Even though Finian’s words were meant as a joke, Rutger couldn’t help but frown.

“There’s no need for that. Like you said, we’re just neighbors. Quite familiar with each other, you could say.”

Wasn’t this the relationship Rutger had always wanted?

He knew it was selfish, but he wanted Anita to stay close to him forever. When he woke up in the morning and looked out his window, he imagined Anita would already be in the garden, diligently reading in the morning sunlight.

If he stepped outside, she’d come up to him and tell him about the little things that happened during the day or talk about the book she had been reading recently.

Sometimes, they might have dinner together. They could even go on trips.

That kind of distance was just right.

But getting any closer was dangerous. Once they crossed that line, there would be no turning back. Last night’s events could simply be treated as if they never happened.

They were in that undefined space—more than strangers but not quite friends. That made it harder to sever ties cleanly.

“Finian, I’m not a fan of large gatherings, so I’ll have to pass on the group meet-up. How about we meet up separately?”

Separately?

The thought of Anita spending time alone with Finian didn’t sit well with Rutger. Even though he knew that any relationship between them would probably fizzle out quickly, and even though he had no right to interfere with whom Anita chose to meet.

That much was clear, and yet…

“Didn’t you say you wanted to buy a new summer hat? Let’s go before the boutique closes.”

Why had he said that to Allison, who he had almost forgotten was standing there? Even Rutger didn’t know.

Did he want Anita to feel jealous? That was ridiculous because, after all, he had no feelings for Anita Rodel.

***

“Empty the ashtray.”

His stepfather’s snappy tone grated on Rutger’s nerves as usual.

“Can’t live without your cigarettes, huh? Why don’t you just eat the ashes while you’re at it? And maybe you’ll get lung cancer and be out of my life sooner.”

It wasn’t exactly a heartwarming father-son conversation, but then again, they weren’t related by blood, so it didn’t matter. After rudely retorting to his stepfather, Rutger slammed the door on his way out, causing the mailbox next to it to rattle precariously.

A paper envelope that had been perched on the edge of the mailbox fluttered to the ground. Without thinking much, Rutger snatched it up and examined it.

R.B.

It was his initials. The letters looked printed, not handwritten, as if they came from a printing press. Rutger couldn’t think of anyone who’d send him a letter, but since it was addressed to him, he figured he should open it. Without a paper knife, he tore the envelope open by hand and pulled out the paper inside.

“I love you.”

The letters, each cut from different newspapers, varied in size and boldness. The messy arrangement irritated him.

“Unbelievable.”

Rutger clenched the paper and the envelope in his fist, crumpling them both. He had a pretty good idea of who the culprit might be. Boys their age were full of energy, often wasting it on ridiculous pranks. Things like putting glue on chairs, tossing books into the river and fishing them out, or stuffing frogs into someone’s bag—pranks that didn’t cause physical harm but were definitely designed to annoy.

Rutger guessed that one of his classmates was behind this. If he could just figure out which one…

Creak.

At that moment, the gate opened, and Anita stepped out of the house next door. As usual, she was wearing her immaculate school uniform. Her long black hair fell neatly past her shoulders, and she wore a sleepy expression. She yawned softly and then turned her head, noticing him standing frozen by the gate. Her dark eyes widened slightly in surprise.

“What are you doing…?”

“Nothing.”

He quickly hid the suspicious letter behind his back. It wasn’t something he wanted Anita to see.

Anita scanned him with a curious gaze for a moment, but when she didn’t notice anything unusual, she tilted her head and walked on.

Rutger waited until she was out of sight before pulling the letter back out from behind him.

Unfolding the now-crumpled letter, he froze. There was more writing on the back.

“So, what’s going on between you and Rodel?”

The prank had gone too far. Rutger assumed it was one of his friends playing a stupid joke and stuffed the paper angrily into his bag. But the unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach didn’t go away.

What if it wasn’t just a prank? What if being close to Anita was actually putting her at risk? He could handle himself, but Anita…

Strangely, he felt a small sense of relief. Now, he had a legitimate reason to distance himself from Anita.

***

“Where did Anita go?”

Elina, who was working in the study on the first floor, looked up.

“Anita? She said she went to mail her university application. Didn’t the two of you say you were going to the same university?”

“Yes.”

“Then why didn’t you go together?”

That was what Rutger wanted to know. The last time he asked, Anita had invited him to go to the post office with her. Did something urgent come up?

As he responded that he understood and was about to leave the study, Elina spoke as if to herself.

“Didn’t you both say you were going to Aberdeen? It’s not a bad choice.”

“Anita said she was going to Aberdeen?”

The smile on Rutger’s face faded. He couldn’t make sense of the situation. Not only was it strange that she went to the post office without him, but why was Aberdeen being mentioned?

“Did you two have a fight?”

He forced a formal smile, ignoring the suspicious look Elina gave him.

At first, he thought it was just a coincidence. There was no way his relationship with Anita could be falling apart. Nothing had happened between them to cause that.

But her strange behavior at the train station and how she seemed to be avoiding him every time they met—quite obviously so—made him question everything.

