awake,” he said, looking up from her sad face.    

“Your mom is finally awake. She’s also in this hospital. ” 

She can’t believe he was thinking of her.”

“Do you want to go?”

Her heart stops at the idea of taking her home.    

“…No, thank you.”

Yunseul’s voice was cold. Yunseul lay on the bed, turning her head. She needed energy. She thought she was punished for abandoning her mother.

What sacrifices she made, what choices she made to protect her baby……. Such a mom… She deserved it either as a child or as a mother

“Go away.”    

She needed to rest. It felt uncomfortable to be in the same room as him.    

“…I’ll sleep here.”    

She curled up like a child with her back to him. She felt his piercing gaze on her back, but she turned away and stared out the window.    

Fortunately, the hospital room was on a higher floor, enabling the moon to reach outside and touch her. There was a moment of silence.

“…Isn’t that a good thing for you?” she blurted out her thoughts.    

“What?”

“Anyway, I…” Yunseul took a breather before continuing.    

“…You didn’t want it,” he said, his words spilling out.    

“I…….”

“Forget it. I already…….”    

She closed her mouth, unable to speak any further. She closed her eyes, unable to look at the moon.    

“…Junhyuk was on the stairs?”

Yunseul blinked her closed eyes open. She turned around to face him.    

“…What difference does it make if he was?”

“Did he push you?…….”    

She didn’t say anything out loud, but Yunseul got the gist of it. Yunseul burst out smiling. It was a smile that appeared to break apart and disappear.    

He was going to speak something when his mouth shut. She watched him unimpressed, as he tightened his hands as tightly as she could.    

“I’m tired; I’m going to sleep,” she said. Her eyes continued to fall.    

“And when am I going out of the hospital? I’m not even sick, why do I have to stay here?”

The hospital smelt terrible. She kept smelling blood somewhere, and her saliva tasted bitter every time she swallowed because of the ringer.    

“Just a few more days and then we’ll discharge you.”

She wanted to leave the hospital on that day, but she didn’t want to argue with him, so she kept silent.

It was eventually time to leave the hospital a few days later. She informed him she could go on her own, but he didn’t bother to accompany her.    

She took the VIP elevator to the parking garage, where her car awaited her. He didn’t call a driver, as she expected. She sat in the passenger seat, staring at him as he took control of the car.    

“Why?” he asked, then she turned away without saying anything.    

She saw the trees turning green as we drove out of the area. She’d only been in the hospital for a few days, but it already felt like summer.

Yunseul flung open the window. Hot air filled her entire body in an instant. Yunseues’ eyes fluttered furiously as she looked out the window of the car, which stopped at a traffic light.    

A couple was walking down the street, brightly smiling, and……    

“…….”

A two-year-old girl was clinging to the man’s neck.  She was chuckling and laughing as she thought about what was making her so happy.

She doesn’t cry, but the corners of her eyes get wet. She averts her eyes and stares straight ahead.

Her heart was hurting. She is unable to breathe. Yunseul sank her nails into the back of her palm, terrified, even though she knew it would pass.    

The pain was serious, but she prayed it wouldn’t get worse so her heart wouldn’t hurt so much.

She arrived at her residence and went through the gate. Her heart fell as she climbed up the stone steps and past her in-laws’ house.

She unconsciously scratched her neck, but he grabbed her wrist and stopped her.    

“Let’s go inside.”    

They made their way through the garden to her house.  Mrs. Seo approached her as he unlocked the door and removed her shoes.

“Youngest wife…….,”

Yunseul wiped a tear away with her lips pressed together.        

“I’m going out for a while for work,” he said.

“I won’t be late.”    

Yunseul ignored him and proceeded to the master bedroom. She wanted to lie down; her physical strength appeared to have decreased significantly during her hospitalization.    

She could hear him yelling something at Mrs. Seo, but she ignored him and proceeded into the master bedroom, where she found a bed.

She rarely had time to herself at the hospital because she was always moving between doctors and nurses, but she enjoyed the idea of lying alone in a quiet room.    

“…….”

She has no idea what to do and is just empty, empty, empty.    

Sleeping was the best thing to do at times like this. Yunseul rolled into a ball and closed her eyes. She had fallen into a trance.

* * *

“Youngest wife… Youngest wife?”

