Maybe both.

People who saw Anita and Rudger together often thought they were more than friends but not exactly lovers. But Anita thought their relationship was purely master and servant.

Her windows were always firmly closed, but Rutger could easily walk through them; his windows were always open, but to her, they felt like an unbridgeable gap.

To him, she was just one of the many people who clung to him, and to her, there was only one Rutger.

He would show up, mess things up, and then leave whenever he wanted. Anita always felt a deep emptiness after his absence.

So, to get away from him, Anita ran away across the empire.

***

“We need to talk.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

She decided to have a quiet meal in the restaurant area with its wide windows, but she got caught off guard by Rutger Baylan, who had a broader view than an eagle.

“Why are you acting like this?”

“Me? How so.”

Even as Anita bluntly replied, she felt foolish for worrying whether Rutger might be hurt.

“Ever since you came here, you’ve been avoiding me.”

No, Anita had been trying to avoid him long before coming to the Valder. It’s just that Rudger, not showing any interest in her, had not noticed it until he found himself in a new setting.

Anita turned away from Rutger, thinking to herself.

‘Have I done something wrong?’

 she asked herself.

Anita didn’t look back. It wasn’t Rutger’s fault, so to speak, for he had been consistently indifferent to her in the twelve years they’d known each other, and she couldn’t be blamed for holding on to him for twelve years.

‘No, no such thing.’

Fortunately or unfortunately, Rudger didn’t stop Anita as she turned away and ran. He never did. It was as if he didn’t mind at all. Anita turning her back first made it seem entirely her responsibility.

Pressing her brows tightly together, headed towards the forest path and slumped onto a bench. The school day hadn’t even started yet, and she was already tired. Anita seriously considered changing schools. 

Even though her route and destination overlapped once, it wouldn’t happen again.

Anita peeled the wrapper off her sandwich and took a bite. The crunchy lettuce, fresh tomato, and flavorful ham, well-known for being incredibly tasty among students, didn’t quite satisfy her.

She didn’t eat for pleasure but rather for survival, finding even the act of chewing tiresome.

As she mechanically chewed her sandwich, something bright red jumped out of her left field of vision.

“Anita!”

Why was her name being called so often today? Anita wanted to deny her name was Anita Rodel. Just as lettuce didn’t have a specific name and was just lettuce, she wished to be called just ‘you’. So she could at least pretend not to have heard and continue on her way.

Lost in useless thoughts, the red object shaking interrupted her focus. Annoyed, Anita squeezed her eyes shut.

‘A rose?’

The next moment, the rose was gone, replaced by a familiar face.

“Oh, Anita, looking as beautiful as ever.”

This was a disaster. This life was a disaster. That’s what Anita thought as she saw the bulging frog-like eyes, the flushed cheeks from drinking too much, and the unnecessarily thick lips.

The man’s voice was thin and high, perhaps due to the tightness of the tie around his throat. He cleared his throat loudly and kneeling in front of Anita and took a seat.

“Anita, you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Your black eyes sparkle like obsidian, and your skin is as a sheet of paper.“

Anita gazed down at the man, whose name she couldn’t even remember, with a bewildered look. She had just asked for directions on the day of the school entrance ceremony. That was it, yet he asked for her name, her major, and even whether she had a boyfriend or not.

He hadn’t even given her directions.

“Your black hair is like the cloak of the grim reaper who came to pick me up.”

Skin as pale as a sheet of paper. A reaper’s cloak.

Anita couldn’t tell if the man was just an unfortunate man with poor expressive skills, orif he was deliberately being cruel. It was that awful.

“Oh, my goddess. Won’t you come to me now?”

Amid the whistling and chuckling around her, Anita tightly shut her eyes.

Was this how Rutger felt?

Did Rutger ever feel such an awkward situation when his unrequited love subtly surfaced? Perhaps, but it might have been more dreadful for Rutger.

They lived next door, and their families were very close.

As Anita’s thoughts reached that point, she couldn’t help but despise the man in front of her.

When her thoughts went that far, Anita couldn’t help but hate the man in front of her.

To make matters worse, a few onlookers were creeping in. Anita had just come out to eat a ham sandwich. Why did the world have to be so difficult? Come to think of it, a similar incident occurred a few years ago.

Anita attended Rosetta Hall, a girls’ school, while Rutger attended Pennon Hall, a boys’ school, but both were part of the same foundation and were right next to each other. Despite being different schools on paper, the schools shared the same grounds, so the students were quite familiar with each other.

Anita was studying for an upcoming exam a few days later when a shadow fell over her book.

‘Is it an eclipse?’

It was a friend of Rutger’s who had been flirting with her for a while. After a chance encounter on the way across campus, he had become overly interested in Anita.

“Why don’t you come out with me? I’ll treat you well.”

“Sorry. No.”