What had caused their relationship, which had lasted for 13 years, to suddenly fall apart?

“Do you remember when you kissed me while you were dating Allison? Why, are you trying to pull the same stunt now while you’re seeing Liliana? Just stop it.”

Those words jolted him back to reality. He didn’t understand why Anita thought he had been in a relationship with Allison. Yet, despite that, he hadn’t offered any explanation.

When the stalking incident had escalated, Finian had suggested he try seeing someone else, and Rutger had reluctantly gone along with it. Unbelievably, the unknown stalker had gone quiet after that.

Anita had never confessed to him, complained, or said anything at all. Because of that, Rutger, even knowing she had feelings for him, had chosen to ignore them as much as possible.

Just because she hadn’t spoken up didn’t mean she wasn’t unhappy. Foolishly, he had assumed Anita would always be by his side.

Even though he knew she had no obligation to stay.

***

“Were you planning on never telling me?”

Anita’s voice pulled him back to reality as he gazed out the window, lost in thought. Though her question was vague, Rutger immediately knew what she was referring to. Her cautious tone and the way her fingers tapped nervously on the table indicated that she had spent a long time working up the courage to ask.

But Rutger couldn’t give her a straightforward answer. To explain his ambiguous behavior would mean admitting that he had deliberately pushed her away.

There’s a big difference between being clueless and acting clueless on purpose. Rutger would rather have her think he was just foolish.

“What do you mean?”

In the end, he chose to play dumb.

“Well…”

He had expected that she wouldn’t be able to ask outright and would hesitate, but seeing her flustered expression still made him feel guilty.

“Never mind.”

Anita shook her head and turned her gaze back to the window, unaware that Rutger was still watching her intently.

He hated relationships that could easily break. He had wanted to stay friends. But now, he realized too late that his feelings for her were too deep to just remain friends. And yet, he couldn’t tell Anita any of this because it sounded pathetic, even to him.

What could he possibly say? That he had deliberately distanced himself because he was afraid of getting closer? That he had pretended not to notice her feelings, even though he knew all along? That despite all this, he still felt jealous when she got close to other guys?

He had planned to let it all slide if Anita hadn’t said anything, but now, with no way to retreat, was he really ready to admit his feelings?

Not a single one of these thoughts found their way out of his mouth.

There was no turning back now.

If Anita’s feelings drifted away from him, their relationship would be over for good. He had never seen ex-lovers maintain a close friendship. If Anita pushed him away, he’d have no choice but to either cling to her pathetically or pretend he had forgotten and move on like a stranger.

It wasn’t fair. Just because two people become lovers, when they break up, they don’t return to being what they were before—they lose everything they had built together.

“Want another glass of lemonade?”

Rutger smiled, pretending to know nothing.

“No.”

Anita shook her head, holding the straw of her lemonade between her lips, pouting the way she always did when she was dissatisfied. Rutger’s heart sank. It was clear she was upset that he wasn’t giving her a proper answer.

Could she really be done with him in just a day?

Without thinking, Rutger stood up abruptly. It was only after noticing Anita’s confused gaze that he sat back down.

“We’ll miss the train if we don’t hurry. Let’s go.”

“…The food hasn’t even come yet. And we haven’t bought the tickets.”

Had that happened?

How could someone become a fool in just one day? Feeling embarrassed by his unintended foolishness, Rutger rubbed his face and sighed, but Anita, equally nervous, didn’t notice anything unusual.

Soon, the waiter began placing dishes in front of them. Anita, who had absentmindedly picked up her fork, hesitated. Rutger was resting his chin on his hand, staring directly at her without even glancing at his own food.

Anita felt uncomfortable under his intense gaze and darted her eyes around. Would he be hurt if she asked him to stop staring?

When she froze, holding her fork, Rutger looked at her with a puzzled expression.

“What’s wrong?”

“Aren’t you… going to eat?”

“I don’t know. I’m not really hungry.”

Apparently serious, Rutger pushed his plate aside. Then he resumed staring at her, as if the only purpose in his life was to watch her take a bite of food.

Feeling awkward, Anita, who had been scraping her plate with the shrimp on her fork, suddenly offered it to him.

“Try it.”

Despite her serious tone, Rutger burst into laughter, as if something about the situation amused him.

“Why, what’s so funny?”

“You’re not saying that squashed shrimp is supposed to represent me, are you?”

“What…?”

Anita trailed off as she looked down at the shrimp on her fork. Sure enough, it looked pitifully mashed, as if it had taken a beating, just like he said.

“I just, I mean… you like lemon, right? I thought you’d like it with extra dressing.”

Mumbling an unnecessary excuse, Anita, worried that he might tease her more, practically shoved the shrimp at his mouth.

Rutger stopped laughing, glanced at her, and then opened his mouth. As he stared straight into her eyes while taking the shrimp, Anita suddenly felt embarrassed and jumped to her feet.

Without saying a word, she moved from sitting across from him to sitting right next to him.

“Why did you sit here?” 

“That seat was uncomfortable. Besides, I prefer sitting next to you.”

“Do you, though?”

“I do.”

