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It was then my mind became foggy, unsure if I was cleaning up the filth or if the filth was cleaning me up.

A muscular priest approached me and cheerfully clapped his hands, saying you had fulfilled your quota for the day by the grace of God, and ‘urged’ me to repent in the same way in the future.

I wanted to punch his cheerful face, but I held back. His muscles were too big.

Besides, I would be able to eat now…

Let’s not cause any unnecessary trouble and just have something to eat, please.

* * *

As I lay there, collapsed and sprawled out, I heard a familiar sound coming from outside the door. It was the sound of a food delivery approaching.

Although my appetite may wane due to today’s demanding schedule, even that was a luxury for me. [1]

Welcome! What’s on the menu for today? I remember you were good at grilling steak.

Oh, Let’s see. Are we having steak? I suppose a suitable bowl of bean rice will suffice. It’s alright, I can even chew on rocks at the moment! Even if it’s not bean rice, but mint chocolate-flavored rice, I can still eat it happily! 

The door creaked open, and the priest handed me a dish with a wide smile.

Ugh, what is this?

It’s dirty… Don’t they wash the dishes?

Even touching that dirty bowl felt unclean to my body.

I barely managed to pick up the dish by pinching with my index finger. A piece of bread was sloppily placed on top of it.

“This is…”

“Thanks to the God who provided us with today’s daily bread.”

“Excuse me!”

I grabbed the priest’s collar as he was leaving.

“The bread… it’s… colorful?”

“Please leave the dish outside the door.”

“No, the bread is colorful! It looks like it’ll kill you if you eat it.”

I shook the bowl, but the priest closed the door with a bang and disappeared, seeming annoyed.

I sat still and stared at the bread for a long time.

Should I eat it or not?

My mind told me to keep my last bit of human dignity, but my stomach screamed at me to choose between eating that or chewing on rocks.

“Well, all the kids here eat that and still live normally, and… kimchi and cheese are fermented foods, so maybe even the expired bread might be okay!”

It was the moment when reason lost to my stomach.

I reached out and grabbed the bread. I closed my eyes tightly and shoved it into my mouth in one bite.

“Ugh.”

A disgusting smell rose up. The hard and dried bread didn’t chew or go down well.

“Blargh.”

Eventually, I spat out all the bread I had eaten. Then I sat down and tears welled up in my eyes.

“What is this? I’m starving to death….”

I screamed at the sky, holding back my tears.

“Ah! I had enough of this in my previous life! Are they telling me to starve to death again in my second life? Ugh…! I used to work part-time, but what am I supposed to do here…?”

Crying and screaming at the sky, I punched the air uselessly for a while. I felt dizzy because I hadn’t eaten anything.

“Oh, I feel dizzy… I used to have enough flesh saved up to survive even if I starved, but now my legs are as weak as bamboo leaves and I have no strength…”

I resented my newly acquired thin and white legs. 

Even if I was lucky enough to survive by eating this kind of thing, it was still depressing. I would have to suffer this terrible labor every day.

Even the Dahlia in the novel couldn’t bear the terrible monastery life and ran away to Versus.

So, was she happy?

Versus abandoned her, and Dahlia turned black and attacked Sophie.

And then she was executed at the hands of the man she loved.

There was nothing hopeful about any of it.

Even if I didn’t run away and go to Versus, could I survive in this world? 

“I don’t even know where this is… How am I supposed to survive? I just hope I’m not sold somewhere…”

I didn’t want to go back to being a nobleman and living under my terrifying father’s confinement.

“Sigh.”

I took a deep breath. If I had possessed Dahlia just a month ago, I could have somehow apologized to Etienne and made amends.

Then, even if I didn’t have any pride, I could have become the wife of a handsome and cool prince. I could have played around and eaten steaks for my whole life…

I stared blankly at the small window.

I stared blankly at the beautiful night sky. Looking at the sparkling stars, I remembered Etienne’s shining silver hair.

Etienne, you’re probably still living a carefree life. I hate you.

Actually, if you think about it, Etienne didn’t really do anything wrong. It was true that Dahlia betrayed him. If it weren’t for her, his rebellion might have succeeded, and he could have become king.

It’s all because he married the wrong woman.

I couldn’t blame him for his twisted fate, so I just closed my eyes. My head was hot.

“No.”

I suddenly opened my eyes.

“Why give up?”

This was my second life that I had gained.

The easiest and hardest way came to mind.

“No, I won’t do it. I won’t divorce him. Never.”

Even if someone told me to, I would never leave Etienne’s side. I would stick to him like glutinous rice cakes for the rest of my life.

I know that as long as I don’t bring evidence of rebellion to Versus, Etienne won’t die.

Yeah, I would be crazy if I confess anything to Versus! Even after sacrificing so much, Versus just takes all of Dahlia’s help and discards her.

So, if Etienne and I both live, we’ll be happy. He happy, me happy, everybody happy.

No, Versus won’t be happy. How dare he plot against us husband and wife? Versus won’t be happy!

“Yeah, now that I think about it, it’s simple. There’s nothing I can’t do. It’s easier than buying a house in Seoul.”

I regained my determination that I could do it.

[1] Here, “even that was a luxury for me” implies that the Dahlia considers having a decreased appetite (because she’s not in the mood to eat after all what happened but she’s hungry) due to a demanding schedule as a luxury. Because she is not sure what kind of food she’ll be getting to eat and in what quantity.

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