Episode 4. PART 1- Anxiety

 

In well over a thousand years of Zadat history, there is no record of any royal family member failing to conceive a child.

There was no such thing as failing at the act of ej*cul*ting with an inflated d*ck like a bunch of as$h*les in heat.

There was…

“How dare you lie to me about any safety.”

Askaar glared at the imperial doctor, whose head was at her feet.

“…….”

“There is no way I can fulfill my duties.”

“How would you?….”

Ashria cast a sympathetic glance at the councilor who was wringing his hands into feet.

“Yeah, there’s no way, she can’t be pregnant.”

It’s been a while since he stopped doing anything to her right now, and it didn’t make sense to have a child with a body like hers.

At the time, Ashria’s heart sank because Askaar seemed so eager to have her pregnant. Besides, their relationship that day had been different.

But then Ashria remembered her own body and realized that she wasn’t able to conceive, she breathed a small sigh of relief.

“Ah, it seems that the Empress’s health has not been good, so I wonder if that might be the cause….”

At those words, the hideous emperor’s gaze turned to Ashria.

“Empress.”

“…Yes.”

“When was your last monthly period?.”

“…….”

Ashria could not answer the question. She needed time to think.

“When was….”

She couldn’t remember. Last winter? Last summer? No, it was much longer ago…

When she didn’t answer, Askaar snapped.

“When was the last time you had a period?” he asked.

“I don’t remember.”

At her answer, the doctor hastily began to scribble down a list of herbs that were good for her, as if she knew that would be the case, leaving Askaar to stare at her with murderous eyes.

“Ha.”

A short sneer escaped her lips.

“Have you been drinking some kind of tea that prevents you from constipation?”

“…Yes?”

“I’ve heard that if you drink that tea, you won’t have much energy.”

Ashria blinked meekly, not sure what she was trying to say.

“I should have recognized when you spread your legs for men you don’t even know and don’t bat an eye.”

As usual, Ashria’s face remained calm, even as he spoke words that were meant to criticize me.

“You must have been spoiled by all sorts of men since you were in Antkal.”

As he spoke, Askaar knew that he had taken her v*rg*nity, and he was simply taking out his frustrations on Ashria, who he knew was not worth the trouble.

Even though she thought she was ugly, seeing her face without a single wrinkle, unlike him, made him feel sick to his stomach.

“Empress.”

“…Yes.”

“Do you think you’ll be able to leave this place?”

For a moment, Ashria almost nodded, then stiffened and shook her head.

The sight of her made me even more ar*used. Askaar gritted his teeth, thinking that if she tried to sneak out of the palace, he would hunt her down and cut off her limbs so that she would never have the chance to escape again.

He hadn’t thought to hold him this long at first…

One of the things that struck a nerve was that she was good at getting on his nerves.

Looking into those round, innocent eyes brought back memories of her mother, Lourrane Antkal, that had been forgotten in the back of his mind.

“Aren’t you curious about the limits of the royal family, Your Majesty?”

“I can make Your Majesty shine more brighter than she already does.”

From the first time she met him, she’d thought he was an eccentric human being who spouted bullshit without fear…

It’s hard to tell if she is  Ashria or Lourrane, they are so similar.

Askaar narrowed his eyes, studying Ashria’s unreadable expression.

With or without a child. With or without her. It annoyed him that she never changed except when he inflicted physical pain.

* * *

That terrible relationship, in which the thin inner wall of the small hole was stretched to its limit, continued even after that day.

She thought she’d gotten used to taking her father’s c*ck, which was the size of her forearm, but the act of having it swell like a lump was something she would never get used to until the day she died.

Ashria squeezed her eyes shut as she felt the bumps clinging to the sticky lining.

For over a month now, Askaar had been performing this beastly act on her day after day.

It was a repetition of boring days.

She’d locked herself in her darkened bedroom and waited for him, then dealt with him coming at her like a dog at night, and then, when the doctor came to visit, she had to be diagnosed with infertility.

Naturally, it was always a failure, leaving the grumpiness to Ashria and the doctor.

The longer Askar was unable to conceive, the more violent his actions became, until he barely had the strength to lift a finger during the day.

“Why the hell!”

Askaar’s loud, angry voice cut through the silence of the bedroom.

The appearance of the doctor bowing his head in front of him was not much different from last month.