Ah…. Someone shook her shoulder as she was sleeping deeply.

Yunseul fought hard to open her eyes.    

“Youngest wife, wake up.”    

It was Mrs. Seo. She stroked her eyes and raised her hand. Perhaps she should put some fake tears in them. The stiffness refused to go away.    

“Eat.” It’s already time to eat.

She had no appetite and said, “…I’ll eat later.” She hadn’t even eaten.    

“Youngest wife…….”

Mrs. Seo’s weeping eyes met hers, and she smiled as if everything was OK. She was relieved that someone was crying for her baby moon.    

After the lady left, she sat in silence for a while.

Yunseul ducked her foot beneath the bed. She walked to the dresser, but each step was hard, like a stained piece of paper. She sat on the end of the bed, taking her bag from the dresser.    

She got inside her bag seeking her maternity book.    

“Attached…….”

Will this guilt ever leave her? Will this guilt ever leave her?    

She opened her maternity book with a pale face. The eyes, nose, and mouth. Fingers and even toes….. She grasped them gingerly, her hands trembling.    

She has a feeling that her baby is still alive and breathing someplace……    

“I’m sorry….”    

She tightly held her maternity book. She wished she could cry, but instead scratched her dry, hard eyes.    

She was going to put it back in her bag when her fingertips got caught in something.

“Oh…. Right.”    It was a cannonball phone.    

Yunseul’s eyes sparkled. She rushed to her feet and plugged in the charger. The phone came on after a brief delay.    

She glanced at it. She checked the securely shut door and touched the screen.    

A beep came from across the receiver.    

-Hello? Yunseul swallowed dryly, 

“…Hello, hello?”    

* * *

Yunseul opened the door with care. She stretched her neck and looked around her. She slipped out quietly after checking the living room for silence.    

She walked quietly to the front door.

“Youngest wife, where are you going?”

Mrs. Seo’s words from behind her back shocked Yunseul, who swiftly whirled around.    

“Oh……. I’m going to visit my mom at the hospital.”    

She hastily covered her astonished expression, but Yunseul swallowed dryly, frightened Mrs. Seo would notice something odd.    

“Then I’ll call Mr. Park.”  

“No, I called a taxi,” she said calmly in her mind.    

“But, ma’am, I…. you are not secure in a taxi.”    

When she arrived in Gangwon Province, she planned to tell Mrs. Seo the truth. Yunseul smiled for the first time since her baby’s death, knowing Mrs. Seo was genuinely concerned about her.

It wasn’t a fake smile, but rather a real one.    

“I’ll be off then.”  

“Okay, be careful out there.”

A pleasant wind blew over her face as she walked out the door. Yunseul came to a halt in the garden and stared up at the sky.    

“It’s sunny…….”

She feels her steps becoming lighter in comparison to the blue sky. Her shoulders, which seemed to be burdened by stones, grew lighter as well, and she walked with her shoulders wide open.

She walked the stone steps and unlocked the gate, where she saw a taxi waiting for her. The man who handed her the cannon phone sent the taxi.

She stepped into the taxi, and the car began to move. She opened the window because she felt claustrophobic in the car. ….Please, please… May he not be aware. May she be successful?

Yunseul clenched her hands and prayed to a god she didn’t believe in. The taxi stopped over at the hospital where her mother was being treated.

It was also the place of her hospitalization.  She wouldn’t see her mother for a long time if she ran away, so she chose to see her for a bit.

She doesn’t deserve to see her, but she is going to… She knew she’d be sorry if she didn’t see her mother.    

The bodyguard knew her and opened the door for her when she arrived at the VIP room. Yunseul bowed and entered the open door.    

“It’s been a while since you’ve been here, huh?”

The guard claimed to recognize her, but Yunseul stated that she needed to speak with her mother and asked the guard to leave.    

The caregiver left her alone with her mother.    

“…Mom.”    

Yunseul got closer to her mother.    

“Mom…….”

When she sees her mother’s eyes open, her heart sinks. Yunseul holds her hand tightly and looks up at her.    

“Do you recognize me?”

She asks, her eyes closing and opening as if she understands what she’s saying.    

“Mom…. Thank God, thank God.”    

She’s happy she was able to see her waking up.    

