Heavy Rain (1)

Ragnar sighed. The crown prince’s arrival in the north has caused an emergency. But he hasn’t been seen since that one appearance, and he’s been as absent as a mouse. That was even more disturbing.

“What the hell is he doing?”

But he has no choice but to act in defense. He doesn’t have time for the crown prince. There’s too much to do, too little time.

Such was the sporadic nature of the demon problem in the North lately. He had just sent his knights to exterminate the demons in the Salt Harbor.

He’s tired and his head hurts. He just wanted to get rid of it all, take Christa, and disappear somewhere.

He’ll see her when he gets back to the castle, he thought as he rode. The tireless north wind pushed him toward Wishus Castle.

He could see it in the distance, towering over the steep cliffs. His heart grew heavy as he neared the castle. He could see the closed west tower, a remnant of his original sin.

He had lived only to protect his sister.

Even now, when he closed his eyes, he could hear her voice, feel her touch on his cheek. It had once been his strength, the thing that had kept him going on the harsh battlefields, and now it was the voice in his dreams that haunted him every night.

‘Ragnar.’

Whenever she called him, it was like a fresh flower blooming. His sister was like a ray of sunshine in the summer. It had been a long time since Yudina had left, but the hole in his chest where she’d sat still burned, and now and then a chill breeze blew through.

Memories are like achievements built of sand. They crumble as quickly as you try to hold on to them as if laughing at you. He was confident he could hold on, but time has weathered everything. Everything that he once saw clearly with his eyes closed has turned to dust.

So he carefully open the last handful of memories in his hand, lest they be blown away. He had to catch his breath to keep from blowing it away.

His last memory was not a good one. It was filled with tears and salt and the smell of blood and death. That wasn’t what he wanted to remember Yudina by.

What she was is the warmth of the sun. Summer in Wishus was short, but just as beautiful. Her soft coriander hair and rosy cheeks are warm. The sound of her laugh was like the rustling of flower petals.

The way she held his rough, rugged fingertips and smiled at him melted into his eyes, and he wanted nothing more than to remember her as a ray of midsummer sunshine.

The tragedy began when they were still innocent, rosy-cheeked children. The death of the previous Duke of Argonod came without warning, blamed on a jousting accident on the battlefield. But no one believed it was an accident.

The duke’s remains took a month to return, and Wishus was devastated. This was when Ragnar was nine and Yudina was thirteen. The Duchess was also shocked by her husband’s death. She was bedridden and did not survive that winter.

‘……Now it’s really just the two of us.’

The thirteen-year-old girl held her brother’s hand with strong eyes.

The old duke’s sudden death had left a regent to rule the north in place of his young heir.

Upon his death, Yudina was married to the then-crown prince, Elio. While the regent ruled the north, Ragnar became the emperor’s godson and was raised in the imperial household.

So the two young siblings headed for the imperial palace. Alone under a parentless sky, they relied on each other to get them through the hardships of life there. Each was the other’s life, and neither could survive without the other.

He knew it was all a ploy by the Imperial House to destroy the North, but he had no choice. He was young and powerless. He had to survive and grow stronger in order to get his revenge.

Ragnar took to the battlefield at such a young age and made a steady career in it. Ragnar spent most of his time on the battlefield, and whenever he returned to the capital, Yudina welcomed him home.

Outwardly, Eilio was a doting husband and a good brother-in-law. At first glance, they even appeared to be a close-knit family. When did the balance shift?

At first, Ragnar didn’t notice. But gradually, Yudina spoke less and less and spent more and more time in a daze.

He didn’t understand why she insisted on wearing long sleeves and neck-length dresses in the middle of summer. Her makeup got heavier, her temper got sharper, and one day she stopped smiling.

If only he’d noticed it sooner. No, that was just an excuse. He should have known, what those restless eyes were hiding.

Maybe he did. He’d just been hiding the raging emotions inside, telling himself it wasn’t time yet.

Just a little longer, just a little longer, until he could take back the North, take back power. No, until he could command an entire order of knights on his own.

It wasn’t until he lost everything that he realized he was wrong.

He’d been on a few expeditions, large and small. He’d been lucky; he hadn’t died in the first one, and he’d survived watching his squires die with their throats pierced. He had survived.

His luck continued when he was knighted. It’s not that he’s never had a ‘freak accident’ or anything like that. But Ragnar Argonod was the North’s only hope, and there were many who would sacrifice their lives for him.

He had become increasingly cautious. He had to be careful, or the other knights around him, next to him, would throw themselves in his place.