“Since the founding of the country, no matter how many records they search, there is no record of a failure to conceive seen. So why is it that only the Empress can’t have a child?”

Only Ashria knew the answer.

Her body was filled with black magic that fed on life force, rather than providing nutrients for the child.

“Even without the black magic, conceiving with this body would be close to impossible… .’

Askar was anxious. So much so that her anxiety was felt even by her.

A room filled with lavish furnishings, but with thick bars blocking the windows. Did she feel like that alone was not enough?

Soon enough, he had placed a cord around Ashria’s neck that limited her radius of action. She was unperturbed by this new tool in his arsenal of oppression. She meekly surrendered her neck to him.

It was Askaar who grew increasingly impatient.

Shouldn’t she be anxious to escape, to get out of this place, the more of these things she has to use, the more anxious he should be. Is there a way to make them all useless?

If so, he had to bind her somehow. If she couldn’t be held down with a leash like this…

‘I’ll have to cut her limbs off….’

Unaware of his ghastly thoughts, Ashria fiddled with the cord around her neck until she realized it reached the window, and she looked out. The view wasn’t the best thanks to the grate, but it wasn’t much different than before.

* * *

The seasons had shifted and changed, and now it was late spring, with green grass and flowers in full bloom.

Two or three hours when Askaar was away at a meeting.

It was the only freedom she had.

Of course, it was a bit ridiculous to call it freedom since she wasn’t allowed to leave the room and was chained to a leash, but that fact alone made it her favorite time of the day since she didn’t have Askaar watching over her with a vicious eye.

“The flowers… bloomed.

Ashria thought, looking at the colorful buds that had begun to burst one by one in the flowerbeds beyond the window.

“I wonder what they smell like…?

She remembered reading about them in a book once and peered through the cracked window at the flowerbeds.

She had never smelled flowers up close, and she wondered what they would smell like.

What’s the point of smelling them when they’re all dying? Ashria laughed out loud at her duplicity, wanting to be dead as soon as possible and then wondering what the flowers smelled like.

Then, while she was busy looking around, a familiar figure caught her eye.

It was Eton.

Eton she hadn’t seen in a few months. Ashria’s face lit up at the sight of the well-maintained, glossy, and shiny black horse.

Part of her wanted to call his name out loud and wave, but the timid Ashria tapped her fingers on the tender collar, trying to get Eton’s attention.

Each time she tapped the bars, a dull friction sound echoed through the air. The sound was so subtle and small that a normal human would not hear it, but Eton, the beast, was different.

Eton’s ears perked up and his head whipped around at the unfamiliar sound, it wasn’t hard to spot Ashria, who was staring right back at him.

He whinnied once and nodded a couple of times to the servant who held his reins to change direction. Eton trotted up to the window where Ashria was and began to walk toward her.

“Eton, how are you?”

Ashria called out to him as he neared, and the servant who had just spotted her turned to greet him with a quick head bow.

“Good to see you, my little sun of the Empire.”

She gave a curt nod at the somewhat exaggerated greeting, then reached through the grate toward Eton.

It had been a long time since they had seen each other, but she hadn’t forgotten him. Eton didn’t hide his delight at the greeting, and gladly offered her his cheek in a gesture of pleasure. Stroking the horse’s cheek, which was as hard as a plaster statue, Ashria smiled broadly.

“…I missed you.”

Eton pressed his face close to the bars and let out a long, pleasant throaty rumble.

To Ashuria, Eton was quite a special being. Horses are something special. It was funny to think about it, but it was true.

He was the only positive interaction she’d ever had in her life.

As Ashria stroked Eton’s head, she suddenly envied him the freedom to roam the palace grounds.

It made her sick to her stomach to feel like she was once again confirmed as less than a beast.

Her gaze shifted to the flower garden beyond the grate where she could not stop.

“I’m sure Eton knows what those flowers are scented with.”

Ashria’s gaze shifted from Eton to the flower field behind him, and Eton followed suit, staring at the flowers, until she looked from one to the other and back again, and then turned her back on him.

“Eton?”

He turned away without saying goodbye. With a pang of regret, Ashria called out to Eton, but he didn’t even stir.

“Eton, it’s not for eating.”

She could barely hear the servant beside her muttering incoherently.