Sitting next to him felt better than enduring his direct gaze from across the table. As Anita popped some salad into her mouth, she kept her head still but shifted her eyes slightly to the side. She felt a strange prickle on the side of her head, almost as if someone was staring at her.

Sure enough, Rutger was watching her closely from the side. What was so fascinating about watching her eat, as if she were some rare animal at the zoo being fed? They were both humans with similar digestive systems, after all.

Finally, Anita flicked the hair that was tucked behind her ear, letting it fall like a curtain to cover her face.

But Rutger wouldn’t leave her alone. He playfully twisted her hair around his finger, the tickling sensation on her shoulder making her flinch.

When she quickly flipped her hair back and shot him a glare, Rutger withdrew his hand and, with a playful innocence.

“What?”

“Stop it.”

“Stop it?”

Mimicking her words, Rutger’s face took on an expression so exaggeratedly pitiful that it almost seemed genuine. It was as if he was asking for her permission, but Anita knew it was just another playful tease. She nearly fell for his act but reminded herself to stay firm.

Since last night, Anita hadn’t been feeling quite herself. Even she could tell. The moment they stepped out of the restaurant, Rutger suddenly extended his hand toward her.

“Shall we go?”

Anita just stared blankly at his outstretched hand. She had never seen him act like this before. Sure, they had held hands before, but it was always in a casual, almost childish way.

But now, his behavior was oddly different. His eyes darted nervously, unsure where to focus, and his hand trembled slightly in front of her.

“Uh, sure.”

Anita, equally confused by his uncharacteristic reaction, felt awkward too.

The entire walk to the train station was excruciatingly awkward for Anita. Rutger had confused her before with his playful teasing, switching between joking and acting caring, but it had never been this unsettling. She had always struggled with how to respond naturally to his mixed signals.

But nothing had ever felt as bewildering as this moment.

Just a few days ago, the distance between them felt like a rubber band, constantly stretching and contracting, but their personal boundaries had always been perfectly respected. Now, the realization that their two separate worlds were merging felt strangely new.

Being in a relationship wasn’t as beautiful as she had vaguely imagined. The joy of her eight-year-long unrequited love finally coming true had only lasted briefly, and what remained afterward was confusion.

So, what should I do now?

Anita looked down at the warm hand holding hers. Their hands were firmly connected. Her gaze followed the path of their joined hands upward until it landed on his eyes—those beautiful eyes she always found captivating.

“What’s wrong?”

“…”

Instead of answering, she gestured with her chin toward their hands. Seeing that, Rutger’s pupils wavered.

“Do you… not like it?”

He asked cautiously, gently shaking their joined hands, as if trying to reassure her. Of course, she wasn’t upset, but it made her happy to know that he cared about how she felt.

“No, I like it.”

So Anita was honest about her feelings. After speaking, she nervously glanced at him, worried he might tease her. But to her surprise, Rutger had turned his head in the opposite direction.

Did he not hear me?

It seemed so. Maybe it was for the best. Feeling uncertain about the reality of his presence, Anita wriggled her fingers and lightly shook their clasped hands to test if it was real.

“What are you doing?”

The sudden low voice startled her, and she quickly looked up. Rutger was already watching her, a soft smile spreading across his lips.

Before she could say anything, he lifted their joined hands and kissed the back of hers. The soft touch of his lips lingered for a moment before he lowered their hands again. Only then did Anita find her voice.

“Oh, the weather’s nice today.”

The topic she brought up was completely out of place. She wasn’t even in a state to act like nothing had happened. The fact that she hadn’t stuttered was a miracle in itself.

Awkwardly, she withdrew her hand from his. The other hand hovered uncertainly over the spot where he had kissed before falling back to her side.

“When did you start caring so much about the weather?” 

Anita turned her head, pretending not to hear him.

“Hm?”

He persistently demanded a response, and in the end, Anita fled into the train. But this time, her escape was ineffective—the seat next to hers was reserved for Rutger.

“I’m going to sleep.”

“Who’s stopping you?”

His tone made it clear that he didn’t believe her. Feeling her pride wounded, Anita shoved the book she had intended to read back into her bag and pretended to sleep. She couldn’t fall asleep, not with her heart racing from simply having Rutger sitting beside her.

In the end, she just kept her eyes closed.

Some time passed. Just when Anita had gotten used to pretending to sleep, Rutger gently pulled her toward him. Her body tilted, landing against his shoulder. Startled, she almost opened her eyes but managed to keep them shut.

But it didn’t stop there. Apparently convinced that she was asleep, he took her hand, placed it on his lap, and started playing with her fingers. He traced the edges of her nails as if it were the first time he’d ever seen someone’s hand.

Anita wanted to leap out of the moving train.

Once they arrived in Rohen, Anita couldn’t bring herself to go inside. She stood at the gate for a long time, tapping the ground with the tip of her shoe. She wasn’t ready to go in yet.

Just as she turned to leave to give herself more time to prepare, the gate creaked open.

“…Anita?”

Great.

It was her father. Nathan Rodel, still in his robe over his pajamas and holding a newspaper, had clearly just woken up. Startled, Anita froze.

“What are you doing, standing out here?”

