6472-chapter-17
* * *
The Duke of Phaeraton ate pumpkin soup resolutely and then lit a fire.
It was a very incongruous sight, but even that appearance looked elegant and noble in a certain sense.
The Duke of Phaeraton, who had carefully scooped the pumpkin soup, handed me a spoon.
‘No, I don’t think I’ll be able to eat under the circumstances.’
Even if Anna gave it to me, it wouldn’t go well, what more if its the Duke of Phaeraton doing it himself…
Sniff, but what did he put in it to make it smell so delicious?
Wow, it must taste good!
Mmm, it’s delicious!
“Oh…!”
I opened my eyes wide, feeling the rich taste of the pumpkin soup gently enveloping my tongue.
‘I said I wouldn’t fall for it……!’
Gulp.
This passes.
It’s even delicious.
The instincts of a child betrayed my reason.
‘Maybe it’s because I’ve been starving.’
Once I tasted it, I couldn’t refuse more.
I accepted the soup the Duke offered, opening my mouth wide.
After emptying the bowl cleanly, cookies were handed to me.
“Cookie!”
The sound of biting into chocolate chunks was truly exquisite.
“It’s delicious!”
The Duke of Phaeraton stared at me intently.
Receiving that gaze, my lost rationality slowly returned, and I began to sweat profusely.
He asked quietly.
“Did you enjoy the taste?”
…Yes?
“Please answer.”
Well, what is it? I’m scared.
As I looked at him with trembling pupils, the Duke suddenly picked me up.
He lifted me up to eye level and stared at my pale face.
‘What, what is it?’
Fortunately, that awkward eye contact didn’t last long.
He lowered me and held me against his chest, muttering something.
I vaguely heard something like, ‘Respect the child, what’s the problem?’
Who talks to a baby like that?
Even a smiling child would freeze under such stern formality.
It’s cold, so cold.
“Did you get very scared today?”
He asked, patting my bottom.
Fortunately, it seemed like he was giving up on that stern formality.
“A little…”
I answered cautiously, and his comforting touch became more pronounced.
“This is your home.”
Does that mean he’s not going to chase me away?
When I glanced up, the Duke met my gaze.
“There’s no one here who will harm you.”
I found it difficult to respond, so I just fidgeted with my hands for no reason.
“Marquis Tarenka and his daughter won’t set foot in this mansion again.”
Huh?
I looked at the Duke in surprise. He was still looking at me.
‘Did he think I was scared because of Clatie?’
I thought the Duke was talking about what happened earlier.
If that’s the case, then what about when he came to my room earlier…?
‘Did he come from the beginning to comfort me?’
“You can cry if you want.”
He said, brushing my cheek. It was a bit awkward but gentle.
‘S-should I cry?’
I hesitated, but he lifted me up, freezing me in place.
“Dunggae dunggae.”1a sound made when holding or lifting a baby. Apparently, its also a phrase that is often used to describe something that is cute and fluffy
…Huh?
I looked at him with a somewhat bewildered expression. His incredibly handsome face, which could be described as perfect, had turned serious again.
“Dunggae dunggae.”
“……”
It felt like any tears I had were about to be sucked back in.
‘No, I never planned to cry because of Clatie.’
Even though I had heard the Devil say ‘sour cider,’ it was cider to me. I had finally said all the things that had been building up inside me.
My experience at Marquis Tarenka’s had been something I couldn’t have even dreamed of.
It felt like the pent-up resentment had disappeared, leaving me feeling refreshed.
‘I should be cheering up, but why am I crying?’
But…
“No one will mistreat you.”
Hearing those words, my nose felt strangely stuffy.
‘I have to hold back.’
Crying children are annoying.
Due to the penalty, I had become a complete child earlier and said everything I shouldn’t have. I had to do well while I still had some reason left. I didn’t know when I might become a complete child again.
“I was wrong too.”
I quietly grabbed the Duke’s clothes.
“I said I hated Dad, but in reality…”
The Duke stared down at me. I still couldn’t tell what he was thinking.
“I don’t want another dad.”
But that was the truth.
“I wish you were my dad.”
“Is that true?”
“Yeah, it is!”
He looked at me in silence. His large hand lightly stroked my cheek.
“…Don’t you have anything else you want to say to me?”
At that question, something deep within my chest welled up.
If he were my real dad…
If he told me that no one could mistreat me…
‘Why didn’t you come looking for me before?’
So that people would become accustomed to treating me with respect.