Maybe he wasn’t meant to fail, because the moment he did, there was no looking back. His mistakes always cost him his life.

So he was always running through the possibilities of how things could turn out in his head. It was akin to being a chess master and controlling a chess piece.

Chess is one of the basic skills of a knight. As such, he learned to play chess at the same time as he picked up a sword. With the sensation of rolling a chess piece on a chessboard, he controlled his surroundings. He was always weighing the lives around him.

After everything that happened, the thought he played over and over again was this.

Can I really say that I didn’t treat my sister’s life like a chess piece, that I didn’t know her misery?

He asked himself countless questions.

He’s not the kind of person who can think things through. There was always a critic looking at him, and there was always a critic watching him. Endless doubts and questions, bordering on paranoia, were his driving force. This is because he is in a position where he cannot easily decide on anything.

Only he knew the answers to the questions he asked himself. Maybe there was no right answer to the question. But even knowing the truth, he was always tormented by it.

Whenever he weighed his guilt against his reason, a relentless self-criticism set in, and no matter which way the scales tipped, he was heartbroken.

No matter which way the scales tipped, his heart ached, for there was only one truth that weighed on him, one that transcended them all.

* * *

Christa slipped quietly out of the castle, dressed as simply as possible. She ducked into an alleyway, her cloak wrapped tightly around her in case anyone saw her.

Soon a man approached her, a face she recognized. One of Eilio’s escorts.

“I’ve been waiting for you.”

“Your …… Highness?”

“Follow me.”

The man led her away. She pulled the brim of her cloak tighter, afraid someone might recognize them.

As they passed through the gates, a carriage was waiting outside. It was a plain, unremarkable carriage, of the type often seen in the north.

She climbed in and the carriage pulled away. The carriage sped away. For a moment, Christa was on edge.

After a while, the carriage stopped in front of a castle.

“Where are we?”

She asked the man in the carriage.

“Varus, the estate of the former Regent.”

“The former Regent…….”

She entered the castle. Compared to the castle in Wishus, it was much more modest in size and interior.

She was led to a parlor. She knocked and heard a voice from inside.

“Come in.”

She opened the door, and a sense of foreboding washed over her. It reminded her of the first time she’d met him at the Knight’s offices when he’d come to her unannounced, and today she’d come to him.

Christa stood there for a moment, unsure of what to say.

“I’m not in the habit of leaving guests hanging, so sit down.”

Eilio led her to a seat.

“I said I’d see you again, but I didn’t think you’d actually come looking for me.”

Just then, a maid knocked on the door. A trolley with tea was brought in and a teacup was set before them.

“Have a drink.”

Eilio offered the tea, but Christa refused to take it. He snorted at the sight.

“I didn’t mix anything this time.”

But she still didn’t feel like drinking the tea. Eilio smirked and picked up the teacup.

“It’s good to be wary, but whatever.”

Unlike Christa, who was on edge, Eilio seemed to be at ease.

“So, how’s Ragnar doing?”

Christa looked up, feeling her teeth chatter as he brought up Ragnar first.

“Why would you ask that?”

“Because I always wonder how he’s doing.”

Christa narrowed her eyes. She had heard that Ragnar had spent his childhood in the palace, so what kind of connection could there have been between Eilio and Ragnar?

“We should be getting along, if nothing else…….”

He leaned back in his armchair and stared languidly into space.

“…….”

Christa stared at him in disbelief.

“You came all the way here, you must have something to say to me.”

* * *

Ragnar arrived at the castle just as dusk were settling into a thin mist.

“Welcome back, my lord. You’ve been on an early schedule today.”

Bjorn the butler greeted him, and the squire received his armor. It had been a long time since he had returned to the castle at such an early hour, since he always get back in the middle of the night or at dawn. Now that he was in time for dinner, he thought he might be able to dine with Christa tonight.

“It’s just that…… the lady doesn’t want to eat.”

When he told them to fetch her, Hilda, the maid, looked up and told him.

“She doesn’t want to eat?”

“Yes…….”

For some reason, the maids’ expressions were strange. It wasn’t uncommon for Christa to skip meals, but not lately; her appetite was more voracious than ever, much to the chef’s delight.

“Besides, she said she wanted to be alone and told us never to come in…….”

Annette said in a mosquito-like voice.

“She said she wanted to be alone?”

Suddenly, his heart sank. He paused for a moment, feeling an unknown sensation. A chill ran down the back of his neck. Something was off.

Then again, there was something odd about Christa’s behavior lately. Ragnar scrambled to his feet and headed for the bedroom.