“Oh, nothing.”

As she struggled to figure out what to say, Nathan, surprisingly, stepped aside and gestured for her to come in.

Thankfully, none of the things Anita had been worrying about came to pass. Her father didn’t mention anything about what had happened that day, nor did he say much about her staying out without permission.

“Since you’re finally home, let’s have dinner together.”

Dinner? That wasn’t anything unusual. Seeing the puzzled look on Anita’s face, Nathan quickly turned his head and added, almost mumbling.

“Invite his family, too.”

“…….”

***

The dinner was awkward—at least for Anita. Maybe she was the only one who felt that way. The seat across from Rutger, where she always sat, felt unfamiliar, as if it wasn’t hers anymore. Whenever their eyes met, the smile that appeared on his face felt strangely new to her.

Thankfully, Rutger wasn’t staring at her this time. It seemed that the presence of others had reminded him of his manners. Though his gaze, which usually made her lose her appetite, was gone, something else was bothering Anita tonight.

“Didn’t I tell you to go to law school?”

Nathan hadn’t forgotten the argument they’d had over the phone, but instead of targeting Rutger this time, he had turned his attention to her. To Nathan, his advice wasn’t pointless. His nagging and overbearing opinions always came wrapped in the guise of love and concern for his daughter.

“Biology is a field for dull, bookish types who are out of touch with the real world…”

Anita sipped her water with an expression that clearly showed she had lost her appetite, half-listening to her father’s words. She had endured this kind of talk so many times that she had become quite adept at tuning it out.

“Anita’s an adult now. She should be able to decide these things for herself.”

“…”

Nathan’s eyebrows shot up. But Anita didn’t have the energy to care. **Adult.** She was technically an adult, but according to Rutger’s logic, she should have been the one to say that to her father, not Rutger.

She just didn’t want to start another conflict with her dad. Was it wrong to avoid confrontation?

She knew she had a tendency to back away and avoid problems at the first sign of trouble. It was a cowardly habit she was well aware of.

“Well, he’s not wrong. You’re being too overbearing with her,” someone chimed in, agreeing with Rutger. As more people joined in on his side, Anita felt like stones were piling up in her stomach, blocking her throat. She kept gulping down water, trying to get rid of the imaginary weight.

Then, someone tapped her leg under the table.

“…?”

“So, have you both made any plans for after graduation?”

Anita glanced under the table. Unsurprisingly, with the tablecloth hanging down, all she could see was her own lap.

“Anita?”

“…Me?”

Her name being called made Anita snap her head up. Everyone at the table was looking at her. As she stared back at them in confusion, her eyes met Rutger’s, and she realized it had been his leg nudging hers repeatedly.

“I don’t really have any plans yet…”

Anita trailed off, stealing a glance at him. She couldn’t outright admit that she was just taking each day as it came, especially not in this setting.

“We’re all here, so why talk about boring things like post-graduation plans? At that age, relationships with peers are far more important,” Sarah chimed in, trying to change the topic with a sparkle in her eye. Anita, sensing something ominous, leaned back in her chair. It wasn’t as if Sarah’s words would stop, though.

“So, do either of you have anyone special you’re seeing?”

Of course. Why did her bad feeling always turn out to be right? Even when she hoped her hunch was wrong, she would have accepted it with more cheer.

“Well, we…”

Rutger, who had been sitting with his arms crossed, suddenly leaned forward. He placed his clasped hands on the table like a negotiator—or someone about to make a confession. Without thinking, Anita stomped on his foot.

He closed his mouth, now staring at her. Anita subtly gestured toward their family members with her chin. Anyone with a shred of awareness or someone who didn’t enjoy teasing others would have picked up on her signal.

Unfortunately, Rutger was the latter.

“Yes, there is someone I’m seeing.”

“Who? I’m really curious.”

Anita, sounding genuinely curious, asked him, her eyes narrowing. She couldn’t help it—she dreaded the questions and attention they’d face if anyone discovered what was really going on between them. Anita was the type to quietly celebrate good things, not broadcast them to the world.

However, Rutger wasn’t pleased with her response. Throughout the meal, his mood remained sour. He kept a neutral expression, barely touching his food, and only answered questions with faint smiles.

As the dinner ended and people began to leave the table, Anita stayed seated. That’s when Rutger, on his way out of the dining room, stopped behind her and leaned in, gripping the back of her chair.

“We need to talk.”

Anita sighed softly, well aware that phrases like that usually signaled the start of an argument.

“Okay.”

They stepped outside to the street in front of the house. Anita was prepared to listen, but Rutger just stared at the ground. By the time Anita noticed the streetlight flickering for the twentieth time, Rutger finally looked up.

“Are you ashamed of me?”

His tone was light, but his eyes were dark and serious. Anita wanted to say no. But before she could respond, Rutger gently pulled her hands into his, softly rubbing her palms. His touch felt cautious, not deliberate—more like a subconscious action than anything with intent.

As Rutger sat there, looking like a child who fiddles with the hem of their clothes or a handkerchief when they’re anxious, he finally spoke.

“You like me, don’t you?”

