Chapter 49

Lariana continued to lower her head, and Cain felt desolate at the sight of his sorrowful wife. She seemed as if she could collapse at any moment. Cain felt awkward as she sat in the chair, so he tried to remove the handkerchief she held in her hand.

In an instant, Lariana’s expression changed drastically. She forcefully pushed away Cain’s hand and held onto the handkerchief tightly, refusing to let go. Only when Cain stepped back did she finally relax and clutched the handkerchief tightly. It seemed as if the handkerchief was a sacred relic to her.

Cain managed to muster a faint smile as he struggled to speak. “Lari, we can have another child.”

As soon as she heard his words of comfort, Lariana burst into laughter. “Another one? Are you crazy? You’re just the same.”

She glared coldly at her husband.

“Why did you say that?” Cain looked at Lariana with a wounded face.

 “You’re the same as the mad Cain. Even when you’re not mad, you feel the same way about this. Why are you putting me through hell?”

“Am I putting you through hell?”

“Yes. I feel like I’m being sucked into an endless abyss with no end in sight.”

“That’s not true. You are my heaven.”

“It seems we can’t communicate. I don’t feel that way.”

Lariana stood up abruptly and grabbed Cain’s wrist, pulling him along. Despite her feeble grip, lacking any strength, he was dragged helplessly away. The door closed with a loud noise.

Lariana staggered towards the table. She began stitching on the handkerchief.

The handkerchief she obsessively clung to was a gift from the doctor who confirmed her pregnancy. She had embroidered the image of the goddess Vuerin holding a child. The embroidery was nearly complete, but there was no child by her side.

* * *

Lariana no longer made an effort. Being respected as a noblewoman, acknowledged as a daughter-in-law, and loved as a wife—all of those things became unattainable for Lariana, and she gave up on everything.

One might think that divorce or death would be a better option, but Lariana had no intention of divorcing according to her mother-in-law’s wishes. She decided to live her life without having a child and endure as a thorn in her mother-in-law’s side for the rest of her life.

She endured for three years.

Whenever his insanity subsided, Cain always sought out Lariana. It was a brief period of affection that lasted two to three days. When Cain’s insanity manifested, he would flee from their bedroom as if he had seen a monster.

It was a recurring event, but no matter how many times she experienced it, she could never adapt, and her misery always overwhelmed her. When Lariana returned to their bedroom, breakfast was already prepared on the table.

“Have some water first.”

After the miscarriage, her treatment had changed. The food and treatment had become unrecognizably better. However, that didn’t bring back her dead child. The scrambled eggs, asparagus, goat cheese, and other delicious dishes were still steaming on the table, but Lariana had no appetite.

The glass filled with water felt unusually heavy today. It seemed like a bitter smell was rising from the water, and Lariana eventually vomited in disgust.

 “Could you bring me sliced lemons? I can’t possibly drink this water if there’s something wrong with it.” Larina didn’t like putting lemons in her water, but it seemed like she had no choice today.

“The water seems off. It feels like all the food has a nauseating smell. Ah…” Lariana hit her chest against the bedside table and reacted sensitively. Lately, her chest had been particularly sensitive.

Lariana, who was rummaging through scrambled eggs with a fork diligently polished by the servants, stopped her movements. After a miscarriage, her menstrual cycle had been irregular and uncontrollable, but she hadn’t engage in such activities for a considerable amount of time.

Familiar changes in her body and a long absence of menstruation. Could this be happening again?

Feeling anxious, she bit her lip and asked herself, “No, it can’t be.”

Lariana had been making relentless efforts to avoid having a child. The folk methods of contraception that had been passed down orally seemed useless in the end.

“Jena, could you clear the table? It’s hard for me to smell the food.”

Larina put on a silk robe and approached the dressing table. She looked intently at her reflection in the mirror and turned slightly to observe her profile. She was still thin, and her stomach was flat, but her breasts were fuller. They were sensitive and tender to the touch.

Feeling dizzy and disoriented, Lariana closed her eyes. Suddenly, she remembered what happened a few nights ago.

