In hindsight, it really didn’t mean anything.

It was when Cedric was still the same age as Cecilia. Cecilia was much too small to be spanked for Cedric, and this was also the time when Anna took out her anger on the servants rather than her young daughter. It wasn’t often that Cedric was whipped himself, then or now. But when the Duchess was so angry that she felt compelled to raise her hand against him, it was with the fiercest violence.

The reason Cedric had been taken to Anna that day was simple. Cedric had dared to complain in front of Duke Estella that his brother would not play with him. Cedric was still too young to understand all of the family’s interests, and Duke and Duchess Estella were not the most caring parents.

Anna abhorred the idea of her young son paying attention to his much older half-brother. She acted as if the sky would fall if Cedric showed the slightest intimate reaction to Diego. It didn’t really matter if her reasons were objectively reasonable or not.

Cedric was the second son of the manor, and he was, so to speak, Anna’s ticket into the gate. Since she couldn’t physically punish Cedric in public, she chose to hide him where he couldn’t see her. The spankings would be in inconspicuous places like his calves and feet. Cedric would count the number of strokes in the teens and twenties until Anna’s anger was over.

That day, Cedric had been grabbed by his mother and taken to an unknown location. Anna’s stride was too fast for a child to keep up with. Cedric groaned in pain as his wrists were grabbed, but Anna paid no attention. The whole point of moving in the first place was to hurt him, so it was a rather purposeful way of traveling.

As they neared their destination, they turned a corner and ran into someone. Anna’s mouth twisted as she realized who it was. It was Diego, who was also wearing a less than pleasant expression.

As he tried to walk past, Anna grabbed him. Only to mock him.

“Your unlearned behavior is still the same. You see your mother and you don’t even say hello?”

Diego looked back at Anna with an impassive stare, and then, in poor form, he nodded his head in greeting.

“Good afternoon, ma’am.”

As he said it, he glanced at Cedric. He didn’t mean anything by it, but Cedric felt a kind of gravity. Cedric looked away and opened his mouth.

“Ah, ah…….”

He tried to say, ‘Hi,’ but Anna immediately shot him a fierce glare. Cedric’s gaze dropped downward, as if the grass had died. Cedric was aware of the fact that Diego didn’t really like him. As usual, Diego didn’t seem to care and said goodbye quickly.

“I hope you enjoy your walk with your son, then, ma’am.”

Anna didn’t have any particular business with Diego. She had simply approached him because she couldn’t stand the sight of him passing by ignoring her, like an unfortunate son of a former spouse.

Diego walked past her with the corner of his mouth tugged up in a sneer. A sweat broke out on Cedric’s back, and he knew he was in for a good beating if Diego disappeared. Anna had been particularly violent after meeting Diego.

Then a murmur that resembled a sigh escaped her lips.

“Whether it’s the mother or the son, both are equally dangerous and dreary…”

Diego came to a sudden halt. Anna looked at him, resting her cheek against her right hand. With her fingers lightly tapping her own cheek, as if playing a piano, she spoke.

“Why, why don’t you just go and see?”

In response to Anna’s provocative remark, Diego took a slow breath, then exhaled. There was a deep weariness in his eyes. Tipping his head slightly to the right, Diego spoke softly.

“Come to think of it, I had something to tell you, but I forgot. It’s not something the madam would like to know.”

Anna’s brows narrowed at Diego’s casual demeanor. Diego looked at her, his eyes impassive.

“You stole from my mother, didn’t you?”

Anna’s cheeks flushed for a moment. She wanted to retort that she hadn’t, but she couldn’t think of the right time to do so as she replayed the memory in her head.

Diego’s words, while insulting, were not wrong. Dolores had been a marquise’s daughter, and as such, she had many valuable items in her possession. When she died, the items that had lost their owners were left untouched, and blind valuables found their way into the pockets of the most undeserving.

Anna stammered, avoiding Diego’s gaze.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I’m referring to my mother’s belongings that were left in the mansion. Among them was a necklace, apparently a gift from my great-uncle. I think I heard it was a necklace with an emerald pendant…….”

“…….”