Unlike earlier, when her words had been cut off, this time Anita’s silence was intentional. No matter how much she tried to explain herself, she felt Rutger wouldn’t believe her anyway.

It was a strange feeling. Anita, who was terrible at hiding her emotions or expressions, had been wearing her feelings for Rutger on her sleeve for anyone to see. On the other hand, he never revealed his feelings so easily.

If anyone should be feeling insecure, it wasn’t Rutger—it should’ve been Anita.

“Yeah.”

So she nodded without hesitation. A few days ago, she might have struggled to hide the depth of her feelings, even though she wasn’t good at it. But now, she didn’t see the point in trying anymore.

As he continued to anxiously rub her hand, Rutger finally lifted his head and met her eyes.

“Really?”

The doubt in his eyes was clear. Maybe it was that look that triggered something in Anita. She stood on her tiptoes and softly pressed her lips to his before pulling away.

Rutger stood frozen like a statue, not even blinking, as she completed her bold move.

“I said I do.”

Feeling awkward that he hadn’t reacted, Anita grumbled, a little embarrassed by her own actions.

Still, there was no response from him. Her gaze fell to the ground. Just as she was wishing she could trade places with a worm in the dirt, something soft touched her forehead.

It was perfect—everything about the moment. The gentle breeze, and the kiss he left on her forehead before they parted.

She still didn’t know why he had been so anxious, but at least for now, he seemed okay.

***

The summer break had ended quickly, and it was time to return to Aberdeen.

“I’m relieved to see the two of you going together.”

Anita wasn’t a three-year-old child. She didn’t need a companion just to get to the station.

Seeing Laura dabbing at her tears with a handkerchief gave Anita a strong sense of déjà vu. It was almost identical to when she had first left for Aberdeen: the 7:30 train to Valder, Mrs. Rodel and Laura bidding her farewell, and her small suitcase.

“Don’t worry, I’m here.”

Rutger’s playful voice made Anita turn her head. When their eyes met, he pretended not to notice, playing innocent.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

One thing had changed.

She could vividly remember the time she hurried across the garden, worried that she might be seen leaving from Rutger’s room. Now, she walked the same path holding his hand. There was no need to run or hide anymore.

Aberdeen hadn’t changed much since she left a month ago. Anita rubbed her tired eyes as she glanced around.

“Your eyes hurt?”

“…No.”

Since that day, Rutger had become noticeably more attentive. No, it wasn’t just attentiveness—it was almost overwhelming, as if all of his focus was on her.

Anita wasn’t yet ready to fully embrace Rutger’s attention and kindness. She had even wondered if his soul had been replaced by someone else’s, that’s how different he seemed.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

Even Anita could admit it was a rather dry conversation for two people who had only recently confirmed their feelings for each other.

The truth was, she hadn’t been able to sleep well on the train because he had kept pestering her, but she couldn’t exactly tell him that.

“I’m just tired from the long train ride.”

Rutger, who had been staring at her with an almost overwhelming look of concern, caused Anita to reluctantly answer.

“If you’re tired, you should rest.”

Even someone as oblivious as Anita could tell that he was disappointed. With a resigned gesture, he let go of her hand.

Back in her dorm, as she unpacked, Anita finally realized why he had seemed so disappointed.

Staring at her half-unpacked suitcase in the middle of the room and the fading sunset outside the window, she eventually grabbed the coat hanging on the wall. Slipping on her shoes without bothering to untie them properly, she headed out of the dorm.

It was quiet outside, likely because it was late afternoon. Aside from a few late-arriving students dragging their suitcases, the area was deserted.

She glanced at the small artificial forest and the benches in front of it, but Rutger wasn’t there. After searching for a while, Anita scratched her cheek.

Maybe it was a mistake to come out here. She couldn’t believe she had thought he might wait for her. She gazed up at the reddening sky for a moment before turning to leave.

*Rustle.*

The sound of dry leaves crunching made her stop. It could have been a stray cat or another student, but something told Anita to turn around.

“Anita…?”

As she had expected, the person behind her was Rutger.

“I saw you go in earlier, but why…?”

“Oh.”

Her disheveled appearance, with her hastily thrown-on coat, made it obvious how quickly she had rushed out, and she felt embarrassed. She hurriedly ran her fingers through her messy hair and fastened her coat, trying to look more composed.

“I just thought I’d take a little walk.”

She gestured awkwardly toward the path. Despite her flustered actions, Rutger remained quiet. With no reaction from him, Anita felt even more embarrassed and took a step back.

“Well, I guess I’ll head back now.”

Forgetting that she had just said she was out for a walk, Anita began backing away without even looking.

“Wait.”

Despite his urgent call, Anita only widened her eyes in surprise and didn’t stop. As she backed away, her foot caught on a stone, and she began to fall. As her body tilted backward, she saw Rutger’s alarmed face and his hand reaching out for her.

A moment later, something solid caught her back. Glancing up, she saw Rutger’s furrowed face and quickly looked away. He let out a long sigh, as if torn between being annoyed and worried, before releasing his supporting arm.

“You really… Why are you so careless?”