“…Mommy, you need to be healthy, okay?”

She touched her cheek softly as her eyes closed and opened. Her lips were buried in the back of her hand.    

“I apologize. I’m very sorry… I can’t explain. I promise I’ll return.”

Yunseul smiled and removed her mother’s hand. She had no idea why her hand was so numb.

She thinks that seeing her mother awake even if only for a short while, eased the burden of her heart.    

She doesn’t know.  She now has only her mother………..    

Yunseul dragged her swollen feet to the parking lot. She got into a black sedan that was waiting for her.    

The driver stated that they were leaving, and the passenger stated that they would get to Gangwon Province in the morning.    

Instead of responding, Yunseul nodded. Her physical strength was dwindling, and her head was pounding from the effort of running.    

They stated it would take a long time and that she needed to sleep, but she couldn’t.    

Yunseul’s car circled and circled, exactly as the men in black from head to toe had predicted.

She drove straight to Gangwon province, stopping purposefully in areas without CCTV and at breaks to rest because she thought it would be easier to check the CCTV later.    

The time was 2 a.m. when she saw the Gangwon Province sign. She feels like she can breathe easier now that she has left Seoul.

“I’m going to stop at a rest area for a while.”

“Okay.”  

“Okay.”    

Her throat was parched. She intended to ask them to get her some water at the rest area.  She arrived at the rest area a few minutes later and parked over.    

“What are those?”

Other cars suddenly blocked the way around the car. Yunseul’s eyes widened with fear. What exactly is going on?    

When she turned around, she noticed not one, but two cars.

“What, what is it?” a terrified Yunseul asked of the men.

“We don’t know, just stay inside for now.”  

“Lock the car doors when we get out.”    

Yunseul agreed to follow their instructions. Yunseul quickly closed the doors after the men exited the car.

When they got out, the men wanted to know what they were doing from the car in front of them.

Yunseul was confused, so she held her bag tightly to her chest. She wasn’t sure what it was, but it seemed serious.    

She saw as cars circled her vehicle. Then a man opened the backseat door and exited, and Yunseul’s breathing stopped.

…Ji-hyuk Seo. He was the one.

Seo Ji-hyuk had exited the backseat and was approaching her car. Yunseul’s jaw dropped open in surprise.

She put her hand over her mouth to keep the scream from escaping. She could only watch him approach feverishly, her eyes trembling.

The men who were meant to take her to Gangwon province had already been caught and held down by the bodyguards he’d sent with her.    

It was hard to guess what he was thinking. He couldn’t see herself from the window, but he approached the back seat of the car, stopping at the door. Clicking.    

He reached out and tried to open the door, but it refused to budge. Yunseul, who had been holding her breath, let out a relieved sigh when she realized she had locked the door.

He seemed to be mandating his guards as he turned around, and then the locked door went open.

Yunseul, startled, lowered her hand covering her mouth to lock the door again, but he was quicker. The door swung open with a boom, and he bent down and looked at her immediately.

He seemed to be checking to see if she was okay.    

“Uh, how did you find…….,”

She stammered, unable to complete her sentence. She expected him to be angry.

“…Let’s go.”

But he wasn’t angry. Instead, he only stared at her, a sad expression on his face.

Yunseul bit her lower lip.    

“Get off.”    

She moved her body back as far as she could to avoid the outstretched hand. She thought he was going to make an odd look, but his face was filled with sadness once more.

“I… I don’t want to go home.”  

“…….”

“Just…. Let me go, okay?”

What a chance, and she worried that if she didn’t take it, she’d never be able to get away from his side.    

“If you don’t want to stay at home, stay at a hotel,”

Yunseul started pleading with him.    

“I mean I don’t want to be around you, I don’t want to be around you Ji-hyuk, I don’t want to be around everyone in that house, so please let me go, just pretend you didn’t see me. Please… Let me go….”

However, he looked like he didn’t want to let her go.    

“…Let’s go,”

He said this while hugging her unwillingness to leave. Yunseul attempted to get out of his grasp, but he refused to let her go and placed her in the backseat of the car he’d gotten into.

He sat next to her and slammed the car door closed.

In an instant, the boisterous world fell silent. Yunseul’s eyes had gone dark.    

“Let’s go.”

“Yes.”    