“Very similar to the one the madam wore around her neck the last time she attended the ball, is that right?”

Diego asked, smiling wryly. His gaze flickered to the area around Anna’s neck. Without realizing it, Anna raised her hand to cover her collarbone. Even though she wasn’t wearing the necklace in question.

“I can’t believe you touched that……. I guess growing up without such things would lead to such bad habits.”

“……It was left in mistress’s room, so I assumed it was mine. It was a mistake, and if it caused any misunderstanding, then I apologize.”

Anna lifted her chin and apologized. It hadn’t been pleasant to have to go in after Diego, but she knew when and where to do it.

Of course, Diego didn’t do her the kindness of telling her it was okay or that she shouldn’t bother. He said warningly.

“My great-uncle is quite displeased. If you don’t return it to the Marquis of Botry, he may have you legally prosecuted.”

“I’ll apologize later by sending a personal letter of my own.”

“You don’t seem particularly busy right now.”

Diego said, pointing out that she was with Cedric. Anna glared at him for a moment, but couldn’t bring herself to sneer at him as openly as before. She couldn’t afford to make a mistake for the Marquis of Boltry.

After a quick mental calculation, she turned on her heel, leaving Cedric behind. Diego stared at her for a moment with his hands in his pockets, before rolling his eyes in annoyance and picking up his pace, but he hadn’t gotten very far before he stopped again. Cedric was still staring at me. His gaze shifted to Cedric.

“You’re not going, what are you doing?”

Cedric didn’t answer, just looked up at Diego. A mixture of embarrassment and gratitude made it difficult for him to speak. If he said thank you for letting his mother go, he would be treated like a strange child. Besides, it wasn’t his fault that Diego had argued with Anna. Cedric nervously pulled at his fingertips.

“You must hate me for messing with your mother.”

Diego muttered, his voice tinged with self-pity. Cedric’s inner thoughts were closer to the opposite, but he couldn’t voice them soon enough. If it was anyone else in front of him, he might have been a little more confident, but Cedric had a weakness for people with the last name Berta.

Cedric’s mischievous nature developed as a reaction to the abuse he suffered from his mother. Whenever he returned after being beaten by his mother, Cedric would take out his unnecessary irritation on the maids. Unlike his mother, who would not listen to anything he said, the maids would comfort and calm Cedric no matter how arrogant he behaved. Cedric habitually acted as if to prove that he should not be treated disrespectfully. Consequently, he couldn’t provide a coherent response when faced with someone who didn’t fear him.

Diego suddenly reached out to Cedric. It was an impulsive move on his part. Diego patted the top of Cedric’s stiffened head and spoke.

“Don’t carry hatred in your heart.”

Diego smiled bitterly, as if he hadn’t just said it. Diego turned and walked to the other direction. Cedric ran his hand over the top of his head that his brother touched for a moment. It didn’t hurt.

Since then, Cedric has lived while holding onto that brief moment of kindness. That insignificant piece of advice became the only familial memory he had.

* * *

“My brother wouldn’t have known anything. I kept having strange expectations because I was grateful for that, and it lingered.”

As Cedric said this, he raised his right arm to wipe away the tears that were falling. His small body was shaking intermittently, shallowly.

Estella knelt down in front of Cedric, keeping her gaze fixed on his contorted face. Although Estella didn’t wish for the children to mature prematurely, Cedric had already become mature enough to recognize the hidden side of his half-brother. He had grown that way out of necessity to survive in their environment.

“After the teacher came, there were times when my half-brother showed some kindness, so I thought we could reconcile. It’s absurd, I know…”

“No, young master. That can’t be true. Why would you think that? Your mother is angry right now, and she said strange things, but…”

Estella couldn’t do anything but deny Cedric’s words. She already knew that it would be futile, yet she couldn’t help herself from trying.

She couldn’t keep her composure when she realized that Cedric knew everything Diego had done. She was not entirely uninvolved in what must have been a deeply traumatizing event for Cedric. Estella had joined hands with him, promising to look the other way on Diego’s crimes.

“I didn’t want to say it because I knew it would be shocking for the teacher. Even though I can’t, the teacher could still have a good relationship with my brother.”