He started to speak but then choked up and stopped. Anita couldn’t find the right words, so she just glanced around nervously. She wasn’t normally this clumsy; it was only in front of him that she acted differently.

It wasn’t as if she was always this careless. She had simply been startled by his sudden appearance, which caused her to step back and nearly fall. Was that really something to warrant such a scolding look?

Maybe she should’ve just stayed in her room and finished unpacking. Now, all she’d done was reinforce the impression that she was a clumsy fool.

“Have you been out here the whole time?”

In the end, Anita changed the subject, pretending not to notice his frustration. As she glanced between the darkening sky and Rutger, his gaze shifted awkwardly to the side.

“Not the whole time.”

“Then?”

It was unusual for him to avoid her gaze, and she found it interesting. Curious, Anita took a step closer to him.

“I was just out for a walk.”

At that, his evasive eyes finally met hers directly.

So, using a walk as an excuse hadn’t worked for him either. Hearing him say it made Anita realize just how ridiculous her own excuses had been all this time.

“Well then…”

Anita hesitated before speaking again. The words she’d intended to swallow back came tumbling out, thanks to the soft way he was looking at her.

“Want to take a walk together?”

Rutger stared blankly at the hand she shyly extended toward him. The longer his silence dragged on, the drier Anita’s mouth became. It was strange. She wasn’t proposing marriage, just asking to go for a walk—something they should be able to do comfortably by now. So why was she so nervous?

“Yeah. That sounds good.”

With a dazed expression, as if he had just woken up, Rutger gently took her hand.

Over the past few days, she had gotten used to holding his hand. Anita walked beside him without biting her lip or glancing away nervously—her usual habits when she was flustered.

As they walked together, it was impossible not to think about the first day she had come here.

She remembered watching Rutger from a distance, surrounded by people, and running away before they could cross paths.

It was the same path, but it felt so different now. That realization fascinated her.

“Do you remember? Here…”

They had reached the bench at the end of the path. Anita began to speak with excitement but then hesitated. She had been about to bring up the memory of Rutger chasing away Charles Bennett after his persistent advances. But the events surrounding that time had been too overwhelming, and Anita couldn’t bring herself to casually mention it.

Unfortunately, it seemed Rutger had figured out what Anita was about to say.

“Of course, I remember. You clumsily spilled your sandwich and made me run an errand, didn’t you?”

“…”

“And when I finally came back, you had disappeared. It’s quite a sad memory, really.”

Anita’s stiff expression relaxed as Rutger continued as if nothing unusual had happened.

“Well, that’s because you brought back a lemon pie instead of a sandwich.”

“I thought you liked it.”

“…No, I don’t.”

He looked surprised at her comment but quickly returned to his usual expression, not seeing it as a big deal. Anita found it strange that she had hesitated so much over something so trivial.

Why had she been so scared before? She and Rutger had known each other for over 13 years, yet it seemed they had been more distant than she’d realized. He wasn’t as intimidating as she had once thought, nor did he dismiss what she had to say.

“Should we sit here for a while?”

It wasn’t her favorite bench, given the memories associated with it, but she was starting to feel tired, so she agreed and sat down without resistance. She hadn’t walked all the way from Rohen to Aberdeen, after all. She had ridden comfortably on a train, yet she felt strangely exhausted.

“I love you.”

The words came out of nowhere, catching Anita by surprise. She turned her head to look at Rutger. At some point, he had rested his chin on the bench’s back and was staring directly at her.

There was no sound, just his gaze, but Anita had the distinct impression he was waiting for her to respond.

“Why won’t you say you love me?”

His tone was like that of a sulky child. Feeling awkward, Anita darted her eyes around. She had never even said those words to her parents.

She thought them often, but now, when the moment came to say it aloud, she found herself embarrassed.

“I do too.”

“What was that?”

He clearly understood, so why ask? Anita shot him an annoyed glance, signaling for him to let it go. But Rutger had never been good at picking up on her signals.

His smile deepened.

“Just say it once. Please?”

“…No.”

Anita leaned back to distance herself from him, but the more she moved away, the closer he got.

“Just once. I won’t ask again.”

“Liar.”

Even Anita, as oblivious as she could be, wasn’t naive enough to miss the playful glint in his eyes and the smirk on his face. He was definitely planning to keep teasing her about this in the future, saying things like, *You said it before, why not now? Already tired of me?*

As she narrowed her eyes suspiciously, Rutger sighed and finally leaned back. Now that she had some space, Anita relaxed her shoulders.

It was strange for someone as persistent as Rutger to give up so easily, but she decided to let it go. She knew she couldn’t bring herself to say those words with a straight face anyway. It amazed her how he could say something so cheesy without a trace of embarrassment.

Anita almost wished she could pull out her brain or heart and show it to him—something tangible to prove her feelings.

“Ah!”

Lost in thought, she suddenly felt something soft briefly brush against her lips. Startled, she let out a small, dazed sound.

Rutger’s mischievous grin was the first thing she saw as he pulled back quickly.

“There. I’ll let you off with that for today.”

Anita’s hand flew to her lips, and she absentmindedly touched them as she tried to process what had just happened. Seeing her reaction, Rutger’s smile grew even wider.