The thought of returning to his world struck her with anger.    

“Why did you come… ” She was scared it was unsafe.”

“Why should you leave me?”

Yunseul, who rarely got furious, asked sharply; if he wasn’t involved, she’d be in Gangwon Province by now, and she hated him for destroying everything.   

“Your father and stepmother are probably looking for you,” Ji Hyuk said biting his lip.

“You should have told me!”

“Even if I hadn’t told you, you’d still attach people…….”

She has no idea why he keeps acting so sad. Shouldn’t he be having fun or doing something else now that a child he didn’t need, a dreadful child, has died? Why is he so feeling sad?

“Are you trying to run away from your bodyguards?”

She shook her head as if she didn’t want to respond.    

“You must be tired, get some sleep. Eat this before you go to bed.”

He put something in front of me.    

“You didn’t take your medicine.”

She locked her eyes on him as he held out the water and pills. Yunseul slapped away his hand.

“Why are you so nice to me? Did you feel guilty about me?”

“…Take your medicine.”    

She wants to scream and lash out, but her eyes are pounding and she realizes that even if she ran, he’d find her.

He’ll now have extra bodyguards. She stroked her forearms, feeling a peculiar chill when she shouldn’t.    

“…I regret marrying Mr. Seo Ji Hyuk,”

She whispered haltingly. She leaned against the car door, her back to him, who must have heard her but said nothing.    

She suffered from getting home from the hospital, traveling to her mother’s hospital, and driving all day.    

* * *

Someone was holding onto her tightly.

Who is it? She tries to raise her head, but her body remains motionless—someone who is tightly gripping her pats her on the back. The touch feels like a reassurance that it’s okay, and she stops herself from lifting her head to look at the face.    

She leans against his chest, feeling the same touch on her back. She wants to stay like this because it feels so amazing.

She wishes her eyes would tear up, but they do not. She squeezed her eyes shut. Just a little bit longer….. Just a touch more, a pat.    There was a flash.    

“…….”    

It was shortly after lunchtime when Yunseul woke up her eyes. And she was in an unfamiliar place. She sat up and looked around, realizing she was in a hotel. Her shoulders drooped.

He departed for work, leaving her alone in the hotel room. He had ordered dinner, which was on the table, but she ignored it and walked into the bathroom.

She got out of the shower and dressed without drying her hair.  She saw two bodyguards as soon as she opened the hotel door.    

Yunseul burst out laughing. She knew she was expecting them, but she couldn’t believe they were there.    

She headed home with his bodyguards. She passed through the gate with a detached expression, as if she had lost her expression.

Yunseul’s eyes widened as she walked through the garden and stopped in front of the house.    

Seo Jun-hyuk, her mother-in-law, and her sister-in-law were standing in front of the house. Yunseul’s eyes widened for a moment, then turned cold.

Her surprised expression faded, and she turned to face the three with her usual emotionless face.

“Sister-in-law, come in and talk to him.”

They hadn’t talked since she’d lost her baby and was in the hospital. Yunseul would have prevented any visits, but she understood she’d have to pay attention and accept whatever they did with a frown.    

Seo Junhyuk bent his head as Yunseul’s jet-black eyes landed on him.    

“…Come in.”    

What was he supposed to say to her, standing in front of her house?  The front door opened, and the three men entered the house, followed by Mrs. Seo, who rushed into the living room and came to a halt when she noticed them.    

“Auntie, go outside so we can talk.”    

Mrs. Seo responds that she understands and goes outside at the instruction of her sister-in-law. Yunseul slumps on the couch, running her hand through her hair, exhausted.

She sat on the couch and raised her eyes to the three of them. There was a moment of silence.    

“Why did you hide your pregnancy?”

Her mother asked sharply. Yunseul made a whistling sound with her mouth.    

“Was it fun to fool other people by pretending you weren’t pregnant?”

‘Was it fun? Was it fun shaking every second of every day for the fear of getting nauseous, when you couldn’t eat what you wanted when you couldn’t even call it a baby when you couldn’t celebrate the months you hadn’t been celebrated by anyone, when your heart still feels torn to shreds? Yunseul’s face became guilty.’    

“You can’t even protect your precious child, yet you deceive her?”

It made no difference what she said. There was no longer any heart to burn.