“I’m in pain, it hurts,” Lariana’s eyelashes shimmered with tears. Cain wiped away her tears and hugged her upper body tightly.

With a reddened face, Cain looked down at his fragile wife trapped under his arms. Her white and soft skin was trembling. Even that sight alone was provocative and made it difficult to resist desire.

“Did it hurt a lot? I made a mistake because I was excited. I’ll be more careful…,” he trailed off, unable to continue his apology. Lariana pushed her husband, who was straddling her, away and sat up.

“Can’t we just sleep well, please?”

Ignoring Cain’s gaze, which was fixated on her, Lariana picked up her gown that had fallen to the floor and put it on. She roughly put on the gown and lay down in bed.

“I try to accommodate you as much as I can when you’re in your right mind, no matter how tired I am, no matter how much it hurts, because that’s what you want, and that’s what I’m supposed to do as your wife. But…. but today, my chest hurts.”

“I’m sorry, it was my fault.”

Adjusting the position of the soft pillow, Lariana lay down. Cain also lay down beside her, looking down at his wife. She turned her back, showing him her back. As the clock ticked, the sound of the second hand continued, and the hour hand made several rotations. Lariana sat up in bed and looked at Cain’s face lying next to her. Her gaze was as cold as a winter snowstorm.

Her lifeless hand slowly approached Cain’s throat. Her thin fingers wrapped around his neck. Her nails twitched as if they were about to strangle him.

Her hand trembled for a long time as if she were about to strangle his neck, but it ultimately fell lifelessly. She collapsed next to her husband and covered her eyes with her hand.

“I love Cain Delacroix. I love him..”

She repeated these words to brainwash herself. She couldn’t endure this marriage hell without deceiving herself. However, her feelings towards him were more like lingering attachment than love.

“I have to love him. I have to love him. I have to make myself love him.”

With a voice that seemed on the verge of breaking, she cried and brainwashed herself throughout the night.

* * *

If the events of the three years of marriage were written in a book, there would have been dozens, if not hundreds, of volumes. There were numerous big and small incidents.

Lariana, who had become immune to shocks after experiencing many things, had a turning point that made her give up everything. 

About a year ago, she was trapped in a confinement room for about a month. After a miscarriage, Lariana continued to demand a divorce. While she had shown unconditional obedience to Marcella, like a well-trained hunting dog, she was not submissive to Cain. 

That day, the Delacroix couple fought. In a fit of anger, Cain locked the door of the confinement room where she was and left. The problem was that he went crazy right after that. 

Taking advantage of the situation, Marcella blocked the servants from going to the confinement room, as if she was trying to kill her daughter-in-law. Jena was also locked in the warehouse for disturbing Marcella’s plan. 

In the confinement room where no one came, Lariana shouted every day, begging to be saved by Cain. She hoped that he would come and rescue her. But he never came. 

“Cain, please open the door.” 

“Please…” 

“Jena! Where are you?” 

“Mother, I did something wrong!” 

“Cain, I won’t ask for a divorce. Please forgive me.” 

“I feel like I’m going to die. I don’t want to die.” 

“…I miss you.” 

“…I love you.” 

After nearly a month had passed, Cain, who had recovered from his madness, rushed to the confinement room and opened the door. He seemed shocked by what he had done. Fortunately, Lariana didn’t die. She survived by eating small amounts of cookies and tea that were in the confinement room. 

She was rescued by Cain just before she was about to die. She was supposed to die at that time. Maybe it would have been better if she had died back then. She was just lying on the sofa, motionless like a corpse. 

Her tears had dried up a long time ago. She should have died, but she didn’t. 

No, strangely enough, she didn’t want to die. She still had lingering feelings for him. Love wasn’t something that could be easily cut off. 

If she had endured for just a little longer, he would have come and saved her and apologized. Despite enduring all that, when she actually saw him, she was scared. Love could no longer be reversed. 

That day, their marriage had ended. All that was left was a little affection, a countless amount of hatred, and lingering feelings.

Read ahead here.