*Isn’t this cheating?*

Anita sat there frozen, but it wasn’t just the shock of his sudden kiss that had her stunned. She was trying to decide whether she should act surprised or pretend to be angry. After a moment’s hesitation, she chose to change the subject.

“Are we just going to sit here all day?”

“That depends on you,” he said, as if doing her a favor. His cheeky attitude made Anita narrow her eyes. She stood up.

“You said we were going for a walk. Get up.”

“Help me up.”

Anita blinked, wondering if she’d heard him wrong. But there he was, lounging on the bench with an outstretched hand, shamelessly asking her to pull him up. She couldn’t understand why he’d been acting so childish lately. Or maybe this had always been his true nature? It was hard to say, especially since Anita had always observed him from a distance.

“…”

The way Rutger furrowed his eyebrows, pretending to look pitiful, annoyed Anita for some reason. In the end, she turned away without saying a word and began walking. Only then did Rutger follow her.

“You’re really being mean. Do you hate me?”

She didn’t hate him. It was just that his sudden playfulness felt awkward and a little embarrassing. Anita hadn’t been avoiding him on purpose, but Rutger seemed to have misunderstood her reaction, trailing behind her at a distance. With the sound of his footsteps and the shadow looming over her, Anita could tell that he was matching his pace with hers.

Though he could’ve easily caught up, he didn’t. It almost felt like he was watching her, as if waiting for her next move.

For some reason, him following her so closely amused Anita. But then, startled by her own thoughts, she stopped short.

*Amused?*

She wasn’t supposed to be the kind of person who found this funny.

Before Rutger could misunderstand even more, Anita turned around.

He widened his eyes, clearly not expecting her to suddenly stop and face him.

“Why would I hate you?”

It was an obvious truth—Anita didn’t hate him. In fact, she liked him too much, and that was the problem. She couldn’t understand why he doubted her feelings. He had been second-guessing her affection for some time now.

***

They had planned on taking just a short walk, but before they knew it, they were wandering around the streets like tourists, exploring a new city.

Neither of them had suggested it, but their steps naturally led them to a fountain in the square, where they stopped.

Anita looked up at the statue on top of the fountain with a curious expression. She still didn’t know how she had managed to climb up there that one time. The height was terrifying now that she was sober.

“It’s been a while since we came here.”

Rutger’s voice was soft, like he was recalling a distant memory. Anita turned to face him.

“Yeah, it has.”

There were no raindrops falling from the sky, no kids playing in the square like that last time, but standing here in the same place felt strange.

Anita stepped onto the fountain’s ledge, which made her a little taller than Rutger. It wasn’t much, just about a handspan.

“Now I’m taller than you.”

“What?”

Rutger let out a surprised laugh. As she watched the way his lips curved upward so easily, Anita, without thinking, poked his mouth with her finger. Before she realized what she had done, he tilted his head and lightly bit the tip of her finger.

“What are you doing?”

Anita gasped and pulled her hand back in shock. She looked down at her finger in disbelief, as if she’d been bitten by a wild animal.

“That’s gross!”

“…Me?”

“No.”

Rutger looked a little offended, though Anita didn’t notice. What she meant was that fingers didn’t belong in people’s mouths, but from Rutger’s perspective, it sounded like she was saying *he* was gross.

For some reason, he felt a sense of loneliness. Ever since he was sure Anita had feelings for him—perhaps even before that—Rutger found himself wanting to be near her constantly. He wanted to brush her hand, hold her gaze, and stop her from turning away.

He knew Anita liked him, too. That’s why Rutger was certain she shared his feelings.

But now, it felt like Anita found him a little annoying. He couldn’t understand her reaction.

After all, hadn’t it been Anita Rodel who used to follow him around, being a nuisance?

Anita was now wiping the finger that Rutger had kissed with a handkerchief, preparing herself in case he decided to do it again. Of course, Rutger had no idea about her intentions.

“Why?”

Noticing how quiet he had gotten, Anita looked up, only to find him staring at her with a sulky expression. She quickly put the handkerchief away, realizing for some reason that he was upset again.

“Do you not like touching me?”

What was he talking about now? His tone, strangely sad, made Anita raise an eyebrow. His long eyelashes cast shadows over his downturned eyes, and for once, Rutger seemed almost sorrowful—something very uncharacteristic of him.

Anita blinked at him for a while, trying to understand. Finally, it dawned on her why he was acting this way.

She fought hard to suppress the smile threatening to curl her lips. It amused her to see Rutger, of all people, acting so dejected, and knowing she was the cause of it made her secretly happy.

But telling him the truth would probably result in him teasing her for days, so Anita decided to approach this differently.

With trembling fingers, Anita gently lifted his chin. Despite the light touch, Rutger easily let his head be raised.

His emerald eyes, now looking up at her curiously, seemed a lot clearer from this angle. When she usually looked up at him, his eyes appeared darker, but from this perspective, they seemed almost translucent.

As if drawn in, Anita leaned down. Rutger’s eyes widened, but he didn’t pull away. Slowly, she pressed her lips to his. Her balance shifted as she leaned forward, and she nearly stumbled.