After what seemed like an eternity, Eton bit down on something in his mouth and turned back to Ashria.

Eton’s mouth was full of blooming pansies and rape blossoms.

Ashria’s eyes widened like an idiot at the sight of the flowers. Then Eton gestured for her to take them.

“Are you giving them to me?”

Before she knew it, she had a handful of colorful flowers in her hand. They weren’t in the prettiest shape, as Eton had plucked them off with his mouth, but they were still the first flowers Ashria had ever received from anyone.

As she brought her face close to the cut flower, a faint scent lingered on the tip of her nose.

“Thank you, Eton.”

She smiled broadly, and Eton rubbed his cheek against the bars in return. Even as the cold grate crunched hard against his cheek, Eton seemed to enjoy what he was doing.

A servant by his side announced that their walk was coming to an end, bowed gently to Ashria, and walked away with Eton.

Ashria watched Eton’s back as he walked away and bit her lip in disappointment. Eton glanced back at her on his way out, wondering if she was disappointed as well.

All that remained after Eton’s departure were a few tattered flowers, but Ashria held them carefully in her hands as if they were priceless.

‘Spring flowers….’

Pretty.

The piece of spring that Eton had asked for had a fragrance she’d never smelled before.

She suddenly became curious as she smelled the scent, which didn’t match her at all.

She wondered what life must be like for ordinary people who can freely smell the flowers and step on the fluffy grass.

A little melancholy appeared in my normally empty eyes.

The smell of the flowers brought back memories of nights out in the West that I’d been trying to forget.

I was confused, wondering if I was indifferent to my life, or if I was just pretending to be indifferent because I felt like I would go crazy if I wasn’t.

Ashria didn’t have an answer.

It occurred to her that maybe she didn’t want to die, maybe she didn’t want to live a life like this, but she cut herself off, not wanting to take the thought any further.

I had to want to die. I had to be willing to die so that I could get out of this life as soon as possible.

I shouldn’t pity myself.

* * *

“What is that flower?”

Returning from the meeting, Askaar squinted at the handful of flowers in Ashria’s hand.

“Ah….”

She hadn’t even gotten a chance to hide the flowers from her sudden entrance. It was a tragedy, as she had never held flowers in her hands before, and she fumbled with them.

Ashria hesitated and was about to say that Eton had asked for them, when a thought flashed through her mind, and she quickly shut her mouth, fearing that Eton might be angry with her.

“…I’m sorry, I just wanted to see the flowers.”

Askaar looked her over. The tight cord around her neck was no different than it had been before I left. If so…

 “ Who gives that to you?….’

Whoever it was, Ashria was trying to hide it from him. Who would dare to pluck a flower without her permission?

Could it be a man who had made a pact with her to get her away from here?

As his imagination ran wild, Askaar felt dirty.

“A few flowers.”

The corners of his mouth twitched at the words.

Just a few flowers… Yes, to some, it’s just a few flowers.

“But for me, it was the first time I’d ever felt a living flower.

Ashria laughed bitterly. ‘I don’t like it when the first flowers I’ve ever felt in my life are disparaged by the word ‘mere’.

Askaar looked at the few flowers clutched in her tiny hands, then roughly snatched them away.

“Ah…!”

Ashria groaned in pity, but he tore the stolen flowers to shreds and looked at her with an evil look.

“You would rather tell me.”

“…What?”

“I said if you wanted a few flowers please tell me.”

Unfortunately, his words never reached Ashria’s ears, and she could only clench her fists in frustration at the waste of my flowers, which had been torn to shreds and tossed into the trash.

It was strange. She felt like she was going to cry because she couldn’t believe he was upset that she’d taken his flowers.

Tears she hadn’t cried when she’d been f*cked by horses, or when she’d had to deal with men whose names she didn’t recognize.

Ashria buried herself under the blanket, not wanting to face him anymore.

The door slammed shut with a loud bang as Askaar’s pretense of popularity faded, and for a moment she was relieved by his absence.

When he returned a short time later, he was accompanied by several imperial mages. And by the end of her remarks, she no longer had any expectations for her life.

“Cast the binding spell.”

A solid iron cage began to form at his bedside, a prisoner’s cage he feared to command. It didn’t stop there, but layers upon layers of enchantments grew upon it.

Ashria realized.

My living space had shrunk.