But Cedric acted as if he felt sorry for Estella, who knew nothing. His voice grew smaller and smaller, but his pronunciation became more precise.

In retrospect, after Duke Estella’s death, Cedric had become strangely wary of Diego. She thought his reluctance towards their marriage was due to his affection for his brother, but in reality, there was a completely different intention hidden behind it. Amidst all that, Cedric still worried about Estella, even though she was deceiving him.

She wondered why she hadn’t seen the signs before. Children are not stupid. Estella would always find out the hard way.

“You knew all along? From the beginning…?

Estella’s heart sank as she asked for confirmation. Estella’s eyes were completely wet. In the blur, Cedric smiled.

“My brother had no reason to mourn our father’s death.”

Her reaction was one of disbelief. Estella was speechless. Ever since Duke Estella’s death, Diego had been playing the grief of a fatherless son so convincingly. His mourning had been so natural that one could almost read the artificiality out of it.

If Cedric had been aware of the atmosphere in the house, he would have realized that it was an odd reaction. Diego was the kind of man who would have looked cheerful in the face of his father’s death.

“Teacher, why didn’t he kill me?”

Cedric asked, looking at Estella with unfocused eyes. Estella quickly grabbed him by the shoulders and shouted at him.

“Why do you say such frightful things, young master!”

“I pity my brother. If I were in his shoes, I might have wanted to kill a sibling like me.”

Cedric said in a harsh tone, as if he were forcing himself to be hurt. It was an act of abandoning expectations. Cedric had been taught from a very young age that hope was a precursor to greater misfortune, and his birth proved it. Born to a duke, a fortune most would envy, was the beginning of Cedric’s misfortune.

Estella suddenly realized the extent of the negative influence Anna had on Cedric. Everything Cedric was saying didn’t align with the thoughts of a young child who could handle things on their own. Anna must have repeatedly denied their family relationship to drive a wedge between Diego and Cedric. Just as Anna had reprimanded her for letting Cedric be in the company of Diego, it seemed like they were as incompatible as water and oil, unable to mix.

Estella cupped the child’s cheeks and forced him to look at her. She looked him straight in the eye and put on her most believable face and voice, to convince him with authority.

“That won’t happen, Cedric. Your brother cares for you as a brother and loves you. He would never kill you, and he told me not long ago to take good care of you.”

“……Lie.”

Cedric replied in an ugly tone. Her vision blurred, and Estella wiped her tears on her shoulder. Estella said with a forced smile.

“Really. Haven’t he been treating you well lately? He gave gifts to Cecilia and had many conversations with her. Just like real siblings.”

“No, Mother is right. We may be siblings, but he doesn’y think of it that way. To my brother, family is as good as non-existent.”

Cedric bit his lip as he spoke. He had a few wishes he had hoped for since he was young. A kind father and a mother who didn’t wield a whip, even in places where Diego wasn’t present, and a brother who would cherish him like a younger sibling. Cedric hadn’t experienced a single one of those things.

Cedric swallowed hard and muttered.

“I just wish it wouldn’t hurt, but it’s weird because you’ve been so nice to me. If you’re going to kill me, I wish you’d do it quickly.”

These were not words a child should or could say. Estella gritted her teeth and pulled Cedric into a hug. She squeezed her eyes shut and swallowed the sobs that had been leaking from her throat. Estella said, breaking each word for emphasis.

“No, Cedric. You haven’t done anything wrong, and no one will kill you.”

They were both trembling, so it wasn’t much of a comfort, but Estella sent warmth to Cedric as best she could. Estella continued to whisper as if chanting.

“Don’t worry about the weirdness. Think of your mother’s words as a bad dream and forget about them. Nightmares are terrible, but you must know that they can’t haunt you in the real world. Do you understand, Cedric?”

“…….”

“If you ever have a bad dream, I’ll protect you. So…….”

This time, I won’t let the sins of the past repeat themselves.

Estella curled up in Cedric’s arms. She never let go of the tiny body until Cedric finally stopped crying and tossed and turned in frustration.