“I mean.”    

Yunseul’s lifeless eyes moved to her mother’s snide Hyungsoo.

“Even if you hid her pregnancy, why did you climb the stairs when you know it’s dangerous? you did not take care of your baby.”

“…….”

“I heard from Junhyuk that he waited at the bottom of the stairs to scare you, and you slipped and fell on your own.” You’re pregnant, so why didn’t you take care of yourself? “

 Yunseul sighed and laughed shyly.    

“At least Junhyuk came to apologize.”

When she saw the three of them standing in front of the house, she knew they were going to blame her.    

“Junhyuk, why don’t you apologize quickly?”

Seo Junhyuk came from behind his mother’s back.

“I scared you and… I’m sorry.”

Sorry? Really? Hearing his polished apology, which his mother must have instructed, made her forget all desire to be angry.

She locked her eyes on Seo Junhyuk, who couldn’t meet her eyes, and then turned away as if she didn’t want to talk to her.  She was unwilling to do anything.    

“I need to rest,” she said, her voice sounding exhausted.    

“Did Junhyuk apologize?”

“…….”

“Mother, it’s late, let’s go.”    

After the three of them left, there would be silence.

“We’ll go then.”

Her sister-in-law looked at her as she turned as if she had something to say.    

“Jun-hyuk is on his way to the hospital. He’s being treated for his trauma.”

When she mentioned how surprised the child must have been, she wasn’t even angry. She sat helpless on the couch, as if emotionless.    

After the three of them visited, the house was silent. She should be glad that the noise was gone, but her heart was pounding.

She feels like she’s about to burst, but she has no idea what to do. She has no idea how to get rid of this feeling. She has no idea what she can do to make things better, even for a moment.    

Yunseul scratched her chest with her nails. Scratching, scratching, scratching… yet no relief. She didn’t stop, though.    

She wants to cry her eyes out, but no tears come. She wonders if crying her heart out can help her feel better.

It seems to have run dry. The gap in her heart will not be filled. It’s hollow and empty. The baby is gone and she feels compelled to live with an empty shell, unable to die.    

She scratched frantically at her skin, but she couldn’t feel anything. Yunseul stopped scratching her chest and lowered her hand. She shut her eyes.    

She opened her eyes after feeling someone touch her forehead. The sight of him filled her pupils.

Yunseul slapped his hand away coldly. She closed her eyes once again.    

“Did she eat?”

“No. She slept all day and wouldn’t get up when I woke her up…….”

“I see.”    

Her ears were penetrated by the sound of her conversation with Mrs. Seo. Yunseul’s face crumbled significantly. She wants to sleep so she doesn’t have to think about anything, but she has no idea why he is bothering her.  

“I made dinner.”

“You can go home.”  

“Yes, and boss…….”    

Mrs. Seo pauses and speaks softly to him.    

“The eldest wife and your mother came with  Jun Hyuk…. All together….”

“When?”

“They came in together when Yunseul arrived home.”    

She’ll have to have a strong conversation with Mrs. Seo tomorrow. Never, ever report what happened to her again.    

“What happened?”

“Hyungsoo directed me to go outside, so I went outside…….”

“Okay, you can go home.”    

She heard Mrs. Seo leaving the house. She hates him for waking her up when she would have slept if he hadn’t.   

 Jab, jab, jab, jab. The heavy footfall approached, and something cold brushed her brow.

“Let’s eat.”

Yunseul sprang to her feet when she realized it was his hand, then sat back down on the couch, dizzy, wondering why his touch felt so warm, like the sensation in her dreams.    

She heard a deep sigh from overhead.    

“You’re dizzy because you haven’t eaten,”

he said, as Yunseul raised her head, as if concerned for her.    

“Why don’t you want to divorce me, I don’t understand.”  

“…….”

“What, why? Why?”

She asked, trying to be assertive, but she was unable to raise her voice. She doesn’t think she has any remaining strength, so she can’t find a way to express herself.    

He doesn’t respond to her questions, just staring at her. He appears to have something to say, but he’s picking and choosing his words, and it’s so foreign to Yunseul, that she bites her lip until it bleeds.

Usually, his words cut through her breasts like knives.

“Divorce is… I’m not getting a divorce.”

