While they chatted, the meeting ended. There was a rush of people out of the hall.

Soon the banquet began. Music blared and plates of food were brought to the table in endless streams. She recognized the scene.

Christa felt like she finally understood the customs of this place. She wanted to share her appreciation with Margrethe.

“Didn’t madame teach me etiquette last time?”

“I did.”

“But I don’t think I’ve been able to apply my learnings ever since I arrived here.”

Then Margrethe chuckled.

“The freedom is the strength of this place.”

“Indeed.”

Beyond their gaze, she sees the heads of the twelve families begin to wrestle with each other. Someone had brought a chair and they were smashing each other’s heads together…….

“Now that’s starting to look basic.”

“You’ll see worse.”

“Ragnar was a little more…….”

Christa paused, choosing her words, that he felt more like the central nobles.

“He’s like that because he’s been raised by the imperial family for half his life.”

“What?”

Christa asked, surprised, for she hadn’t heard that before.

“Ten years ago, his uncle, Tristan of House Markel, became regent here, so he’s been living in the palace ever since.”

“T, that story is…….”

The castle servants did not tell such stories.

“Well, it’s not a good story, and many people don’t like to tell it because it was also a time when the North’s power was at its weakest. While the then-young Duke traveled to battle in place of his deceased father, his uncle, Tristan of House Markel, became Regent and ruled the land.”

In the meantime, Tristan was quite tyrannical and oppressed the north, and it was his young nephew who reclaimed the north by beheading Tristan, the regent and his uncle.

“That was ten years ago…….”

That was when Ragnar was only seventeen. All this time, Christa had thought he was just a good kid from a good family, treated well.

Outwardly, he was. But he had a more complicated past than she realized.

“…….”

“Are you okay? Maybe I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

“No, it’s alright.”

The tightness in her chest she was feeling now came from a combination of humiliation and a little guilt. If only she was a more dependable wife, she thought, maybe she could understand his situation and share his pain.

At the same time, Christa realized what a ridiculous fantasy it was.

Ragnar had never said a weak word to her; he had no intention of sharing his true feelings with her.

“Ah…….”

Her body slowly shuddered. They were only in a contract, after all, a relationship with a set end, a couple that had a physical relationship a few times.

Just because she was feeling something out of this didn’t mean it was the same for him.

“Are you okay?”

Margrethe asked worriedly from beside her. But Christa didn’t hear her. Suddenly, her vision went black.

The emotion she’d been most wary of. She’d been walking on frozen pavement for so long that she’d forgotten how to recognize it.

She clamped her mouth shut against the nausea that threatened to rise. It was the illusion that she could be special to someone. The illusion that she was being treated differently. Such thoughts are poison. She’d always had that truth drilled into her head.

‘Since when…….’

She wondered when her resolve had waned and why she’d fallen for such a ridiculous illusion.

Despair hardens a person. Heartbreak sharpens a person. Her most stable state was when she was overcome by heartbreak.

So she had to stop being deceived. It was like eating her own flesh when she was hungry, or drinking sea water when she was thirsty.

It was always hope that brought people down. It’s always hope that breaks people down. The promise of something in return that never comes. How many times had she held on to something like that, only to have it turn into a sharp blade and bring her down.

She had always been wary of such things, but she had forgotten the simple laws of the world when she was treated a little lukewarmly and nicely.

“I-I don’t feel well.”

The banquet was in full swing, and Christa was sweating profusely.

“You really don’t seem to be feeling well, I’ll have to call for a maid.”

“I, I can do it by myself…….”

Just then, Mrs. Tatiana spotted her.

“My, you don’t look so good.”

“Madame, I think she’s suddenly not feeling well.”

They eventually escorted her to her bedroom, despite Christa’s vehement protests.

Eventually, Ragnar came to see her in the middle of the banquet, and his kindness almost brought tears to her eyes. But Christa could not bring herself to look at him right away.

So she had to pretend to be asleep. With her eyes closed, she cowardly held her breath, enjoying his concerned touch.

And then she realized something. It was only now that she realized that the temperature of his hand was not enough to satisfy her.