Afraid she might fall off the fountain’s edge, Anita tried to push against his shoulder to steady herself.

But that’s when Rutger wrapped his arm around her waist. She wanted to pull away, but with his arm holding her in place, it wasn’t easy. She squirmed, feeling herself tilt forward even more.

Rutger’s grip on her waist tightened. A moment later, Anita felt her feet leave the ground. Startled, she grabbed onto his arm as he lifted her off the fountain’s ledge.

When she finally regained her senses, she realized she was back on solid ground, Rutger having lowered her to prevent her from falling.

Although she was back on the ground, their lips were still pressed together.

***

They left the dark square and made their way back to Aberdeen. Though their walk had started off unplanned, it was now quite late, and they needed to head back.

It was the end of summer, and the night air had grown cold. A gust of wind blew through, tousling Anita’s hair. She shivered, and Rutger wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Somehow, she ended up walking with half of her body tucked into his embrace. His warmth was comforting, but despite the coziness, Anita couldn’t fully enjoy the moment.

For some time now, an odd sense of unease had been building in the back of her mind. Fiddling with the hand draped over her shoulder, Anita finally spoke up.

“Since when?”

“What?” 

“When did you start liking me?”

This had been the lingering question in Anita’s mind ever since Rutger confessed his love for her. Only after saying it out loud did she realize why she hadn’t felt as happy as she had imagined, even though her long-time unrequited love had finally come to an end.

“Why do you like me?”

Anita lifted his arm from her shoulder and slipped out from under it. Objectively speaking, she couldn’t understand why he would like her. In her own view, she wasn’t particularly pretty, didn’t have the best personality, lacked a sense of humor, and was too serious about everything.

Without giving Rutger time to respond, she fired off questions one after another. Maybe it was because she knew that if she hesitated for even a moment, she wouldn’t be able to ask them at all.

But Rutger couldn’t answer easily. Even now, he didn’t know why he liked Anita Rodel.

Sure, Anita had been drawn to him because of his looks, but that wasn’t the case for him. It wasn’t that Anita wasn’t attractive—there were plenty of women with good looks. If he were drawn by appearance alone, he would have had other choices.

How else could he describe the feeling of wanting to see her when she wasn’t around and wanting to spend more time with her when she was?

“Because it’s you.”

“…What?”

That was the best answer he could give. Anita looked up at him, her face a mix of hope and worry, and he couldn’t very well say there was no reason at all.

“It’s because it’s you.”

He repeated, emphasizing his point. Anita’s eyes widened, still seemingly unsure if she could believe it.

But it didn’t matter if she didn’t believe him. He would just have to prove it from now on. Rutger gently kissed her forehead.

There was nothing wrong between them. They still had plenty of time ahead, and there was nothing to worry about.

***

Even though summer break had ended, Anita’s routine hadn’t changed much. Still half-asleep, she washed her face, got dressed, and left her room.

Her classes were just as dull as ever. The professor droned on in a monotonous voice, listing facts, and Anita, looking unusually uninterested, scribbled down notes. She suddenly wondered: Was any of this really useful? When she chose to major in biology, she hadn’t given much thought to her future or career. At that time, all her attention had been focused on Rutger.

Lost in thought, Anita was startled by the loud sound of the classroom door slamming shut. Class was already over, and her fellow students were gathering their things and heading out in groups.

Anita quickly stood up and packed her bag. As she moved to close her notebook, she sighed. She hadn’t been paying much attention, but at least she thought she was writing things down. However, as she looked at the page, all she saw were random, black scribbles. The messy circles seemed to mirror the state of her mind.

Walking out of the classroom out of habit, she came to a sudden stop. Leaning casually against the wall was someone familiar. A tall figure, a head above everyone else, with sharp but sensitive features and black hair partially covering his forehead. The moment he saw her pause, he smiled.

“What are you doing here?”

“Came to see you, of course.”

Came to see her? A smile crept across Anita’s lips. It still amazed her how natural those words felt now.

With an hour free and no pressing plans, Anita had been on her way to the library. She briefly worried—or maybe hoped—that Rutger might suggest they skip school and go somewhere fun like last time. But, to her surprise, he simply took her hand and led her forward.

“Library again?”

“Probably.”

“I have to be somewhere, though. Just came by as an excuse to see you.”

“…”

“Do you mind?”

It was becoming a new habit of his, always asking if she minded. Maybe she should try saying yes for once? The mischievous thought crossed her mind, but she quickly shook it off.

“I have things to do this morning, so I’ll head off now.”

“Alright. See you later.”

Anita waved goodbye to him.

Rutger really did seem busy. After walking her to the library entrance, he turned around and hurried off. Anita watched him leave for a moment before turning back—and she jumped in surprise.

Edmund was leaning casually against a pillar near the library entrance. She had no idea how long he’d been standing there, but he was staring at her with a peculiar expression.

“Too bad. I was going to ask if you could be my partner for the charity event.”

“…What? Wait, why are you here?”

Anita’s mind couldn’t process what he’d just said. A charity event? A partner? What was he talking about?