She tightens her teeth. She is angry, but she is at a loss for what to do. Her mother is in the hospital, and her baby has died. She didn’t need the money anymore.    

“Let’s go visit you  tomorrow.”    

She lifted her hand to scratch the tension in her chest, as he mentioned her mother.    

“Forget it. What’s wrong?”

She asked, remembering how he’d promised to go with her to her father’s birthday party, only to send his money the day before and leave her alone.

She remembered him getting out of the car with his sister-in-law.    

“…You don’t like staying at home, so let’s go out and eat….”

She lost the strength to argue with him. Yunseul ignored him and walked into her room.

“Let go of me!”

He snatched her wrist and headed for the kitchen. As she struggled and sank to the floor with all her remaining strength, he lifted her and carried her over his shoulder.  

Her legs flailed, but he lifted her to the table far too easily.    

“Eat.”    

She kept her eyes on the food he had set in front of her.    

“I won’t touch you if you eat all of it.”……

“Dirty, dirty, dirty.”

“Eat, because I won’t even touch you,” Yunseul’s sad face turns to him.

“…It’s not working.”  

“…….”

“I’m not hungry, what do you want?  you want me to eat even if I’m not hungry?”

She tries hard not to show any emotion, but she can’t help but notice it in her voice.    

“Eat, even if you’re not hungry.”

He pushed the spoon into her hand, unwilling to back down.    

“I don’t want it!” Yunseul threw the spoon to the floor.    

“You can’t sleep until you eat. We can stay here in the kitchen all night.”    

She hated the way that he sounded so depressed, even though she was the one who was depressed. He’d rather get mad at me for being insane.

He looks at the spoon on the floor, then leans across and picks it up, returning it to her hand.    

He was a do-it-yourself kind. He wouldn’t let her go until she had eaten all of her meal.    

Yunseul sighed as she put a spoonful of rice into her mouth.    

“Eat slowly.”

He poured her some water, but she ate and ate and ate as if she was rushing things.    

“Wow!”

Was she eating too fast? Or did she force herself to eat?    

Yunseul rushed to the restroom, feeling nauseous. She grabbed the toilet seat and vomited everything she’d eaten.    

“Are you okay?”

a muffled voice from behind her asked. Yunseul fell to her feet after flushing the toilet. As he brushed back a stray strand of hair, his eyes were drawn to the nape of her neck.    

At the same time, his face hardened.    

“What, what do you think you’re doing!”

In an instant, he was on her, taking the front of her t-shirt and tearing it down. Yunseul swiftly raised her hands to cover her exposed breasts.

His eyes dart about rapidly.    

“Did you break it?”

ah……. He must have seen where she scratched because she was angry.    

“…It tickled, so I scratched it.”    

He turns and walks away, her teeth clenched as if relieved that his attention has been diverted. She pulled up her gleaming apron and walked over to the sink to rinse her lips.    

“Come out.”

He grabbed her wrist and pulled her out of the bathroom to her bed.    

“What are you doing…….”    

She couldn’t say anything as she pulled her t-shirt and then her bra off.    

“Don’t!”

He grasped her shoulders as she flailed her hands to get out of bed.    

“Stay still.”

His voice was dripping moist. His eyes were wet, not dry. Was this an illusion?

Yunseul cleared her eyes with a slow blink. He was holding an ointment in his hand, she saw.    

“…Don’t hurt yourself.”    

She lowered her eyes, pretending not to notice him applying cream to her damaged chest. When he finished, he replaced her t-shirt.    

Yunseul sat on the bed, curled up. She wanted him to leave, but after a time of standing still, he managed to say something.    

“I have to go out…. I’ll be right back.”

He turned and left the room when she didn’t respond. Yunseul raised her head and scowled at her visitor as the door closed.

Don’t come home if you’re so busy.  Annoying. Sucks.

” …….”    

Honestly… He had no idea she was pregnant… Because he could not have dreamed of it……    

She was more upset with herself for not being able to keep her baby…… Her hatred for him got deeper.

She felt like she was shifting the blame for her sins onto him, like a cop-out…

She felt more enraged with herself than with him as time went on.  Yunseul breathed out a deep sigh. She felt like her sigh was eroding her soul, so she pulled the clean white blanket up to her chin and covered her face.