The fairies, who looked similar in age to Jude, clung to me and began a lecture that was more like an education session. The fairies knew quite a lot more than I expected. I even wondered how they could explain things in such detail.

“Enough!”

In truth, I was dying to pay attention to Roan, who hadn’t said a word. I almost wanted to ask him to say something.

“Delis, if you want to know more, just ask!”

‘I don’t really want to know…’

“I don’t even know when I’d use it…”

A small sigh of frustration escaped my lips.

I felt sorry for the fairies, who had eagerly shared their knowledge with such enthusiasm, because I honestly didn’t know when I would ever use what they had told me. Maybe it was just my imagination, but it seemed that Roan had been avoiding any physical intimacy since the last time we had come close. Thus, we had inadvertently developed a platonic relationship based on love.

But it wasn’t like I could directly tell Roan that I wanted to do something. That would make me seem too forward. Besides, what if Roan really didn’t want to… what am I even thinking?

Alexandra, who had heard my mutterings, asked in rare surprise,

“Wait, you two haven’t yet…?”

“…Really?”

“Is it what I think it is?”

“The Duke’s troubles are evident.”

Reb shook his head in sympathy.

“In a way, it’s impressive.”

“Please, stop.”

Roan’s voice cut through the fairies’ chatter. They tilted their heads in confusion at his words.

“Huh?”

“It’s troubling her.”

Roan was very serious. He seemed to think I was extremely uncomfortable.

It was true that I was troubled, but it was more about not knowing Roan’s feelings than about the fairies’ direct information.

“Ha…”

Roan probably had no idea.

A heartfelt sigh escaped my lips.

“Duchess.”

“Y-yes?”

His sudden voice made my reply awkward. The awkwardness in my words added another layer of discomfort to the already tense atmosphere.

“Shall we return? If we’re to attend the banquet early tomorrow, we should rest.”

“Indeed, it’s best to rest early tonight, so you’re not exhausted tomorrow.”

Alexandra added, thankfully supporting Roan’s suggestion.

“Haha, yes, I suppose so.”

Eager to escape the awkward atmosphere, I stood up with Roan.

We left the garden and walked through the corridor we had come through. The conversations we had just had caused thoughts to swirl in my mind more deeply than usual.

I gently took Roan’s hand. His steps slowed momentarily, then he gently enveloped my hand. These days, he sometimes holds my hand, and occasionally, he kisses me. Compared to before, it was a remarkable improvement.

But that was it. Judging from his reaction earlier, I was more convinced that Roan was keeping a distance from me. He didn’t push me away, but he didn’t come closer either.

Sometimes, Roan felt like the sea to me, just like his eyes. A sea with constant tides. He left definite traces on me like wet sand, but just when I thought he had come closer, he would retreat again.

Lost in my complicated thoughts, we arrived in front of my room. Roan, as usual, was about to let go of my hand. His touch was refreshingly free of reluctance.

Without realizing it, I grabbed his retreating hand.

“…Duchess?”

Roan’s puzzled voice reached me. His carefree touch and light tone—today, it made me suddenly furious. Without letting go of his hand, I spoke.

“Why are you doing this?”

“What do you mean…?”

Roan’s face showed genuine confusion.

“Why are you keeping your distance from me?”

“Excuse me?”

His face showed a mix of bewilderment. After thinking for a moment, he looked at me with serious eyes, devoid of any hint of a joke.

“I haven’t done that.”

“No, Roan, you do keep your distance.”

“I really haven’t…”

“I’m telling you, you do.”

Looking at Roan’s face, it was clear he genuinely believed he hadn’t done so. That made it even more frustrating. I pulled him close, wrapping my arms tightly around his waist. I could sense his hands hovering awkwardly behind my back. He placed his hands on my shoulders and pushed me away.

“Why are you doing this all of a sudden…?”

“See, you are keeping your distance. You always initiate kisses, but why do you always react like this when I do?”

“……”

“……”

Did I just make myself look really pathetic? It probably seemed that way. Regret surged in, wishing I hadn’t said those words.

But there was no way to take back what I had already said. There was no convenient feature to erase the moment with a shout of ‘Cancel!’ or a push of a button.

Before my mind could fully process the immense shame, it deleted the memory as a protective measure. Despite only being moments ago, I couldn’t clearly remember what I had said. But even the vague impression left by those words was enough to tell me they were childish and insignificant.

“…It’s because.”

“…Because?”

“Because you seem scared.”

“…When did I ever?”

This was truly the first I’d heard of such a reason. Judging by my expression, I must have looked just as baffled as Roan had moments before.

“You always have been.”

“Me?”

“Yes.”

“I never…”

I was about to say that I’d never done that when I realized it was similar to his answer earlier. For a moment, I thought I saw a strange warmth in his eyes that had seemed so cold before.

“Indeed, it’s true. In fact,”

Roan took hold of my shoulders again, the same ones he had pushed away moments before.

“You’re the one who pushes me away when I get close.”

Is this what they call ‘different dreams in the same bed’? Despite being together all this time, we had been thinking such opposite thoughts.

“But I’ve never been afraid of you, Roan.”

Roan’s gaze slowly swept over my face. His intense look seemed to say he didn’t believe it. For some reason, Roan really disliked the idea that I might find him frightening.

“I really have never been scared of you.”

And it made sense because he had never shown me a particularly terrifying side. People who had seen him on the battlefield might say he was fearsome, but I had never witnessed those scenes. The Roan I knew valued life and could respond to warmth.

“…….”

Having known both the character from the novel and the real Roan, I thought I understood him well. But perhaps that was just another one of my misconceptions.

“Look into my eyes. Does it really seem like I’m lying?”

I had initially demanded an explanation from him, but now it felt like I was the one explaining myself.

“Doesn’t it?”

I stared intently into Roan’s eyes. His eyes widened slightly before softening into a gentle curve. Seeing that directly, I forgot what I was saying and simply watched the scene unfold in real-time. When Roan smiled, his eyes were half-covered.

“…Then.”

Roan gently stroked my face.

“Can I hold you?”

“You can kiss me too.”

At my words, a low laugh escaped Roan’s lips. Somehow, resolving this small misunderstanding made me feel much lighter.

***

The next morning, light seeped through the new curtains that the maids had put up to change the mood.

Strangely, I woke up early that day even though Mary hadn’t woken me.

Looking back now, I wonder if it was a premonition of some sort. At the time, I had no idea.