So that I would doubt if I was even a valuable person myself.
‘Why did you abandon me in such a place?’
Resentment that I myself hadn’t fully understood surged.
‘Get a grip.’
I scolded myself.
This is also the effect of the penalty.
‘Children are honest about their feelings.’
If I let my true resentment show, he would become sick of me.
Now, when the penalty’s effect was weak, I had to pull myself together.
‘I have to stay a good kid to have a chance.’
I struggled to control the emotions that kept welling up and shouted with a bright face.
“No!”
“Really?”
“Yes!”
He carefully examined my face. It was a gaze that assessed me carefully, like someone examining a riddle.
“Even though I left you in a place like that for so many years?”
“……”
I forced the corners of my mouth, which were about to droop, back up.
‘Surely, surely there must have been some reason.’
Even if there wasn’t a reason, I had to think that way and act like nothing was wrong!
That was the moment.
“There must have been a reason.”
I was surprised by the Duke’s words and lifted my head.
“There must have been a reason. It’s enough that I’ve come for you now.”
Could he possibly be reading my thoughts?
“Were you thinking that way.”
“……”
“Regardless of whatever circumstances there were, even if I was dying on a hospital bed, it was wrong to leave you in such a place.”
I opened my mouth and then closed it.
‘I have to say no.’
I understand everything, I have to say that it wasn’t Dad’s fault.
‘That’s the right answer.’
But.
But…!
“Hic.”
Sobs broke out.
I tried to bite my lip to stop them, but it was futile.
“Hwaaaaah!”
As if a dam had burst, the tears I had held back for so long suddenly poured out.
“Why did you abandon me!”
And words of resentment.
“I was so scared!”
I was truly scared.
“They all hated me, beat me, and didn’t even feed me!”
But what was even scarier was one thing.
“How much I wanted a dad! How much I wanted to see my dad!”
I was afraid that even in this life, I wouldn’t have a family.
“Why did you come so late… Sob… Hic!”
A large hand firmly gripped my back. Feeling that touch, for some reason, more tears came out.
“You were supposed to be my dad! My dad! Why did you leave me!”
Even as I pounded with my fist, the arm that held me didn’t let go.
“I waited so long!”
“I’m sorry.”
A warm sensation brushed against my eyes and nose.
His red pupils had a different light than usual as he looked down at me.
“I was wrong.”
He whispered that he was sorry until I fell asleep, exhausted from crying.
* * *
“Ugh…”
I was slowly regaining consciousness from a very deep sleep.
I was wrapped in a warm and cozy embrace.
I didn’t want to wake up like this, so I grumbled. But then something warm and soft, like a big piece of bread, was placed in my hand.
It was a very, very big piece of bread.
It was soft and elastic, perfect for playing with.
The instincts of a child made my little fingers move, squishing and poking the bread-like thing.
‘It’s warm. Feels good.’
But what was this?
My consciousness was gradually returning against my will.
When most of the drowsiness had dissipated, I realized that something was strange.
‘What is this, really?’
My eyes were reluctant to open, so I forced my eyelids to lift.
‘Huh…’
Suddenly, my view widened as if someone had pulled a curtain open.
‘No way?’
When I lifted my head, the Duke of Phaeraton was looking down at me.
I quickly moved my hand away.
“Are you awake?”
“G-good morning…”
I replied in a groggy voice.
‘Why are we sleeping together?’
And he wasn’t wearing anything on top.
In my drowsiness, I had been kneading someone else’s bare chest like it was dough.
‘At least put something on… Ah!’
At that moment, the events of the previous night rushed through my mind.
At the same time, I realized why he was lying next to me without a shirt.
The shirt’s chest area was a mess from my tears and runny nose.
“Don’t go… If you leave me, I’ll hate you, Dad.”
Because of my childishness, he couldn’t even go and change.
If he moved even a little away from me, I would cry and soak everything.
“Crybaby.”
“Dummy.”
“Looks like you’ve got fish eyes.”
He gently brushed my eye area with his fingers.
There were scars on his exposed upper body.
“Did it hurt?”
“It couldn’t have hurt from soft punches like yours.”
I blushed with embarrassment at the memory of how I had hit his chest so vigorously last night.
I shook my head slightly.
“No, it’s not that. It’s these scars.”
When I pointed to the scar on his side, he covered my eyes with his hand.
“It’s not much.”
“Why are you covering it?”
“Because it’s unsightly.”
I moved his hand away from my eyes.
“Did you get hurt in the war?”
