“And we don’t know for sure yet…….”

The words were a consolation to herself. Nothing was certain yet, so nothing was decided yet.

“…… Madam.”

Tatiana pulled her into a wide embrace. The warmth of their bodies was momentarily reassuring. But at the same time, she felt like she’d deceived these warm people.

Wretched. And so more tears came. What should she do? Her inhales and exhales are filled with lamentation. Her heart was burning, but she could hardly bear it.

* * *

She felt uneasy about something. No, no, no. She kept repeating to herself, trying to calm her anxiety.

But she couldn’t shake the vague feeling that something was wrong. She was used to always being aware of her physical condition.

As a scout, she was always on the lookout for any signs of weakness or abnormalities. Even when she was off the battlefield, she was always aware of her physical condition, so she could tell. His recent physical condition had been very strange indeed.

Her body was firmly swollen, she was constantly running a low-grade fever, and her moods were noticeably up and down. She was constantly hungry, and sometimes she was so lethargic that she couldn’t even open her eyes once they were closed.

It’s no wonder something was wrong. Her body had never been in this situation before.

‘If I have an unknown disease…’

She would rather it was. But with all her knowledge of childbirth, she had a vague idea of what these symptoms might indicate.

Christa shook her head again and again, nervously chewing on her nails. No, no, no. She told herself over and over again, but there were just too many corners that didn’t add up. The anxiety was unbearable.

Come to think of it, in her past life experience, she had rightly believed she was infertile. No, she hadn’t had a period in years, so that didn’t explain anything except that she was infertile. But what had changed?

Ragnar had married her simply because he knew she was incapable of bearing children. But what if she betrayed that expectation and touched his old wounds…….

‘Not the doctor…….’

If she showed herself to Kenneth, Ragnar would know immediately. She had to avoid that.

As she turned and thought about it, a sudden, overwhelming sense of dread gripped her. She clamped her hand over her mouth to keep from screaming.

Ragnar might abandon her. Her presence might become something he didn’t want. He might abandon her. He might ask her to break this contract.

Christa stood still and stroked her hand over her lower belly. If there is life here. If there really is…….

One ominous thought followed another. If only she could get rid of this child.

“…….”

If she could just slice it open and throw it away without anyone noticing. If she could just slice open her stomach and take out the seeds of this disturbance. Yeah, it shouldn’t be too hard, considering her healing powers. She’ll just have to get a sharp knife and…….

At that moment, Christa was startled as if cold water was poured all over her.

“What if there’s a real child…… if…….”

She wanted to burn away the horrible thought she’d just had. She doesn’t know what the hell she was thinking right now.

If there is a child in here, it is Ragnar’s child. Half her own ugly blood, half Ragnar’s.

At that moment, Christa realized that she was harboring an unknowable expectation. It is a terrible hope. It’s an irredeemable wish.

She knew she shouldn’t, but she couldn’t stop thinking about it. Whose will its eyes be like, what color will their hair be, will it be a girl or a boy, what will it smell like, what will it look like, how will it smile like…….

What if the child looked like Ragnar, a beautiful child with bluish-black hair and golden eyes just like him, with no resemblance to her ugly body?

Wouldn’t that be a wonderful thing, a thing that would make her heart ache and tremble?

Christa tossed and turned in her bed. Her heart fluttered, but she plucked at her budding anticipation and crushed it.

‘It could just be an illusion…….’

She wasn’t an expert on pregnancy, but from what she’d heard from her doctor and other women, miscarriages were common in the first trimester.

‘It could just be a miscarriage…….’

Gradually, her thoughts shifted from not being pregnant to the possibility of losing the baby.

Margrethe had once found out if she was pregnant.

‘My specialty is guessing the sex of the baby.’

Not her doctor, she couldn’t afford to let him know, so it was Margrethe she needed to see.

Christa wrote to her the next day. She wanted to see her urgently.

* * *

It was three days later that Margrethe arrived at Wishus.

“Christa!”

“Madam Margrethe!”

It was the first time she’d seen her since the previous meeting of the Twelve Families, when Christa had suddenly fallen ill, and she hadn’t been able to greet her properly. It was quite a treat to see her again.

“You suddenly wanted to meet me, so I took the fastest carriage I could find.”

She greeted Christa with a lively expression.

The day was fine, so they settled into the gazebo in the glasshouse. Hilda served them tea. For some reason, it tasted milder than her usual tea.

“Do you mind if we talk alone for a moment?”

Christa asked the maids.

“I’m sure you and Madam have a lot to catch up on.”

“Take your time.”

With that, the servants trotted away. And so they were alone in the greenhouse.

For some reason, Margrethe had a look on her face that said she knew what she was going to say. But she just smiles and sips her hot tea, waiting for Christa to speak.

Christa smoothed her skirt and gathered her courage.

“I, I’m……. It was……. I called on you today.”

Margrethe laughed softly. She stood up from her seat and looked around the garden.

“Christa, the garden is blooming beautifully.”

“What?”

Flowers, out of the blue. Christa looked around, dumbfounded, and then she caught sight of a rose in full bloom. They were in full bloom, showing off their beauty.

“……Ah.”