“There’s no way.”
The Duke of Phaeraton replied vaguely.
I snuggled closer to him, moving my body carefully.
He didn’t say much, just watched over me.
“Hwoo…”
I gently blew on his scar.
“What are you doing?”
“You do this to painful spots.”
“It’s an old wound. It wouldn’t hurt now.”
“Because I couldn’t do it back then.”
“……”
He remained silent.
But I didn’t stop myself from giving a gentle kiss with a ‘hwoo.’
“Did you get hurt in the war?”
“Not hurt.”
I reached out and touched his forehead with my hand.
“Shoo, shoo, let the pain go away!”
“Even though I said I wasn’t injured.”
“It hurt. I have to shoo the pain away.”
He raised an eyebrow, as if he couldn’t understand.
“It’s because hurting people can’t be painless.”
The looks of fear, caution, and disgust from people, they couldn’t possibly be painless.
Those stares.
I knew that some stares could be wounds.
“…I see.”
He nodded slowly, as if he understood.
“I should have done that for you.”
“For me?”
“Yes, when you came back to this house. You were suffering.”
After the abuse I endured at Marquis Tarenka’s, I had been bedridden for days after returning to the Duke’s estate.
I hadn’t seen the Duke during that time…
“You came to see me?”
“Every night.”
“…I thought you never came.”
“I returned early from the front lines, and the Emperor was making a fuss, so I had to go to the palace every day. I only came back when you were asleep.”
If the Emperor was making a fuss, it must have been because he returned early from the front lines.
“I never once felt pain on the front lines.”
“……”
“I just wanted to return quickly.”
“Why?”
Why did he rush back at the expense of such hardship, not even noticing his own pain?
“To bring you back.”
His crimson eyes held me within them.
I opened my mouth but then closed it again. There were so many things I wanted to say, but I couldn’t decide where to start.
“I… I didn’t even know that my dad had gone to war. I thought you had abandoned me at my uncle’s house.”
“I’m sorry.”
He brushed my cheek with his hand. It was rough, but strangely comforting.
“It’s okay. I understand now that my dad had to leave for the war.”
I lowered my gaze.
“But still, it might have still be more comfortable to stay in the house even without my dad around.”
I couldn’t help but voice this childish thought.
As I fiddled with my fingers, the Duke began to stroke my head.
“You… you’re a special child.”
His tone was careful, as if choosing his words.
“A special child?”
“Yes, because you weren’t born with ?Magic?.”
My heart sank with a thud, like a heavy weight being placed on it.
What if he suspected I wasn’t his biological daughter because of this?
But what the Duke said next surprised me.
“Without ?Magic?, you’re no different from any ordinary infant. You wouldn’t be able to withstand the ?Magic? emitted by your older brothers and would likely die.”
I blinked in disbelief at this unexpected information.
“If I had been there, things might have been different, but I was in a situation where I had to go to the front lines.”
His face as he looked at me seemed pained.
“At that time, Marquis Tarenka suggested taking care of you. There was another girl your age nearby, so it worked out perfectly. He said that family is important for a normal child.”
“……”
“I sent you to Tarenka to protect you. I even received reports that you were doing well there.”
I had no idea.
“I’m sorry.”
He apologized to me.
This was strange.
Listening to his story, it became clear that he had no reason to apologize to me. The one who had done wrong was Marquis Tarenka, who had abused me in that situation.
What was even stranger was that, upon hearing his apology, my heart ached. It was as if my frozen heart was gradually thawing, like a gentle touch melting snowflakes on a frosted window.
“But know this.”
He said as he gently cupped my cheek,
“I never abandoned you.”
Locking eyes with me, his voice more serious than ever.
“I have never abandoned you.”
We stared at each other, and his words were firm, like a deeply embedded truth.
“So, you’re my dad?”
“Yes.”
“Even if I don’t have ?Magic?, you’re still my dad?”
“No matter what.”
His words were resolute, with no hint of wavering.
I realized then that he had never abandoned me, not even once.
His words were so solid they could have been etched into my heart.
“Ugh, waaaah!”
“Yes, I’m your dad.”
The Duke held me tightly, and I cried like a real child.
I had bargained with the devil, asked for conditions and whatnot, but in reality, all I had ever truly wanted was this.
I may have said this and that about bargaining with the devil and conditions, but in truth, I didn’t wish for any of that.
Having grown up as an orphan, living my entire life alone, what I truly longed for was this.
A family to love and bond with.
That was all I ever wanted.